The Comedies of Plautus

Captivi — The Captives

Argument
Dramatis Personae
Prologue
ACT I

Epilogue
Footnotes

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ARGVMENTVM	ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY
Captust in pugna Hegionis filius; Alium quadrimum fugiens servus vendidit. Pater captivos commercatur Aleos, Tantum studens ut natum captum recuperet; Et inibi emit olim amissum filium. Is suo cum domino veste versa ac nomine Vt amittatur fecit: ipsus plectitur; Et is reduxit captum, et fugitivum simul, Indicio cuius alium agnoscit filium.	One of Hegio’s sons has been taken prisoner in a battle with the Eleans; the other was stolen by a runaway slave and sold when he was four years old. The father, in his great anxiety to recover the captured boy, bought up Elean prisoners of war; and among those that he purchased was the son he had lost many years before. This son, having exchanged clothes and names with his Elean master, secured the latter’s release, taking the consequences himself. This master of his returned, bringing Hegio’s captive son, and along with him that runaway slave, whose disclosures led to the recognition of the other son.
PERSONAE	DRAMATIS PERSONAE
ERGASILVS PARASITUS HEGIO SENEX LORARIVS PHILOCRATES ADULESCENS TYNDARVS SERVUS ARISTOPHONTES ADULESCENS PVER PHILOPOLEMVS ADULESCENS STALAGMVS SERVUS	ERGASILUS, a parasite. HEGIO, an old gentleman. SLAVE OVERSEER, belonging to Hegio. PHILOCRATES, a young Elean captive. TYNDARUS, his slave, captured with him. ARISTOPHONTES, a young Elean captive. A PAGE, in the service of Hegio. PHILOPOLEMUS, Hegio’s son. STALAGMUS, Hegio’s slave.
PROLOGVS	PROLOGUE
	Tyndarus and Philocrates are chained, in an uncomfortable position, to a pillar in front of Hegio’s house.
Hos quos videtis stare his captives duos, illi qui astant,1 hi stant ambo, non sedent; hoc vos mihi testes estis me verum loqui. senex qui his habitat Hegio est huius pater.	These two prisoners you see standing here, well, both of those bystanders are men who are—standing, not sitting down. (Prologue laughs uproariously at his pleasantry) I leave it to you if so much is not true. The old man that lives yonder—(pointing to Hegio’s house) Hegio, by name—is this man’s (pointing to Tyndarus) father.
sed is quo pacto serviat suo sibi patri, id ego hic apud vos proloquar, si operam datis. seni huic fuerunt filii nati duo; alterum quadrimum puerum servos surpuit eumque hinc profugiens vendidit in Alide patri huius. iam hoc tenetis?2 optume est. 10	But how it happens that he is the slave of his own father I shall (jauntily) here in your midst proclaim, with your kind attention. This old gentleman had two sons. One of them, when he was four years old, was stolen by a slave who took to his heels and sold the boy in Elis to the father of this worthy (pointing to Philocrates) here. Now you take me? Very good!
negat hercle ille ultimus. accedito. si non ubi sedeas locus est, est ubi ambules, quando histrionem cogis mendicarier. ego me tua causa, ne erres, non rupturus sum. vos qui potestis ope vestra censerier, accipite relicuom: alieno uti nil moror.	Bless my soul! That gentleman at the back says he does not. Let him step this way—. (no move in audience) In case there is no opportunity to take a seat, sir, you can take a (pointing to an exit) stroll, seeing you insist on making an actor turn beggar. I have no intention of bursting myself, merely to keep you from misunderstanding the plot. (to rest of audience) As for you gentlemen who do own enough property to pay taxes on, let me discharge my debt—none of the credit system for me.
fugitivos ille, ut dixeram ante, huius patri domo quem profugiens dominum abstulerat vendidit. is postquam hunc emit, dedit eum huic gnato suo 20 peculiarem, quia quasi una aetas erat. hic nunc domi servit suo patri, nec scit pater; enim vero di nos quasi pilas homines habent.	That runaway slave, as I said before, stole his young master when he decamped and sold him to this (indicating Philocrates) man’s father. This gentleman, on buying the boy, gave him to this son of his for his very own, the two being of about the same age. Now here he is, back home, his own father’s slave without his father knowing it. Ah yes, the gods use us mortals as footballs!
rationem habetis, quo modo unum amiserit. postquam belligerant Aetoli cum Aleis, ut fit in bello, capitur alter filius: medicus Menarchus emit ibidem in Alide. coepit captives commercari hic Aleos, si quem reperire possit qui mutet suom, illum captivom: hunc suom esse nescit, qui domist.	Well, you comprehend the way in which he lost one son. Later, when war broke out between the Aetolians and Eleans, the other son was taken prisoner—a common occurrence in times of war—and a doctor, Menarchus, in that same Elis, bought the young man. Hegio then began to buy up Elean captives, hoping to get hold of one that he could exchange for his son—the captive son, that is: for he has no idea that this man at his home is his own child.
30 et quoniam heri indaudivit, de summo loco summoque genere captum esse equitem Aleum, nil pretio parsit, filio dum parceret: reconciliare ut facilius posset domum, emit hosce e praeda ambos de quaestoribus.	And inasmuch as he heard it rumoured yesterday that an Elean knight of the very highest rank and family connections had been captured, he had no thought of saving money if only he could save his son. So in the hope of getting that son back home more readily he bought both of these prisoners from the commissioners who were disposing of the spoils.
hisce autem inter sese hunc confinxerunt dolum. quo pacto hic servos suom erum hinc amittat domum. itaque inter se commutant vestem et nomina; illic vocatur Philocrates, hic Tyndarus: huius illic, hic illius hodie fert imaginem.	These same prisoners, however, have got together and laid a scheme, as you can see, to the end that the slave here (indicating Tyndarus) may send his master off home. Accordingly, they have exchanged clothes and names with each other. That one (indicating Tyndarus) is calling himself Philocrates, and this one (indicating Philocrates) Tyndarus: each is posing as the other for the time being.
40 et hic hodie expediet hanc docte fallaciam, et suom erum faciet libertatis compotem, eodemque pacto fratrem servabit suom reducemque faciet liberum in patriam ad patrem, imprudens: itidem ut saepe iam in multis locis plus insciens quis fecit quam prudens boni.	And Tyndarus here is going to work out this trick to-day like an artist, and set his master at liberty. By so doing he will rescue his own brother, too, and enable him to return home to his father a free man, all quite unwittingly,—as in so many cases before now a man has often done more good unconsciously than wittingly.
sed inscientes sua sibi fallacia ita compararunt et confinxerunt dolum itaque hi commenti, de sua sententia ut in servitute hic ad suom maneat patrem: 50 ita nunc ignorans suo sibi servit patri; homunculi quanti sunt, quom recogito! haec res agetur nobis, vobis fabula.	But all unconsciously, in their trickery, they have so planned and contrived and schemed, acting upon their own ideas, that Tyndarus will stay here as his own father’s slave. So now it is his father he is serving unawares. What helpless creatures we mortals be, when I stop to reflect! All this will be fact on the boards, fiction for the benches.
sed etiam est, paucis vos quod monitos voluerim. profecto expediet fabulae huic operam dare. non pertractate facta est neque item ut ceterae: neque spurcidici insunt versus, immemorabiles; hic neque periurus leno est nec meretrix mala neque miles gloriosus; ne vereamini, quia bellum Aetolis esse dixi cum Aleis: 60 foris illic extra scaenam fient proelia.	About one thing more, though, I should like to offer a word or two of suggestion. It will undeniably be to your profit to pay attention to this play. It is not composed in the hackneyed style, is quite unlike other plays; nor does it contain filthy lines that one must not repeat. In this comedy you will meet no perjured pimp, or unprincipled courtesan, or braggart captain. Let not my statement that the Aetolians and Eleans are at war alarm you: engagements will take place off the stage yonder.
nam hoc paene iniquomst, comico choragio conari desubito agere nos tragoediam. proin si quis pugnam expectat, litis contrahat: valentiorem nactus adversarium si erit, ego faciam ut pugnam inspectet non bonam, adeo ut spectare postea omnis oderit.	It would almost amount to imposition, you know, for us, in our comedy get-up, to try to present a tragedy all of a sudden. So if anyone is looking for a battle scene, let him pick a quarrel: if he gets a good strong opponent, I promise him a glimpse of a battle scene so unpleasant that hereafter he will hate the very sight of one.
abeo. valete, iudices iustissimi domi duellique duellatores optumi.	(turning to go) And so good-bye to you, most just of judges here at home and doughtiest of fighters in the field. [exeunt Prologue and Captives.

ACTVS I	ACT I
	enter Ergasilus looking hungry and forlorn.
Erg.	Erg.
Iuventus nomen indidit Scorto mihi, 70 eo quia invocatus soleo esse in convivio. scio absurde dictum hoc derisores dicere, at ego aio recte. nam scortum in convivio sibi amator, talos quom iacit, scortum invocat.	The young fellows have dubbed me Missy, on the ground that whenever they’re at their banquets I feel called upon to be with ’em. To be sure, the professional wags say it is an absurd nickname, but I protest it’s a good one. For at banquets when the young sparks are playing dice they call upon their missies, yes, their missies, to be with ’em as they make a throw.
estne invocatum an non est? est planissume; verum hercle vero nos parasiti planius, quos numquam quisquam neque vocat neque invocat. quasi mures semper edimus alienum cibum; ubi res prolatae sunt, quom rus homines eunt, simul prolatae res sunt nostris dentibus.	Does missy feel called upon to be with ’em, or not? Most unmistakably. But by heaven, I tell you we parasites feel the call more unmistakably still, for no one else ever feels for us or calls us, either. Like mice, we’re forever nibbling at some one else’s food. When the holidays come, and men hie ’em to their country estates, our grinders take a holiday, too.
80 quasi, cum caletur, cocleae in occulto latent, suo sibi suco vivont, ros si non cadit, item parasiti rebus prolatis latent in occulto miseri victitant suco suo, dum ruri rurant homines quos ligurriant.	It’s the same as snails hiding in their holes during the dog days and living on their own juices when there’s no dew falling: that’s the way with parasites during the holidays—hide in their holes, poor devils, and subsist on their own juices while the people they could get pickings from are in the rural regions ruralizing.
prolatis rebus parasiti venatici sumus, quando res redierunt, molossici odiosicique et multum incommodestici. et hic quidem hercle, nisi qui colaphos perpeti potest parasitus frangique aulas in caput, 3ire extra portam Trigeminam ad saccum licet. 90 quod mihi ne eveniat, non nullum periculum est.	So long as the holidays last we parasites are greyhounds: when they’re over we are wolf-hounds and dear-hounds and bore-hounds, very much so. And, by gad, in this town, at least, if a parasite objects to being banged about and having crockery smashed on his cranium, he can betake himself to the far side of Three Arch Gate and a porter’s bag. (ruefully) Which is precious likely to be my own fate.
nam postquam meus rex est potitus hostium— ita nunc belligerant Aetoli cum Aleis; nam Aetolia haec est, illic est captus in Alide, Philopolemus, huius Hegionis filius senis, qui hie habitat, quae aedes lamentariae mihi sunt, quas quotienscumque conspicio fleo;	For after my patron fell in with the enemy—the Aetolians, you see, are at war now with the Eleans; this is Aetolia, you understand, and it’s there in Elis that Philopolemus is a captive, Philopolemus being the son of Hegio here, the old gentleman that lives in (pointing) that house (and a lamentatious house it is! every time I look at it, it makes me weep!)
nunc hic occepit quaestum hunc fili gratia inhonestum et maxime alienum ingenio suo: 100 homines captives commercatur, si queat aliquem invenire, suom qui mutet filium. quod quidem ego nimis quam cupio4 ut impetret: nam ni illum recipit, nihil est quo me recipiam.	—well, now Hegio has taken up his present business, all for his son’s sake, ungentlemanly business as it is, and quite beneath a man of his type. He’s buying up prisoners of war, to see if he can’t come across one to exchange for his boy. And Lord! how I do yearn for him to succeed! You see, it’s a matter of his coming home, or my going hungry.
nam nulla est spes iuventutis, sese omnis amant; ille demum antiquis est adulescens moribus, cuius numquam voltum tranquillavi gratiis. condigne pater est eius moratus moribus. nunc ad eum pergam. sed aperitur ostium, unde saturitate saepe ego exii ebrius.	For our young fellows are absolutely unpromising—egoists, the whole lot of ’em! But he is a young gentleman of the old school, that lad: I never smoothed the wrinkles out of his brow without getting more than a thankye for it. His father is just such another perfect gentleman. Now for a call on him. (moves toward Hegio’s house) But there goes his door, out of which I’ve often come so full of food I was fairly tipsy. (withdraws)

I. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Hegio with Slave Overseer.
Hegio	Hegio
110 Advorte animum sis tu: istos captives duos, heri quos emi de praeda a quaestoribus, eis indito catenas singularias istas, maiores, quibus sunt iuncti, demito;	Attention, please, my man. Those two captives that I bought yesterday from the commissioners in charge of the spoils—put the light irons on them and take off the heavy ones they’re coupled with.
sinito ambulare, si foris si intus volent, sed uti adserventur magna diligentia. liber captivos avis ferae consimilis est: semel fugiendi si data est occasio, satis est, numquam postilla possis prendere.	Let them walk out here or inside, whichever they please; but look after them sharp, mind you. A captive free is a regular wild bird: once given a chance to flit, that is enough—you can never get hold of him again.
Lor.	Over.
Omnes profecto liberi lubentius sumus quam servimus.	Well, of course sir, we’d all rather be free than slaves.
Hegio	Hegio
120 Non videre ita tu quidem.	That seems untrue of you at any rate.A
Lor.	Over.
Si non est quod dem, mene vis dem ipse—in pedes?	In case I haven’t anything else to give you, how about my giving you—the slip?
Hegio	Hegio
Si dederis, erit extemplo mihi quod dem tibi.	Give me that, and I shall shortly have something to give you.
Lor.	Over.
Avis me ferae consimilem faciam, ut praedicas.	I’ll copy that wild bird you speak of.
Hegio	Hegio
Ita ut dicis: nam si faxis, te in caveam dabo. sed satis verborumst. cura quae iussi atque abi. ego ibo ad fratrem ad alios captives meos, visam ne nocte hac quippiam turbaverint. inde me continuo recipiam rursum domum.	Exactly—for then I’ll cage you. But enough of this. Mind my orders and be off with you. I’ll drop in at my brother’s for a look at my other prisoners, and see if they made any disturbance last night. Then I’ll return home again at once. [exit Overseer into house.
Erg.	Erg.
Aegre est mi, hunc facere quaestum carcerarium 130 propter sui gnati miseriam miserum senem. sed si ullo pacto ille huc conciliari potest, vel carnificinam hunc facere possum perpeti.	(with a loud sigh) It does grieve me to see the poor old gentleman at this gaoler’s job for his poor son’s sake. (in lower tone) However, if he only manages to get the lad back here somehow, let him turn hangman, too,—I can stand it.
Hegio	Hegio
Quis hic loquitur?	(looking round) Who is that speaking here?
Erg.	Erg.
Ego, qui tuo maerore maceror, macesco, consenesco et tabesco miser; ossa atque pellis sum miser a macritudine; neque umquam quicquam me iuvat quod edo domi: foris aliquantillum etiam quod gusto, id beat.	(stepping forward) I—a man that am all worn out by your woe, that am getting thin, growing old, pining away in sorrow; I’m nothing but skin and bones, I feel for you so. Nothing I eat—at home—ever does me any good, (aside) But how I do relish the merest morsel when I’m dining out!
Hegio	Hegio
Ergasile, salve.	Ah, good day, Ergasilus.
Erg.	Erg.
Di te bene ament, Hegio.	God bless you, Hegio, bless you bounteously! (grasps Hegio’s hand fervently and bursts into tears)
Hegio	Hegio
Ne fle.	Don’t cry.
Erg.	Erg.
Egone illum non fleam? egon non defleam talem adulescentem?	I not cry for him? I not cry my eyes out for such a youth?
Hegio	Hegio
140 Semper sensi, filio meo te esse amicum, et illum intellexi tibi.	(somewhat moved) I always did feel that you were a friend to my son, and I realized that he regarded you as one.
Erg.	Erg.
Tum denique homines nostra intellegimus bona, quom quae in potestate habuimus, ea amisimus. ego, postquam gnatus tuos potitust hostium, expertus quanti fuerit nunc desidero.	Ah, we mortals realize the value of our blessings only when we have lost them. Myself now—after your son fell in with the enemy, I have come to understand how much he meant to me, and now I long for him.
Hegio	Hegio
Alienus cum eius incommodum tam aegre feras, quid me patrem par facerest, cui ille est unicus?	When an outsider like you takes his misfortune so bitterly, how must I feel, his father, and he my only son?
Erg.	Erg.
Alienus ego? alienus illi? aha, Hegio, numquam istuc dixis neque animum induxis tuom; 150 tibi ille unicust, mi etiam unico magis unicus.	(choking) An outsider? I? An outsider to that boy? Oh-h-h, Hegio! don’t say a thing like that, don’t let such a thought enter your mind, ever! Your only son, yes,—but he was even more than that to me: he was my only only! (sobs violently)
Hegio	Hegio
Laudo, malum cum amici tuom ducis malum, nunc habe bonum animum.	I appreciate this, that you consider your friend’s disaster your own. (patting him on the back) Come now, take heart.
Erg.	Erg.
Eheu, huic illud dolet, quia nunc remissus est edendi exercitus.	Oh, dear! oh, dear! here’s (rubbing his stomach) where it hurts: my whole commissary department has been disbanded now, you see.
Hegio	Hegio
Nullumne interea nactu’s, qui posset tibi remissum quem dixti imperare exercitum?	(smiling) And meantime haven’t you hit upon anyone that could reorganize the department you say is disbanded?
Erg.	Erg.
Quid credis? fugitant omnes hanc provinciam, quoi optigerat postquam captust Philopolemus tuos.	Would you believe it? Every one keeps fighting shy of the office ever since your Philopolemus, its duly elected occupant, was captured.
Hegio	Hegio
Non pol mirandum est fugitare hanc provinciam, multis et multigeneribus opus est tibi 160 militibus: primumdum opus est Pistorensibus: eorum sunt aliquot genera Pistorensium: opus Paniceis est, opus Placentinis quoque; opus Turdetanis, opust Ficedulensibus; iam maritumi omnes milites opus sunt tibi.	Bless my soul! no wonder they fight shy of it. You need many recruits, of many sorts, too: why, in the first place you need Pad-u-ans;B and there are several kinds of Paduans: you need the support of Bologna, and you need Frankfurters too; you need Leghorners and you need Pis-ans, and furthermore you need every fighter in fin land.
Erg.	Erg.
Ut saepe summa ingenia in occulto latent; hic qualis imperator nunc privatus est.	(appreciatively) How often it does happen that the greatest talents are shrouded in obscurity! This man now—what a generalissimo, and here he is only a private citizen!
Hegio	Hegio
Habe modo bonum animum, nam illum confido domum in his diebus me reconciliassere. nam eccum hic captivom adulescentem intus Aleum, 170 prognatum genere summo et summis ditiis: hoc illum me mutare confido pote.	Well, well, now, take heart. As a matter of fact, I trust we shall have the boy back with us in a few days. For, look you (pointing to house) I have a young Elean prisoner inside here—splendid family, quantities of money: I count on being able to exchange him for my son.
Erg.	Erg.
Ita di deaeque faxint. sed num quo foras vocatus es ad cenam?	(heartily) The gods and goddesses be with you! I say, though,—you haven’t been invited out to dinner anywhere?
Hegio	Hegio
Nusquam quod sciam sed quid tu id quaeris?	(cautiously) Nowhere, to my knowledge. But why do you ask?
Erg.	Erg.
Quia mi est natalis dies; propterea te vocari ad te ad cenam volo	Well, to-day is my birthday: so consider yourself invited to take dinner at—your house.
Hegio	Hegio
Facete dictum. sed si pauxillo potes, contentus esse.	(laughing) Well put! But only on condition you can be content with very little.
Erg.	Erg.
Ne perpauxillum modo, nam istoc me assiduo victu delecto domi, age sis, roga emptum. nisi qui meliorem adferet 180 quae mi atque amicis placeat condicio magis, quasi fundum vendam, meis me addicam legibus	Yes, only don’t make it very, very, very little, for that is what I regale myself on constantly at home. Come on, come on, do please say “Done!” (after a pause, formally) In the event of no party making a better offer, more satisfactory to myself and associates, I’ll knock myself down to you—on my own terms—just as if I was selling an estate by auction.
Hegio	Hegio
Profundum vendis tu quidem, haud fundum, mihi sed si venturu’s, temperi.	An estate indeed! You mean an empty state. But if you intend to come, come in season.
Erg.	Erg.
Em, vel iam otium est.	Oho! I’m at leisure this minute, for that matter.
Hegio	Hegio
I modo, venare leporem: nunc irim tenes; nam meus scruposam victus commetat viam.	No, no, go hunt your hare: you’ve got only a hedge-hog so far. For it is a rocky road my table travels.
Erg.	Erg.
Numquam istoc vinces me, Hegio, ne postules: cum calceatis dentibus veniam tamen.	You’ll never down me that way, Hegio, and don’t you think to do it: I’ll be with you just the same—with my teeth shod.
Hegio	Hegio
Asper meus victus sane est.	My meals are perfect terrors, really.
Erg.	Erg.
Sentisne essitas?	Tearers? Do you eat brambles?
Hegio	Hegio
Terrestris cena est.	Well, things that root in the earth.
Erg.	Erg.
Sus terrestris bestia est.	A porker does that.
Hegio	Hegio
Multis holeribus.	Mostly vegetables, I mean.
Erg.	Erg.
190 Curato aegrotos domi. numquid vis?	Open a sanitarium, then. (turning to go) Anything else I can do for you?
Hegio	Hegio
Venias temperi.	Come in season.
Erg.	Erg.
Memorem mones.	(cheerfully) The suggestion is superfluous. [exit.
Hegio	Hegio
Ibo intro atque intus subducam ratiunculam, quantillum argenti mi apud trapezitam siet. ad fratrem, quo ire dixeram, mox ivero.	(sighing as he looks at the back of his prospective guest) I must go in and reckon up my bit of a bank balance, and see how low it is. Then to my brother’s, where I spoke of going before. [exit into house.

ACTVS II	ACT II
	enter from Hegio’s house Overseers and Slaves with Philocrates and Tyndarus in fetters: the two have exchanged clothes.
Lor.	Over.
Si di immortales id voluerunt, vos hanc aerumnam exsequi, decet id pati animo aequo: si id facietis, levior labos erit. domi fuistis, credo, liberi: nunc servitus si evenit, ei vos morigerari mos bonust et erili imperio eamque ingeniis vostris lenem reddere. 200 indigna digna habenda sunt, erus quae facit.	(to captives, patronizingly) Seeing it’s the will of Heaven you’re in this box, the thing for you to do is to take it calmly: do that, and you won’t have such a hard time of it. At home you were free men, I suppose: since you happen to be slaves at present, it’s a good idea to accept the situation and a master’s orders gracefully, and make things easy to bear by taking ’em the proper way. Anything a master does is right, no matter how wrong it is.
Captivi	Captivi
Oh oh oh.	(protestingly) Oh-h-h-h!
Lor.	Over.
Eiulatione haud opus est, oculis haud5 lacrimantibus: in re mala animo si bono utare, adiuvat.	There’s no need of howling or crying. It helps to take bad things well.
Tynd.	Tynd.
At nos pudet, quia cum catenis sumus.	But to be in chains—we feel disgraced!
Lor.	Over.
At pigeat postea nostrum erum, si vos eximat vinculis, aut solutos sinat, quos argento emerit.	But it’s disgusted our master would feel later on, if he took the chains off, or let you loose, when he’s paid money for you.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quid a nobis metuit? scimus nos nostrum officium quod est, si solutos sinat.	What has he to fear from us? We realise what our duty is, if he should let us loose.
Lor.	Over.
At fugam fingitis: sentio quam rem agitis.	Ah yes, you’re planning to run for it! I see what’s afoot.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Nos fugiamus? quo fugiamus?	Run—we? Where should we run to?
Lor.	Over.
In patriam.	Home.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Apage, haud nos id deceat. fugitivos imitari.	Get out! The idea of our acting like runaway slaves!
Lor.	Over.
210 Immo edepol, si erit occasio, haud dehortor.	Lord! why not? I’m not saying you shouldn’t, if you get the chance.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Unum exorare vos sinite nos.	(with dignity) Be good enough to grant us one request.
Lor.	Over.
Quidnam id est?	Well, what is it?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ut sine hisce arbitris atque vobis nobis detis locum loquendi.	Merely this—give us an opportunity to talk together without being overheard by these good fellows (pointing to slaves) and yourselves.
Lor.	Over.
Fiat. abscedite hinc: nos concedamus huc. sed brevem orationem incipisse.	All right. (to slaves) Away with you! (to other overseer) Let’s drop back here. (to captives) Make it short, though.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Em istuc mihi certum erat. concede huc.	Oh yes, that was my intention. (to Philocrates, drawing him farther from slaves) Come this way.
Lor.	Over.
Abite ab istis.	(to slaves still hanging about) Get out and leave ’em alone. (slaves obey)
Tynd.	Tynd.
Obnoxii ambo vobis sumus propter hanc rem, quom quae volumus nos copia est; ea6 facitis nos compotes.	(to overseers) We are much obliged to you, both of us, for the privilege of doing as we wish; we owe it to you.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Secede huc nunciam, si videtur, procul. 220 ne arbitri dicta nostra arbitrari queant neu permanet palam haec nostra fallacia. nam doli non doli sunt, nisi astu colas, sed malum maxumum, si id palam provenit.	(to Tyndarus) Step over here now, if you please, come over, so that no one may catch what we say and leave us with a scheme that has leaked out. (they move still farther from the overseers) Shrewd management is what makes a trick a trick, you know: once it gets out, it becomes an instrument of torture.
nam si erus mihi es tu atque ego me tuom esse servom assimulo, tamen viso opust, cauto est opus, ut hoc sobrie sineque arbitris accurate agatur, docte et diligenter; tanta incepta res est: haud somniculose hoc agendum est.	No matter if you are passing as my master and I as your slave, even so we’ve got to be wary, we’ve got to be cautious, so that our plan may be worked out in a clear-headed way, quietly and carefully, with discretion and diligence. It’s a big job we’ve got in hand: we can’t go to sleep over it.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ero ut me voles esse.	I will be all you wish me to be, sir.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Spero.	I hope so.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nam tu nunc vides pro tuo caro capite 230 carum offerre me meum caput vilitati.	For that matter, sir, you already see that to save a man I love, I am holding my own life cheap, much as I love it.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Scio.	I realize it.
Tynd.	Tynd.
At scire memento, quando id quod voles habebis; nam fere maxima pars morem hunc homines habent; quod sibi volunt, dum id impetrant, boni sunt; sed id ubi iam penes sese habent, ex bonis pessimi et fraudulentissimi fiunt: nunc ut mihi te volo esse autumo.7 (236)	But remember to realize it when you get what you want. For, generally speaking, men have a habit of being fine fellows so long as they are seeking some favour; but when they have obtained it there’s a change, and your fine fellows turn into villainous cheats of the worst description. In all this, sir, I’m telling you how I wish you to act toward me.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Pol ego si te audeam, meum patrem nominem: (238) nam secundum patrem tu es pater proximus.	By heaven, I might call you my father, if I chose: for next to my real father you are the best one I have.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Audio.	I know, I know.
Philocr.	Philocr.
240 Et propterea saepius te uti memineris moneo: non ego erus tibi, sed servos sum; nunc obsecro te hoc unum— quoniam nobis di immortales animum ostenderunt suom, ut qui erum me tibi fuisse atque esse conservom velint, quom antehac pro iure imperitabam meo, nunc te oro per precem—	And that’s just why I keep reminding you the oftener to remember what the situation calls for: I’m not your master, I’m a slave. Now I beg this one thing of you—since we have unmistakable proof that it’s Heaven’s will I should no longer be your master but your fellow slave, I, who used to have the right to command you, now implore and entreat you—
Philocr.	Philocr.
per fortunam incertam et per mei te erga bonitatem patris, perque conservitium commune, quod hostica evenit manu, ne me secus honore honestes quam quom servibas mihi, atque ut qui fueris et qui nunc sis meminisse ut memineris.	by the common peril in which we stand and by my father’s kindness to you and by the captivity which the chances of war have brought upon us both, don’t feel less respect for my wishes than you did when you were my slave, and remember, remember carefully, both who you were and who you are now.
Scio quidem me te esse nunc et te esse me.	Yes, yes, I know that I am you for the time being and that you are I.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Em istuc si potes 250 memoriter meminisse, inest spes nobis in hac astutia.	There! manage to remember to keep that in mind, and this scheme of ours looks likely.

II. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Hegio from house.
Hegio	Hegio
Iam ego revertar intro, si ex his quae volo exquisivero. ubi sunt isti quos ante aedis iussi huc produci foras?	(to those within) I shall be back directly, if I find out what I want to know from these fellows. (to overseers) Where are those prisoners I had brought out in front of the house here?
Philocr.	Philocr.
Edepol tibi ne in quaestione essemus cautum intellego, ita vinclis custodiisque circum moeniti sumus.	(advancing, pertly) Gad! You guarded against having to look for us far, I perceive,—see how we’re barricaded with chains and watchmen.
Hegio	Hegio
Qui cavet ne decipiatur, vix cavet, cum etiam cavet; etiam cum cavisse ratus est, saepe is cautor captus est. an vero non iusta causa est, ut vos servem sedulo, quos tam grandi sim mercatus praesenti pecunia?	The man on his guard against being deceived is hardly on his guard even when he is on his guard, even when he supposed he was on his guard, your guarder has often enough been gulled. Really though, haven’t I good reason to take pains to keep you, when I paid so high for you, cash down?
Philocr.	Philocr.
Neque pol tibi nos, quia nos servas, aequomst vitio vortere, 260 neque te nobis, si abeamus hinc, si fuat occasio.	Bless your heart, sir, we haven’t any right to find fault with you for trying to keep us, or you with us, if we clear out—if we get a chance.
Hegio	Hegio
Ut vos hic, itidem illic apud vos meus servatur filius.	My son is kept prisoner there in your country just as you are here.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Captus est?	Captured?
Hegio	Hegio
Ita.	Yes.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Non igitur nos soli ignavi fuimus.	Then other folks besides us have been cowards.
Hegio	Hegio
Secede huc. nam sunt quae ex te solo scitari volo. quarum rerum te falsilocum mi esse nolo.	(leading him farther from Tyndarus) Step over here. There are some matters I wish to ask you about in private. No lying about them, mind.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Non ero quod sciam. si quid nescibo, id nescium tradam tibi.	Not I, sir, not if I know. If I don’t know about a thing, I’ll (innocently) tell you what I don’t know.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nunc senex est in tostrina, nunc iam cultros attinet. ne id quidem, involucrum inicere, voluit, vestem ut ne inquinet. sed utrum strictimne adtonsurum dicam esse an per pectinem, nescio; verum, si frugist, usque admutilabit probe.	(aside, cheerfully) Now the old fellow is in the barber’s chair, yes, now we have the clippers on him. And master not even willing to throw a towel over him to keep his clothes clean! Is it going to be a close crop, I wonder, or just a trim?—that’s the question. If he knows his business, though, he’ll dock him handsomely.
Hegio	Hegio
270 Quid tu? servosne esse an liber mavelis, memora mihi.	See here, would you prefer to be a slave or a free man, tell me that?
Philocr.	Philocr.
Proxumum quod sit bono quodque a malo longissume, id volo; quamquam non multum fuit molesta servitus, nec mihi secus erat quam si essem familiaris filius.	The maximum of pleasure and the minimum of pain, that’s my preference, sir; but being a slave hasn’t bothered me much, though: I wasn’t treated any differently than if I’d been a son of the house.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Eugepae, Thalem talento non emam Milesium, nam ad sapientiam huius8 nimius nugator fuit. ut facete orationem ad servitutem contulit.	(aside) Well done my boy! I wouldn’t buy Milesian Thales at a thousand thalers: why, he was nothing but the veriest amateur of a wise man compared with master here. How cleverly he’s dropped into the servant jargon!
Hegio	Hegio
Quo de genere natust illic Philocrates?	Who are Philocrates’ people there in Elis?
Philocr.	Philocr.
Polyplusio: quod genus illi est unum pollens atque honoratissumum.	The Goldfields, sir,—the most influential and respected family in those parts easily.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid ipsus hic? quo honore est illic?	And the young man himself? How does he stand?
Philocr.	Philocr.
279 Summo, atque ab summis viris.9	Very high indeed, sir,—belongs to the highest circles.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid divitiae, suntne opimae?	How about his property? Pretty fat one, eh?
Philocr.	Philocr.
(281) Unde excoquat sebum senex.	Fat? Old Goldfields could get dripping out of it.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid pater, vivitne?	What about his father? Is he living?
Philocr.	Philocr.
Vivom, cum inde abimus, liquimus; nunc vivatne necne, id Orcum scire oportet scilicet.	He was when we left home, whether he’s alive now or not, of course you had better inquire below as to that, sir.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Salva res est, philosophatur quoque iam, non mendax modo est.	(aside) The situation is saved! Now he not only lies but moralizes.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid erat ei nomen?	What was his name?
Philocr.	Philocr.
Thensaurochrysonicochrysides.	Ducatsdoubloonsandpiecesofeightson.
Hegio	Hegio
Videlicet propter divitias inditum id nomen quasi est.	A sort of name applied to him on account of his money, I take it.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Immo edepol propter avaritiam ipsius atque audaciam.10 (287)	(apparently struck by a new idea) Lord, no! on account of his being so greedy and grasping, sir.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid tu ais? tenaxne pater est eius?	What’s that? His father’s rather close, is he?
Philocr.	Philocr.
(289) Immo edepol pertinax; 290 quin etiam ut magis noscas: Genio suo ubi quando sacruficat, ad rem divinam quibus est opus, Samiis vasis utitur, ne ipse Genius surripiat: proinde aliis ut credat vide.	Close? My word, sir! he’s adhesive! Why, really,—just so as to give you a better notion of him—whenever he sacrifices to his own Guardian Spirit he won’t use any dishes needed in the service except ones made of Samian earthenware, for fear his very Guardian Spirit may steal ’em. You can see from this what a confiding character he is in general.
Hegio	Hegio
Sequere hac me igitur. eadem ego ex hoc quae volo exquaesivero. Philocrates, hic fecit, hominem frugi ut facere oportuit. nam ego ex hoc quo genere gnatus sis scio, hic fassust mihi; haec tu eadem si confiteri vis, tua ex re feceris: quae tamen scio scire me ex hoc.	Well, well, come this way with me. (aside, as they join Tyndarus) I’ll soon get the information I want out of the master here at the same time. (to Tyndarus) Philocrates, your servant has acted as a worthy fellow ought to act. Yes, I know from him about your family: he has admitted everything. If you choose to be equally open with me, it will be to your advantage: however, I have been completely informed already by him.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Fecit officium hic suom, cum tibi est confessus verum, quamquam volui sedulo meam nobilitatem occultare et genus et divitias meas, 300 Hegio; nunc quando patriam et libertatem perdidi, non ego istunc me potius quam te metuere aequom censeo. vis hostilis cum istoc fecit meas opes aequabiles; memini, cum dicto haud audebat: facto nunc laedat licet.	(with dignified melancholy) He has done his duty in admitting the truth to you, much as I did wish to keep you in the dark, Hegio, about my rank and birth and wealth; now that I am a man without a country, a prisoner, I suppose it is not to be expected that he should stand more in awe of me than of you. The chances of war have put master and man on an equal footing. I remember the time when he did not venture to offend me by a word: now he is at liberty to do me an actual injury.
sed viden? fortuna humana fingit artatque ut lubet: me, qui liber fueram servom fecit, e summo infimum; qui imperare insueram, nunc alterius imperio obsequor. et quidem si, proinde ut ipse fui imperator familiae, habeam dominum, non verear ne iniuste aut graviter mi imperet. Hegio, hoc te monitum, nisi forte ipse non vis, voluerim.	But you see! fortune moulds us, pinches us, to suit her whims: here am I, the one-time free man, a slave—tossed from the heights to the depths. Accustomed to command, I am now at another’s beck and call. And indeed, if I might have such a master as I myself was when I was the head of a household, I should have no fear of being treated unjustly or harshly. There is one thing I should like to impress upon you, Hegio,—unless you object, maybe.
Hegio	Hegio
Loquere audacter.	No, no, speak out.
Tynd.	Tynd.
310 Tam ego fui ante liber quam gnatus tuos, tam mihi quam illi libertatem hostilis eripuit manus. tam ille apud nos servit, quam ego nunc his apud te servio. est profecto deus, qui quae nos gerimus auditque et videt: is, uti tu me his habueris, proinde illum illic curaverit; bene merenti bene profuerit, male merenti par erit. quam tu filium tuom, tam pater me meus desiderat.	Once I was free as your son; an enemy’s success deprived me of my liberty as he was deprived of his; he is a slave in my country as I am here with you. There surely is a God who hears and sees what we do: and according to your treatment of me here, so will he look after your son there. He will reward the deserving and requite the undeserving. Just as you long for your son, so does my father long for me.
Hegio	Hegio
Memini ego istuc. sed faterin eadem quae hic fassust mihi?	I know all that—but do you admit the truth of what this fellow has told me?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ego patri meo esse fateor summas divitias domi meque summo genere gnatum. sed te optestor, Hegio, 320 ne tuom animum avariorem faxint divitiae meae: ne patri, tam etsi sum unicus, decere videatur magis, me saturum servire apud te sumptu et vestitu tuo potius quam illi, ubi minime honestumst, mendicantem vivere.11 (323)	I do admit that my father is a very wealthy man at home and that I do come of very good family. But, Hegio, I beseech you, don’t let my wealth make your demands too exorbitant: for my father, even though I am his only son, might feel that it was better for me to remain your slave, well fed and clothed at your expense, than to come to beggary there at home where it would disgrace us most.
Hegio	Hegio
(325) Non ego omnino lucrum omne esse utile homini existimo scio ego, multos iam lucrum lutulentos homines reddidit, est etiam ubi profecto damnum praestet facere quam lucrum. odi ego aurum: multa multis saepe suasit perperam.	I am not a man who regards each and every acquisition of money as a blessing: plenty of people have been tainted before now by this money getting, I know that. There are even times when it certainly is more profitable to lose money than to make it. Gold! I despise it: it has led many a man into many a wrong course.
nunc hoc animum advorte, ut ea quae sentio pariter scias. 330 filius meus illic apud vos servit captus Alide: eum si reddis mihi, praeterea unum nummum ne duis; et te et hunc amittam hinc. alio pacto abire non potes.	Now give me your attention. I want you to understand thoroughly what I have in mind. (slowly and emphatically) My son is a prisoner in Elis, a slave there among your countrymen: get him back to me, and without your giving me a single penny in addition, I will let you go home, and your servant, too. On no other terms can you get off.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Optumum atque aequissumum oras optumusque hominum es homo. sed is privatam servitutem servit illi an publicam?	A very fair and reasonable proposition, sir, and you are the very fairest of men. Does he belong to some private person, though, or to the state?
Hegio	Hegio
Privatam medici Menarchi.	To a private person, a doctor named Menarchus.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Pol is quidem huius est cliens. tam hoc quidem tibi in proclivi quam amber est quando pluit.	(aside) Jove! why, he’s a client of master’s! (aloud) Why, this will be just as easy for you as rain when it pours.
Hegio	Hegio
Fac is homo ut redimatur.	Have him ransomed.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Faciam. sed te id oro, Hegio—	I will. But thus much I beg of you Hegio,—
Hegio	Hegio
Quid vis, dum ab re ne quid ores, faciam.	(eagerly) Anything you please, provided my interests don’t suffer by it.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ausculta, tum scies. ego me amitti, donicum ille huc redierit, non postulo 340 verum quaeso ut aestumatum bunc mihi des, quem mittam ad patrem ut is homo redimatur illi.	Listen, and you can see if they will. I don’t ask to be released myself until my servant gets back. But I do urge you to let me have him under a forfeit, to send to father so that your son there can be ransomed.
Hegio	Hegio
Immo alium potius misero hunc, ubi erant indutiae, illuc, tuom qui conveniat patrem, qui tua quae tu iusseris mandata ita ut velis perferat.	Oh no, I’ll send some one else instead when we have an armistice; that will be preferable: he shall confer with your father and carry out your orders to your satisfaction.
Tynd.	Tynd.
At nihil est ignotum ad illum mittere: operam luseris. hunc mitte, hic transactum reddet omne, si illuc venerit. nec quemquam fideliorem neque cui plus credat potes mittere ad eum nec qui magis sit servos ex sententia, neque adeo cui suom concredat filium hodie audacius. ne vereare, meo periclo huius ego experiar fidem, 350 fretus ingenio eius, quod me esse scit erga se benevolum.	But it’s no good sending a stranger to him: you’ll have frittered away your time. Send him: (pointing to Philocrates) he will transact the whole affair, once he gets there. You can’t send him a more reliable man, one he would trust more, a servant that’s more to his mind; I may go so far as to say there is no one he would be readier to entrust his own son to. Never fear: I will be responsible for his fidelity. I can depend on his goodness of heart; he appreciates my kindness to him.
Hegio	Hegio
Mittam equidem istunc aestumatum tua fide, si vis.	Very well, I’ll send him under a forfeit, on your guarantee, if you wish.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Volo; quam citissime potest, tam hoc cedere ad factum volo.	I do wish it. And I wish to have all this an accomplished fact just as quickly as possible.
Hegio	Hegio
Num quae causa est quin, si ille huc non redeat, viginti minas mihi des pro illo?	Have you any objection to paying me eighty pounds for him in case he doesn’t return?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Optuma immo.	Not the slightest—fair as can be.
Hegio	Hegio
Solvite istum nunciam, atque utrumque.	(to overseers) Take the chains off that fellow at once, off both of them, in fact.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Di tibi omnis omnia optata offerant, cum me tanto honore honestas cumque ex vinclis eximis. hoc quidem haud molestumst, iam quod collus collari caret.	(as slaves obey) God grant your every wish, sir, for your highly considerate conduct toward me and for releasing me. (aside, stretching himself) I tell you what, it’s no unpleasant sensation, having that necklet off one’s neck.
Hegio	Hegio
Quod bonis bene fit beneficium, gratia ea gravida est bonis. nunc tu illum si illo es missurus, dice monstra praecipe quae ad patrem vis nuntiari. vin vocem huc ad te?	“A good deed done a good man yields a large return of good.” Now if you intend to send that fellow home, inform him, instruct him, give him full particulars as to the message he’s to carry your father. Shall I call him over here to you?
Tynd.	Tynd.
360 Voca.	Do.

II. 3.	Scene 3.
Hegio	Hegio
Quae res bene vortat mihi meoque filio vobisque, volt te novos erus operam dare tuo veteri domino, quod is velit, fideliter. nam ego te aestumatum huic dedi viginti minis, his autem te ait mittere hinc velle ad patrem, meum ut illic redimat filium, mutatio inter me atque illum ut nostris fiat filiis.	(going to Philocrates) God bless us all in this, me, and my son, and yourselves! My man, your new master wishes you to do something your old master wishes, and to do it faithfully. The fact is, I have given you over to him, under an eighty pound forfeit, he saying he desires to send you off to his father and let him ransom my son there in Elis, so that he may exchange my boy for his own.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Utroque vorsum rectumst ingenium meum, ad te atque ad illum; pro rota me uti licet: 370 vel ego huc vel illic vortar, quo imperabitis.	I’m quite disposed to do both of you a good turn, sirs, you and him both; you can use me like a wheel, I’ll turn your way or his, either way, wherever you like.
Hegio	Hegio
Tute tibi tuopte ingenio prodes plurumum, cum servitutem ita fers ut ferri decet. sequere. em tibi hominem.	And you are acting very much to your own advantage in being so disposed, and in accepting your slavery as you should. Follow me. (leading way to Tyndarus) There’s your man.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Gratiam habeo tibi, quom copiam istam mi et potestatem facis, ut ego ad parentes hunc remittam nuntium, qui me quid rerum his agitem et quid fieri velim patri meo, ordine omnem rem, illuc perferat.	(sedately) I thank you, sir, for affording me this opportunity, of making him my messenger to my parents, so that he may carry to my father a full account of me and my situation here, and what I wish him to see to.
nunc ita convenit inter me atque hunc, Tyndare. ut te aestumatum in Alidem mittam ad patrem, 380 si non rebitas huc, ut viginti minas dem pro te.	(turning to Philocrates) Tyndarus, this gentleman and I have just arranged that I send you to Elis to father, under a forfeit: if you fail to return, I am to pay him eighty pounds for you.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Recte convenisse sentio. nam pater expectat aut me aut aliquem nuntium, qui hinc ad se veniat.	And a good arrangement, too, in my opinion. For the old gentleman’s expecting either me or some messenger to come to him from here.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ergo animum advortas volo quae nuntiare hinc te volo in patriam ad patrem.	Well then, I wish you to pay attention to the message I wish you to take home to him.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Philocrates, ut adhuc locorum feci, faciam sedulo, ut potissimum quod in rem recte conducat tuam, id petam idque persequar corde et animo atque viribus.	I’ll do the best I can for you, sir, just as I always have: anything that makes for your good, sir, I’ll work my hardest for, and follow up with all my heart and soul and strength.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Facis ita ut te facere oportet. nunc animum advortas volo: omnium primum salutem dicito matri et patri 390 et cognatis et si quem alium benevolentem videris; me hic valere et servitutem servire huic homini optumo, qui me honore honestiorem semper fecit et facit.	The proper spirit. Now I wish you to pay attention. First of all, remember me to my father and mother and my relatives and anyone else you may see who is interested in my welfare; tell them I am in good health here and a slave of this most estimable gentleman who has always accorded me the (with emphasis) very extraordinary consideration which I still enjoy.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Istuc ne praecipias, facile memoria memini tamen.	No instructions needed along that line, sir: I can remember to mind that easily enough, without.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nam equidem, nisi quod custodem habeo, liberum me esse arbitror. dicito patri, quo pacto mihi cum hoc convenerit de huius filio.	For really, aside from the fact that I have a guard, I feel that I am a free man. Tell my father what arrangement this gentleman and I have made regarding his son.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Quae memini, mora mera est monerier.	Mere waste of time, sir, to remind me of what I remember.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ut eum redimat et remittat nostrum huc amborum vicem.	That he is to ransom him and send him back here in exchange for us both.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Meminero.	I’ll remember.
Hegio	Hegio
At quamprimum pote: istuc in rem utriquest maxime.	Yes, but just as quickly as possible: that’s of the highest importance to each of us.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Non tuom tu magis videre quam ille suom gnatum cupit.	You don’t long to see your son any more than he does his, sir.
Hegio	Hegio
Meus mihi, suos cuique est carus.	My son is dear to me, as his own son is to every father.
Philocr.	Philocr.
400 Numquid aliud vis patri nuntiari?	No further message for him, eh?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Me hic valere et—tute audacter dicito, Tyndare—inter nos fuisse ingenio haud discordabili, neque te commeruisse culpam—neque me adversatum tibi— beneque ero gessisse morem in tantis aerumnis tamen;	(somewhat at a loss) Say I am in good health here, and—(earnestly) Tyndarus, speak up boldly to him, yourself,—say that we have never been at variance, that I have never had reason to find fault with you (nor you to think me obstinate) and that you have served your master to the full even in such adversity.
neque med umquam deseruisse te neque factis neque fide, rebus in dubiis egenis. haec pater quando sciet, Tyndare, ut fueris animatus erga suom gnatum atque se, numquam erit tam avarus, quin te gratiis emittat manu12; et mea opera, si hinc rebito, faciam ut faciat facilius.	Say that a treacherous act, a disloyal thought were things undreamed of even in the dark hours of distress. When my father knows of this, Tyndarus, knows what your spirit toward his son and himself has been, he will never be so niggardly as not to set you free at his own expense; and if I return, I will put forth my own efforts to make him the more ready to do it.
410 nam tua opera et comitate et virtute et sapientia fecisti ut redire liceat ad parentis denuo, cum apud hunc confessus es et genus et divitias meas: quo pacto emisisti e vinclis tuom erum tua sapientia.	For it is through your efforts and good will and devotion and wisdom that I have a chance to go back to my parents once more, inasmuch as you informed this gentleman of my family and wealth: thanks to your wisdom in doing so, your master’s fetters have been removed.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Feci ego ista ut commemoras, et te meminisse id gratum est mihi. merito tibi ea venerunt a me; nam nunc, Philocrates, si ego item memorem quae me erga multa fecisti bene, nox diem adimat; nam quasi servos meus esses, nihilo setius tu mihi obsequiosus semper fuisti.	Right you are, sir, so I did, and I’m glad you remember it. You deserve anything I’ve done for you, too; why, sir, if I was to go on like that now and mention how many good turns you’ve done me, it would take all day and more; why, it was just as if you had been my slave, not a bit different, the deferential way you’ve always treated me.
Hegio	Hegio
Di vostram fidem, hominum ingenium liberale. ut lacrumas excutiunt mihi. 420 videas corde amare inter se. quantis lautus laudibus suom erum servos collaudavit.	(half aside) Bless my soul, what noble natures! Dear, dear, it brings the tears to my eyes! You can see they are simply devoted to each other, The way that splendid slave praised his own master—a perfect panegyric!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Pol istic me haud centesimam partem laudat quam ipse meritust ut laudetur laudibus.	Heavens, sir, he doesn’t praise me a hundredth part as much as he deserves to be praised himself.
Hegio	Hegio
Ergo cum optume fecisti, nunc adest occasio bene facta cumulare, ut erga hunc rem geras fideliter.	(to Philocrates) Well then, having been such an excellent servant, here is an opportunity to crown your services by carrying through this business for him faithfully.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Magis non factum possum velle, quam opera experiar persequi; id ut scias, Iovem supremum testem laudo, Hegio. me infidelem non futurum Philocrati.	I’ll be just as keen in actually trying to do it as I can be for wanting it done, sir; and to prove it, sir, I swear by God Almighty that I’ll never be unfaithful to Philocrates—
Hegio	Hegio
Probus es homo.	(heartily) Worthy fellow!
Philocr.	Philocr.
Nec me secus umquam ei facturum quicquam quam memet mihi.	—or ever act any differently by him than I would by my own self.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Istaec dicta te experiri et operis et factis volo; 430 et, quo minus dixi quam volui de te, animum advortas volo, atque horunc verborum causa caveto mi iratus fuas; sed, te quaeso, cogitato hinc mea fide mitti domum te aestimatum, et meam esse vitam hic pro te positam pignori,	(with increased earnestness) It is the actual performance, the deed, I wish to test those words by; and inasmuch as I said less than I wished about your conduct, I wish you to pay particular attention,—yes, and be sure not to take offence at what I say. But I beg you, do bear in mind the fact that you are being sent off home, sent home at my risk and under a forfeit, and that I am staking my life for you here:
ne tu me ignores, quom extemplo meo e conspectu abscesseris, quom me servom in servitute pro ted hic reliqueris, tuque te pro libero esse ducas, pignus deseras neque des operam pro me ut huius reducem facias filium.13 (437) (439) fac fidelis sis fideli, cave fidem fluxam geras: 440 nam pater, scio, faciet quae illum facere oportet omnia; serva tibi in perpetuom amicum me, atque hunc inventum inveni.	so don’t forget me the moment you are out of sight, when you have left me here in servitude, a slave, in your stead; and don’t consider yourself a free man and let your promise go and fail to save me by bringing back this gentleman’s son. Be faithful, I entreat you, to one who has shown his faith, and don’t falter in that faithfulness. As for my father, I am sure he will do everything he should do. For your part, keep me your friend for ever, and do not lose this friend (indicating Hegio) you have found.
haec per dexteram tuam te dextera retinens manu opsecro, infidelior mihi ne fuas quam ego sum tibi. tu hoc age. tu mihi erus nunc es, tu patronus, tu pater, tibi commendo spes opesque meas.	This I beseech you by this hand (grasping Philocrates’ right hand), this hand I hold in mine: don’t be less true to me than I am to you. (after a pause) Well, to the work! You are my master now, my protector, my father, you and you only: to you I commend my hopes and my welfare.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Mandavisti satis satin habes, mandata quae sunt facta si refero?	Enough commands, sir. Will you be satisfied, if I turn your commands to accomplished facts?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Satis.	Yes.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Et tua et tua huc ornatus reveniam ex sententia. numquid aliud?	I’ll come back here equipped to suit you (to Hegio) sir, and you, (to Tyndarus) too. Nothing else?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ut quam primum possis redeas.	Return as soon as you can.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Res monet.	Naturally, sir.
Hegio	Hegio
Sequere me, viaticum ut dem a trapezita tibi, eadem opera a praetore sumam syngraphum.	(to Philocrates) Follow me. I must go to the banker’s and give you some money for travelling expenses: I’ll get a passport from the praetor at the same time.
Tynd.	Tynd.
450 Quem syngraphum?	What passport?
Hegio	Hegio
Quem hic ferat secum ad legionem, hinc ire huic ut liceat domum. tu intro abi.	One to take to the army with him so that he’ll he allowed to go off home. As for yourself, you go inside.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ben ambulato.	(to Philocrates) A good journey to you.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Bene vale.	Good-bye, sir, good-bye! [exit Tyndarus into Hegio’s house.
Hegio	Hegio
Edepol rem meam constabilivi, quom illos emi de praeda a quaestoribus; expedivi ex servitute filium, si dis placet, at etiam dubitavi, hos homines emerem an non emerem, diu.	(aside, in high spirits) Well, well, well, it was the making of me when I bought those two from the commissioners! I’ve set my son at Liberty, God willing! And to think I hesitated for a long time whether to buy them or not!
servate istum sultis intus, servi, ne quoquam pedem ecferat sine custodela. iam ego apparebo domi; ad fratrem modo captivos alios inviso meos, eadem percontabor, ecquis hunc adulescentem noverit. 460 sequere tu, te ut amittam; ei rei primum praevorti volo.	(to overseers) Please keep an eye on that prisoner inside there, my lads, and don’t let him set a foot out here anywhere without a guard. I shall soon be home myself. I’ll just step over to my brother’s for a look at my other captives: at the same time I’ll inquire if any one of them knows this young gentleman. (to Philocrates) Come, my man, so that I may send you off; I want to attend to that first. [exeunt Hegio and Philocrates.

