The Comedies of Plautus

Aulularia — The Pot of Gold

Argument I
Argument II
Dramatis Personae
Prologue
ACT I

Scene 2

ACT II

ACT III

ACT IV

ACT V
Summary of missing text
Fragments
Footnotes

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ARGVMENTVM I	ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (I)
Senex avarus vix sibi credens Euclio domi suae defossam multis cum opibus aulam invenit, rursumque penitus conditam exanguis amens servat. eius filiam Lyconides vitiarat. interea senex Megadorus a sorore suasus ducere uxorem avari gnatam deposcit sibi.	A miserly old man named Euclio, a man who would hardly trust his very self, on finding a pot full of treasure buried within his house, hides it away again deep in the ground, and, beside himself with terror, keeps watch over it. His daughter had been wronged by Lyconides. Meanwhile an old gentleman, one Megadorus, is persuaded by his sister to marry, and asks the miser for his daughter’s hand.
durus senex vix promittit, atque aulae timens domo sublatam variis abstrudit locis. insidias servos facit huius Lyconidis 10 qui virginem vitiarat; atque ipse obsecrat avonculum Megadorum sibimet cedere uxorem amanti. per dolum mox Euclio cum perdidisset aulam, insperato invenit laetusque natam conlocat Lyconidi.	The dour old fellow at length consents, and, fearing for his pot, takes it from the house and hides it in one place after another. The servant of this Lyconides, the man who had wronged the girl, plots against the miser; and Lyconides himself entreats his uncle, Megadorus, to give up the girl, and let him, the man that loves her, marry her. After a time Euclio, who had been tricked out of his pot, recovers it unexpectedly and joyfully bestows his daughter upon Lyconides.

ARGVMENTVM II

ARGUMENT OF THE PLAY (II)

Aulam repertam auri plenam Euclio Vi summa servat, miseris adfectus modis. Lyconides istius vitiat filiam. Volt hanc Megadorus indotatam ducere, Lubensque ut faciat dat coquos cum obsonio. Auro formidat Euclio, abstrudit foris. Re omni inspecta compressoris servolus Id surpit. illic Euclioni rem refert. Ab eo donatur auro, uxore et filio.

Euclio, on finding a pot full of gold, is dreadfully worried, and watches over it with the greatest vigilance. Lyconides wrongs his daughter. This girl, undowered though she is, Megadorus wishes to marry, and he cheerfully supplies cooks and provisions for the wedding feast. Anxious about his gold, Euclio hides it outside the house. Everything he does having been witnessed, a rascally servant of the girl’s assailant steals it. His master informs Euclio of it, and receives from him gold, wife, and son.

PERSONAE	DRAMATIS PERSONAE
LAR FAMILIARIS PROLOGVS EVCLIO SENEX STAPHYLA ANVS EVNOMIA MATRONA MEGADORVS SENEX PYTHODICVS SERVVS CONGRIO COCVS ANTHRAX COCVS STROBILVS SERVVS LYCONIDES ADVLESCENS PHAEDRIA PVELLA TIBICINAE	THE HOUSEHOLD GOD OF EUCLIO, the Prologue. EUCLIO, an old gentleman of Athens. STAPHYLA, his old slave. EUNOMIA, a lady of Athens. MEGADORUS, an old gentleman of Athens, Eunomia’s brother. PYTHODICUS, his slave. CONGRIO, cook. ANTHRAX, cook. STROBILUS, slave of Lyconides. LYCONIDES, a young gentleman of Athens, Eunomia’s son. PHAEDRIA, Euclio’s daughter. MUSIC GIRLS.
	Scene—Athens. A street on which are the houses of Euclio and Megadorus, a narrow lane between them, in front an altar.

PROLOGVS	PROLOGUE
LAR FAMILIARIS	SPOKEN BY EUCLIO’S HOUSEHOLD GOD
Ne quis miretur qui sim, paucis eloquar ego Lar sum familiaris ex hac familia unde exeuntem me aspexistis. hanc domum iam multos annos est cum possideo et colo patri avoque iam huius qui nunc hic habet sed mi avos huius obsecrans concredidit thensaurum auri clam omnis. in medio foco defodit, venerans me ut id servarem sibi.	That no one may wonder who I am, I shall inform you briefly. I am the Household God of that family from whose house you saw me come. For many years now I have possessed this dwelling, and preserved it for the sire and grandsire of its present occupant. Now this man’s grandsire as a suppliant entrusted to me, in utter secrecy, a hoard of gold: he buried it in the centre of the hearth, entreating me to guard it for him.
is quoniam moritur—ita avido ingenio fuit— 10 numquam indicare id filio voluit suo, inopemque optavit potius eum relinquere, quam eum thensaurum commonstraret filio; agri reliquit ei non magnum modum, quo cum labore magno et misere viveret.	When he died he could not bear—so covetous was he—to reveal its existence to his own son, and he chose to leave him penniless rather than apprise him of this treasure. Some land, a little only, he did leave him, whereon to toil and moil for a miserable livelihood.
Ubi is obiit mortem qui mihi id aurum credidit, coepi observare, ecqui maiorem filus mihi honorem haberet quam eius habuisset pater. atque ille vero minus minusque impendio curare minusque me impertire honoribus. 20 item a me contra factum est, nam item obiit diem. is ex se hunc reliquit qui hic nunc habitat filium pariter moratum ut pater avosque huius fuit.	After the death of him who had committed the gold to my keeping, I began to observe whether the son would hold me in greater honour than his father had. As a matter of fact, his neglect grew and grew apace, and he showed me less honour. I did the same by him: so he also died. He left a son who occupies this house at present, a man of the same mould as his sire and grandsire.
huic filia una est. ea mihi cottidie aut ture aut vino aut aliqui semper supplicat, dat mihi coronas. eius honoris gratia feci, thensaurum ut hic reperiret Euclio, quo illam facilius nuptum, si vellet, daret nam eam compressit de summo adulescens loco. is scit adulescens quae sit quam compresserit, 30 illa illum nescit, neque compressam autem pater.	He has one daughter. She prays to me constantly, with daily gifts of incense, or wine, or something; she gives me garlands. Out of regard for her I caused Euclio to discover the treasure here in order that he might the more easily find her a husband, if he wished. For she has been ravished by a young gentleman of very high rank. He knows who it is that he has wronged; who he is she does not know, and as for her father, he is ignorant of the whole affair.
Eam ego hodie faciam ut his senex de proxumo sibi uxorem poscat. id ea faciam gratia, quo ille eam facilius ducat qui compresserat. et hic qui poscet eam sibi uxorem senex, is adulescentis illius est avonculus, qui illam stupravit noctu, Cereris vigiliis.	I shall make the old gentleman who lives next door here (pointing) ask for her hand to-day. My reason for so doing is that the man who wronged her may marry her the more easily. And the old gentleman who is to ask for her hand is the uncle of the young gentleman who violated her by night at the festival of Ceres.
sed hic senex iam clamat intus ut solet. anum foras extrudit, ne sit conscia. credo aurum inspicere volt, ne subreptum siet.	(an uproar in Euclio’s house) But there is old Euclio clamouring within as usual, and turning his ancient servant out of doors lest she learn his secret. I suppose he wishes to look at his gold and see that it is not stolen. [exit.

ACTVS I	ACT I
Eucl.	Eucl.
40 Exi, inquam. age exi. exeundum hercle tibi hinc est foras, circumspectatrix cum oculis emissicus.	(within) Out with you, I say! Come now, out with you! By the Lord, you’ve got to get out of here, you snook-around, you, with your prying and spying. enter Staphyla from Euclio’s house, followed by Euclio who is pushing and beating her.
Staph.	Staph.
Nam cur me miseram verberas?	(groaning) Oh, what makes you go a-hitting a poor wretch like me, sir?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ut misera sis atque ut te dignam mala malam aetatem exigas.	(savagely) To make sure you are a poor wretch, so as to give a bad lot the bad time she deserves.
Staph.	Staph.
Nam qua me nunc causa extrusisti ex aedibus?	Why, what did you push me out of the house for now?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tibi ego rationem reddam, stimulorum seges? illuc regredere ab ostio. illuc sis vide, ut incedit. at scin quo modo tibi res se habet? si hercle hodie fustem cepero aut stimulum in manum, testudineum istum tibi ego grandibo gradum.	I give my reasons to you, you,—you patch of beats, you? Over there with you, (pointing) away from the door! (Staphyla hobbles to place indicated) Just look at her, will you,—how she creeps along! See here, do you know what’11 happen to you? Now by heaven, only let me lay my hand on a club or a stick and I’ll accelerate that tortoise crawl for you!
Staph.	Staph.
50 Utinam me divi adaxint ad suspendium potius quidem quam hoc pacto apud te servium.	(aside) Oh, I wish Heaven would make me hang myself, I do! Better that than slaving it for you at this rate, I’m sure.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At ut scelesta sola secum murmurat oculos hercle ego istos, improba, ecfodiam tibi, ne me observare possis quid rerum geram abscede etiam nunc—etiam nunc—etiam—ohe.	(aside) Hear the old criminal mumbling away to herself, though! (aloud) Ah! those eyes of yours, you old sinner! By heaven, I’ll dig ’em out for you. I will, so that you can’t keep watching me whatever I do. Get farther off still! still farther! still—Whoa!
istic astato. si hercle tu ex istoc loco digitum transvorsum aut unguem latum excesseris aut si respexis, donicum ego te iussero, continuo hercle ego te dedam discipulam cruci.	Stand there! You budge a finger’s breadth a nail’s breadth from that spot; you so much as turn your head till I say the word, and by the Almighty, the next minute I’ll send you to the gallows for a lesson, so I will.
60 scelestiorem me hac anu certo scio vidisse numquam, nimisque ego hanc metuo male, ne mi ex insidiis verba imprudent duit neu persentiscat aurum ubi est absconditum, quae in occipitio quoque habet oculos pessima. nunc ibo ut visam sitne ita aurum ut condidi, quod me sollicitat plurimis miserum modis.	(aside) A worse reprobate than this old crone I never did see, no, never. Oh, but how horribly scared I am she’ll come some sly dodge on me when I’m not expecting it, and smell out the place where the gold is hidden. She has eyes in the very back of her head, the hell-cat. Now I’ll just go see if the gold is where I hid it. Dear, dear, it worries the life out of me! [exit Euclio into house.
Staph.	Staph.
Noenum mecastor quid ego ero dicam meo malae rei evenisse quamve insaniam, queo comminisci; ita me miseram ad hunc modum 70 decies die uno saepe extrudit aedibus. nescio pol quae illunc hominem intemperiae tenent; pervigilat noctes totas, tum autem interdius quasi claudus sutor domi sedet totos dies.	Mercy me! What’s come over master, what crazy streak he’s got, I can’t imagine,—driving a poor woman out of the house this way ten times a day, often. Goodness gracious, what whim-whams the man’s got into his head I don’t see. Never shuts his eyes all night: yes, and then in the daytime he’s sitting around the house the whole livelong day, for all the world like a lame cobbler.
neque iam quo pacto celem erilis filiae probrum, propinqua partitudo cui appetit, queo comminisci; neque quicquam meliust mihi, ut opinor, quam ex me ut unam faciam litteram longam, meum laqueo collum quando obstrinxero.	How I’m going to hide the young mistress’s disgrace now is beyond me, and she with her time so near. There’s nothing better for me to do, as I see, than tie a rope round my neck and dangle myself out into one long capital I.

I. 2.	Scene 2.
	re-enter Euclio from house.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nunc defaecato demum animo egredior domo, 80 postquam perspexi salva esse intus omnia. redi nunciam intro atque intus serva.	(aside) At last I can feel easy about leaving the house, now I have made certain everything is all right inside. (to Staphyla) Go back in there this instant, you, and keep watch inside.
Staph.	Staph.
Quippini? ego intus servem? an ne quis aedes auferat? nam hic apud nos nihil est aliud quaesti furibus, ita inaniis sunt oppletae atque araneis.	(tartly) I suppose so! So I’m to keep watch inside, am I? You aren’t afraid anyone’ll walk away with the house, are you? I vow we’ve got nothing else there for thieves to take—all full of emptiness as it is, and cobwebs.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Mirum quin tua me causa faciat Iuppiter Philippum regem aut Dareum, trivenefica araneas mihi ego illas servari volo. pauper sum, fateor, patior, quod di dant fero.	It is surprising Providence wouldn’t make a King Philip or Darius of me for your benefit, you viper, you! (threateningly) I want those cobwebs watched! I’m poor, poor; I admit it, I put up with it; I take what the gods give me.
abi intro, occlude ianuam. iam ego hic ero 90 cave quemquam alienum in aedis intro miseris quod quispiam ignem quaerat, extingui volo, ne causae quid sit quod te quisquam quaeritet nam si ignis vivet, ut extinguere extempulo.	In with you, bolt the door. I shall be back soon. No outsider is to be let in, mind you. And in case anyone should be looking for a light, see you put the fire out so that no one will have any reason to come to you for it. Mark my words, if that fire stays alive, I’ll extinguish you instantly.
tum aquam aufugisse dicito, si quis petet. cultrum, securim, pistillum, mortarium, quae utenda vasa semper vicini rogant, fures venisse atque abstulisse dicito profecto in aedis meas me absente neminem volo intro mitti. atque etiam hoc praedico tibi 100 si Bona Fortuna veniat, ne intro miseris	And then water—if anyone asks for water, tell him it’s all run out. As for a knife, or an axe, or a pestle, or a mortar,—things the neighbours are all the time wanting to borrow—tell ’em burglars got in and stole the whole lot. I won’t have a living soul let into my house while I’m gone—there! Yes, and what’s more, listen here, if Dame Fortune herself comes along, don’t you let her in.
Staph.	Staph.
Pol ea ipsa credo ne intro mittatur cavet, nam ad aedis nostras numquam adit, quamquam prope est.	Goodness me, she won’t get in: she’ll see to that herself, I fancy. Why, she never comes to our house at all, no matter how near she is.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tace atque abi intro.	Keep still and go inside. (advances on her)
Staph.	Staph.
Taceo atque abeo.	(hurrying out of reach) I’m still, sir, I’m going!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Occlude sis fores ambobus pessulis. iam ego hic ero.	Mind you lock the door, both bolts. I’ll soon be back. [exit Staphyla into house.
discrucior animi, quia ab domo abeundum est mihi. nimis hercle invitus abeo. sed quid agam scio. nam noster nostrae qui est magister curiae dividere argenti dixit nummos in viros, id si relinquo ac non peto, omnes ilico 110 me suspicentur, credo habere aurum domi nam non est veri simile, hominem pauperem pauxillum parvi facere quin nummum petat.	It’s agony having to leave the house, downright agony. Oh my God, how I do hate to go! But I have my reasons. The director of our ward gave notice he was going to make us a present of two shillings a man; and the minute I let it pass without putting in my claim, they’d all be suspecting I had gold at home, I’m sure they would. No, it doesn’t look natural for a poor man to think so little of even a tiny bit of money as not to go ask for his two shillings.
nam nunc cum celo sedulo omnis, ne sciant, omnes videntur scire et me benignius omnes salutant quam salutabant prius; adeunt, consistunt, copulantur dexteras, rogitant me ut valeam, quid agam, quid rerum geram. nunc quo profectus sum ibo; postidea domum me rursum quantum potero tantum recipiam.	Why, even now, hard as I try to keep every one from finding out, it seems as if every one knew: it seems as if every one has a heartier way of saying good day than they used to. Up they come, and stop, and shake hands, and keep asking me how I’m feeling, and how I’m getting on, and what I’m doing. Well, I must get along to where I’m bound; and then I’ll come back home just as fast as I possibly can. [exit Euclio.

ACTVS II	ACT II
	enter Eunomia and Megadorus from latter’s house.
Eun.	Eun.
120 Velim te arbitrari med haec verba, frater, meai fidei tuaique rei causa facere, ut aequom est germanam sororem. quamquam haud falsa sum nos odiosas haberi; nam multum loquaces merito omnes habemur, nec mutam profecto repertam ullam esse aut hodie dicunt mulierem aut ullo in saeclo.	Brother, I do hope you’ll believe I say this out of my loyalty to you and for your welfare, as a true sister should. Of course I’m well enough aware you men think us women are a bother; yes, awful chatterboxes—that’s the name we all have, and (ruefully) it fits. And then that common saying, “Never now, nor through the ages, never any woman dumb.”
verum hoc, frater, unum tamen cogitato, tibi proximam me mihique esse item te; ita aequom est quod in rem esse utrique arbitremur 130 et mihi te et tibi me consulere et monere; neque occultum id haberi neque per metum mussari, quin participem pariter ego te et tu me ut facias, eo nunc ego secreto ted huc foras seduxi, ut tuam rem ego tecum hic loquerer familiarem.	But just the same, do remember this one thing, brother,—that I am closer to you and you to me than anyone else in the whole world. So both of us ought to advise and counsel each other as to what we feel is to either’s advantage, not keep such things back or be afraid to speak out openly, we ought to confide in one another fully, you and I. This is why I’ve taken you aside out here now—so that we can have a quiet talk on a matter that concerns you intimately.
Mega.	Mega.
Da mi, optuma femina, manum.	(warmly) Let’s have your hand, you best of women!
Eun.	Eun.
Ubi ea est? quis ea est nam optuma?	(pretending to look about) Where is she? Who on earth is that best of women?
Mega.	Mega.
Tu.	Yourself.
Eun.	Eun.
Tune ais?	You say that—you?
Mega.	Mega.
Si negas, nego.	(banteringly) Oh well, if you deny it—
Eun.	Eun.
Decet te equidem vera proloqui; nam optuma nulla potest eligi: alia alia peior, frater, est.	Really now, you ought to be truthful. There’s no such thing, you know, as picking out the best woman; it’s only a question of comparative badness, brother.
Mega.	Mega.
140 Idem ego arbitror, nec tibi advorsari certum est de istac re umquam, soror.	My own opinion precisely. I’ll never differ with you there, sister, you may count on that.
Eun.	Eun.
Da mihi operam amabo.	Now do give me your attention, there’s a dear.
Mega.	Mega.
Tuast, utere atque impera, si quid vis.	It is all your own; use me, command me—anything you wish.
Eun.	Eun.
Id quod in rem tuam optumum esse arbitror, ted id monitum advento.	I’m going to advise you to do something that I think will be the very best thing in the world for you.
Mega.	Mega.
Soror, more tuo facis.	Quite like you, sister.
Eun.	Eun.
Factum volo.	I certainly hope so.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid est id, soror?	And what is this something, my dear?
Eun.	Eun.
Quod tibi sempiternum salutare sit: liberis procreandis— ita di faxint—volo te uxorem domum ducere.	Something that will make for your everlasting welfare. You should have children. God grant you may!—and I want you to marry.
Mega.	Mega.
Ei occidi.	Oh-h-h, murder!
Eun.	Eun.
150 Quid ita?	How so?
Mega.	Mega.
Quia mihi misero cerebrum excutiunt tua dicta, soror: lapides loqueris.	Well, you’re knocking my poor brains out with such a proposition, my dear girl: you’re talking cobble-stones.
Eun.	Eun.
Heia, hoc face quod te iubet soror.	Now, now, do what your sister tells you.
Mega.	Mega.
Si lubeat, faciam.	I would, if it appealed to me.
Eun.	Eun.
In rem hoc tuam est.	It would be a good thing for you.
Mega.	Mega.
Ut quidem emoriar prius quam ducam. sed his legibus si quam dare vis ducam: quae cras veniat, perendie foras feratur; his legibus dare vis? cedo: nuptias adorna.	Yes—to die before marrying. (pause) All right. I’ll marry anyone you please, on this condition, though: her wedding to-morrow, and her wake the day after. Still wish it, on this condition? Produce her! Arrange for the festivities!
Eun.	Eun.
Cum maxima possum tibi, frater, dare dote; sed est grandior natu: media est mulieris aetas. 160 eam si iubes, frater, tibi me poscere, poscam.	I can get you one with ever so big a dowry, dear. To be sure, she’s not a young girl—middle-aged, as a matter of fact. I’ll see about it for you, brother, if you want.
Mega.	Mega.
Num non vis me interrogare te?	You don’t mind my asking you a question, I dare say?
Eun.	Eun.
Immo, si quid vis, roga.	Why, of course not; anything you like.
Mega.	Mega.
Post mediam aetatem qui media ducit uxorem domum, si eam senex anum praegnatem fortuito fecerit, quid dubitas, quin sit paratum nomen puero Postumus?	Now supposing a man pretty well on in life marries a lady of maturity and this aged female should happen to show intentions of making the old fellow a father—can you doubt but that the name in store for that youngster is Postumus?A
nunc ego istum, soror, laborem demam et deminuam tibi. ego virtute deum et maiorum nostrum dives sum satis. istas magnas factiones, animos, dotes dapsiles, clamores, imperia, eburata vehicla, pallas, purpuram, nil moror quae in servitutem sumptibus redigunt viros.	See here, sister, I’ll relieve you of all this and save you trouble. I’m rich enough, thanks be to heaven and our forbears. And I have no fancy at all for those ladies of high station and hauteur and fat dowries, with their shouting and their ordering and their ivory trimmed carriages and their purple and fine linen that cost a husband his liberty.
Eun.	Eun.
Dic mihi, quaeso, quis ea est quam vis ducere uxorem?	For mercy’s sake tell me who you do want to marry, then!
Mega.	Mega.
170 Eloquar. nostin hunc senem Euclionem ex proximo pauperculum?	I’m going to. You know the old gentleman—rather hard up, poor fellow,—that lives next door, Euclio?
Eun.	Eun.
Novi, hominem haud malum mecastor.	Yes indeed. Why, he seems quite nice.
Mega.	Mega.
Eius cupio filiam virginem mihi desponderi. verba ne facias, soror. scio quid dictura es: hanc esse pauperem. haec pauper placet.	It’s his daughter—there’s the engagement I’m eager for. Now don’t make a fuss, sister. I know what you’re about to say—that she’s poor. But this particular poor girl suits me.
Eun.	Eun.
Di bene vortant.	God’s blessing on your choice, dear!
Mega.	Mega.
Idem ego spero.	I trust so.
Eun.	Eun.
Quid me? num quid vis?	(about to leave) Well, there’s nothing I can do?
Mega.	Mega.
Vale.	Yes—take good care of yourself.
Eun.	Eun.
Et tu, frater.	You too, brother. [exit Eunomia.
Mega.	Mega.
Ego conveniam Euclionem, si domi est. sed eccum video. nescio unde sese homo recipit domum.	Now for an interview with Euclio, if he’s at home. (looking down street) Hullo, though! here he is! Just getting back from somewhere or other.

II. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Euclio.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Praesagibat mi animus frustra me ire, quom exibam domo; itaque abibam invitus; nam neque quisquam curialium 180 venit neque magister quem dividere argentum oportuit. nunc domum properare propero, nam egomet sum hic, animus domi est.	(without seeing Megadorus) I knew it! Something told me I was going on a fool’s errand when I left the house; that’s why I hated to go. Why, there wasn’t a single man of our ward there, or the director either, who ought to have distributed the money. Now I’ll hurry up and hurry home: I’m here in the body, but that’s where my mind is.
Mega.	Mega.
Salvos atque fortunatus, Euclio, semper sies.	(advancing with outstretched hand) Good day to you, Euclio, yes, and the best of everything to you always!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Di te ament, Megadore.	(taking hand gingerly) God bless you, Megadorus.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tu? recten atque ut vis vales?	How goes it? All right, are you? Feeling as well as you could wish?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Non temerarium est, ubi dives blande appellat pauperem. iam illic homo aurum scit me habere, eo me salutat blandius.	(aside) There’s something behind it when a rich man puts on that smooth air with a poor one. Now that fellow knows I’ve got gold: that’s why he’s so uncommon smooth with his salutations.
Mega.	Mega.
Ain tu te valere?	You say you are well?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pol ego haud perbene a pecunia.	Heavens, no: I feel low, very low—in funds.
Mega.	Mega.
Pol si est animus aequos tibi. sat habes qui bene vitam colas.	(cheerily) Well, well, man, if you have a contented mind, you’ve got enough to enjoy life with.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Anus hercle huic indicium fecit de auro, perspicue palam est. cui ego iam linguam praecidam atque oculos effodiam domi.	(aside, frightened) Oh, good Lord! The old woman has let on to him about the gold! It’s discovered, clear as can be! I’ll cut her tongue out, I’ll tear her eyes out, the minute I get at her in the house!
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tu solus tecum loquere?	What is that you’re saying to yourself?
Eucl.	Eucl.
190 Meam pauperiem conqueror. virginem habeo grandem, dote cassam atque inlocabilem, neque eam queo locare cuiquam.	(startled) Just... how awful it is to be poor. And I with a grown-up girl, without a penny of dowry, that I can’t get off my hands or find a husband for.
Mega.	Mega.
Tace, bonum habe animum, Euclio. dabitur, adiuvabere a me. dic, si quid opust, impera.	(clapping him on the back) There, there, Euclio! Cheer up. She shall be married: I’ll help you out. Come now, call on me, if you need anything.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nunc petit, cum pollicetur; inhiat aurum ut devoret. altera manu fert lapidem, panem ostentat altera. nemini credo qui large blandust dives pauperi ubi manum inicit benigne, ibi onerat aliqua zamia ego istos novi polypos, qui ubi quidquid tetigerunt tenent.	(aside) When he agrees to give he wants to grab! Mouth wide open to gobble down my gold! Holds up a bit of bread in one hand and has a stone in the other! I don’t trust one of these rich fellows when he’s so monstrous civil to a poor man. They give you a cordial handshake, and squeeze something out of you at the same time. I know all about those octopuses that touch a thing and then—stick.
Mega.	Mega.
Da mi operam parumper. paucis, Euclio, est quod te volo de communi re appellare mea et tua.	I should be glad to have a moment of your time, Euclio. I want to have a brief talk with you on a matter that concerns us both.
Eucl.	Eucl.
200 Ei misero mihi, aurum mi intus harpagatum est. nunc hic eam rem volt scio, mecum adire ad pactionem. verum intervisam domum.	(aside) Oh, God save us! My gold’s been hooked, and now he wants to make a deal with me! I see it all! But I’ll go in and look. (hurries toward house)
Mega.	Mega.
Quo abis?	Where are you off to?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Iam ad te revortar. nunc est quod visam domum.	Just a moment!... I’ll be back... the fact is... I must see to something at home. [exit into house.
Mega.	Mega.
Credo edepol, ubi mentionem ego fecero de filia mi ut despondeat, sese a me derideri rebitur, neque illo quisquam est alter hodie ex paupertate parcior.	By Jove! I suppose he’ll think I’m making fun of him when I speak about his giving me his daughter; poverty never made a fellow closer-fisted. re-enter Euclio.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Di me servant, salva res est. salvom est si quid non perit nimis male timui. prius quam intro redii, exanimatus fui. redeo ad te, Megadore, si quid me vis.	(aside) Thank the Lord, I’m saved! It’s safe—that is, if it’s all there. Ah, but that was a dreadful moment! I nearly expired before I got in the house. (to Megadorus) Here I am, Megadorus, if you want anything of me.
Mega.	Mega.
Habeo gratiam. 210 quaeso, quod te percontabor, ne id te pigeat pro loqui.	Thanks. Now I trust you won’t mind answering the questions I’m going to ask.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Dum quidem ne quid perconteris quod non lubeat proloqui.	(cautiously) No-no—that is, if you don’t ask any I don’t like to answer.
Mega.	Mega.
Dic mihi. quali me arbitrare genere prognatum?	Frankly now, what do you think of my family connections?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Bono.	(grudgingly) Good.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid fide?	And my sense of honour?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Bona.	Good.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid factis?	And my general conduct?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Neque malis neque improbis.	Not bad, not disreputable.
Mega.	Mega.
Aetatem meam scis?	You know my age?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Scio esse grandem, item ut pecuniam.	Getting on, getting on, I know that—(aside) financially, too.
Mega.	Mega.
Certe edepol equidem te civem sine mala omni malitia semper sum arbitratus et nunc arbitror.	Now Euclio, I’ve always considered you a citizen of the true, trusty type, by Jove, I certainly have, and I do still.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Aurum huic olet. quid nunc me vis?	(aside) He’s got a whiff of my gold. (aloud) Well, what do you want?
Mega.	Mega.
Quoniam tu me et ego te qualis sis scio. quae res recte vortat mihique tibique tuaeque filiae, filiam tuam mi uxorem posco. promitte hoc fore.	Now that we appreciate each other, I’m going to ask you—and may it turn out happily for you and your girl and me—to give me your daughter in marriage. Promise you will.
Eucl.	Eucl.
220 Heia, Megadore, haud decorum facinus tuis factis facis, ut inopem atque innoxium abs te atque abs tuis me inrideas. nam de te neque re neque verbis merui ut faceres quod facis.	(whining) Now, now, Megadorus! This is unlike you, unworthy of you, making fun of a poor man like me that never harmed you or yours. Why, I never said or did a thing to you to deserve being treated so.
Mega.	Mega.
Neque edepol ego te derisum venio neque derideo, neque dignum arbitror.	Good Lord, man! I didn’t come here to make fun of you, and I’m not making fun of you: I couldn’t think of such a thing.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Cur igitur poscis meam gnatam tibi?	Then why are you asking for my daughter?
Mega.	Mega.
Ut propter me tibi sit melius mihique propter te et tuos.	Why? So that we may all of us make life pleasanter for one another.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Venit hoc mihi, Megadore, in mentem, ted esse hominem divitem, factiosum, me autem esse hominem pauperum pauperrimum; nunc si filiam locassim meam tibi, in mentem venit te bovem esse et me esse asellum: ubi tecum coniunctus siem, 230 ubi onus nequeam ferre pariter, iaceam ego asinus in luto, tu me bos magis haud respicias, gnatus quasi numquam siem.	Now here’s the way it strikes me, Megadorus,—you’re a rich man, a man of position: but as for me, I’m poor, awfully poor, dreadfully poor. Now if I was to marry off my daughter to you, it strikes me you’d be the ox and I’d be the donkey. When I was hitched up with you and couldn’t pull my share of the load, down I’d drop, I, the donkey, in the mud; and you, the ox, wouldn’t pay any more attention to me than if I’d never been born at all.
et te utar iniquiore et meus me ordo inrideat, neutrubi habeam stabile stabulum, si quid divorti fuat: asini me mordicibus scindant, boves incursent cornibus. hoc magnum est periclum, ab asinis ad boves transcendere.	You would be too much for me: and my own kind would haw-haw at me: and if there should be a falling out, neither party would let me have stable quarters: the donkeys would chew me up and the oxen would run me through. It is a very hazardous business for donkeys to climb into the ox set.
Mega.	Mega.
Quam ad probos propinquitate proxime te adiunxeris. tam optumum est. tu condicionem hanc accipe, ausculta mihi, atque eam desponde mi.	But honourable human beings—the more closely connected you are with them, the better. Come, come, accept my offer: listen to what I say and promise her to me.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At nihil est dotis quod dem.	But not one penny of dowry can I give.
Mega.	Mega.
Ne duas. dum modo morata recte veniat, dotata est satis.	Don’t. Only let me have a girl that’s good, and she has dowry enough.
Eucl.	Eucl.
240 Eo dico, ne me thensauros repperisse censeas.	(forcing a laugh) I mention this just so that you mayn’t think I’ve found some treasure.
Mega.	Mega.
Novi, ne doceas. desponde.	Yes, yes, I understand. Promise.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Fiat. sed pro Iuppiter, num ego disperii?	So be it. (aside, starting at noise) Oh, my God! Can it be I’m ruined, ruined?
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tibi est?	What’s the matter?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid crepuit quasi ferrum modo?	That noise? What was it—a sort of clinking sound? [exit into house hurriedly.
Mega.	Mega.
Hic apud me hortum confodere iussi. sed ubi hic est homo? abiit neque me certiorem fecit. fastidit mei, quia videt me suam amicitiam velle. more hominum facit; nam si opulentus it petitum pauperioris gratiam, pauper metuit congrediri, per metum male rem gerit. idem, quando occasio illaec periit, post sero cupit.	(not noticing his departure) I told them to do some digging in my garden here. (looking around) But where is the man? Gone away and left me—without a word! Scorns me, now he sees I desire his friendship! Quite the usual thing, that. Yes, let a wealthy man try to get the regard of a poorer one, and the poor one is afraid to meet him half-way: his timidity makes him injure his own interests. Then when it’s too late and the opportunity is gone he longs to have it again. re-enter Euclio.
Eucl.	Eucl.
250 Si hercle ego te non elinguandam dedero usque ab radicibus, impero auctorque ego sum, ut tu me cuivis castrandum loces.	(to Staphyla within) By heaven, if I don’t have your tongue torn out by the very roots, I give you orders, give you full authority, to hand me over to anyone you please to be skinned alive. (approaches Megadorus)
Mega.	Mega.
Video hercle ego te me arbitrari, Euclio, hominem idoneum, quem senecta aetate ludos facias, haud merito meo.	Upon my word, Euclio! So you think I am the proper sort of man to make a fool of, at my time of life, and without the slightest reason.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Neque edepol, Megadore, facio, neque. si cupiam, copia est.	Bless my soul! I’m not making a fool of you, Megadorus: I couldn’t if I would.
Mega.	Mega.
Quid nunc? etiam mihi despondes filiam?	(doubtfully) Well now, do you mean I am to have your daughter?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Illis legibus, cum illa dote quam tibi dixi.	On the understanding she goes with the dowry I mentioned.
Mega.	Mega.
Sponden ergo?	You consent, then?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Spondeo.	I consent.
Mega.	Mega.
Di bene vertant.	And may God prosper us!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ita di faxint. illud facito ut memineris convenisse ut ne quid dotis mea ad te afferret filia.	Yes, yes,—and mind you remember our agreement about the dowry: she doesn’t bring you a single penny.
Mega.	Mega.
Memini.	I remember.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At scio quo vos soleatis pacto perplexarier. 260 pactum non pactum est, non pactum pactum est, quod vobis lubet.	But I know the way you folks have of juggling things: now it’s on and now it’s off, now it’s off and now it’s on, just as you like.
Mega.	Mega.
Nulla controversia mihi tecum erit. sed nuptias num quae causa est quin faciamus hodie?	You shall have no occasion to quarrel with me. But about the marriage—there’s no reason for not having it to-day, is there?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Immo edepol optuma.	Dear, dear, no! The very thing, the very thing!
Mega.	Mega.
Ibo igitur, parabo. numquid me vis?	I’ll go and make arrangements, then, (turning to leave) Anything else I can do?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Istuc. ei et vale.	Only that. Go along. Good-bye.
Mega.	Mega.
Heus, Pythodice, sequere propere me ad macellum strenue.	(calling at the door of his house) Hey, Pythodicus! quick! [enter Pythodicus] Down to the market with me—come, look alive! [exeunt.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Illic hinc abiit. di immortales, obsecro, aurum quid valet.1 (265) (267) id inhiat, ea affinitatem hanc obstinavit gratia. Ubi tu es, quae deblateravisti iam vicinis omnibus, meae me filiae daturum dotem? heus, Staphyla, te voco. ecquid audis?	(looking after them) He’s gone! Ah, ye immortal gods, doesn’t money count! That is what he’s gaping after. That is why he’s so set on being my son-in-law. (goes to the door and calls) Where are you, you blabber, telling the whole neighbourhood I’m going to give my daughter a dowry! Hi-i! Staphyla! It’s you I’m calling. Can’t you hear!

II. 3.	Scene 3.
Eucl.	Eucl.
270 Vascula intus pure propera atque elue: filiam despondi ego: hodie huic nuptum Megadoro dabo.	Hurry up with the dishes inside there and give them a good scouring. I have betrothed my daughter: she marries Megadorus here to-day.
Staph.	Staph.
Di bene vortant. verum ecastor non potest, subitum est nimis.	God bless them! (hastily) Goodness, though! It can’t be done. This is too sudden.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tace atque abi. curata fac sint cum a foro redeam domum; atque aedis occlude; iam ego hic adero.	Silence! Off with you! Have things ready by the time I get back from the forum. And lock the door, mind; I shall be here soon. [exit Euclio.
Staph.	Staph.
Quid ego nunc agam? nunc nobis prope adest exitium, mi atque erili filiae, nunc probrum atque partitudo prope adest ut fiat palam; quod celatum atque occultatum est usque adhuc, nunc non potest. ibo intro, ut erus quae imperavit facta, cum veniat, sient. nam ecastor malum maerore metuo ne mixtum bibam.	What shall I do now? Now we’re all but ruined, the young mistress and me: now it’s all but public property about her being disgraced and brought to bed. We can’t conceal it, we can’t keep it dark any longer now. But I must go in and do what master ordered me before he gets back. Oh deary me! I’m afraid I’ve got to take a drink of trouble and tribulation mixed. [exit Staphyla into house.

II. 4.	Scene 4.
	(An hour has elapsed.) enter Pythodicus bringing cooks, Anthrax and Congrio, music girls, Phrygia and Eleusium and attendants, with provisions from the market and two lambs.
Pyth.	Pyth.
280 Postquam obsonavit erus et conduxit coquos tibicinasque hasce apud forum, edixit mihi ut dispertirem obsonium hic bifariam.	(importantly) After master did the marketing and hired the cooks and these music girls at the forum, he told me to take and divide all he’d got into two parts.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Me quidem hercle, dicam tibi palam, non divides. si quo tu totum me ire vis, operam dabo.	By Jupiter, you shan’t make two parts of me, let me tell you that plainly! If you’d like to have the whole of me anywhere, why, I’ll accommodate you.
Cong.	Cong.
Bellum et pudicum vero prostibulum popli. post si quis vellet, te hand non velles dividi.	(to Anthrax) You pretty boy, yes, you nice little everybody’s darling, you! Why, if anyone wanted to make two parts of a real man out of you, you oughtn’t to be cut up about it.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Atque ego istuc, Anthrax, alio vorsum dixeram, non istuc quo tu insimulas. sed erus nuptias meus hodie faciet.	Now, now, Anthrax, I mean that otherwise from what you make out. Look here, my master’s marrying to-day.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Cuius ducit filiam?	Who’s the lady?
Pyth.	Pyth.
290 Vicini huius Euclionis senis e proximo. ei adeo obsoni hinc iussit dimidium dari, cocum alterum itidemque alteram tibicinam.	Daughter of old Euclio that lives next door here. Yes sir, and what’s more, he’s to have half this stuff here, and one cook and one music girl, too, so master said.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Nempe huc dimidium dicis, dimidium domum?	You mean to say half goes to him and half to you folks?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Nempe sicut dicis.	Just what I do mean.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Quid? hic non poterat de suo senex obsonari filiai nuptiis?	I say, couldn’t the old boy pay for the catering for his daughter’s wedding his own self?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Vah.	(scornfully) Pooh!
Anthr.	Anthr.
Quid negotist?	What’s the matter?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Quid negoti sit rogas? pumex non aeque est aridus atque hic est senex.	The matter, eh? You couldn’t squeeze as much out of that old chap as you could out of a pumice stone.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Ain tandem?	(incredulously) Oh, really now!
Pyth.	Pyth.
Ita esse ut dixi. tute existuma: quin divom atque hominum clamat continue fidem,2 300 suam rem periisse seque eradicarier, de suo tigillo fumus si qua exit foras. quin cum it dormitum, follem obstringit ob gulam.	That’s a fact. Judge for yourself. Why, I tell you he begins bawling for heaven and earth to witness that he’s bankrupt, gone to everlasting smash, the moment a puff of smoke from his beggarly fire manages to get out of his house. Why, when he goes to bed he strings a bag over his jaws.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Cur?	What for?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Ne quid animae forte amittat dormiens.	So as not to chance losing any breath when he’s asleep.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Etiamue obturat inferiorem gutturem, ne quid animai forte amittat dormiens?	Oh yes! And he puts a stopper on his lower windpipe, doesn’t he, so as not to chance losing any breath while he’s asleep?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Haec mihi te ut tibi med aequom est, credo, credere.	(ingenuously) You should believe me, I believe, just as I should believe you.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Immo equidem credo.	(hurriedly) Oh, no, no! I do believe, of course!
Pyth.	Pyth.
At scin etiam quomodo? aquam hercle plorat, cum lavat, profundere.	But listen to this, will you? Upon my word, after he takes a bath it just breaks him all up to throw away the water.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Censen talentum magnum exorari pote 310 ab istoc sene ut det, qui fiamus liberi?	D’ye think the old buck could be induced to make us a present of a couple of hundred pounds to buy ourselves off with?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Famem hercle utendam si roges, numquam dabit. quin ipsi pridem tonsor unguis dempserat: collegit, omnia abstulit praesegmina.	Lord! He wouldn’t make you a loan of his hunger, no sir, not if you begged him for it. Why, the other day when a barber cut his nails for him he collected all the clippings and took ’em home.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Edepol mortalem parce parcum praedicas.	My goodness, he’s quite a tight one, from what you say.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Censen vero adeo esse parcum et miserum vivere? pulmentum pridem ei eripuit milvos: homo ad praetorem plorabundus devenit; infit ibi postulare plorans, eiulans, ut sibi liceret milvom vadarier. 320 sescenta sunt quae memorem, si sit otium. sed uter vestrorum est celerior? memora mihi.	Honest now, would you believe a man could be so tight and live so wretched? Once a kite flew off with a bit of food of his: down goes the fellow to the magistrate’s, blubbering all the way, and there he begins, howling and yowling, demanding to have the kite bound over for trial. Oh, I could tell hundreds of stories about him if I had time. (to both cooks) But which of you is the quicker? Tell me that.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Ego, et multo melior.	I am, and a whole lot better, too.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Cocum ego, non furem rogo.	At cooking I mean, not thieving.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Cocum ergo dico.	Well, I mean cooking.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Quid tu ais?	(to Congrio) And how about you?
Cong.	Cong.
Sic sum ut vides.	(with a meaning glance at Anthrax) I’m what I look.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Cocus ille nundinalest, in nonum diem solet ire coctum.	He’s nothing but a market-day cook, that chap: he only gets a job once a week.
Cong.	Cong.
Tun, trium litterarum homo me vituperas? fur.	You running me down, you? You five letter man, you! You T-H-I-E-F!
Anthr.	Anthr.
Etiam fur, trifurcifer.	Five letter man youself! Yes, and five times—penned!