ACTVS III	ACT III
	(An hour has elapsed.) enter Ergasilus, much depressed.
Erg.	Erg.
Miser homo est, qui ipse sibi quod edit quaerit et id aegre invenit, sed ille est miserior, qui et aegre quaerit et nihil invenit; ille miserrimust, qui cum esse cupit, tum quod edit non habet. nam hercle ego huic die, si liceat, oculos effodiam libens, ita malignitate oneravit omnis mortalis mihi;	It’s sad when a man has to spend his time looking for his food and has hard work finding it. It’s sadder, though, when he has hard work looking for it and doesn’t find it. But it’s saddest of all when a man is pining to eat, and no food in range. By gad, if I only could, I’d like to dig the eyes out of this day, it’s made every living soul so damnably mean to me!
neque ieiuniosiorem neque magis ecfertum fame vidi nec quoi minus procedat quidquid facere occeperit, ita venter gutturque resident esurialis ferias. ilicet parasiticae arti maximam malam crucem, 470 ita iuventus iam ridicules inopesque ab se segregat.	A more hungriful day, a more bulged-out-with-starvation day, a more unprogressive day for every undertaking, I never did see! Such a famine feast as my inside is having! Devil take the parasitical profession! How the young fellows nowadays do sheer off from impecunious wits!
nil morantur iam Lacones unisubselli viros, plagipatidas, quibus sunt verba sine penu et pecunia eos requirunt, qui libenter, quom ederint, reddant domi; ipsi obsonant, quae parasitorum ante erat provincia, ipsi de foro tam aperto capite ad lenones eunt quam in tribu aperto capite sontes condemnant reos; neque ridiculos iam terrunci faciunt, sese omnes amant.	Not a bit of use have they nowadays for us Spartans, us valiant benchenders, us descendants of old Takesacuff, whose capital is talk without cash and comestibles. The guests they’re after are the ones that enjoy a dinner and then like to return the compliment. They do their marketing themselves, too,—that used to be the parasites’ province—and away they go from the forum themselves to interview the pimps, just as barefaced as they are in court when they condemn guilty defendants. They don’t care a farthing for wits these days: they’re egoists, every one.
nam uti dudum hinc abii, accessi ad adulescentes in foro. “salvete” inquam. “quo imus una” inquam “ad prandium?” atque illi tacent. 480 “quid ait ‘hoc’ aut quis profitetur?” inquam. quasi muti silent, neque me rident. “ubi cenamus?” inquam. atque illi abnuont.	Why, when I left here a little while ago, I went up to some young fellows in the forum. “Good day,” says I. “Where are we going to lunch together?” says I. Sudden silence. “Who says: ‘This way’? Who makes a bid?” says I. Dumb as mutes, didn’t even give me a smile. “Where do we dine?” says I. A shaking of heads.
dico unum ridiculum dictum de dictis melioribus, quibus solebam menstruales epulas ante adipiscier: nemo ridet; scivi extemplo rem de compecto geri; ne canem quidem irritatam voluit quisquam imitarier, saltem, si non arriderent, dentes ut restringerent.	I told ’em a funny story—one of my best, that used to find me free board for a month. Nobody smiled. I saw in a moment it was a put-up job; not a one of ’em was even willing to act like a cross dog and at least show their teeth, no matter if they wouldn’t laugh.
abeo ab illis, postquam video me sic ludificarier; pergo ad alios, venio ad alios, deinde ad alios: una res. omnes de compecto rem agunt, quasi in Velabro olearii. 490 nunc redeo inde, quoniam me ibi video ludificarier. item alii parasiti frustra obambulabant in foro.	I left ’em after I saw I was being made a fool of this way, up I went to some others, and then to others, and to others still,—same story. They re all in a combination, just like the oil dealers in the Velabrum.C So here I am back again, seeing I was trifled with there. Some more parasites were prowling round the forum all for nothing, too.
nunc barbarica lege certumst ius meum omne persequi: qui consilium iniere, quo nos victu et vita prohibeant, is diem dicam, inrogabo multam. ut mihi cenas decem meo arbitratu dent, cum cara annona sit. sic egero. nunc ibo ad portum hinc: est illic mi una spes cenatica; si ea decolabit, redibo huc ad senem ad cenam asperam.	Now I’m going to have the foreign law on those chaps and demand my full rights, I certainly am: it’s conspiracy, conspiracy to deprive us of sustenance and life, and I’m going to summon ’em, fine ’em—make ’em give me ten dinners, at my discretion, and that will be when food is dear. That’s how I’ll catch them. (turning to go) Well, now for the harbour. That’s where my one hope is, gastronomically speaking, if that oozes away, I’ll come back here to the old man’s terror of a meal. [exit Ergasilus, looking in all directions for a possible host.

III. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Hegio with Aristophontes and Slaves.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid est suavius, quam bene rem gerere, bono publico, sic ut ego feci heri, 500 cum emi hosce homines: ubi quisque vident, eunt obviam gratulanturque eam rem, ita me miserum restitando retinendoque lassum reddiderunt: vix ex gratulando miser iam eminebam.	(highly pleased with himself) Now what makes you feel better than managing your affairs properly and contributing to the common good, just as I did yesterday in buying these prisoners? Whenever anyone sees me up he comes and congratulates me on it! Dear, dear! I was so worn out with all their stopping and detaining me, it got to be frightfully hard work emerging from the flood of felicitations.
tandem abii ad praetorem; ibi vix requievi: rogo syngraphum, datur mi ilico; dedi Tyndaro: ille abiit domum. inde ilico praevortor domum, postquam id actum est; eo protinus ad fratrem, mei ubi sunt alii captivi.	At last I escaped to the praetor’s. Barely waiting to catch my breath, I asked for a passport, got it on the spot, gave it to Tyndarus: he’s off for home. After seeing to that, I first start straight for home. Then I go on to my brother’s where the rest of my prisoners are.
rogo, Philocratem ex Alide ecquis hominum 510 noverit: tandem his exclamat, eum sibi esse sodalem; dico eum esse apud me; hic extemplo orat obsecratque, eum sibi ut liceat videre: iussi ilico hunc exsolvi. nunc tu sequere me, ut quod me oravisti impetres, eum hominem uti convenias.	Inquire if any one of ’em knows Philocrates of Elis. Finally this fellow (pointing to Aristophontes) calls out that Philocrates is a particular friend of his. I tell him he’s at my house; the next instant he’s begging and beseeching me for a chance to see him. I had him unfettered at once. (to Aristophontes) Now, sir, come this way, so as to obtain your request and meet your friend. [exeunt into house: as they go in Tyndarus rushes out.

III. 3.	Scene 3.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nunc illud est, cum me fuisse quam esse nimio mavelim: nunc spes opes auxiliaque a me segregant spernuntque se. hic illest dies, cum nulla vitae meae salus sperabilest, neque exitium14 exitio est neque adeo spes, quae mi hunc aspellat metum, nec subdolis mendaciis mihi usquam mantellum est meis,15 520	(grimly) Now’s the time when I should infinitely prefer to be underground than on it! Hope, resources, help—all deserting, all leaving me in the lurch now! My day has come: I can never hope to get out of this alive. Done for, and nothing to be done for it! There’s no prospect of staving off the danger, either, and not a thing to drape my crafty lies with.
(522) neque deprecatio perfidiis meis nec male factis fuga est. nec confidentiae usquam hospitium est nec deverticulum dolis: operta quae fuere aperta sunt, patent praestigiae, omnis res palam est, neque de hac re negotium est, quin male occidam oppetamque pestem eri vicem meamque.	My falsehoods can’t beg themselves off, or my transgressions take to their heels: no lodgings anywhere for brass: guile can’t find accommodations. The covert’s uncovered, our plot’s apparent, everything’s out. There’s nothing to do about it: I must drop off disagreeably, and come to a painful end for master—also for myself.
perdidit me Aristophontes hic qui venit modo intro:16 is me novit, is sodalis Philocrati et cognatus est. neque iam Salus servare, si volt, me potest, nec copia est, 530 nisi si aliquam corde machinor astutiam. quam, malum? quid machiner? quid comminiscar? maxumas nugas ineptus incipisso. haereo.	He’s been the ruin of me, this Aristophontes that just went inside: he knows me: he’s a particular friend of Philocrates, related to him, too. Salvation herself can’t save me now, if she so desires: there’s no chance unless I can invent some clever scheme. But what, curse it? What can I invent? What can I devise? (reflecting, then doubtfully) Oh, this is awful nonsense I’m at, poor simpleton! (disgustedly) Stuck!