II. 5.	Scene 5.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Tace nunciam tu, atque agnum hinc uter est pinguior cape atque abi intro ad nos.	(to Anthrax) Come, come, shut up, you: and this fittest lamb here, (pointing) take it and go over to our house.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Licet.	(grinning triumphantly at Congrio) Aye, aye, sir. [exit Anthrax into house of Megadorus leading lamb.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Tu, Congrio, quem illic reliquit agnum, eum sume atque abi 3intro illuc, et vos illum sequimini. vos ceteri ite huc ad nos.	Congrio, you take this one he’s left (pointing) and go into that house there, (pointing to Euclio’s) and as for you, (indicating some of the attendants) you follow him. The rest of you come over to our house.
Cong.	Cong.
330 Hercle iniuria dispertivisti: pinguiorem agnum isti habent.	Hang it! That’s no way to divide: they’ve got the fattest lamb.
Pyth.	Pyth.
At nunc tibi dabitur pinguior tibicina. i sane cum illo, Phrugia. tu autem, Eleusium, huc intro abi ad nos.	Oh well, I’ll give you the fattest music girl. (turning to girls) That means you, Phrygia: you go with him. As for you, Eleusium, you step over to our place. [exeunt Eleusium and others into house of Megadorus.
Cong.	Cong.
O Pythodice subdole, hucine detrusti me ad senem parcissimum? ubi si quid poscam, usque ad ravim poscam prius quam quicquam detur.	Oh, you’re a wily one, Pythodicus! Shoving me off on this old screw, eh? If I ask for anything there, I can ask myself hoarse before I get a thing.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Stultus et sine gratia es. 4tibi recte facere, quando quod facias perit.	An ungrateful blockhead is what you are. The idea of doing you a favour, when it’s only thrown away!
Cong.	Cong.
Qui vero?	Eh? How so?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Rogitas? iam principio in aedibus 340 turba istic nulla tibi erit: siquid uti voles, domo abs te adferto, ne operam perdas poscere. his autem apud nos magna turba ac familia est supellex, aurum, vestis, vasa argentea:	How so? Well, in the first place there won’t be an uproarious gang in that house to get in your way: if you need anything, just you fetch it from home so as not to waste time asking for it. Here at our establishment, though, we do have a great big uproarious gang of servants, and knick-knackery and jewellery and clothes and silver plate lying about.
ibi si perierit quippiam—quod te scio facile abstinere posse, si nihil obviam est— dicant: coqui abstulerunt, comprehendite, vincite, verberate, in puteum condite. horum tibi istic nihil eveniet: quippe qui ubi quid subripias nihil est. sequere hac me.	Now if anything was missing,—of course it’s easy for you to keep your hands off, provided there’s nothing in reach,—they’d say: “The cooks got away with it! Collar ’em! Tie ’em up! Thrash ’em! Throw ’em in the dungeon!” Now over there (pointing to Euclio’s) nothing like this will happen to you—as there’s nothing at all about for you to filch. (going toward Euclio’s house) Come along.
Cong.	Cong.
Sequor.	(sulkily) Coming. (he and the rest follow)

II. 6.	Scene 6.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Heus, Staphyla, prodi atque ostium aperi.	(knocking at door) Hey! Staphyla! Come here and open the door.
Staph.	Staph.
350 Qui vocat?	(within) Who is it?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Pythodicus.	Pythodicus.
Staph.	Staph.
Quid vis?	(sticking her head out) What do you want?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Hos ut accipias coquos tibicinamque obsoniumque in nuptias. Megadorus iussit Euclioni haec mittere.	Take these cooks and the music girl and the supplies for the wedding festival. Megadorus told us to take ’em over to Euclio’s.
Staph.	Staph.
Cererin, Pythodice, has sunt facturi nuptias?	(examining the provisions disappointedly) Whose festival are they going to celebrate, Pythodicus? Ceres’?
Pyth.	Pyth.
Qui?	Why hers?
Staph.	Staph.
Quia temeti nihil allatum intellego.	Well, no tipple’sB been brought, as I notice.
Pyth.	Pyth.
At iam afferetur, si a foro ipsus redierit.	But there’ll be some all right when the old gent gets back from the forum.
Staph.	Staph.
Ligna hic apud nos nulla sunt.	We haven’t got any firewood in the house.
Cong.	Cong.
Sunt asseres?	Any rafters in it?
Staph.	Staph.
Sunt pol.	Mercy, yes.
Cong.	Cong.
Sunt igitur ligna, ne quaeras foris.	There’s firewood in it, then: never mind going for any.
Staph.	Staph.
Quid, impurate? quamquam Volcano studes, 360 cenaene causa aut tuae mercedis gratia nos nostras aedis postulas comburere?	Hey? You godless thing! even though you are a devotee of Vulcan, do you want us to burn our house down, all for your dinner or your pay? (advances on him)
Cong.	Cong.
Haud postulo.	(shrinking back) I don’t, I don’t!
Pyth.	Pyth.
Duc istos intro.	Take ’em inside.
Staph.	Staph.
Sequimini.	(brusquely) This way with you. [exeunt Congrio and others into Euclio’s house.

II. 7.	Scene 7.
Pyth.	Pyth.
Curate. ego intervisam quid faciant coqui; quos pol ut ego hodie servem, cura maxuma est. nisi unum hoc faciam, ut in puteo cenam coquant: inde coctam sursum subducemus corbulis.	(as they leave) Look out for things. (starting for Megadorus’s house) I’ll go see what the cooks are at. By gad, it’s the devil’s own job keeping an eye on those chaps. The only way is to make ’em cook dinner in the dungeon and then haul it up in baskets when it’s done.
si autem deorsum comedent, si quid coxerint, superi incenati sunt et cenati inferi. sed verba hic facio, quasi negoti nil siet, 370 rapacidarum ubi tantum sit in aedibus.	Even so, though, if they’re down there gobbling up all they cook, it’s a case of starve in heaven and stuff in hell. But here I am gabbling away just as if there wasn’t anything to do, and the house all full of those young Grabbits. [exit Pythodicus.

II. 8.	Scene 8.
	enter Euclio from forum carrying a small package and a few forlorn flowers.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Volui animum tandem confirmare hodie meum, ut bene me haberem filiai nuptiis. venio ad macellum, rogito pisces: indicant caros; agninam caram, caram bubulam, vitulinam, cetum, porcinam: cara omnia. atque eo fuerunt cariora, aes non erat. abeo iratus illinc, quoniam nihil est qui emam.	Now I did want to be hearty to-day, and do the handsome thing for daughter’s wedding, yes I did. Off I go to the market—ask for fish! Very dear! And lamb dear... and beef dear... and veal and tunny and pork... everything dear, everything! Yes, and all the dearer for my not having any money! It just made me furious, and seeing I couldn’t buy anything, I up and left.
ita illis impuris omnibus adii manum. deinde egomet mecum cogitare intervias 380 occepi: festo die si quid prodegeris, profesto egere liceat, nisi peperceris. postquam, hanc rationem ventri cordique edidi, accessit animus ad meam sententiam, quam minimo sumptu filiam ut nuptum darem.	That’s how I circumvented ’em, the whole dirty pack of ’em. Then I began to reason things out with myself as I walked along. “Holiday feasting makes everyday fasting,” says I to myself, “unless you economize.” After I’d put the case this way to my stomach and heart, my mind supported my motion to cut down daughter’s wedding expenses just as much as possible.
nunc tusculum emi hoc et coronas floreas: haec imponentur in foco nostro Lari, ut fortunatas faciat gnatae nuptias. sed quid ego apertas aedis nostras conspicor? et strepitust intus. numnam ego compilor miser?	Now I’ve bought a little frankincense here and some wreaths of flowers: we’ll put ’em on the hearth in honour of our Household God, so that he may bless daughter’s marriage. (looking toward house) Eh! What’s my door open for? A clattering inside, too! Oh. mercy on us! It can’t be burglars, can it?
Cong.	Cong.
390 Aulam maiorem, si pote, ex vicinia pete: haec est parva, capere non quit.	(within, to an attendant) See if you can’t get a bigger pot from one of the neighbours: this here’s a little one: it won’t hold it all.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ei mihi, perii hercle. aurum rapitur, aula quaeritur.5 (392) (394) Apollo, quaeso, subveni mi atque adiuva, confige sagittis fures thensaurarios, si cui in re tali iam subvenisti antidhac. sed cesso prius quam prorsus perii currere?	Oh, my God! my God! I’m ruined! They’re taking my gold! They’re after my pot! Oh, oh, Apollo, help me, save me! Shoot your arrows through them, the treasure thieves, if you’ve ever helped a man in such a pinch before! But I must rush in before they ruin me entirely! [exit Euclio.

II. 9.	Scene 9.
	enter Anthrax from house of Megadorus.
Anthr.	Anthr.
Dromo, desquama piscis. tu, Machaerio, congrum, murenam exdorsua quantum potest. 400 ego hinc artoptam ex proximo utendam peto a Congrione. tu istum gallum, si sapis, glabriorem reddes mihi quam volsus ludiust.	(to servants inside) Dromo, scale the fish. As for you, Machaerio, you bone the conger and lamprey as fast as you know how. I’m going over next door to ask Congrio for the loan of a bread pan. And you there! if you know what’s good for you, you won’t hand me back that rooster till it’s plucked cleaner than a ballet dancer.
sed quid hoc clamoris oritur hinc ex proximo? coqui hercle, credo, faciunt officium suom. fugiam intro, ne quid turbae hic itidem fuat.	(sound of scuffle in Euclio’s house) Hallo, though! What’s the row in the house next door? Hm! the cooks settling down to business, I reckon! I’ll hustle back, or we’ll be having a rumpus at our place, too. [exit.

ACTVS III	ACT III
	enter Congrio and his associates tumbling out of Euclio’s house, slamming door behind them.
Cong.	Cong.
Attatae! cives,6 populares, incolae, accolae, advenae omnes, date viam qua fugere liceat. facite totae plateae pateant. neque ego umquam nisi hodie ad Bacchas veni in Bacchanal coquinatum, ita me miserum et meos discipulos fustibus male contuderunt. 410 totus doleo atque oppido perii, ita me iste habuit senex gymnasium;	(in burlesque panic) Hi—i—i! Citizens, natives, inhabitants, neighbours, foreigners, every one—give me room to run! Open up! Clear the street! (stopping at some distance from the house) This is the first time I ever came to cook for Bacchantes at a Bacchante den. Oh dear, what an awful clubbing I and my disciples did get! I’m one big ache! I’m dead and gone! The way that old codger took me for a gymnasium!
attat, perii hercle ego miser, 411a aperit bacchanal. adest, sequitur. scio quam rem geram: hoc 412a ipsus magister me docuit. neque ligna ego usquam gentium praeberi vidi pulchrius, itaque omnis exegit foras, me atque hos, onustos fustibus.	(Euclio’s door opens and he appears, cudgel in hand) Oh—ow—ow! Good Lord be merciful! I’m done for! He’s opening the den; he’s at the door; he’s after me! I know what I’ll do: (retires) he’s taught me my lesson, my master has. I never in all my life saw a place where they were freer handed with their wood: (rubbing his shoulders) why, when he drove the lot of us out he let us have big sticks of it, all we could stagger under.

III. 2.	Scene 2.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Redi. quo fugis nunc? tene, tene.	(going into street) Come back! Where are you running to now? Stop him, stop him!
Cong.	Cong.
Quid, stolide, clamas?	What are you yelling for, stupid?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quia ad tris viros iam ego deferam nomen tuom.	Because I am going to report your name to the police this instant.
Cong.	Cong.
Quam ob rem?	Why?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quia cultrum habes.	Well, you carry a knife.
Cong.	Cong.
Cocum decet.	And so a cook should.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid comminatu’s mihi?	And how about your threatening me?
Cong.	Cong.
Istud male factum arbitror, quia non latus fodi.	It’s a pity I didn’t jab it through you, I’m thinking.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Homo nullust te scelestior qui vivat hodie 420 neque quoi ego de industria amplius male plus libens faxim.	There isn’t a more abandoned villain than you on the face of the earth, or one I’d be gladder to go out of my way to punish more, either.
Cong.	Cong.
Pol etsi taceas, palam id quidem est: res ipsa testist; ita fustibus sum mollior magis quam ullus cinaedus. sed quid tibi nos tactiost, mendice homo?	Good Lord! That’s evident enough, even if you didn’t say so: the facts speak for themselves. I’ve been clubbed till I’m looser than any fancy dancer. Now what did you mean by laying hands on me, you beggar?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quae res? etiam rogitas? an quia minus quam aequom erat feci?	What’s that? You dare ask me? Didn’t I do my duty by you—is that it? (lifts cudgel)
Cong.	Cong.
Sine, at hercle cum magno malo tuo, si hoc caput sentit.	(backing away) All right: but by gad, you’ll pay heavy for it, or I’m a numskull.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pol ego haud scio quid post fuat: tuom nunc caput sentit. sed in aedibus quid tibi meis nam erat negoti me absente, nisi ego iusseram? volo scire.	Hm! I don’t know anything about the future of your skull, but (chuckling and tapping his cudgel) it must be numb now. (savagely) See here, what the devil were you doing in my house without my orders while I was gone? That’s what I want to know.
Cong.	Cong.
Tace ergo. quia venimus coctum ad nuptias.	Well then, shut up. We came to cook for the wedding, that’s all.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid tu, malum, curas, 430 utrum crudum an coctum ego edim, nisi tu mi es tutor?	And how does it concern you, curse you, whether I eat my food cooked or take it raw—unless you are my guardian?
Cong.	Cong.
Volo scire, sinas an non sinas nos coquere his cenam?	Are you going to let us cook dinner here or not? That’s what I want to know.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Volo scire ego item, meae domi mean salva futura?	Yes, and I want to know whether my things at home will be safe?
Cong.	Cong.
Utinam mea mihi modo auferam, quae adtuli, salva: me haud paenitet, tua ne expetam.	All I hope is I can get safe away with my own things that I brought there. That’ll do for me: don’t worry about my hankering for anything you own.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Scio, ne doce, novi.	(incredulous) I know. You needn’t go on. I quite understand.
Cong.	Cong.
Quid est qua prohibes nunc gratia nos coquere hic cenam? quid fecimus, quid diximus tibi secus quam velles?	Why won’t you let us cook dinner here now? What have we done? What have we said that you didn’t like?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Etiam rogitas, sceleste homo, qui angulos in omnis mearum aedium et conclavium mihi pervium facitis? ibi ubi tibi erat negotium, ad focum si adesses, 440 non fissile auferres caput: merito id tibi factum est.	A pretty question, you villainous rascal, with your making a public highway of every nook and cranny in my whole house! If you had stayed by the oven where your business lay, you wouldn’t be carrying that cloven pate: it serves you right.
adeo ut tu meam sententiam iam noscere possis si ad ianuam huc accesseris, nisi iussero, propius, ego te faciam miserrimus mortalis uti sis. scis iam meam sententiam.	(with forced composure) Now further, just to acquaint you with my sentiments in the matter,—you come any nearer this door without my permission, and I will make you the most forlorn creature in God’s world. Now you know my sentiments. [exit into house.
Cong.	Cong.
Quo abis? redi rursum. ita me bene amet Laverna, uti te iam, nisi reddi mihi vasa iubes, pipulo te his differam ante aedis. quid ego nunc agam? ne ego edepol veni huc auspicio malo. nummo sum conductus: plus iam medico merce dest opus.	(calling after him) Where are you off to? Come back! So help me holy Mother of Thieves, but I’ll soon make it warm for you, the way I’ll rip up your reputation in front of the house here, if you don’t have my dishes brought back! (as Euclio closes the door) Now what? Oh, hell! It certainly was an unlucky day when I came here! Two shillings for the job, and now it’ll take more than that to pay the doctor’s bill.

III. 3.	Scene 3.
	re-enter Euclio from house with object under his cloak.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Hoc quidem hercle, quoquo ibo, mecum erit, mecum feram, 450 neque isti id in tantis periclis umquam committam ut siet. ite sane nunciam omnes, et coqui et tibicinae, etiam intro duce, si vis, vel gregem venalium, coquite, facite, festinate nunciam, quantum libet.	(aside) By heaven, wherever I go this goes (peering under cloak) too: I won’t leave it there to run such risks, never. (to Congrio and others) Very well, come now, in with you, cooks, music girls, every one! (to Congrio) Go on, take your under-strappers inside if you like, the whole hireling herd of ’em. Cook away, work away, scurry around to your hearts’ content now.
Cong.	Cong.
Temperi, postquam implevisti fusti fissorum caput.	A nice time for it, after you’ve clubbed my head till it’s all cracks!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Intro abite, opera huc conducta est vostra, non oratio.	In with you. You were engaged to get up a dinner here, not a declamation.
Cong.	Cong.
Heus, senex, pro vapulando hercle ego abs te mercedem petam. coctum ego, non vapulatum, dudum conductus fui.	I say, old boy, I’ll come to you with my bill for that basting, by the Lord I will. I was hired a while ago to be cook, not to be thumped.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Lege agito mecum. molestus ne sis. i et cenam coque, aut abi in malum cruciatum ab aedibus.	Well, go to law about it. Don’t bother me. Away with you: get dinner, or else get to the devil out of here.
Cong.	Cong.
Abi tu modo.	You just get to—(mildly, as he pushes in past him) one side, then. [exeunt Congrio and his associates into house.

III. 4.	Scene 4.
Eucl.	Eucl.
460 Illic hinc abiit. di immortales, facinus audax incipit qui cum opulento pauper homine coepit rem habere aut negotium.7 veluti Megadorus temptat me omnibus miserum modis, qui simulavit mei honoris mittere huc causa coquos: is ea causa misit, hoc qui surriperent misero mihi.	(looking after them) He’s disappeared. My Lord, my Lord! It’s an awful chance a poor man takes when he begins to have dealings or business with a wealthy man. Here’s Megadorus now, trying to catch me—oh, dear, dear!—in all sorts of ways. Sending cooks over here and pretending it’s because of regard for me! Sent ’em to steal this (looking under cloak) from a poor old man—that’s what his sending ’em was because of!
condigne etiam meus med intus gallus gallinacius, qui erat anu peculiaris, perdidit paenissume. ubi erat haec defossa, occepit ibi scalpurrire ungulis circum circa. quid opust verbis? ita mihi pectus peracuit: capio fustem, obtrunco gallum, furem manufestarium.	And then of course that dunghill cock of mine in there, that used to belong to the old woman, had to come within an inch of ruining me, beginning to scratch and claw around where this (looking under cloak) was buried. Enough said. It just got me so worked up I took a club and annihilated that cock, the thief, the redhanded thief!
470 credo edepol ego illi mercedem gallo pollicitos coquos, si id palam fecisset. exemi ex manu8 manubrium.9 (473) sed Megadorus meus affinis eccum incedit a foro. iam hunc non ausim praeterire, quin consistam et conloquar.	By heaven, I do believe the cooks offered that cock a reward to show them where this (looking under cloak) was. I took the handle (looking under cloak) out of their hands! (looking down street) Ah, but there is son-in-law Megadorus swaggering back from the forum. I suppose it would hardly do for me to pass him without stopping for a word or two, now.

III. 5.	Scene 5.
	enter Megadorus.
Mega.	Mega.
Narravi amicis multis consilium meum de condicione hac. Euclionis filiam laudant. sapienter factum et consilio bono.	(not seeing Euclio) Well, I’ve told a number of friends of my intentions regarding this match. They were full of praise for Euclio’s daughter. Say it’s the sensible thing to do, a fine idea.
nam meo quidem animo si idem faciant ceteri opulentiores, pauperiorum filias 480 ut indotatas ducant uxores domum, et multo fiat civitas concordior, et invidia nos minore utamur quam utimur, et illae malam rem metuant quam metuont magis, et nos minore sumptu simus quam sumus.	Yes, for my part I’m convinced that if the rest of our well-to-do citizens would follow my example and marry poor men’s daughters and let the dowries go, there would be a great deal more unity in our city, and people would be less bitter against us men of means than they are, and our wives would stand in greater awe of marital authority than they do, and the cost of living would be lower for us than it is.
in maximam illuc populi partem est optimum; in pauciores avidos altercatio est, quorum animis avidis atque insatietatibus neque lex neque sutor capere est qui possit modum. namque hoc qui dicat “quo illae nubent divites 490 dotatae, si istud ius pauperibus ponitur?”	It’s just the thing for the vast majority of the people; the fight comes with a handful of greedy fellows so stingy and grasping that neither law nor cobbler can take their measure. And now supposing some one should ask: “Who are the rich girls with dowries going to marry, if you make this rule for the poor ones?”
quo lubeant, nubant, dum dos ne fiat comes. hoc si ita fiat, mores meliores sibi parent, pro dote quos ferant, quam nunc ferunt, ego faxim muli, pretio qui superant equos, sint viliores Gallicis cantheriis.	Why, anyone they please, let ’em marry, provided their dowry doesn’t go along with ’em. In that case, instead of bringing their husbands money, they’d bring them better behaved wives than they do at present. Those mules of theirs that cost more than horses do now—they’d be cheaper than Gallic geldings by the time I got through.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ita me di amabunt ut ego hunc ausculto lubens. nimis lepide fecit verba ad parsimoniam.	(aside) God bless my soul, how I do love to hear him talk! Those thoughts of his about economizing—beautiful, beautiful!
Mega.	Mega.
Nulla igitur dicat “equidem dotem ad te adtuli maiorem multo quam tibi erat pecunia; 500 enim mihi quidem aequomst purpuram atque aurum dari, ancillas, mulos, muliones, pedisequos, salutigerulos pueros, vehicla qui vehar.”	Then you wouldn’t hear them saying: “Well, sir, you never had anything like the money I brought you, and you know it. Fine clothes and jewellery, indeed! And maids and mules and coachmen and footmen and pages and private carriages—well, if I haven’t a right to them!”
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ut matronarum hic facta pernovit probe. moribus praefectum mulierum hunc factum velim.	(aside) Ah, he knows ’em, knows ’em through and through, these society dames! Oh, if he could only be appointed supervisor of public morals—the women’s!
Mega.	Mega.
Nunc quoquo venias plus plaustrorum in aedibus videas quam ruri, quando ad villam veneris. sed hoc etiam pulchrum est praequam ubi sumptus petunt.	Wherever you go nowadays you see more wagons in front of a city mansion than you can find around a farmyard. That’s a perfectly glorious sight, though, compared with the time when the tradesmen come for their money.
stat fullo, phyrgio, aurifex, lanarius; caupones patagiarii, indusiarii, 510 flammarii, volarii, carinarii; stant manulearii, stant10 murobatharii, propolae linteones, calceolarii; sedentarii sutores diabathrarii, solearii astant, astant molocinarii;11 (514) (516) strophiarii astant, astant semul sonarii.	The cleanser, the ladies’ tailor, the jeweller, the woollen worker—they’re all hanging round. And there are the dealers in flounces and underclothes and bridal veils, in violet dyes and yellow dyes, or muffs, or balsam scented foot-gear; and then the lingerie people drop in on you, along with shoemakers and squatting cobblers and slipper and sandal merchants and dealers in mallow dyes; and the belt makers flock around, and the girdle makers along with ’em.
iam hosce absolutes censeas: cedunt, petunt treceni, cum stant thylacistae in atriis textores limbularii, arcularii. 520 ducuntur, datur aes. iam absolutos censeas, cum incedunt infectores corcotarii, aut aliqua mala crux semper est, quae aliquid petat.	And now you may think you’ve got them all paid off. Then up come weavers and lace men and cabinet-makers—hundreds of ’em—who plant themselves like jailers in your halls and want you to settle up. You bring ’em in and square accounts. “All paid off now, anyway,” you may be thinking, when in march the fellows who do the saffron dyeing—some damned pest or other, anyhow, eternally after something.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Compellarem ego illum, ni metuam ne desinat memorare mores mulierum: nunc sic sinam.	(aside) I’d hail him, only I’m afraid he’d stop talking about how the women go on. No, no, I’ll let him be.
Mega.	Mega.
Ubi nugivendis res soluta est omnibus, ibi ad postremum cedit miles, aes petit. itur, putatur ratio cum argentario, miles inpransus astat, aes censet dari. ubi disputata est ratio cum argentario, 530 etiam ipsus ultro debet argentario. spes prorogatur militi in alium diem.	When you’ve got all these fellows of fluff and ruffles satisfied, along comes a military man, bringing up the rear, and wants to collect the army tax. You go and have a reckoning with your banker, your military gentleman standing by and missing his lunch in the expectation of getting some cash. After you and the banker have done figuring, you find you owe him money too, and the military man has his hopes postponed till another day.
haec sunt atque aliae multae in magnis dotibus. incommoditates sumptusque intolerabiles nam quae indotata est, ea in potestate est viri; dotatae mactant et malo et damno viros sed eccum adfinem ante aedes. quid agis, Euclio?	These are some of the nuisances and intolerable expenses that big dowries let you in for, and there are plenty more. Now a wife that doesn’t bring you a penny—a husband has some control over her; it’s the dowered ones that pester the life out of their husbands with the way they cut up and squander. (seeing Euclio) But there’s my new relative in front of the house! How are you, Euclio?