III. 4.	Scene 4.
	enter Hegio, Aristophontes, and Slaves.
Hegio	Hegio
Quo illum nunc hominem proripuisse foras se dicam ex aedibus?	Where did that fellow bolt for out of the house just now, I wonder?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nunc enim vero ego occidi: eunt ad te hostes, Tyndare. quid loquar? quid fabulabor? quid negabo aut quid fatebor? mihi res omnis in incerto sita est. quid rebus confidam meis? utinam te di prius perderent, quam periisti e patria tua, Aristophontes, qui ex parata re imparatam omnem facis. occisa est haec res, nisi reperio atrocem mi aliquam astutiam.	(aside) It’s all over with me, all over with me now: the enemy are upon you, Tyndarus! What shall I say? What story shall I tell? What shall I deny—or what admit? It’s a shaky business for me on every side! What faith can I put in my luck? Oh, I wish the gods had made away with you before you made away from home, Aristophontes,—upsetting my settled plan completely! The game is up, unless I hit upon some awfully clever scheme.
Hegio	Hegio
Sequere. em tibi hominem. adi, atque adloquere.	(to Aristophontes, on seeing Tyndarus) Come along! There’s your man! Go up and speak to him!
Tynd.	Tynd.
540 Quis homo est me hominum miserior?	(aside, as Aristophontes approaches) What mortal man is in a more confounded hole than this? (pretends not to recognize him)
Arist.	Arist.
Quid istuc est quod meos te dicam fugitare oculos, Tyndare, proque ignoto me aspernari, quasi me numquam noveris? equidem tam sum servos quam tu, etsi ego domi liber fui, tu usque a puero servitutem servivisti in Alide.	I wonder what you mean by this, Tyndarus,—avoiding my eye and snubbing me as a stranger, quite as if you never knew me? I’m just as much of a slave as you are, to be sure, but at home I was free: as for you, you’ve been slaving it in Elis from your boyhood up.
Hegio	Hegio
Edepol minime miror, si te fugitat aut oculos tuos, aut si te odit, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate.	Bless my soul! I’m not a bit surprised if he avoids you, or your eye, no, nor if he detests you, when you call him Tyndarus instead of Philocrates.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Hegio, hic homo rabiosus habitus est in Alide, ne tu quod istic fabuletur auris immittas tuas. nam istis hastis insectatus est domi matrem et patrem, 550 et illic isti qui insputatur morbus interdum venit. proin tu ab istoc procul recedas.	(dragging Hegio aside) Hegio, this fellow was looked upon as a raving maniac in Elis, so don’t you let him fill your ears with his babble. Why, at home he chased his father and mother about with a spear, and every once in a while he has an attack of the disease that people spit on.D So get out of his reach, then,—well away.
Hegio	Hegio
Ultro istum a me.	(to slaves) Keep him off! Keep him off!
Arist.	Arist.
Ain, verbero? me rabiosum atque insectatum esse hastis meum memoras patrem, et eum morbum mi esse, ut qui me opus sit insputarier?	What’s that, you rascal? I’m a raving maniac and chased my own father with a spear, you say? I have the disease that calls for my being spat upon?
Hegio	Hegio
Ne verere, multos iste morbus homines macerat, quibus insputari saluti fuit atque is profuit.	(cheeringly) Never you mind! Many a man’s consumed by that disease of yours, who’s been helped by being spat on, and it’s brought him through.
Arist.	Arist.
Quid tu autem? etiam huic credis?	(to Hegio, hotly) How’s this? You, too? Do you actually believe him?
Hegio	Hegio
Quid ego credam huic?	Believe him in what?
Arist.	Arist.
Insanum esse me?	That I’m insane?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Viden tu hunc, quam inimico voltu intuetur? concedi optumumst, Hegio: fit quod tibi ego dixi, gliscit rabies, cave tibi.	(to Hegio) Do you see him—that angry glare of his? You’d better leave, Hegio. It’s just as I said: a fit’s coming on. Look out for yourself!
Hegio	Hegio
Credidi esse insanum extemplo, ubi te appellavit Tyndarum.	(hastily moving farther off) I thought so, I thought he was crazy, from the moment he called you Tyndarus.
Tynd.	Tynd.
560 Quin suom ipse interdum ignorat nomen neque scit qui siet.	Why, at times he positively forgets his own name and doesn’t know who he is.
Hegio	Hegio
At etiam te suom sodalem esse aibat.	But he was even saying you were an intimate friend of his.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Haud vidi magis. et quidem Alcumeus atque Orestes et Lycurgus postea una opera mihi sunt sodales qua iste.	(dryly) Quite so! And the fact is that Alcumeus,E in that case, and Orestes,E and LycurgusE too are intimate friends of mine, just exactly as much.
Arist.	Arist.
At etiam, furcifer, male loqui mi audes? non ego te novi?	Ha! You scoundrel, do you dare go on maligning me? Don’t I know you?
Hegio	Hegio
Pol planum id quidem est, non novisse, qui istum appelles Tyndarum pro Philocrate. quem vides, eum ignoras: illum nominas quem non vides.	Good heavens! It’s quite plain you don’t know him—calling him Tyndarus instead of Philocrates! The man you see you don’t know: you name the man you don’t see.
Arist.	Arist.
Immo iste eum sese ait, qui non est, esse, et qui vero est, negat.	No, sir! This fellow says he’s the man he isn’t, and says he isn’t the man he really is.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Tu enim repertu’s, Philocratem qui superes veriverbio.	(to Aristophontes, meaningly) So you have turned up to beat Philocrates in stating facts!
Arist.	Arist.
Pol ego ut rem video, tu inventu’s, vera vanitudine qui convincas. sed quaeso hercle, agedum aspice ad me.	Good Lord! As I look at it, you have been unearthed to browbeat facts by stating falsehoods. But come now, confound it, look me in the eye!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Em.	(doing so coolly) Well?
Arist.	Arist.
570 Dic modo: tun negas te Tyndarum esse?	Now tell me: do you deny that you are Tyndarus?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nego, inquam.	I do, certainly.
Arist.	Arist.
Tun te Philocratem esse ais?	You claim to be Philocrates, you?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ego, inquam.	I certainly do.
Arist.	Arist.
Tune huic credis?	(to Hegio, exasperated) Do you believe him?
Hegio	Hegio
Plus quidem quam tibi aut mihi. nam ille quidem, quem tu hunc memoras esse, hodie hinc abiit Alidem ad patrem huius.	More than I do you, surely,—or myself. For you see, the fellow you tell me this man is—he went away to Elis to-day to this man’s father.
Arist.	Arist.
Quem patrem, qui servos est?	(contemptuously) Father! What do you mean, when he’s a slave?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Et tu quidem servos es, liber fuisti, et ego me confido fore, si huius huc reconciliasso in libertatem filium.	Well, you, too, are a slave and once were free: and (with emphasis) I hope to be so myself, when I have restored this gentleman’s son to home and liberty.
Arist.	Arist.
Quid ais, furcifer? tun te gnatum esse memoras liberum?	What’s that, you villain? You tell me you were born a freeman?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Non equidem me Liberum, sed Philocratem esse aio.	No indeed, my name is not Freeman, but Philocrates, that’s what I say.
Arist.	Arist.
Quid est? ut scelestus, Hegio, nunc iste te ludos facit. nam is est servos ipse, neque praeter se umquam 580 ei servos fuit.	What’s all this? How the rascal’s making game of you, Hegio! Why he’s a slave himself—the only one he ever had.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quia tute ipse eges in patria nec tibi qui vivas domist, omnis inveniri similis tui vis; non mirum facis: est miserorum, ut malevolentes sint atque invideant bonis.	(superior) Just because you yourself are poverty-stricken in your own country, with nothing at home to live on, you want to have every one else put in the same list. There is nothing strange in that: it is characteristic of poor beggars to be ill-natured, and envy the well-to-do.
Arist.	Arist.
Hegio, vide sis, ne quid tu huic temere insistas credere. atque, ut perspicio, profecto iam aliquid pugnae edidit. filium tuom quod redimere se ait, id ne utiquam mini placet.	Hegio, I beg you take care not to go on with your rash confidence in this fellow. And for that matter, he’s certainly given you a fall or two already, I take it. This talk of his about rescuing your son doesn’t please me at all.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Scio te id nolle fieri; efficiam tamen ego id, si di adiuvant. illum restituam huic, hic autem in Alidem me meo patri. propterea ad patrem hinc amisi Tyndarum.	(with an appealing look) I know you don’t want it done; but I’ll bring it about, God helping me. (slowly) I will restore his son to this gentleman, and then this gentleman will send me back to Elis to my father. That was why I sent Tyndarus off to my father.
Arist.	Arist.
Quin tute is es: 590 neque praeter te in Alide ullus servos istoc nominest.	Why, you’re Tyndarus yourself: and besides you there’s not a slave in Elis of that name.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Pergin servom me exprobrare esse, id quod vi hostili optigit?	Still taunting me with being a slave, eh? A slave as it happens, because the enemy were too much for us!
Arist.	Arist.
Enim iam nequeo contineri.	(angrily) I positively can’t control myself any longer!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Heus, audin quid ait? quin fugis? iam illic his nos insectabit lapidibus, nisi illunc iubes comprehendi.	(apparently alarmed, to Hegio) Aha! Hear what he’s saying? Run, why don’t you? He’ll be after us with stones in a minute, if you don’t have him seized.
Arist.	Arist.
Crucior.	Oh, this is driving me wild!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ardent oculi: fit opus, Hegio; viden tu illi maculari corpus totum maculis luridis? atra bilis agitat hominem.	His eyes are blazing! He’s having one, Hegio! See how his whole body is covered with lurid spots? It’s black fury that’s tormenting the fellow!
Arist.	Arist.
At pol te, si hic sapiat senex, pix atra agitet apud carnificem tuoque capiti inluceat.	Now, by the Lord, if this old gentleman did the wise thing, it’s black pitch that would torment you at the executioner’s, and light up that head of yours!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Iam deliramenta loquitur, laruae stimulant virum. hercle qui, si hunc comprehendi iusseris, sapias magis.	Now he’s got to the raving point! Evil spirits are hounding the man, Hegio. Heavens! You’d do more wisely to have him seized!
Arist.	Arist.
600 Crucior, lapidem non habere me, ut illi mastigiae cerebrum excutiam, qui me insanum verbis concinnat suis.	Oh, damnation! not to have a stone to knock out the brains of this blackguard that’s driving me mad with his talk!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Audin lapidem quaeritare?	Hear that—looking for a stone!
Arist.	Arist.
Solus te solum volo, Hegio.	(struggling to contain himself) Hegio, I want a word with you all alone.
Hegio	Hegio
Instinc loquere, si quid vis, procul tamen audiam.	(timorously) Say it from there, if there’s anything you want—from away off there. I shall hear it all the same.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Namque edepol si adbites propius, os denasabit tibi mordicus.	That’s right, by Jove! for if you go any nearer, he’ll bite your nose off.
Arist.	Arist.
Neque pol me insanum, Hegio, esse creduis neque fuisse umquam, neque esse morbum quem istic autumat. verum si quid metuis a me, iube me vinciri: volo, dum istic itidem vinciatur.	Heavens and earth, Hegio! don’t believe I’m insane, or that I have, or ever had, the disease he’s talking about. However, if you’re at all afraid of me, have me tied up. I am willing, provided that fellow is tied up too.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Immo enim vero, Hegio, istic, qui volt, vinciatur.	No indeed, Hegio, certainly not, tie up the fellow that wants it.
Arist.	Arist.
Tace modo. ego te, Philocrates 610 false, faciam ut verus hodie reperiare Tyndarus. quid mi abnutas?	You keep still, now! I’ll soon show you up, you false Philocrates, for the real Tyndarus. (Tyndarus makes signs to him behind Hegio’s back) What, are you shaking your head at me for?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Tibi ego abnuto?	I shaking my head at you?
Arist.	Arist.
Quid agat, si absis longius?	(to Hegio) What would he do, if you were farther off?
Hegio	Hegio
Quid ais? quid si adeam hunc insanum?	See here, what if I should step up to this lunatic?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nugas. ludificabitur, garriet quoi neque pes umquam neque caput compareat. ornamenta absunt: Aiacem, hunc cum vides, ipsum vides.	Ridiculous! He’ll make a fool of you, jabbering something without head or tail to it. Look at this fellow, and you’re looking at a regular AjaxF—all but the make-up.
Hegio	Hegio
Nihili facio. tamen adibo.	I don’t care. I’m going to step up to him just the same. (approaches Aristophontes hesitantly)
Tynd.	Tynd.
Nunc ego omnino occidi, nunc ego inter sacrum saxumque sto, nec quid faciam scio.	(aside) Now I’m done for entirely. Now I’m between the axe and the altar, and what to do I don’t know.
Hegio	Hegio
Do tibi operam, Aristophontes, si quid est quod me velis.	I’m at your service, Aristophontes, if there’s anything you want of me.
Arist.	Arist.
Ex me audibis vera quae nunc falsa opinare, Hegio. 620 sed hoc primum, me expurigare tibi volo. me insaniam neque tenere neque mi esse ullum morbum, nisi quod servio. at ita me rex deorum atque hominum faxit patriae compotem, ut istic Philocrates non magis est quam aut ego aut tu.	I’ll show you, Hegio, that all this you take for a lie is the truth. But first I want to clear myself with you, and assure you that I am not insane, and have no affliction except captivity. And now,—(solemnly) so may the King of heaven and earth restore me to my native land,—that fellow is no more Philocrates than you or I.
Hegio	Hegio
Eho dic mihi, quis illic igitur est?	(impressed) Hey? Tell me, who is he then?
Arist.	Arist.
Quem dudum dixi a principio tibi. hoc si secus reperies, nullam causam dico quin mihi et parentum et libertatis apud te deliquio siet.	The man I told you he was to begin with, a while ago. If you find it otherwise, I make no objection to forfeiting my parents and my liberty and staying here with you.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid tu ais?	(to Tyndarus) And you—what have you to say?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Me tuom esse servom et te meum erum.	(urbanely) That I am your servant, and that you are my master.
Hegio	Hegio
Haud istuc rogo. fuistin liber?	(impatiently) That isn’t what I’m asking about. Were you a freeman?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Fui.	I was.
Arist.	Arist.
Enim vero non fuit, nugas agit.	He certainly was not. Absurd!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Qui tu scis? an tu fortasse fuisti meae matri obstetrix, qui id tam audacter dicere audes?	(superciliously) How do you know? Or were you my mother’s midwife, perhaps, that you venture to speak with such assurance on this point?
Arist.	Arist.
630 Puerum te vidi puer.	I saw you when we were both boys.
Tynd.	Tynd.
At ego te video maior maiorem: em rursum tibi. meam rem non cures, si recte facis. num ego curo tuam?	Well, I see you now we are both grown-ups. There’s one for you! You wouldn’t meddle with my business, if you behaved decently. I don’t meddle with yours, do I?
Hegio	Hegio
Fuitne huic pater Thensaurochrysonicochrysides?	Wasn’t his father called Ducatsdoubloonsandpiecesofeightson?
Arist.	Arist.
Non fuit, neque ego istuc nomen umquam audivi ante hunc diem Philocrati Theodoromedes fuit pater.	No sir, he was not, and I never heard that name before to-day. The father of Philocrates was Theodoromedes.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Pereo probe quin quiescis? idie rectum cor meum, ac suspende te. tu sussultas, ego miser vix asto prae formidine.	(aside, dryly) I’m jolly well done for. Stop your noise, will you, heart? Go to the deuce, and be hanged to you! Jumping up and down, while I, poor devil, can hardly stand for fear!
Hegio	Hegio
Satin istuc mihi exquisitum est, fuisse hunc servom in Alide neque esse hunc Philocratem?	Am I to take it as absolutely clear that this fellow was a slave in Elis, that he is not Philocrates?
Arist.	Arist.
Tam satis quam numquam hoc invenies secus. sed ubi is nunc est?	So absolutely that you’ll never find it to be anything different. But where is Philocrates at present?
Hegio	Hegio
640 Ubi ego mimime atque ipsus se volt maxume sed vide sis.	(savagely) Where I least want him, and he most wants to be. Do, do, see if there’s not some mistake, though.
Arist.	Arist.
Quin exploratum dico et provisum hoc tibi.	No, I’m sure of my ground and fully informed in what I tell you.
Hegio	Hegio
Certon?	You’re certain?
Arist.	Arist.
Quin nihil, inquam, invenies magis hoc certo certus. Philocrates iam inde usque amicus fuit mihi a puero puer.	You’ll never find a deader certainty than this, I assure you. Philocrates has been a friend of mine ever since he was a boy.
Hegio	Hegio
Tum igitur ego deruncinatus, deartuatus sum miser huius scelesti techinis, qui me ut lubitum est ductavit dolis sed qua faciest tuos sodalis Philocrates?	So then, I’ve been trimmed, torn limb from limb, poor fool, by the arts of this rogue, who’s taken me in with his tricks to suit his taste! But what does your friend Philocrates look like?
Arist.	Arist.
Dicam tibi macilento ore, naso acuto, corpore albo, oculis nigris, subrufus aliquantum, crispus, cincinnatus.	I’ll tell you—thin face, sharp nose, complexion fair, black eyes, hair a little reddish, waving, and curled.
Hegio	Hegio
Convenit.	That agrees!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Ut quidem hercle in medium ego hodie pessume processerim. 650 vae illis virgis miseris, quae hodie in tergo morientur meo.	(aside ruefully) Gad! Indeed it does—with my coming into damned unpleasant prominence this day. Alas for those poor whips that are doomed this day to die upon my back!
Hegio	Hegio
Verba mihi data esse video.	I see I’ve been duped!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quid cessatis, compedes, currere ad me meaque amplecti crura, ut vos custodiam?	(aside) Come on, ye shackles, run up and embrace my shanks, so that I may keep you safe!
Hegio	Hegio
Satin med illi hodie scelesti capti ceperunt dolo? illic servom se assimulabat, hic sese autem liberum. nuculeum amisi, retinui pignori putamina. ita mihi stolido sursum versum os sublevere offuciis. his quidem me numquam irridebit. Colaphe, Cordalio, Corax, ite istinc, ecferte lora.	Well, haven’t those rascal captives taken me in with this day’s trickery? The other one pretended he was the slave, while this fellow here played the freeman. I’ve lost the kernel and kept the shell for surety. That’s the way they’ve daubed my face up for me, ass that I am! (grimly) This one shall never have the laugh on me, at any rate. (stepping to door and calling) Box! Buffum! Bangs! Come! Out with you! Bring your straps!