III. 6.	Scene 6.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nimium lubenter edi sermonem tuom.	Gratified, highly gratified with your discourse—I devoured it.
Mega.	Mega.
An audivisti?	Eh? you heard?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Usque a principio omnia.	Every word of it.
Mega.	Mega.
Tamen meo quidem animo aliquanto facias rectius, 540 si nitidior sis filiai nuptus.	(looking him over) But I say, though, I do think it would be a little more in keeping, if you were to spruce up a bit for your daughter’s wedding.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pro re nitorem et gloriam pro copia qui habent, meminerunt sese unde oriundi sient. neque pol, Megadore, mihi neque quoiquam pauperi opinione melius res structa est domi.	(whining) Folks with the wherewithal and means to let ’em spruce up and look smart remember who they are. My goodness, Megadorus! I haven’t got a fortune piled up at home (peers slyly under cloak) any more than people think, and no other poor man has, either.
Mega.	Mega.
Immo est quod satis est, et di faciant ut siet plus plusque et istuc sospitent quod nunc habes.	(genially) Ah well, you’ve got enough, and heaven make it more and more, and bless you in what you have now.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Illud mihi verbum non placet “quod nunc habes.” tam hoc scit me habere quam egomet. anus fecit palam.	(turning away with a start) “What you have now!” I don’t like that phrase! He knows I have this money just as well as I do! The old hag’s been blabbing!
Mega.	Mega.
Quid tu te solus e senatu sevocas?	(pleasantly) Why that secret session over there?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pol ego ut te accusem merito meditabar.	(taken aback) I was—damme sir,—I was framing the complaint against you that you deserve.
Mega.	Mega.
550 Quid est?	What for?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid sit me rogitas? qui mihi omnis angulos furum implevisti in aedibus misero mihi, qui mi intro misti in aedis quingentos coquos, cum senis manibus, genere Geryonaceo;	What for, eh? When you’ve filled every corner of my house with thieves, confound it! When you’ve sent cooks into my house by the hundred and every one of ’em a GeryonianC with six hands apiece!
quos si Argus servet qui oculeus totus fuit, quem quondam Ioni Iuno custodem addidit, is numquam servet. praeterea tibicinam, quae mi interbibere sola, si vino scatat, Corinthiensem fontem Pirenam potest. tum obsonium autem—	Why, Argus, who had eyes all over him and was set to guarding Io once by Juno, couldn’t ever keep watch on those fellows, not if he tried. And that music girl besides! She could take the fountain of Pirene at Corinth and drink it dry, all by herself, she could,—if it ran wine. Then as for the provisions—
Mega.	Mega.
560 Pol vel legioni sat est. etiam agnum misi.	Bless my soul! Why, there’s enough for a regiment. I sent you a lamb, too.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quo quidem agno sat scio magis curiosam12 nusquam esse ullam beluam.	Yes, and a more shearable beast than that same lamb doesn’t exist, I know that.
Mega.	Mega.
Volo ego ex te scire qui sit agnus curio.	I wish you would tell me how the lamb is shearable.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quia ossa ac pellis totust, ita cura macet. quin exta inspicere in sole ei vivo licet: ita is pellucet quasi lanterna Punica.	Because it’s mere skin and bones, wasted away till it’s perfectly—(tittering) sheer. Why, why, you put that lamb in the sun and you can watch its inwards work: it’s as transparent as a PunicD lantern.
Mega.	Mega.
Caedundum conduxi ego illum.	(protestingly) I got that lamb in myself to be slaughtered.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tum tu idem optumumst loces efferendum; nam iam, credo, mortuost.	(dryly) Then you’d best put it out yourself to be buried, for I do believe it’s dead already.
Mega.	Mega.
Potare ego hodie, Euclio, tecum volo.	(laughing and clapping him on the shoulder) Euclio, we must have a little carouse to-day, you and I.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Non potem ego quidem hercle.	(frightened) None for me, sir, none for me! Carouse! Oh my Lord!
Mega.	Mega.
570 At ego iussero cadum unum vini veteris a me adferrier.	But see here, I’ll just have a cask of good old wine brought over from my cellars.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nolo hercle, nam mihi bibere decretum est aquam.	No, no! I don’t care for any! The fact is I am resolved to drink nothing but water.
Mega.	Mega.
Ego te hodie reddam madidum, si vivo, probe, tibi cui decretum est bibere aquam.	(digging him in the ribs) I’ll get you properly soaked to-day, on my life I will, you with your “resolved to drink nothing but water.”
Eucl.	Eucl.
Scio quam rem agat: ut me deponat vino, eam adfectat viam, post hoc quod habeo ut commutet coloniam. ego id cavebo, nam alicubi abstrudam foris. ego faxo et operam et vinum perdiderit simul.	(aside) I see his game! Trying to fuddle me with his wine, that’s it, and then give this (looking under cloak) a new domicile! (pauses) I’ll take measures against that: yes. I’ll secrete it somewhere outside the house. I’ll make him throw away his time and wine together.
Mega.	Mega.
Ego, nisi quid me vis, eo lavatum, ut sacruficem.	(turning to go) Well, unless I can do something for you, I’ll go take a bath and get ready to offer sacrifice. [exit into house.
Eucl.	Eucl.
580 Edepol, ne tu, aula, multos inimicos habes atque istuc aurum quod tibi concreditum est. nunc hoc mihi factu est optumum, ut ted auferam, aula, in Fidei fanum: ibi abstrudam probe. Fides, novisti me et ego te: cave sis tibi, ne in me mutassis nomen, si hoc concreduo. ibo ad te fretus tua, Fides, fiducia.	(paternally to object under cloak) God bless us both, pot, you do have enemies, ah yes, many enemies, you and the gold entrusted to you! As matters stand, pot, the best thing I can do for you is to carry you off to the shrine of Faith: I’ll hide you away there, just as cosy! You know me, Faith, and I know you: don’t change your name, mind, if I trust this to you. Yes, I’ll go to you, Faith, relying on your faithfulness. [exit Euclio.

ACTVS IV	ACT IV
	enter Strobilus.
Strob.	Strob.
Hoc est servi facinus frugi, facere quod ego persequor, ne morae molestiaeque imperium erile habeat sibi. nam qui ero ex sententia servire servos postulat, 590 in erum matura, in se sera condecet capessere. sin dormitet, ita dormitet, servom sese ut cogitet.13 (591)	(self-complacently) This is the way for a good servant to act, the way I do: no thinking master’s orders are a botheration and nuisance. I tell you what, if a servant wants to give satisfaction, he’d just better make it a case of master first and man second. Even if he should fall asleep, he ought to do it with an eye on the fact that he’s a servant.13
erile14 imperium ediscat, ut quod frons velit oculi sciant; (599) 600 quod iubeat citis quadrigis citius properet persequi. qui ea curabit, abstinebit censione bubula, nec sua opera rediget umquam in splendorem compedes.	He’s got to know his master’s inclinations like a book, so that he can read his wishes in his face. And as for orders, he must push ’em through faster than a fast four-in-hand. If a chap minds all this, he won’t be paying taxes on rawhide, or ever spend his time polishing a ball and chain with his ankles.
nunc erus meus amat filiam huius Euclionis pauperis; eam ero nunc renuntiatum est nuptum huic Megadoro dari. is speculatum huc misit me, ut quae fierent fieret particeps. nunc sine omni suspicione in ara hic adsidam sacra; hinc ego et huc et illuc potero quid agant arbitrarier.	Now the fact is, master’s in love with the daughter of poor old Euclio here; and he’s just got word she’s going to be married to Megadorus there. So he’s sent me over to keep my eyes peeled and report on operations. I’ll just settle down alongside this sacred altar (does so) and no one’ll suspect me. I can inspect proceedings at both houses from here.

IV. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Euclio without seeing Strobilus.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tu modo cave quoiquam indicassis aurum meum esse istic, Fides: non metuo ne quisquam inveniat, ita probe in latebris situmst. 610 edepol ne illic pulchram praedam agat, si quis illam invenerit aulam onustam auri; verum id te quaeso ut prohibessis, Fides.	(plaintively) Only be sure you don’t let anyone know my gold is there. Faith: no fear of anyone finding it, not after the lovely way I tucked it in that dark nook, (pauses) Oh my God, what a beautiful haul he would get, if anyone should find it—a pot just crammed with gold! For mercy’s sake,though, Faith, don’t let him!
nunc lavabo, ut rem divinam faciam, ne affinem morer quin ubi accersat meam extemplo filiam ducat domum. vide, Fides, etiam atque etiam nunc, salvam ut aulam abs te auferam: tuae fide concredidi aurum, in tuo loco et fano est situm.	(walks slowly toward house) Now I’ll have a bath, so that I may sacrifice and not hinder my prospective son-in-law from marrying my girl the moment he claims her. (looking down street toward temple) Take care now, Faith, do, do, do take care I get my pot back from you safe. I’ve trusted my gold to your good faith, laid it away in your grove and shrine. [exit Euclio into house.
Strob.	Strob.
Di immortales, quod ego hunc hominem facinus audivi loqui: se aulam onustam auri abstrusisse hic intus in fano Fide. cave tu illi fidelis, quaeso, potius fueris, quam mihi. atque hic pater est, ut ego opinor, huius erus quam amat, virginis.	(jumping up) Ye immortal gods! What’s all this I heard the fellow tell of! A pot just crammed with gold hidden in the shrine of Faith here! For the love of heaven, Faith, don’t be more faithful to him than to me. Yes, and he’s the father of the girl that is master’s sweetheart, or I’m mistaken.
620 ibo hinc intro, perscrutabor fanum, si inveniam uspiam aurum, dum his est occupatus. sed si repperero, o Fides, mulsi congialem plenam faciam tibi fideliam. id adeo tibi faciam; verum ego mihi bibam, ubi id fecero.	I’m going in there: I’ll search that shrine from top to bottom and see if I can’t find the gold somewhere while he’s busy here. But if I come across it—oh, Faith, I’ll pour you out a five pint pot of wine and honey! There now! that’s what I’ll do for you; and when I’ve done that for you, why, I’ll drink it up for myself. [exit to temple at a run.

IV. 3.	Scene 3.
	re-enter Euclio from house.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Non temere est quod corvos cantat mihi nunc ab laeva manu; semul radebat pedibus terram et voce croccibat sua: continuo meum cor coepit artem facere ludicram atque in pectus emicare. sed ego cesso currere?	(excitedly) It means something—that raven cawing on my left just now! And all the time a-clawing the ground, croaking away, croaking away! The minute I heard him my heart began to dance a jig and jumped up into my throat. But I must run, run! [exit to temple.

IV. 4.	Scene 4.
	a few moments elapse. then the sound of a scuffle down the street. re-enter Euclio dragging Strobilus.
Eucl.	Eucl.
I foras, lumbrice, qui sub terra erepsisti modo, qui modo nusquam comparebas, nunc, cum compares, peris, 630 ego pol te, praestrigiator, miseris iam accipiam modis.	Come! out, you worm! crawling up from under-ground just now! A minute ago you weren’t to be found anywhere, and (grimly) now you’re found you’re finished! Oh-h-h-h, you felon! I’m going to give it to you, this very instant! (beats him)
Strob.	Strob.
Quae te mala crux agitat? quid tibi mecum est commerci, senex? quid me adflictas? quid me raptas? qua me causa verberas?	What the devil’s got into you? What business have you got with me, old fellow? What are you pounding me for? What are you jerking me along for? What do you mean by battering me?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Verberabilissime, etiam rogitas, non fur, sed trifur?	(still pummelling him) Mean, eh? You batterissimo. You’re not a thief: you’re three thieves.
Strob.	Strob.
Quid tibi surrupui?	What did I steal from you?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Redde huc sis.	(threateningly) You kindly give it back.
Strob.	Strob.
Quid tibi vis reddam?	Back? What back?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Rogas?	A nice question!
Strob.	Strob.
Nil equidem tibi abstuli.	I didn’t take a thing from you, honestly.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At illud quod tibi abstuleras cedo. ecquid agis?	Well, what you took dishonestly, then! Hand it over! Come, come, will you!
Strob.	Strob.
Quid agam?	Come, come, what?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Auferre non potes.	You shan’t get away with it.
Strob.	Strob.
Quid vis tibi?	What is it you want?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pone.	Down with it!
Strob.	Strob.
Id quidem pol te datare credo consuetum, senex.	Down with it, eh! Looks as if you’d downed too much of it yourself already, old boy.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Pone hoc sis, aufer cavillam, non ego nunc nugas ago.	Down with it, I tell you! None of your repartee! I’m not in the humour for trifling now.
Strob.	Strob.
Quid ego ponam? quin tu eloquere quidquid est suo nomine. non hercle equidem quicquam sumpsi nec tetigi.	Down with what? Come along, speak out and give it its name, whatever it is. Hang it all, I never took a thing nor touched a thing, and that’s flat.
Eucl.	Eucl.
640 Ostende huc manus.	Show me your hands.
Strob.	Strob.
Em tibi, ostendi, eccas.	(stretching them out) All right—there they are: have a look.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Video. age ostende etiam tertiam.	(dryly) I see. Come now, the third one: out with it.
Strob.	Strob.
Laruae hunc atque intemperiae insaniaeque agitant senem facisne iniuriam mihi?	(aside) He’s got ’em! The old chap’s mad, stark, staring mad! (to Euclio, virtuously) Now aren’t you doing me an injury?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Fateor, quia non pendes, maximam atque id quoque iam fiet, nisi fatere.	I am, a hideous injury—in not hanging you. And I’ll soon do that, too, if you don’t confess.
Strob.	Strob.
Quid fatear tibi?	Confess what?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid abstulisti hinc?	What did you carry off from here? (pointing toward temple)
Strob.	Strob.
Di me perdant, si ego tui quicquam abstuli nive adeo abstulisse vellem.	(solemnly) May I be damned, if I carried off a thing of yours. (aside) Likewise if I didn’t want to.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Agedum, excutedum pallium.	Come on, shake out your cloak.
Strob.	Strob.
Tuo arbitratu.	(doing so) Anything you say.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ne inter tunicas habeas.	Um! probably under your tunic.
Strob.	Strob.
Tempta qua lubet.	(cheerfully) Feel anywhere you please.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Vah, scelestus quam benigne: ut ne abstulisse intellegam. novi sycophantias. age rusum ostende huc manum dexteram.	Ugh! you rascal! How obliging you are! That I may think you didn’t take it! I’m up to your dodges. (searches him) Once more now—out with your hand, the right one.
Strob.	Strob.
Em.	(obeying) There you are.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Nunc laevam ostende.	Now the left one.
Strob.	Strob.
650 Quin equidem ambas profero.	(obeying) Why, certainly: here’s the both of ’em.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Iam scrutari mitto. redde huc.	Enough of this searching. Now give it here.
Strob.	Strob.
Quid reddam?	What?
Eucl.	Eucl.
A, nugas agis, certe habes.	Oh-h! Bosh! You must have it!
Strob.	Strob.
Habeo ego? quid habeo?	I have it? Have what?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Non dico, audire expetis. id meum, quidquid habes, redde.	I won’t say: you’re too anxious to know. Anything of mine you’ve got, hand it over.
Strob.	Strob.
Insanis: perscrutatus es tuo arbitratu, neque tui me quicquam invenisti penes.	Crazy! You went all through me as much as you liked without finding a solitary thing of yours on me.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Mane, mane. quis illic est? quis hic intus alter erat tecum simul? perii hercle: ille nunc intus turbat, hunc si amitto hic abierit. postremo hunc iam perscrutavi, his nihil habet. abi quo lubet.	(excitedly) Wait, wait! (turns toward temple and listens) Who’s in there? Who was that other fellow in there along with you? (aside) My Lord! this is awful, awful! There’s another one at work in there all this time. And if I let go of this one, he’ll skip off. (pauses) But then I’ve searched him already: he hasn’t anything. (aloud) Off with you, anywhere! (releases him with a final cuff)
Strob.	Strob.
Iuppiter te dique perdant.	(from a safe distance) You be everlastingly damned!
Eucl.	Eucl.
Haud male egit gratias. ibo intro atque illi socienno tuo iam interstringam gulam. fugin hinc ab oculis? abin an non.	(aside, dryly) Nice way he has of showing his gratitude. (aloud, sternly) I’ll go in there, and that accomplice of yours—I’ll strangle him on the spot. Are you going to vanish? Are you going to get out, or not? (advances)
Strob.	Strob.
Abeo.	(retreating) I am, I am!
Eucl.	Eucl.
660 Cave sis15 te videam.	And kindly see I don’t set eyes on you again. [exit Euclio toward temple.

IV. 5.	Scene 5.
Strob.	Strob.
Emortuom ego me mavelim leto malo quam non ego illi dem hodie insidias seni. nam hic iam non audebit aurum abstrudere: credo ecferet iam secum et mutabit locum. attat, foris crepuit. senex eccum aurum ecfert foras. tantisper huc ego ad ianuam concessero.	I’d sooner be tortured to death than not give that old fellow a surprise to-day. (reflecting) Well, after this he won’t dare hide his gold here. What he’ll most likely do is bring it out with him and put it somewhere else. (listening) Hm-m-m! There goes the door! Aha! the old boy’s coming out with it. I’ll just back up by the doorway for a while. (hides by Megadorus’s house)

IV. 6.	Scene 6.
	re-enter Euclio with pot.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Fide censebam maxumam multo fidem esse, ea sublevit os mihi paenissume: ni subvenisset corvos, periissem miser. 670 nimis hercle ego illum corvom ad me veniat velim. qui indicium fecit, ut ego illi aliquid boni dicam; nam quod edit tam duim quam perduim.	I used to fancy Faith, of all deities, was absolutely faithful, and here she’s just missed making a downright ass of me. If that raven hadn’t stood by me, I’d be a poor, poor ruined man. By heavens, I’d just like that raven to come and see me, the one that warned me, I certainly should, so that I might pay him a handsome—compliment. As for tossing him a bite to eat, why, that would amount to throwing it away.
nunc hoc ubi abstrudam cogito solum locum. Silvani lucus extra murum est avius, crebro salicto oppletus. ibi sumam locum. certumst, Silvano potius credam quam Fide.	(meditating) Let me think now, where is some lonely spot to hide this in? (after a moment) There’s that grove of Silvanus outside the wall, solitary, willow thickets all around. There’s where I’ll pick my place. I’d sooner trust Silvanus than Faith, and that’s settled. [exit Euclio.
Strob.	Strob.
Euge, euge, di me salvom et servatum volunt. iam ego illuc praecurram atque inscendam aliquam in arborem indeque observabo, aurum ubi abstrudat senex. 680 quamquam hic manere me erus sese iusserat; certum est, malam rem potius quaeram cum lucro.	Good! Good! The gods are with me. I’m a made man! Now I’ll run on ahead and climb some tree there so as to sight the place where the old fellow hides it. What if master did tell me to wait here! I’d sooner look for a thrashing along with the cash, and that’s settled. [exit Strobilus.

IV. 7.	Scene 7.
	enter Lyconides and Eunomia.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Dixi tibi, mater, iuxta rem mecum tenes. super Euchoms filia. nunc te obsecro resecroque, mater, quod dudum obsecraveram: fac mentionem cum avonculo, mater mea.	That’s the whole story, mother: you see how it is with me and Euclio’s daughter as well as I do. And now, mother, I beg you, beg you again and again, as I did before: do tell my uncle about it, mother dear.
Eun.	Eun.
Scis tute facta velle me quae tu velis, et istuc confido a fratre me impetrassere; et causa iusta est, siquidem ita est ut praedicas, te eam compressisse vinulentum virginem.	Your wishes are mine, dear; you know that yourself: and I feel sure your uncle will not refuse me. It’s a perfectly reasonable request, too, if it’s all as you say and you actually did get intoxicated and treat the poor girl so.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Egone ut te advorsum mentiar, mater mea?	Is it like me to look you in the face and lie, my dear mother?
Phaed.	Phaed.
Perii, mea nutrix. obsecro te, uterum dolet. Iuno Lucina, tuam fidem!	(within Euclio’s house) Oh—oh! Nurse! Nurse dear! Oh, God help me! The pain!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Em, mater mea, tibi rem potiorem verbo: clamat, parturit.	There, mother! There’s better proof than words gives. Her cries! The child!
Eun.	Eun.
Ei hac intro mecum, gnate mi, ad fratrem meum, ut istuc quod me oras impetratum ab eo auferam.	(agitated) Come, darling, come in to your uncle with me, so that I may persuade him to let it be as you urge.
Lyc.	Lyc.
I, iam sequar te, mater. sed servom meum Strobilum miror ubi sit, quem ego me iusseram hic opperiri. nunc ego mecum cogito: si mihi dat operam, me illi irasci iniurium est. ibo intro, ubi de capite meo sunt comitia.	You go, mother: I’ll follow you in a moment. [exit Eunomia into Megadorus’s house. I wonder (looking around) where that fellow Strobilus of mine is that I told to wait for me here. (pauses) Well, on thinking it over, if he’s doing something for me, it’s all wrong my finding fault with him. (turning toward Megadorus’s door) Now for the session that decides my fate. [exit.

IV. 8.	Scene 8.
	enter Strobilus with pot.
Strob.	Strob.
Picis divitiis, qui aureos montes colunt, ego solus supero. nam istos reges ceteros memorare nolo, hominum mendicabula: ego sum ille rex Philippus. o lepidum diem, nam ut dudum hinc abii, multo illo adveni prior multoque prius me conlocavi in arborem indeque spectabam aurum ubi abstrudebat senex.	(elated) Woodpeckers that haunt the Hills of Gold, eh! I can buy ’em up my own single self. As for the rest of your big kings—not worth mentioning, poor beggarlets! I am the great King Philip. Oh, this is a grand day! Why, after I left here a while ago I got there long before him and was up in a tree long before he came: and from there I spotted where the old chap hid the stuff.
ubi ille abiit, ego me dorsum duco de arbore, exfodio aulam auri plenam. inde ex eo loco 710 video recipere se senem; ille me non videt, nam ego declinavi paululum me extra viam. attat, eccum ipsum. ibo ut hoc condam domum.	After he’d gone I scrabbled down, dug up the pot full of gold! Then I saw him coming back from the place; he didn’t see me, though. I slipped off a bit to one side of the road (looking down street) Aha! there he comes! I’ll home and tuck this out of sight. [exit Strobilus.

IV. 9.	Scene 9.
	enter Euclio frantic.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Perii interii occidi. quo curram? quo non curram? tene, tene. quem? quis? nescio, nil video, caecus eo atque equidem quo eam aut ubi sim aut qui sim nequeo cum animo certum investigare. obsecro vos ego, mi auxilio, oro obtestor, sitis et hominem demonstretis, quis eam abstulerit.	(running wildly back and forth) I’m ruined, I’m killed, I’m murdered! Where shall I run? Where shan’t I run? Stop thief! Stop thief! What thief? Who? I don’t know! I can’t see! I’m all in the dark! Yes, yes, and where I’m going, or where I am, or who I am—oh, I can’t tell, I can’t think! (to audience) Help, help, for heaven’s sake, I beg you, I implore you! Show the man that took it.
quid est? quid ridetis? novi omnes, scio fures esse hic complures, qui vestitu et creta occultant sese atque sedent quasi sint frugi. quid ais tu? tibi credere certum est, nam esse bonum ex voltu cognosco. 720 hem, nemo habet horum? occidisti. dic igitur, quis habet? nescis?	Eh, what’s that? What are you grinning for? I know you, the whole lot of you! I know there are thieves here, plenty of ’em, that cover themselves up in dapper clothes and sit still as if they were honest men. (to a spectator) You, sir, what do you say? I’ll trust you, I will, I will. Yes, you’re a worthy gentleman, I can tell it from your face. Ha! none of them has it? Oh, you’ve killed me! Tell me, who has got it, then? You don’t know?
heu me miserum, misere perii, male perditus, pessime ornatus eo: tantum gemiti et mali maestitiaeque hic dies mi optulit, famem et pauperiem.	Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear! I’m a ruined man! I’m lost, lost! Oh, what a plight! Oh, such a cruel, disastrous, dismal day—it’s made a starveling of me, a pauper!
perditissimus ego sum omnium in terra; nam quid mi opust vita, qui tantum auri perdidi, quod concustodivi sedulo? egomet me defraudavi animumque meum geniumque meum; nunc eo alii laetificantur meo malo et damno. pati nequeo.	I’m the forlornest wretch on earth! Ah, what is there in life for me when I’ve lost all that gold I guarded, oh, so carefully! I’ve denied myself, denied my own self comforts and pleasures; yes, and now others are making merry over my misery and loss! Oh, it’s unendurable! enter Lyconides from house of Megadorus.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quinam homo hic ante aedis nostras eiulans conqueritur maerens? atque hic quidem Euclio est, ut opinor. oppido ego interii: palamst res, scit peperisse iam, ut ego opinor, filiam suam. nunc mi incertumst 730 abeam an maneam, an adeam an fugiam quid agam edepol nescio.	Who in the world is raising all this howling, groaning hullabaloo before our house here? (looking round) Upon my word, it’s Euclio, I do believe. (drawing back) My time has certainly come: it’s all out. He’s just learned about his daughter’s child, I suppose. Now I can’t decide whether to leave or stay, advance or retreat. By Jove, I don’t know what to do!