III. 5.	Scene 5.
	enter overseers, carrying heavy rawhides.
Cola.	Box
Num lignatum mittimur?	(merrily cracking a whip) You don’t want us to go and tie up faggots, do you, sir?
Hegio	Hegio
Inicite huic manicas17 mastigiae.	Clap handcuffs on this rogue. (pointing to Tyndarus)
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quid hoc est negoti? quid ego deliqui?	(as they obey) What does this mean? What have I done?
Hegio	Hegio
660 Rogas. sator sartorque scelerum, et messor maxume?	Done! You sower and hoer of sin—(more savagely) and reaper, especially!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Non occatorem dicere audebas prius? nam semper occant prius quam sariunt rustici.	(politely) Couldn’t you manage to slip in “harrower”? Why, farmers always harrow before they hoe.
Hegio	Hegio
At tu confidenter18 mihi contra astitit.	(angrily) Now look at that! the bold way he stands up to me!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Decet innocentem servom atque innoxium confidentem esse, suom apud erum potissimum.	A guiltless, harmless slave ought to face his own master boldly, his own master, of all men.
Hegio	Hegio
Adstringite isti sultis vehementer manus.	(to overseers) Fasten his hands, tight, mind you!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Tuos sum, tu has quidem vel praecidi iube. sed quid negoti est, quam ob rem suscenses mihi?	I am yours. Have them cut off, even, for that matter. But what does this mean? Why this rage at me?
Hegio	Hegio
670 Quia me meamque rem, quod in te uno fuit, tuis scelestis falsidicis fallaciis deartuasti dilaceravisti atque opes confecisti omnes, res ac rationes meas: ita mi exemisti Philocratem fallaciis. illum esse servom credidi, te liberum: ita vosmet aiebatis itaque nomina inter vos permutastis.	Because as far as in you lay you’ve sent me and my hopes to smash, demolished me, with your rascally deceitful dodges, and spoiled all my chances, all my prospects and plans. That’s the way you, got Philocrates off—by swindling me! I supposed he was the slave and you the freeman; that’s what you said yourselves; that’s how you exchanged names.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Fateor, omnia facta esse ita ut tu dicis, et fallaciis abiisse eum abs te mea opera atque astutia; 680 an, obsecro hercle te, id nunc suscenses mihi?	(coolly) I admit it: it is all as you say—yes, you were swindled out of him, and it was my support and my scheming that did it. But heavens and earth, that isn’t what sets you raging at me, is it?
Hegio	Hegio
At cum cruciatu maxumo id factumst tuo.	You shall pay for doing it, though, pay for it with your own best blood!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Dum ne ob male facta, peream, parvi aestumo. si ego hic peribo, ast ille ut dixit non redit, at erit mi hoc factum mortuo memorabile, me meum erum captum ex servitute atque hostibus reducem fecisse liberum in patriam ad patrem, meumque potius me caput periculo praeoptavisse, quam is periret, ponere.	(simply) Provided it is not for wrongdoing, let me die—it matters little. If I myself do die here, and if he does fail to return, as he said he would, what I have done, at least, will be remembered when I am gone—men will tell how I saved my captured master from slavery and from his enemies, restored him, a free man, to his home and his father, and how I chose to put my own life in peril rather than let him die.
Hegio	Hegio
Facito ergo ut Acherunti clueas gloria.	Well then, you can look in the next world for that glorious name of yours.
Tynd.	Tynd.
690 Qui per virtutem, periit, at non interit.	The man that dies in a worthy cause does not perish utterly.
Hegio	Hegio
Quando ego te exemplis pessumis cruciavero atque ob sutelas tuas te morti misero, vel te interiisse vel periisse praedicent; dum pereas, nihil intererit: dicant vivere.	After I’ve tortured you in the most excruciating ways possible, and sent you to perdition for the lies you’ve patched up, let ’em announce that you’ve perished utterly, or that you’ve merely died; so long as you’re dead, no matter—they can say you’re living, for all I care.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Pol si istuc faxis, haud sine poena feceris, si ille hue rebitet, sicut confido affore.	You do that, sir, and I swear it will cost you dear, if my master comes back, as I expect him to do.
Arist.	Arist.
Pro di immortales, nunc ego teneo, nunc scio quid hoc sit negoti. meus sodalis Philocrates in libertate est ad patrem in patria. bene est, 700 nec quisquam est mihi, aeque melius cui velim. sed hoc mihi aegre est, me huic dedisse operam malam, qui nunc propter me meaque verba vinctus est.	(aside) Great God! Now I see it! Now I understand what it all means! My chum Philocrates is free, has gone home to his father. Good! And not a friend have I got that I wish better luck to, either. But I do feel bad about the cursed way I’ve treated Tyndarus here! He’s got me and my tongue to thank for being strapped up at this moment.
Hegio	Hegio
Votuin te quicquam mi hodie falsum proloqui?	Didn’t I tell you not to deceive me in the slightest particular?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Votuisti.	Yes.
Hegio	Hegio
Cur es ausus mentiri mihi?	Then why did you dare lie to me?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quia vera obessent illi quoi operam dabam: nunc falsa prosunt.	Because the truth would have harmed the person I was trying to help: as it is, deceit has served his turn.
Hegio	Hegio
At tibi oberunt.	It won’t serve yours, however.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Optumest. at erum servavi, quem servatum gaudeo. cui me custodem addiderat erus maior meus. sed malene id factum arbitrare?	Very well, sir. I saved my master, at any rate, and I’m happy in having saved the man that my older master put in my care. Really now, do you think this was a wrong act?
Hegio	Hegio
Pessume.	Atrocious!
Tynd.	Tynd.
710 At ego aio recte. qui abs te sorsum sentio. nam cogitato, si quis hoc gnato tuo tuos servos faxit, qualem haberes gratiam? emitteresne necne eum servom manu? essetne apud te is servos aceeptissimus? responde.	Well, sir, I differ with you—I say it was right. Why, just think! if a slave of yours did the same thing for your own son, what would be your feeling toward him? Would you set this slave free, or not? Wouldn’t this slave be your favourite? Answer me that.
Hegio	Hegio
Opinor.	(reluctantly) I suppose so.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Cur ergo iratus mihi es?	Why are you angry at me, then?
Hegio	Hegio
Quia illi fuisti quam mihi fidelior.	Because you have been more faithful to him than to me.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quid? tu una nocte postulavisti et die recens captum hominem, nuperum novicium, te perdocere ut melius consulerem tibi, 720 quam illi, quicum una a puero aetatem exegeram?	What? Did you expect in a single night and day to teach a man just recently captured, a slave you had hardly bought, to consult your interests more than those of the master I grew up from boyhood with?
Hegio	Hegio
Ergo ab eo petito gratiam istam. ducite, ubi ponderosas crassas capiat compedes. inde ibis porro in latomias lapidarias. ibi quom alii octonos lapides effodiunt, nisi cotidiano sesquiopus confeceris, Sescentoplago nomen indetur tibi.	Well then, look to him for your thanks for it. (to overseers) Off with him and have him shackled—heavy ones, solid ones! (to Tyndarus) After that you shall go straight to the stone quarries. There, while the rest of them are digging out their eight blocks a day, you’re to do half as much again, or you’ll be dubbed The Cracks-collector.
Arist.	Arist.
Per deos atque homines ego te obtestor, Hegio, ne tu istunc hominem perduis.	Hegio! for God’s sake don’t let the man be utterly lost!
Hegio	Hegio
Curabitur; nam noctu nervo vinctus custodibitur, 730 interdius sub terra lapides eximet: diu ego hunc cruciabo, non uno absolvam die.	Lost? We’ll see to that! Why, at night he’ll be chained up in a cell and guarded, and in the daytime he’ll be under ground hewing out stone. It’s agony long drawn out he’ll get from me; I won’t end it for him all in one day.
Arist.	Arist.
Certumne est tibi istuc?	(distressed) Is this your fixed intention, sir?
Hegio	Hegio
Non moriri certius. abducite istum actutum ad Hippolytum fabrum, iubete huic crassas compedes impingier; inde extra portam ad meum libertum Cordalum in lapicidinas facite deductus siet: atque hunc me velle dicite ita curarier, ne qui deterius huic sit quam cui pessume est.	Fixed as death! (to overseers) Quick! March him off to Hippolytus the blacksmith and have some solid irons forged on him; then he’s to be escorted outside the city to my freedman Cordalus and the quarries. Yes, and tell Cordalus I want it seen to that he be treated quite as well as the man that’s treated (ferociously) worst.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Cur ego te invito me esse salvom postulem? 740 periclum vitae meae tuo stat periculo. post mortem in morte nihil est quod metuam mali. etsi pervivo usque ad summam aetatem, tamen breve spatium est perferundi quae minitas mihi.	Why should I ask for mercy when you refuse it? My life is risked at risk to you. After death, there is no evil in death for me to fear. And even if I live on and on to the very limits of human life, it’s still only for a short time I shall have to endure what you threaten me with.
vale atque salve, etsi aliter ut dicam meres. tu, Aristophontes, de me ut meruisti, ita vale; nam mihi propter te hoc optigit.	Farewell, sir, and God bless you, no matter if you do deserve to have me wish you something else. As for you, Aristophontes, fare you well—as well as you deserve of me; for it is all on account of you that this has happened to me.
Hegio	Hegio
Abducite.	(to overseers) Off with him.
Tynd.	Tynd.
At unum hoc quaeso, si huc rebitet Philocrates, ut mi eius facias conveniundi copiam.	But I do ask this one thing of you, sir: if Philocrates comes back, give me a chance to meet him.
Hegio	Hegio
Periistis, nisi hunc iam e conspectu abducitis.	(to overseers) Out of my sight with him this instant, or I’ll murder you! (they seize Tyndarus and hurry him off roughly)
Tynd.	Tynd.
750 Vis haec quidem hercle est, et trahi et trudi simul.	(dryly) Well, well! This is positive violence, being pushed and pulled at the same time. [exeunt.
Hegio	Hegio
Illic est abductus recta in phylacam, ut dignus est. ego illis captivis aliis documentum dabo, ne tale quisquam facinus incipere audeat. quod absque hoc esset, qui mihi hoc fecit palam, usque offrenatum suis me ductarent dolis.	That rascal is bound straight for the prison cell he’s entitled to. I’ll make an example of him for the benefit of those other prisoners, so that none of them will dare engage in such deviltry. If it hadn’t been for this fellow here who disclosed it all, they’d have bitted me and led me along with their tricks till the end of time.
nunc certum est nulli posthac quicquam credere. satis sum semel deceptus. speravi miser ex servitute me exemisse filium: ea spes elapsa est. perdidi unum filium, 760 puerum quadrimum quem mihi servos surpuit, neque eum servom umquam repperi neque filium;	Never again do I trust a soul in anything, that’s settled. Once cheated is enough. (pauses, then gloomily) I hoped, poor fool, that I had ransomed my son from slavery—a hope that’s slipped away! I lost one son, a four-year-old boy that a slave kidnapped, and never a trace of slave or son since.
maior potitus hostium est. quod hoc est scelus? quasi in orbitatem liberos produxerim. sequere hac. reducam te ubi fuisti. neminis miserere certum est, quia mei miseret neminem.	And my older boy in the hands of enemies! What curse am I under? As if I’d begotten children so as to be left childless! (to Aristophontes) This way, you. (going toward brother’s house) Back you go where you were before. I am determined to pity no one, since no one pities me.
Arist.	Arist.
Exauspicavi ex vinclis. nunc intellego redauspicandum esse in catenas denuo.	(wryly) It seemed a good omen, my getting out of irons. Now I perceive I must omen myself back to chains again. [exeunt.

ACTVS IV	ACT IV
	(It is to be assumed that several hours only have elapsed.) enter Ergasilus, elated.
Erg.	Erg.
Iuppiter supreme, servas me measque auges opes, maximas opimitates opiparasque offers mihi, 770 laudem lucrum, ludum iocum, festivitatem ferias, pompam penum, potationis saturitatem, gaudium, nec cuiquam homini supplicare19 nunc certum est mihi; nam vel prodesse amico possum vel inimicum perdere, ita hic me amoenitate amoena amoenus oneravit dies, sine sacris hereditatem sum aptus effertissimam.	Great God on high, thou dost preserve me and prosper me with fatness! Boundless abundance, yea, sublime abundance dost thou bring me! Praise, profit, pleasure, jollity, festivity, feasting, trains of victuals, eatables, drinkables, satiety, joy! Never will I toady to human being more, I now resolve it. Why, I can bless my friend or blast my foe, now that this delightful day has loaded me down with its delightful delightfulness! I’ve landed a legacy stuffed fit to burst, and not a single encumbrance attached!
nunc ad senem cursum capessam hunc Hegionem, cui boni tantum affero quantum ipsus a dis optat, atque etiam amplius. nunc certa res est, eodem pacto ut comici servi solent. coniciam in collum pallium, primo ex med hanc rem ut audiat: 780 speroque me ob hunc nuntium aeternum adepturum cibum.	Now for a race up to old Hegio here. I’m bringing him all the happiness he craves of Heaven, yes, and more, too. I know what I’ll do now: like slaves in the comedies, I’ll bundle my cloak round my neck and run, so that I’ll be the first man he hears this news from; and I hope to get food for ever and ever for my information.