IV. 10.	Scene 10.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quis homo hic loquitur?	(hearing sound of voice only) Who’s that talking here?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Ego sum miser.	(stepping forward) I’m the poor wretch, sir.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Immo ego sum, et misere perditus, cui tanta mala maestitudoque optigit.	No, no, I’m the poor wretch, a poor ruined wretch, with all this trouble and tribulation.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Animo bono es.	Keep your courage up, sir.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quo, obsecro, pacto esse possum?	For heaven’s sake how can I?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quia istuc facinus, quod tuom sollicitat animum, id ego feci et fateor.	Well, sir, that outrage that distresses you— (hesitantly) I’m to blame, and I confess it, sir.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid ego ex te audio?	Hey? What’s that?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Id quod verumst.	The truth.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid ego de te commerui, adulescens, mali. quam ob rem ita faceres meque meosque perditum ires liberos?	How have I ever harmed you, young man, for you to act like this and try to ruin me and my children?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Deus impulsor mihi fuit, is me ad illam inlexit.	It was some demon got hold of me, sir, and led me on.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quo modo?	How is this?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Fateor peccavisse et me culpam commeritum scio; id adeo te oratum advenio ut animo aequo ignoscas mihi.	I admit I’ve done wrong, sir; I deserve your reproaches, and I know it; more than that, I’ve come to beg you to be patient and forgive me.
Eucl.	Eucl.
740 Cur id ausu’s facere, ut id quod non tuom esset tangeres?	How did you dare do it, dare touch what didn’t belong to you?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quid vis fieri? factum est illud: fieri infectum non potest. deos credo voluisse; nam ni vellent, nori fieret, scio.	(penitently) Well, well, sir,—it’s done, and it can’t be undone. I think it must have been fated; otherwise it wouldn’t have happened, I’m sure of that.
Eucl.	Eucl.
At ego deos credo voluisse ut apud me te in nervo enicem.	Yes, and I think it must have been fated that I’m to shackle you at my house and murder you!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Ne istuc dixis.	Don’t say that, sir.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid tibi ergo meam me invito tactiost?	Then why did you lay hands on what was mine, without my permission?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quia vini vitio atque amoris feci.	It was all because of drink... and... love, sir.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Homo audacissime, cum istacin te oratione huc ad me adire ausum, impudens! nam si istuc ius est ut tu istuc excusare possies, luci claro deripiamus aurum matronis palam, post id si prehensi simus, excusemus ebrios 750 nos fecisse amoris causa. nimis vilest vinum atque amor, si ebrio atque amanti impune facere quod lubeat licet.	The colossal impudence of it! To dare to come to me with a tale like that, you shameless rascal! Why, if it’s legal to clear yourself that way, we should be stripping ladies of their jewellery on the public highways in broad daylight! And then when we were caught we’d excuse ourselves on the score that we were drunk, and did it out of love. Drink and love are altogether too cheap, if your drunken lover can do what he likes and not suffer for it.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quin tibi ultro supplicatum venio obstultitiam meam.	Yes, but I’ve come of my own accord sir, to entreat you to pardon my madness.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Non mi homines placent qui quando male fecerunt purigant. tu illam scibas non tuam esse. non attactam oportuit.	I have no patience with men who do wrong and then try to explain it away. You knew you had no right to act so: you should have kept hands off.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Ergo quia sum tangere ausus, haud causificor quin eam ego habeam potissimum.	Well, now that I did venture to act so, I have no objection to holding to it, sir,—I ask nothing better.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Tun habeas me invito meam?	(more angry) Hold to it? Against my will?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Haud te invito postulo, sed meam esse oportere arbitror. quin tu iam invenies, inquam, meam illam esse oportere, Euclio.	I won’t insist on it against your will, sir, but I do think my claim is just. Why, you’ll soon come to realize the justice of it yourself, sir, I assure you.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Iam quidem hercle te ad praetorem rapiam et tibi scribam dicam, nisi refers.	I’ll march you off to court and sue you, by heaven I will, this minute, unless you bring it back.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quid tibi ego referam?	I? Bring what back?
Eucl.	Eucl.
760 Quod surripuisti meum.	What you stole from me.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Surripui ego tuom? unde? aut quid id est?	I stole something of yours? Where from? What?
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ita te amabit Iuppiter ut tu nescis.	(ironically) God bless your innocence—you don’t know!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Nisi quidem tu mihi quid quaeras dixeris.	Not unless you say what you’re looking for.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Aulam auri, inquam, te resposco, quam tu confessu’s mihi te abstulisse.	The pot of gold, I tell you; I want back the pot of gold you owned up to taking.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Neque edepol ego dixi neque feci.	Great heavens, man! I never said that or did it, either.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Negas?	You deny it?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Pernego immo. nam neque ego aurum neque istaec aula quae siet scio nec novi.	Deny it? Absolutely. Why, I don’t know, haven’t any idea, about your gold, or what that pot is.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Illam, ex Silvani luco quam abstuleras, cedo. i, refer. dimidiam tecum potius partem dividam. tam etsi fur mihi es, molestus non ero. i vero, refer.	The one you took from the grove of Silvanus—give it me. Go, bring it back. (pleadingly) You can have half of it, yes, yes, I’ll divide. Even though you are such a thief, I won’t make any trouble for you. Do, do go and bring it back, oh do!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Sanus tu non es qui furem me voces. ego te, Euclio, 770 de alia re rescivisse censui, quod ad me attinet; 16magna est res quam ego tecum otiose, si otium est, cupio loqui.	Man alive, you’re out of your senses, calling me a thief. I supposed you had found out about something else that does concern me, Euclio. There’s an important matter I’m anxious to talk over quietly with you, sir, if you’re at leisure.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Dic bona fide: tu id aurum non surripuisti?	Give me your word of honour: you didn’t steal that gold?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Bona.	(shaking his head) On my honour.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Neque eum scis qui abstulerit?	And you don’t know the man that did take it?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Istuc quoque bona.	Nor that, either, on my honour.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Atque id si scies qui abstulerit, mihi indicabis?	And if you learn who took it, you’ll inform me?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Faciam.	I will.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Neque partem tibi ab eo qui habet indipisces neque furem excipies?	And you won’t go shares with the man that has it, or shield the thief?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Ita.	No.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Quid si fallis?	What if you deceive me?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Tum me faciat quod volt magnus Iuppiter.	Then, sir, may I be dealt with as great God sees fit.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Sat habeo. age nunc loquere quid vis.	That will suffice. All right now, say what you want.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Si me novisti minus, genere quo sim gnatus: hic mihi est Megadorus avonculus, meus pater fuit Antimachus, ego vocor Lyconides. mater est Eunomia.	In case you’re not acquainted with my family connections, sir,—Megadorus here is my uncle: my father was Antimachus, and my own name is Lyconides: Eunomia is my mother.
Eucl.	Eucl.
780 Novi genus. nunc quid vis? id volo noscere.	I know who you are. Now what do you want? That’s what I wish to know.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Filiam ex te tu habes.	You have a daughter.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Immo eccillam domi.	Yes, yes, at home there!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Eam tu despondisti, opinor, meo avonculo?	You have betrothed her to my uncle, I understand.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Omnem rem tenes.	Precisely, precisely.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Is me nunc renuntiare repudium iussit tibi.	He has asked me to inform you now that he breaks the engagement.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Repudium rebus paratis, exornatis nuptiis? ut illum di immortales omnes deaeque quantum est perduint, quem propter hodie auri tantum perdidi infelix, miser.	(furious) Breaks the engagement, with everything ready, the wedding prepared for? May all the everlasting powers above consume that villain that’s to blame for my losing my gold, all that gold, poor God forsaken creature that I am!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Bono animo es, bene dice. nunc quae res tibi et gnatae tuae bene feliciterque vortat—ita di faxint, inquito.	Brace up, sir: don’t curse. And now for some thing that I pray will turn out well and happily for yourself and your daughter—“God grant it may!” Say that.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ita di faciant.	(doubtfully) God grant it may!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Et mihi ita di faciant. audi nunciam. 790 qui homo culpam admisit in se, nullust tam parvi preti, quom pudeat, quin purget sese. nunc te obtestor, Euclio, ut si quid ego erga te imprudens peccavi aut gnatam tuam, ut mi ignoscas eamque uxorem mihi des, ut leges iubent. ego me iniuriam fecisse filiae fateor tuae, Cereris vigiliis, per vinum atque impulsu adulescentiae.	And God grant it may for me, too! Now listen, sir. There isn’t a man alive so worthless but what he wants to clear himself when he’s done wrong and is ashamed. Now, sir, if I’ve injured you or your daughter without realizing what I was doing, I implore you to forgive me and let me marry her as I’m legally bound to. (nervously) It was the night of Ceres’ festival... and what with wine and... a young fellow’s natural impulses together... I wronged her, I confess it.
Eucl.	Eucl.
Ei mihi, quod ego facinus ex te audio?	Oh, oh, my God! What villainy am I hearing of?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Cur eiulas, quem ego avom feci iam ut esses filiai nuptus? nam tua gnata peperit, decumo mense post: numerum cape; ea re repudium remisit avonculus causa mea. i intro, exquaere, sitne ita ut ego praedico.	(patting his shoulder) Lamenting, sir, lamenting, when you’re a grandfather, and this your daughter’s wedding day? You see it’s the tenth month since the festival—reckon it up—and we have a child, sir. This explains my uncle’s breaking the engagement: he did it for my sake. Go in and inquire if it isn’t just as I tell you.
Eucl.	Eucl.
800 Perii oppido, ita mihi ad malum malae res plurimae se adglutinant. ibo intro, ut quid huius verum sit sciam.	Oh, my life is wrecked, wrecked! The way calamities swarm down and settle on me one after another! Go in I will, and have the truth of it! [exit into his house.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Iam te sequor haec propemodum iam esse in vado salutis res videtur nunc servom esse ubi dicam meum Strobilum non reperio; nisi etiam hic opperiar tamen paulisper, postea intro hunc subsequar. nunc interim spatium ei dabo exquirendi meum factum ex gnatae pedisequa nutrice anu. ea rem novit.	(as he disappears) I’ll soon be with you, sir. (after a pause, contentedly) It does look as if we were pretty nearly safe in the shallows now. (looking around) Where in the world my fellow Strobilus is I can’t imagine. Well, the only thing to do is to wait here a bit longer; then I’ll join father-in-law inside. Meanwhile I’ll let him have an opportunity to inquire into the case from the old nurse that’s been his daughter’s maid: she knows about it all. (waits in doorway)

ACTVS V	ACT V
	enter Strobilus.
Strob.	Strob.
Di immortales quibus et quantis me donatis gaudiis. quadrilibrem aulam auro onustam habeo. quis me est ditior? 810 quis me Athenis nunc magis quisquam est homo cui di sint propitii?	Ye immortal gods, what joy, what bliss, ye bless me with! I have a four pound pot of gold, chock full of gold! Show me a man that’s richer! Who’s the chap in all Athens now that Heaven’s kinder to than me?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Certo enim ego vocem hic loquentis modo mi audire visus sum.	Why, it surely seemed as if I heard some one’s voice just then. (catches a glimpse of Strobilus’s face, the latter wheeling around as he sees Lyconides)
Strob.	Strob.
Hem, erumne ego aspicio meum?	(aside) Hm! Is that master there?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Videon ego hunc servom meum?	(aside) My servant, is it?
Strob.	Strob.
Ipsus est.	(aside, after a quick glance) It’s the governor.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Haud alius est.	(aside) Himself.
Strob.	Strob.
Congrediar.	(aside) Here goes. (moves toward Lyconides)
Lyc.	Lyc.
Contollam gradum. credo ego illum, ut iussi, eampse anum adiisse, huius nutricem virginis.	(aside) I’ll go meet him. No doubt he’s followed instructions and been to see that old woman I mentioned, my girl’s nurse.
Strob.	Strob.
Quin ego illi me invenisse dico hanc praedam17? igitur orabo ut manu me emittat. ibo atque eloquar. repperi—	(aside) Why not tell him I’ve found this prize? Then I’ll beg him to set me free. I’ll up and let him have the whole story. (to Lyconides, as they meet) I’ve found—
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quid repperisti?	(scoffingly) Found what?
Strob.	Strob.
Non quod pueri clamitant in faba se repperisse.	No such trifle as youngsters hurrah over finding in a bean.E
Lyc.	Lyc.
Iamne autem, ut soles? deludis.	At your old tricks? You’re chaffing. (pretends to be about to leave)
Strob.	Strob.
Ere, mane, eloquar iam, ausculta.	Hold on, sir: I’ll tell you all about it this minute. Listen.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Age ergo loquere.	Well, well, then, tell away.
Strob.	Strob.
820 Repperi hodie, ere, divitias nimias.	Sir, to-day I’ve found—boundless riches!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Ubinam?	(interested) You have? Where?
Strob.	Strob.
Quadrilibrem, inquam, aulam auri plenam.	A four pound pot, sir, I tell you, a four pound pot just full of gold!
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quod ego facinus audio ex te? Euclioni hic seni subripuit. ubi id est aurum?	What’s all this you’ve done? He’s the man that robbed old Euclio. Where is this gold?
Strob.	Strob.
In arca apud me. nunc volo me emitti manu.	In a box at home. Now I want you to set me free.
Lyc.	Lyc.
Egone te emittam manu, scelerum cumulatissime?	(angrily) I set you free, you, you great lump of iniquity?
Strob.	Strob.
Abi, ere, scio quam rem geras. lepide hercle animum tuom temptavi. iam ut eriperes apparabas: quid faceres, si repperissem?	(crestfallen, then laughing heartily) Go along with you, sir! I know what you’re after. Gad! that was clever of me, testing you in that way! And you were just getting ready to drop on it! Now what would you be doing, if I really had found it?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Non potes probasse nugas. i, redde aurum.	No, no, that won’t pass. Off with you: hand over the gold.
Strob.	Strob.
Reddam ego aurum?	Hand over the gold? I?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Redde, inquam, ut huic reddatur.	Yes, hand it over, so that it may be handed over to Euclio.
Strob.	Strob.
Unde?	Gold? Where from?
Lyc.	Lyc.
Quod modo fassu’s esse in arca.	The gold you just admitted was in the box.
Strob.	Strob.
830 Soleo hercle ego garrire nugas.
Lyc.	Lyc.
18
Strob.	Strob.
Ita loquor.	That’s what I say.
Lyc.	Lyc.
At scin quomodo?19	(seizing him) See here, do you know what you’ll get?
Strob.	Strob.
Vel hercle enica, numquam hinc feres a me.	By heaven, sir, you can even kill me, but you won’t have it from me, never—

The rest of the play is lost, save for a few fragments. Apparently Lyconides, on returning the pot of gold, was given permission to marry Euclio’s daughter; and Euclio, having a change of heart, or influenced by his Household God, gave it to the young couple as a wedding present.

FRAGMENTA	FRAGMENTS
I pro illis corcotis, strophiis, sumptu uxorio	Instead of those fine saffron dresses, girdles, trousseau outlay
II ut admemordit hominem	How he fleeced the man
Eucl.	Eucl.
III ego ecfodiebam in die denos scrobes.	I used to be digging ten ditches a day.
Eucl.	Eucl.
IV nec noctu nec diu quietus umquam servabam eam: nunc dormiam.	I never had a bit of rest day or night watching it: now I shall sleep.
V qui mi holera cruda ponunt, hallec adduint.	People that serve me raw vegetables ought to add some sauce.

---

1. Leo brackets following v., 266: credo ego illum iam inaudivisse mi esse thensaurum domi.]	A. The last born, or born after the father’s death.
2. 299, 300 inverted, Gulielmius: Leo, following Havet, assumes lacuna after 298.	B. The use of wine was forbidden at the festival called the Cereris nuptiae.
3. Leo notes lacuna here. etiam tu Leo.	C. Geryon was a giant with three heads and bodies.
4. Corrupt (Leo): stultu’s et sine gratiast ibi Gulielmius.	D. Perhaps of glass, of which the Phoenicians were reputedly the inventors.
5. Leo brackets following v., 393: nimirum occidor, nisi ego intro huc propere propero currere.	E. It is uncertain what they did find.
6. Attatae Lindsay: optate MSS: cives V2: vires B: vives D V1.
7. Corrupt (Leo): Goetz deletes coepit.
8. Corrupt (Leo): manupretium Leo for manubrium.
9. Leo brackets following v., 472: quid opust verbis? acta est pugna in gallo gallinacio.
10. Corrupt (Leo): myrobaptarii Leo.
11. Leo brackets following v., 515: petunt fullones, sorcinatores petunt.
12. curiosam MSS: curionem Gulielmius, followed by Leo and others.
13. Leo brackets following v., 592-598: nam qui amanti ero servitutem servit, quasi ego servio, si erum videt superare amorem, hoc servi est officium reor, retinere ad salutem, non enim quo incumbat eo impellere.	13. For when a slave’s slaving it like I am for a master who is in love, if he sees his master’s heart is running away with him, it’s the slave’s duty, in my opinion, to hold him in and save him and not hurry him on the way he’s headed.
(595) quasi pueri qui nare discunt scirpea induitur ratis, qui laborent minus, facilius ut nent et moveant manus, eodem modo servom ratem esse amanti ero aequom censeo, ut eum toleret, ne pessum abeat tamquam—	It’s like boys learning to swim: they lie on a rush float so as not to have to work so hard and so as to swim more easily and use their arms. In the same way I hold that a slave ought to be his master’s float, if his master’s in love, so as to support him and not let him go to the bottom like—
14. Corrupt (Leo): eri ille Wagner.
15. Corrupt (Leo): revideam Bothe.
16. Corrupt (Leo): res excised by Hare.
17. praedam atque eloquar MSS: Leo brackets atque eloquar.
18. Leo notes lacuna here: Non te habere dicis aurum Leo.
19. Leo notes lacuna here: Verberibus caedere donec reddideris Leo.