IV. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Hegio.
Hegio	Hegio
Quanto in pectore hanc rem meo magis volato, tanto mi aegritudo auctior est in animo. ad illum modum sublitum os esse mi hodie! neque id perspicere quivi. quod cum scibitur, tum per urbem inridebor.	(soliloquizing moodily) The more I think it over, the sourer I feel. The idea of their playing upon me in that style to-day! And I couldn’t see through it. When it gets known, I shall be the joke of the town.
cum extemplo ad forum advenero, omnes loquentur: “hic illest senex doctus, quoi verba data sunt.” sed Ergasilus estne his, procul quem video? conlecto quidem est pallio. quidnam acturust?	The moment I appear at the forum they’ll all be saying, “Here comes that smart old fellow that got humbugged.” (observing Ergasilus) But isn’t that Ergasilus I see over there? With his cloak all tucked up, too! Now what in the world is he going to do? (steps aside)
Erg.	Erg.
790 Move aps te moram atque, Ergasile, age hanc rem. eminor interminorque, ne mi obstiterit obviam nisi quis satis diu vixisse sese homo arbitrabitur. nam qui obstiterit, ore sistet.	(with burlesque importance and bustle) No dawdling now, Ergasilus! At it, my boy, at it! I give you to wit by all the law’s pains and penalties that no man stand in my way, unless he thinks he has lived long enough. For the man that does stand in my way shall stand on his head. (squares off and delivers lusty blows at imaginary passers-by)
Hegio	Hegio
Hic homo pugilatum incipit.	(aside) The fellow is going in for a boxing match!
Erg.	Erg.
Facere certumst. proinde ita omnes itinera insistant sua, ne quis in hanc plateam negoti conferat quicquam sui. nam meus est ballista pugnus, cubitus catapultast mihi, umerus aries, tum genu quemque icero ad terram dabo, dentilegos omnes mortales faciam, quemque offendero.	I’ll do it, I’m resolved. So everybody keep where they belong, and don’t anyone bring his business into this street! I tell you what, my fist is a siege-gun, and this forearm is my catapult, and my shoulder is a battering ram, yes, and every man I lay my knee into will bite the earth. I’ll make every man I meet a tooth-collector.
Hegio	Hegio
Quae illaec eminatiost nam? nequeo mirari satis.	(aside) What on earth does all this bluster mean? Quite unaccountable!
Erg.	Erg.
Faciam ut huius diei locique meique semper meminerit.20 800	I’ll make him remember this day and this place and me for ever.20
Hegio	Hegio
(802) Quid hic homo tantum incipissit facere cum tantis minis?	(aside) What giant undertaking is the fellow at, with all this big talk?
Erg.	Erg.
Prius edico, ne quis propter culpam capiatur suam: continete vos domi, prohibete a vobis vim meam.	I give you due notice, that no one may come to grief through his own ignorance of the law: stay at home: keep away from me—I am a violent man.
Hegio	Hegio
Mira edepol sunt, ni hic in ventrem sumpsit confidentiam. vae misero illi, cuius cibo iste factust imperiosior.	(aside) Bless my soul! I’ll be sworn he’s got some assurance put into his inside. Heaven help the poor wretch whose larder has set him up so!
Erg.	Erg.
Tum pistores scrofipasci, qui alunt furfuribus sues, quarum odore praeterire nemo pistrinum potest: eorum si quoiusquam scrofam in publico conspexero, 810 ex ipsis dominis meis pugnis exculcabo furfures.	And as for the millers that keep sows, and feed waste stuff to their swine, that raise such a stench nobody can go by the mill,—if I spy a sow of any one of ’em on the public highway, I’ll up with my fists and stamp the stuffing out of those sows’—owners.
Hegio	Hegio
Basilicas edictiones atque imperiosas habet: satur homost, habet profecto in ventre confidentiam.	(aside) Right royal and imperious pronunciamentos. The man is gorged: he certainly has got some assurance stowed away inside.
Erg.	Erg.
Tum piscatores, qui praebent populo pisces foetidos, qui advehuntur quadrupedanti crucianti cantherio, quorum odos subbasilicanos omnes abigit in forum, eis ego ora verberabo surpiculis piscariis, ut sciant, alieno naso quam exhibeant molestiam.	Then the fishmongers that travel around on a jogging, jolting gelding, and offer folk stale fish so strong it drives every last lounger in the arcade out into the forum— I’ll whack their faces with their own fish baskets, just to teach ’em what an abomination they are to the public nose.
tum lanii autem, qui concinnant liberis orbas oves, qui locant caedundos agnos et duplam agninam danunt, 820 qui petroni nomen indunt verveci sectario, eum ego si in via petronem publica conspexero et petronem et dominum reddam mortales miserrumos.	Yes, and the butchers, too, that bereave sheep of their little ones, that engage to sell you lambs fit for slaughter, and then give you lamb as old as two lambs, and pass off a tough old ram as a prime wether—if I spy that ram on a city thoroughfare, I’ll make ram and owner the saddest men alive!
Hegio	Hegio
Eugepae, edictiones aedilicias hic quidem habet, mirumque adeost ni hunc fecere sibi Aetoli agoranomum.	(aside) Splendid! Why, he is issuing edicts like a Comptroller of the Victualling: I shouldn’t be surprised if the Aetolians have made him market inspector.
Erg.	Erg.
Non ego nunc parasitus sum, sed regum rex regalior, tantus ventri commeatus meo adest in portu cibus sed ego cesso hunc Hegionem onerare laetitia senem, quo homine hominum adaeque nemo vivit fortunatior?	I’m no parasite now, not I! I’m a precious potent potentate of potentates, with all that invoice at the harbour for my belly—food, food! But I must hurry and load old Hegio here with ecstasy. There’s not a luckier man alive than he!
Hegio	Hegio
Quae illaec est laetitia, quam illic laetus largitur mihi?	(aside) What ecstasy is it this ecstatic creature is going to lavish on me?
Erg.	Erg.
830 Heus ubi estis? ecquis hic est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium?	(pounding on Hegio’s door) Hi! Where are you? Anybody here? Anybody going to open this door?
Hegio	Hegio
Hic homo ad cenam recipit se ad me.	(aside) The fellow is coming to dine with me.
Erg.	Erg.
Aperite hasce ambas fores prius quam pultando assulatim foribus exitium adfero.	Open this door—both doors—before I knock ’em to flinders and finish ’em for good and all!
Hegio	Hegio
Perlubet hunc hominem colloqui. Ergasile.	(aside) I should quite enjoy a word with him. (aloud) Ergasilus!
Erg.	Erg.
Ergasilum qui vocat?	(still pounding) Who calls Ergasilus?
Hegio	Hegio
Respice.	Vouchsafe me a look, sir.
Erg.	Erg.
Fortuna quod tibi nec facit nec faciet, me iubes. sed quis est?	(without turning his head) Vouchsafe you a look, eh! That is more than Good Luck does for you, or ever will do, either! Who is it, though?
Hegio	Hegio
Respice ad me, Hegio sum.	Look around this way. It’s Hegio.
Erg.	Erg.
Oh mihi, quantum est hominum optumorum optume, in tempore advenis.	(rushing up) Oh! oh! You best of all the best men that tread the earth, you come just in time!
Hegio	Hegio
Nescio quem ad portum nactus es ubi cenes, eo fastidis.	You have hit upon some one or other at the harbour to dine with: that’s why you are so haughty.
Erg.	Erg.
Cedo manum.	(rapturously) Give me your hand!
Hegio	Hegio
Manum?	My hand?
Erg.	Erg.
Manum, inquam, cedo tuam actutum.	Your hand, I say—give me your hand this instant!
Hegio	Hegio
Tene.	(doing so) Take it. (Ergasilus shakes it vigorously)
Erg.	Erg.
Gaude.	Rejoice!
Hegio	Hegio
Quid ego gaudeam?	Rejoice—I? What for?
Erg.	Erg.
Quia ego impero, age gaude modo.	Because I bid you to. Come now, rejoice!
Hegio	Hegio
Pol maerores mi antevortunt gaudiis.21 840	Good Lord, man! grief takes precedence of joy in my case.
Erg.	Erg.
Iam ego ex corpore exigam omnis maculas maerorum tibi. gaude audacter.	I will remove every grief spot from off your person for you this minute. Rejoice, rejoice boldly!
Hegio	Hegio
Gaudeo, etsi nil scio quod gaudeam.	Well, I am rejoicing, although I haven’t the least idea why I should.
Erg.	Erg.
Bene facis. iube—	Much obliged! Order—
Hegio	Hegio
Quid iubeam?	(suspiciously) Order what?
Erg.	Erg.
Ignem ingentem fieri.	—a fire to be built, an enormous fire.
Hegio	Hegio
Ignem ingentem?	An enormous fire?
Erg.	Erg.
Ita dico, magnus ut sit.	That’s what I say—make it a big one.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid? me, volturi, tuan causa aedis incensurum censes?	(angry) How’s that? Do you think I’m going to burn my house down for your benefit, you vulture?
Erg.	Erg.
Noli irascier. iuben an non iubes astitui aulas, patinas elui, 22laridum atque epulas foveri foculis ferventibus? alium pisces praestinatum abire?	Calm yourself, sir. Will you order the pots to be set near the oven, or won’t you—and the platters washed—and bacon and lovely things to eat to be warmed up in fire-pans piping hot? And some one to go and lay in fish?
Hegio	Hegio
Hic vigilans somniat.	Day dreams, poor fellow!
Erg.	Erg.
Alium porcinam atque agninam et pullos gallinaceos?	And some one else to get pork and lamb and spring chicken?
Hegio	Hegio
Scis bene esse, si sit unde.	You know how to enjoy yourself—given the wherewithal.
Erg.	Erg.
850 23 Pernam atque ophthalmiam, horaeum, scombrum et trygonum et cetum, et mollem caseum?	And ham and river-lamprey and pickled fish, mackerel and sting ray and tunny, and nice soft cheese?
Hegio	Hegio
Nominandi istorum tibi erit magis quam edundi copia his apud me, Ergasile.	You will have more of an opportunity to mention those viands, Ergasilus, than to masticate them here at my house.
Erg.	Erg.
Mean me causa hoc censes dicere?	Do you suppose I’m saying this on my own account?
Hegio	Hegio
Nec nihil hodie nec multo plus tu hic edes, ne frustra sis. proin tu tui cottidiani victi ventrem ad me afferas.	What you get here to-day will be a cross between nothing and next to nothing; make no mistake about that. So bring me a stomach that is ready for your ordinary fare.
Erg.	Erg.
Quin ita faciam. ut tute cupias facere sumptum, etsi ego vetem.	Why, I’ll make you long to squander money, you yourself, even though I should forbid it.
Hegio	Hegio
Egone?	Me?
Erg.	Erg.
Tune.	Yes, sir, you!
Hegio	Hegio
Tum tu mi igitur erus es.	Then you are my master, I take it.
Erg.	Erg.
Immo benevolens. vin te faciam fortunatum?	No, no, your whole-souled friend. Do you want me to make you a fortunate man?
Hegio	Hegio
Malim quam miserum quidem.	Rather than unfortunate, why, yes.
Erg.	Erg.
Cedo manum.	Give me your hand.
Hegio	Hegio
Em manum.	Here it is. (Ergasilus again shakes it fervently)
Erg.	Erg.
Di te omnes adiuvant.	The gods are with you!
Hegio	Hegio
Nil sentio.	I wouldn’t know it.
Erg.	Erg.
860 Non enim es in senticeto, eo non sentis. sed iube vasa tibi pura apparari ad rem divinam cito, atque agnum afferri proprium pinguem.	You wouldn’t? Well, you’re out of the wood; that’s why you don’t twig it. But see they get the holy vessels ready for worship—quick! Yes, and have a special lamb brought in, a fat one.
Hegio	Hegio
Cur?	Why?
Erg.	Erg.
Ut sacrufices.	So that you may offer sacrifice.
Hegio	Hegio
Cui deorum?	To what deity?
Erg.	Erg.
Mi hercle, nam ego nunc tibi sum summus Iuppiter, idem ego sum Salus, Fortuna, Lux, Laetitia, Gaudium. proin tu deum hunc saturitate facias tranquillum tibi.	To me, by gad! For I’m your Jupiter Most High now, myself; and Salvation, Fortune, Light, Gladness, Joy—they’re all this identical I! So mind you placate this divinity by stuffing him full.
Hegio	Hegio
Esurire mihi videre.	You need food, I fancy.
Erg.	Erg.
Mi quidem esurio, non tibi.	No sir, I need food I fancy, not food you fancy.
Hegio	Hegio
Tuo arbitratu, facile patior.	(smiling) Have it your own way: I’m perfectly willing to—crawl.
Erg.	Erg.
Credo, consuetu’s puer.	Crawl? I believe you: it’s a habit you—fell into—as a child.
Hegio	Hegio
Iuppiter te dique perdant.	(disgusted) Oh, you be damned, sir!
Erg.	Erg.
Te hercle—mi aequom est gratias agere ob nuntium; tantum ego nunc porto a portu tibi boni: nunc tu mihi places.	And by Jove, you be—grateful to me, as you ought, for my news. The glorious news from the port I’m just reporting! Now your dinner begins to tempt me.
Hegio	Hegio
870 Abi, stultu’s, sero post tempus venis.	Be off, you idiot: you’re behind time, you have come too late.
Erg.	Erg.
Igitur olim si advenissem, magis tu tum istuc diceres; nunc hanc laetitiam accipe a me, quam fero. nam filium tuom modo in portu Philopolemum vivom, salvom et sospitem vidi in publica celoce, ibidemque illum adulescentulum Aleum una et tuom Stalagmum servom, qui aufugit domo, qui tibi surripuit quadrimum puerum filiolum tuom.	Well, if I had come before, then you’d have had more reason to say that. (slowly and portentously) Now, sir, prepare for the ecstasy of which I am the vehicle. A few minutes ago at the harbour your son, your son Philopolemus, alive, safe and sound,—I saw him, saw him in a despatch boat, and along with him that young Elean and your slave Stalagmus that stole your little four year old boy.
Hegio	Hegio
Abi in malam rem, ludis me.	To the devil with you! You’re making fun of me.
Erg.	Erg.
Ita me amabit sancta Saturitas, Hegio, itaque suo me semper condecoret cognomine, ut ego vidi.	So help me Holy Stuffing, so may she grace me with her name for evermore—I did see them, Hegio!
Hegio	Hegio
Meum gnatum?	(sceptically) My son?
Erg.	Erg.
Tuom gnatum et genium meum.	Your son and my guardian angel.
Hegio	Hegio
Et captivom illum Alidensem?	And that Elean prisoner?
Erg.	Erg.
Μὰ τὸν Ἀπόλλω.	Oui, par Hercules!
Hegio	Hegio
880 Et servolum meum Stalagmum, meum qui gnatum surripuit?	And that miserable slave of mine, Stalagmus, that kidnapped my son?
Erg.	Erg.
Ναὶ τὰν Κόραν.	Oui, par Hercul-aneum!
Hegio	Hegio
Iam credo?	I’m to believe that?
Erg.	Erg.
Ναὶ τὰν Πραινέστην.	Oui, par Pompeii!
Hegio	Hegio
Venit?	He’s come?
Erg.	Erg.
Ναὶ τὰν Σιγνίαν.	Oui, par Sorrento!
Hegio	Hegio
Certon?	You’re sure?
Erg.	Erg.
Ναὶ τὸν Φρουσινῶνα.	Oui, par Amalfi!
Hegio	Hegio
Vide sis.	Careful now!
Erg.	Erg.
Ναὶ τὸν Ἀλάτριον.	Oui, par Torre dell’Annunziata!
Hegio	Hegio
Quid tu per barbaricas urbes iuras?	What are you swearing by foreign cities for!
Erg.	Erg.
Quia enim item asperae sunt ut tuom victum autumabas esse.	Well, because they’re the same as you said your meals were—perfect terrors.
Hegio	Hegio
Vae aetati tuae.	Plague take you!
Erg.	Erg.
Quippe quando mihi nil credis, quod ego dico sedulo. sed Stalagmus quoius erat tunc nationis, cum hinc abit?	My sentiments exactly, seeing you don’t believe a word I tell you in sober earnest. Stalagmus, though,—what was his nationality when he disappeared?
Hegio	Hegio
Siculus.	Sicilian.
Erg.	Erg.
At nunc Siculus non est, Boius est, Boiam terit: liberorum quaerundorum causa ei, credo, uxor datast.	But he’s no Sicilian now: he’s a Gaul—he’s being galled,G anyhow, by that thing he’s attached to: he’s coupled with the article so as to get children, I suppose?
Hegio	Hegio
Dic, bonan fide tu mi istaec verba dixisti?	See here, have you told me all this in good faith?
Erg.	Erg.
890 Bona.	In good faith.
Hegio	Hegio
Di immortales, iterum gnatus videor, si vera autumas.	Great heavens! I feel like a new man, if what you say is true.
Erg.	Erg.
Ain tu? dubium habebis etiam, sancte quom ego iurem tibi? postremo, Hegio, si parva iuri iurandost fides, vise ad portum.	Eh? How’s that? You’ll still doubt me when I’d give you my sacred word on it? Very well then, Hegio, if my solemn oath is insufficient for you, go down to the harbour and see for yourself.
Hegio	Hegio
Facere certumst. tu intus cura quod opus est. sume, posce, prome quid vis. te facio cellarium.	(excited) Precisely what I will do. You go inside and attend to what’s needed. Take anything you want, ask for it, get it from the store-room. I make you butler.
Erg.	Erg.
Nam hercle, nisi mantiscinatus probe ero, fusti pectito.	(wild with joy) Now by Jupiter, if I don’t do some handsome catering, comb me down with a club!
Hegio	Hegio
Aeternum tibi dapinabo victum, si vera autumas.	I’ll dinner you till doomsday, if it’s true.
Erg.	Erg.
Unde id?	And who’s to pay?
Hegio	Hegio
A me meoque gnato.	I and my son.
Erg.	Erg.
Sponden tu istud?	I have your word on that?
Hegio	Hegio
Spondeo.	My word.
Erg.	Erg.
At ego tuom tibi advenisse filium respondeo.	And for my part, my word to you is—your son has arrived.
Hegio	Hegio
Cura quam optume potes.	(making off toward harbour) Attend to everything the very best you can.

IV. 3.	Scene 3.
Erg.	Erg.
900 Bene ambula et redambula. illic hinc abiit, mihi rem summam credidit cibariam. di immortales, iam ut ego collos praetruncabo tegoribus, quanta pernis pestis veniet, quanta labes larido, quanta sumini absumedo, quanta callo calamitas, quanta laniis lassitudo, quanta porcinariis.	A pleasant walk and—backwalk—to you. [exit Hegio.] He’s gone! And the whole blessed commissariat left to me! Ye immortal gods! how I’ll knock necks off backs now! Ah, ham’s case is hopeless, and bacon’s in a bad, bad way! And sow’s udder—done for utterly! Oh, how pork rind will go to pot! Butchers and pig-dealers—won’t I bustle ’em!
nam si alia memorem, quae ad ventris victum conducunt, morast. nunc ibo, ut pro praefectura mea ius dicam larido, et quae pendent indemnatae pernae, eis auxilium ut feram.	Why, if I should mention all the other things that go to bolster up a belly, it would be a waste of time. I must off this minute to perform my official duties and pass judgment on bacon and help out hams that are still untried and in suspense. [exit into house hurriedly: uproar within.

IV. 4.	Scene 4.
	enter Page, angry and excited, from Hegio’s house.
Puer	Page
Diespiter te dique, Ergasile, perdant et ventrem tuom, 910 parasitosque omnis, et qui posthac cenam parasitis dabit. clades, calamitasque, intemperies modo in nostram advenit domum. quasi lupus esuriens ille metui ne in me faceret impetum.	(shaking his fist at door) May all the powers of heaven destroy you, Ergasilus, and that belly of yours and all parasites and anyone that gives a parasite a meal hereafter! Disaster, devastation, a tornado, has just fallen on our house. I was afraid he’d jump at my throat like a ravening wolf!
ubi24 voltus esurientis vidi, eius extimescebam impetum nimisque hercle ego illum male formidabam. ita frendebat dentibus. adveniens deturbavit totum cum carne carnarium: arripuit gladium, praetruncavit tribus tegoribus glandia; aulas calicesque omnes confregit, nisi quae modiales erant.	As soon as I saw that ravenous look of his I almost died for fear he’d make a rush at me—Lord, how he did scare me, how he kept grinding his teeth! In he came and tugged down the meat, rack and all—grabbed a knife and lopped the choice bits off three necks of pork—and smashed every pot and tureen that didn’t hold a peck or more!
cocum percontabatur, possentne seriae fervescere. cellas refregit omnis intus reclusitque armarium. adservate istunc, sultis, servi. ego ibo, ut conveniam senem. 920 dicam ut sibi penum alium adornet, siquidem sese uti volet; nam hic quidem, ut adornat, aut iam nihil est aut iam nihil erit.	Kept asking the cook if he couldn’t possibly use the big pickle vats to boil things in! Broke into all the cupboards and raided the pantry! (shouting to those within) Hi, boys! watch him, will you! I’m going to find the old man. I’ll tell him, so that he can get in more victuals for himself, that is if he wants any for his own use: for to judge from the way this fellow is getting ’em out here, there’s nothing left now, or won’t be long. [exit.

ACTVS V	ACT V
	(Half an hour has elapsed.) enter Hegio, Philopolemus, Philocrates, and Stalagmus.
Hegio	Hegio
Iovi disque ago gratias merito magnas, quom reducem tuo te patri reddiderunt quomque ex miseriis plurimis me exemerunt, quae adhuc te carens dum hic25 fui sustentabam, quomque hunc conspicor in potestate nostra, quomque huius reperta est fides firma nobis.	(to Philopolemus) I thank God with all my heart, as I ought, for bringing you back to your father, and for relieving me of the dreadful anguish I’ve been enduring as day after day went by, and I still here without you; yes, and for letting me see this rascal (indicating Stalagmus) in my power, and for this gentleman’s (indicating Philocrates) proving himself a man of honour in standing by his promise to us.
Philop.	Philop.
Satis iam dolui ex animo, et cura me satis et lacrumis maceravi, satis iam audivi tuas aerumnas, ad portum mihi quas memorasti. hoc agamus.	(seeing Philocrates is getting impatient) I’ve had quite enough bitter suffering, and enough of wearing myself out with anxiety and weeping, too, and I’ve heard quite enough of your distress of which you told me at the harbour, father! So now to the main point. (turns to Philocrates)
Philocr.	Philocr.
930 Quid nunc, quoniam tecum servavi fidem tibique hunc reducem in libertatem feci?	(to Hegio) What of me, sir, now that I have kept faith with you and secured the liberty of your son here?
Hegio	Hegio
Fecisti ut tibi, Philocrates, numquam referre gratiam possim satis, proinde ut tu promeritu’s de me et filio.	After the way you have acted, Philocrates, I’m entirely unable to show gratitude enough for your treatment of me and my son.
Philop.	Philop.
Immo potes, pater, et poteris et ego potero, et di eam potestatem dabunt ut beneficium bene merenti nostro merito muneres; sicut tu huic26 potes, pater mi, facere merito maxume.	No, no, you are able, father, yes, and always will be able, and so shall I be, and Heaven will give you the ability to do a deserved kindness to a man that has been so kind to us. It’s just as with this slave here, (pointing to Stalagmus) father dear; you’re able to give him his full deserts.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid opust verbis? lingua nullast qua negem quidquid roges.	(to Philocrates) It’s plain enough, sir,—I have no tongue with which to refuse a request of yours.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Postulo abs te, ut mi illum reddas servom, quem hic reliqueram pignus pro me, qui mihi melior quam sibi semper fuit, 940 pro bene factis eius ut ei pretium possim reddere.	What I ask you to do is to give me back the slave I left here as security for myself—he was always ready to sacrifice himself for me!—so that I can reward him for his kindnesses.
Hegio	Hegio
Quod bene fecisti referetur gratia id quod postulas; et id et aliud, quod me orabis, impetrabis. atque te nolim suscensere quod ego iratus ei feci male.	You have been kind to us, sir, and I shall be glad to do as you ask; both that request, and any other, will be granted. (embarrassed) And—and I trust you won’t be incensed at me for getting angry and treating him badly.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Quid fecisti?	(anxiously) What did you do?
Hegio	Hegio
In lapicidinas compeditum condidi, ubi rescivi mihi data esse verba.	I had him fettered and put down in the stone quarries when I found out I had been imposed upon.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Vae misero mihi, propter meum caput labores homini evenisse optumo.	God forgive me! To think of the splendid fellow suffering so, and all for my sake!
Hegio	Hegio
At ob eam rem mihi libellam pro eo argenti ne duis. gratiis a me, ut sit liber, ducito.	Well, sir, this being so, you needn’t give me a single farthing for him: take him from me gratis—he is a free man.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Edepol, Hegio. facis benigne. sed quaeso, hominem ut iubeas arcessi.	Well, well, Hegio, many thanks! But have him sent for, I beg you.
Hegio	Hegio
Licet. 950 ubi estis vos? ite actutum Tyndarum huc arcessite, vos ite intro. interibi ego ex hac statua verberea volo erogitare, meo minore quid sit factum filio. vos lavate interibi.	By all means (calling to slaves in house) Where are you? [enter overseers.] Quick! go bring Tyndarus here. [exeunt overseers] (to Philopolemus and Philocrates) As for you lads, step inside. Meanwhile I want to inquire of this whipping post here (pointing to Stalagmus) what was done with my younger son. You can take a bath meanwhile.
Philop.	Philop.
Sequere hac. Philocrates, me intro.	Come along in with me, Philocrates.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Sequor.	Certainly. [exeunt.

V. 2.	Scene 2.
Hegio	Hegio
Age tu illuc procede. bone vir, lepidum mancupium meum.	(to Stalagmus) Come now, you! Over there with you, (pointing) my good sir, my charming piece of property.
Stal.	Stal.
Quid me oportet facere, ubi tu talis vir falsum autumas? fui ego bellus, lepidus. bonus vir numquam, neque frugi bonae, neque ero umquam, ne erres: spem ponas me bonae frugi fore.	(sullenly) What can you look for from me, when a fine gentleman like you tells lies? I’ve had my day as a dandy, a charmer; a good sir, or good for anything, I never was, and I never will be, make no mistake, don’t you build up hopes I will be good for anything.
Hegio	Hegio
Propemodum ubi loci fortunae tuae sint facile intellegis. si eris verax, tua ex re, facies ex mala meliusculam. 960 recte et vera loquere, sed neque vere neque tu recte adhuc fecisti umquam.	You have no difficulty in appreciating your position pretty fairly well. Now be truthful, and you’ll be acting to your own advantage and make a bad prospect somewhat better. Out with your story, make it straightforward and honest—virtues you have never displayed hitherto, however.
Stal.	Stal.
Quod ego fatear, credin pudeat cum autumes?	When I’m ready to admit a thing myself d’ye think I should be ashamed of it just because you say it’s so?
Hegio	Hegio
At ego faciam ut pudeat, nam in ruborem te totum dabo.	I’ll make you ashamed, though: (savagely) I tell you what, I’ll make one big blush of you.
Stal.	Stal.
Eia, credo ego imperito plagas minitaris mihi. tandem ista aufer ac dic quid fers, ut feras hinc quod petis.	(ironically) La! La! I’m promised a whipping, it seems, and I such a novice at it—oh, yes I am! Look here, get done with that talk and say what you’ve got to propose, so as to get what you’re after.
Hegio	Hegio
Satis facundu’s. sed iam fieri dicta compendi volo.	Quite a gift of tongue, sir! But oblige me by saving some of it for the moment.
Stal.	Stal.
Ut vis fiat.	Anything you like.
Hegio	Hegio
Bene morigerus fuit puer, nunc non decet. hoc agamus. iam animum advorte ac mihi quae dicam edissere.27 (967)	(half aside) That compliance he showed as a boy hardly becomes him at present. (aloud) To business! Now then, pay attention and answer me fully.
Stal.	Stal.
(969) Nugae istaec sunt. non me censes scire quid dignus siem?	Rot! Don’t you suppose I know what I deserve?
Hegio	Hegio
970 At ea subterfugere potis es pauca, si non omnia.	Well, you have a chance to escape a little of it, if not all.
Stal.	Stal.
Pauca effugiam, scio; nam multa evenient, et merito meo, quia et fugi et tibi surripui filium et eum vendidi.	Little enough I’ll escape, I know that; for there’ll be plenty coming, and it serves me right, seeing I ran away and kidnapped your son and sold him.
Hegio	Hegio
Cui homini?	To whom?
Stal.	Stal.
Theodoromedi in Alide Polyplusio, sex minis.	(drawling) Theodoromedes Goldfields, in Elis, for twenty-four pounds.
Hegio	Hegio
Pro di immortales, is quidem huius est pater Philocrati.	God bless my soul! Why, he is the father of Philocrates here!
Stal.	Stal.
Quin melius novi quam tu et vidi saepius.	Well, I know him better than you, and I’ve seen him oftener.
Hegio	Hegio
Serva, Iuppiter supreme, et me et meum gnatum mihi. Philocrates, per tuom te genium obsecro, exi, te volo.	God Almighty, save me and save my boy for me! (running to door and shouting) Philocrates! Here, here, come, on your life! I want you!

V. 3.	Scene 3.
	[enter Philocrates.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Hegio, assum. si quid me vis, impera.	Here I am, Hegio. If I can be of any service, command me.
Hegio	Hegio
Hic gnatum meum tuo patri ait se vendidisse sex minis in Alide.	(beside himself) This fellow says my son—he sold him to your father—for twenty-four pounds—in Elis!
Philocr.	Philocr.
Quam diu id factum est?	How long ago was this?
Stal.	Stal.
980 His annus incipit vicensimus.	Going on for twenty years.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Falsa memorat.	He’s lying.
Stal.	Stal.
Aut ego aut tu. nam tibi quadrimulum tuos pater peculiarem parvolo puero dedit.	(indifferent) One of us is. As a matter of fact, your father gave you a little four year old boy for your own, when you were nothing but a youngster yourself.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Quid erat ei nomen? si vera dicis, memoradum mihi.	(interested) What was his name? If your story is true, come, tell me that.
Stal.	Stal.
Paegnium vocitatust, post vos indidistis Tyndaro.	Styled Pettie, he was: later on you folks called him Tyndarus.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Cur ego te non novi?	How is it I don’t know you?
Stal.	Stal.
Quia mos est oblivisci hominibus neque novisse cuius nihili sit faciunda gratia.	Because it’s the regular thing to forget a fellow and cut him, in case his good will can’t help you at all.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Dic mihi, isne istic fuit, quem vendidisti meo patri, qui mihi peculiaris datus est?	Tell me, was that boy you sold my father the same one that was given me for my own?
Stal.	Stal.
Huius filius.	(with a nod in Hegio’s direction) His son.
Hegio	Hegio
Vivitne is homo?	(eagerly) Is he alive, this—man?
Stal.	Stal.
Argentum accepi, nil curavi ceterum.	I got the money: that’s all I bothered about.
Hegio	Hegio
Quid tu ais?	(to Philocrates) What do you say?
Philocr.	Philocr.
990 Quin istic ipsust Tyndarus tuos filius, ut quidem hic argumenta loquitur. nam is mecum a puero puer bene pudiceque educatust usque ad adulescentiam.	Why, it’s Tyndarus himself that is your son, at least according to this fellow’s evidence. For Tyndarus has been brought up with me from the time we were boys, and brought up in good honest fashion.
Hegio	Hegio
Et miser sum et fortunatus, si vos vera dicitis; eo miser sum quia male illi feci, si gnatust meus. eheu, quom ego plus minusve feci quam me aequom fuit. quod male feci crucior; modo si infectum fieri possiet. sed eccum incedit huc ornatus haud ex suis virtutibus.	I feel miserable and happy both, if what you two say is true! Miserable at having been so hard on him, if he is my own boy! Dear, dear! how much more I’ve done than I ought, or how much less! It’s torment, to think of the horrible thing I’ve done—oh, if it could only be undone! (looking down street) Look, though,—there he comes! To be decked out like that, the noble fellow!

V. 4.	Scene 4.
	enter Tyndarus escorted by overseers. he is heavily ironed and carries a crowbar.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Vidi ego multa saepe picta, quae Acherunti fierent cruciamenta, verum enim vero nulla adaeque est Acheruns 1000 atque ubi ego fui, in lapicidinis. illic ibi demumst locus, ubi labore lassitudo est exigunda ex corpore.	(dryly) I have seen a good many pictures whose subject was torture in Hell: but upon my soul, there is no hell that can match those stone quarries where I’ve been. That place down there is certainly the one where a weary man can be dead sure of working off his tired feeling.
nam ubi illo adveni, quasi patricus pueris aut monerulae. aut anites aut coturnices dantur, quicum lusitent itidem mi haec advenienti upupa, qui me delectem, datast sed erus eccum ante ostium, et erus alter eccum ex Alide rediit.	Why, when I got there it was just like your young scions of the nobility being given daws or ducks or quails for playfellows: my own case exactly—the moment I arrived they gave me this crow to have a lark with. (looking toward Hegio’s house) But there’s my master in front of the door—and, yes, my other master back from Elis!
Hegio	Hegio
Salve, exoptate gnate mi.	Oh, how are you, my own longed-for son?
Tynd.	Tynd.
Hem, quid gnate mi? attat. scio cur te patrem adsimules esse et me filium: quia mi item ut parentes lucis das tuendi copiam.	Eh? “My son?” How’s that? (pauses, then with a weary laugh) Ah, yes, yes, I see the point of your father and son chaff: just as parents do, you give me a chance to behold the light of day.
Philocr.	Philocr.
Salve, Tyndare.	God bless you, Tyndarus!
Tynd.	Tynd.
Et tu, quoius causa hanc aerumnam exigo.	And you, sir, for whose sake I’m undergoing this confounded experience.
Philocr.	Philocr.
1010 At nunc liber in divitias faxo venies. nam tibi pater hic est; hic servos, qui te huic hinc quadrimum surpuit. vendidit patri meo te sex minis, is te mihi parvolum peculiarem parvolo puero dedit: illic indicium fecit; nam hunc ex Alide huc reduximus.	But now you shall be a free man, Tyndarus, and a rich one, I promise you. For here is (indicating Hegio) your father; this slave (indicating Stalagmus) stole you away from him here when you were four years old and sold you to my father for twenty-four pounds. And when we were both small boys, father gave you to me for my own. That fellow there has proved it all; you see we brought him back here from Elis.
Tynd.	Tynd.
Quid huius filium?	(dazed) What about his son?
Philocr.	Philocr.
(1015) Intus eccum fratrem germanum tuom.28	Look—inside there—your own brother!28
Tynd.	Tynd.
(1023) Nunc edepol demum in memoriam regredior, audisse me quasi per nebulam, Hegionem meum patrem vocarier.	Great heavens! When I think back I do now at last remember hearing—in a cloudy sort of way—my father called Hegio!
Hegio	Hegio
Is ego sum.	(embracing him) I am that Hegio!
Philocr.	Philocr.
Compedibus quaeso ut tibi sit levior filius atque huic gravior servos.	(to Hegio, pointing to the shackles on Tyndarus). Those irons, sir,—for mercy’s sake get yourself a lighter son, and him a heavier slave. (indicating Stalagmus)
Hegio	Hegio
Certum est principio id praevortier. eamus intro, ut arcessatur faber, ut istas compedes tibi adimam, huic dem.	Yes, yes, I must see to that first of all. Let’s go inside and have a blacksmith sent for, so that I may get those irons off of you and make this fellow (turning to Stalagmus) a present of them.
Stal.	Stal.
Quoi peculi nihil est, recte feceris.	Thanks awfully—seeing I haven’t a thing I can call my own. [exeunt omnes.

	EPILOGUE
CATERVA	SPOKEN BY THE COMPANY.
Spectatores, ad pudicos mores facta haec fabula est, 1030 neque in hac subigitationes sunt neque ulla amatio nec pueri suppositio nec argenti circumductio, neque ubi amans adulescens scortum liberet clam suom patrem.	Spectators, this play was composed with due regard to the proprieties: here you have no vicious intrigues, no love affair, no supposititious child, no getting money on false pretences, no young spark setting a wench free without his father’s knowledge.
huius modi paucas poetae reperiunt comoedias, ubi boni meliores fiant. nunc vos, si vobis placet et si placuimus neque odio fuimus, signum hoc mittite: qui pudicitiae esse voltis praemium, plausum date.	Dramatists find few plays such as this which make good men better. Now, if you so please, and if we have pleased you and have not been boring, intimate as much: you who wish virtue to be rewarded, give us your applause.

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1. Corrupt (Leo): vincti quia astant Fleckeisen.	A. Implying that he had not tried to save money to buy his liberty.
2. Leo notes lacuna here: (cette), iam hoc tenetis Schoell. 3. vel precedes in MSS: Leo brackets.	B. Here, as in the lines 880-883, the translator craves pardon for distorting the ages and spoiling the climes in his efforts to secure something of the effect of the original puns.
4. Leo notes lacuna here: cupio (fieri) Schoell.	C. A market district in Rome.
5. Leo’s correction of multa miraclitis of the MSS.	D. Epilepsy.
6. Corrupt (Leo): ea MSS: consili Schoell.	E. Madmen, celebrated in Greek mythology. Alcumeus = Alcmaeon.
7. Leo brackets the following v., 237: quod tibi suadeam, suadeam meo patri.	F. Another madman of Greek mythology.
8. Leo notes lacuna here: huius (ille) Camerarius.	G. Boia means a woman of the Boii, also a malefactor’s collar.
9. Leo brackets the following v., 280: Hegio Tum igitur ei cum in Aleis tanta gratia est, ut praedicas.
10. Leo brackets the following v., 288: nam ille quidem Theodoromedes fuit germano nomine.
11. Leo brackets the following v., 324: Hegio Ego virtute deum et maiorum nostrum dives sum satis.
12. Corrupt (Leo): quin te gratiis MSS: gratiis quin te Schoell.
13. Leo brackets the following v., 438: scito te hinc minis viginti aestumatum mittier.
14. Corrupt (Leo): exitium Pontanus: exilium MSS.
15. Leo brackets the following v., 521: nec sycophantiis nec fucis ullum mantellum obviam est.
16. Corrupt (Leo): qui venit modo intro MSS: modo qui venit intro Lindsay.
17. Leo notes lacuna here: manicas (maxumas) Spengel.
18. Leo notes lacuna here: ut (etiam) Schoell.
19. Leo notes lacuna here: mihi (quod domist) Schoell.
20. Leo brackets the following v., 801: Qui mihi in cursu opstiterit, faxo vitae is extemplo opstiterit suae.	20. The man that stands in my path shall forthwith stand in the way of his own existence.
21. Noli irascier follows in MSS: Leo brackets.
22. Corrupt (Leo): laridum ac pernas Schoell.
23. Corrupt (Leo): pern[ul]am Geppert.
24. voltus esurientis (vidi, eius extimescebam) Leo: A reading doubtful: other MSS omit the line.
25. Corrupt (Leo): te carens dum hic P: carens dum huc A.
26. tu huic MSS: nunc Leo.
27. Leo brackets the following v., 968: si eris verax, ex tuis rebus feceris meliusculas.
28. Leo brackets the following v., 1016-1022: Tynd. Quid tu ais? adduatin illum huius captivom filium?	28. Tynd. What do you say? Did you bring this gentleman’s captive son?
Philocr. Quin, inquam, intus hic est.	Philocr. Yes, yes, he’s inside, I tell you.
Tynd. Fecisti edepol et recte et bene.	Tynd. By heaven, sir, you have acted fairly and honourably.
Philocr. Nunc tibi pater hic est. hic fur est tuos, qui parvom hinc te abstulit.	Philocr. Now here is your father: and here is the thief who stole you away from here when you were small.
Tynd. At ego hunc grandis grandem natu ob furtum ad carnificem dabo.	Tynd. But now that we’re both big, I’ll hand him over to the executioner for that theft.
Philocr. Meritus est.	Philocr. He deserves it.
Tynd. 1020 Ergo edepol merito meritam mercedem dabo. sed tu dic oro. pater meus tune es?	Tynd. Well then, I’ll give him his deserved deserts deservedly, by gad! But you, sir, speak I beseech you. Are you my father?
Hegio. Ego sum, gnate mi.	Hegio I am, my dear lad.
Tynd. Nunc demum in memoriam redeo, cum mecum recogito.	Tynd. Now at last I remember—when I think it over.