The Comedies of Plautus

Bacchides — The Two Bacchises

Dramatis Personae
Summary of missing text
Fragments
(ACT I)

Scene 2

ACT II

Scene 2
Scene 3

ACT III

ACT IV

ACT V

Scene 2

Epilogue
Footnotes

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PERSONAE	DRAMATIS PERSONAE
PISTOCLERVS ADVLESCENS BACCHIS - SOROR MERETRIX BACCHIS - SOROR MERETRIX LYDVS PAEDAGOGVS CHRYSALVS SERVVS NICOBVLVS SENEX MNESILOCHVS ADVLESCENS PHILOXENVS SENEX PARASITVS PVER ARTAMO LORARIVS CLEOMACHVS MILES	PISTOCLERUS, son of Philoxenus. BACCHIS OF ATHENS, courtesan. BACCHIS OF SAMOS, her sister, courtesan. LYDUS, slave of Philoxenus and tutor of Pistoclerus. CHRYSALUS, slave of Nicobulus and Mnesilochus. NICOBULUS, an old gentleman of Athens. MNESILOCHUS, his son. PHILOXENUS, an old gentleman of Athens. A PARASITE, a retainer of the Captain’s. A PAGE in the service of the Captain. ARTAMO, Nicobulus’s slave overseer. CLEOMACHUS, a Captain.
	Scene:—Athens. A street with the houses of Bacchis and Nicobulus side by side.

The first part of the play is lost, save for a few fragments, together with the last part of THE POT OF GOLD: Leo’s summary of it follows:

Pistoclerus has received a letter from his friend Mnesilochus at Ephesus asking for help in his love affair. He has been captivated by a girl there named Bacchis, who has been hired for a year by a certain Captain Cleomachus and taken by him to Athens. Mnesilochus wishes his friend to find Bacchis and obtain her release from the Captain. A servant of Bacchis of Athens has gone down to the harbour and comes back to her mistress with the report that her sister Bacchis has arrived. In charge of a slave of the Captain’s this sister appears. The sisters meet with Pistoclerus, who is in search of his friend’s sweetheart, and determine to make him useful.

FRAGMENTA	FRAGMENTS
I (IV G) quibus ingenium in animo utibilest, modicum et sine vernilitate	Those with a mental make-up of the right sort, modest and civil.
II (V) vincla, virgae, molae: saevitudo mala fit peior	Shackles, whips, work in the mill: frightful cruelty gets to be more frightful.
converrite1 scopis, agite strenue III (VI)	Sweep (it) up with your brooms: come, be lively.
IV (VII) ecquis evocat cum nassiterna et cum aqua istum impurissimum?	Some one call out that vile wretch with a big pail and some water.
V (VIII) sicut lacte lactis similest	As much alike as two drops of milk are.
Bacch.	Bacch.
VI (III) illa mi cognominis fuit	She had the same name as myself
VII (IX) latro suam qui auro vitam venditat	A mercenary who sells his life for gold.
VIII (X) scio spiritum eius maiorem esse multo quam folles taurini habent, cum liquescunt petrae, ferrum ubi fit.	I’m sure his breathing’s much louder than the puffs from a bull’s-hide bellows when they’re melting rocks at the iron-works.
IX (XI) Cuiatis tibi visust? Praenestinum opino esse, ita erat gloriosus. neque id haud subditiva gloria oppidum arbitror.	Where does he come from, do you think? Praeneste, probably, to judge from his boasting. I don’t think the town’s fame is at all supposititious.
Puer.	Page
X (XVII) ne a quoquam acciperes alio mercedem annuam, nisi ab sese, nec cum quiquam limares caput.	Not to let you take a yearly fee from anyone else but him, or rub heads with anyone.
XI (XVIII) limaces viri	Slugs of men.
XII (XIII) cor meum, spes mea, mel meum, suavitudo, cibus, gaudium.	My heart, my hope, my honey, sweetness, food delight.
XIII (XIV) sine te amem	Do let me love you
XIV (XIX) Cupidon tecum saevust anne Amor?	Is it Cupid, or Love, raging within you?
XV (I) Vlixem audivi fuisse aerumnosissimum, qui annis viginti errans a patria afuit; verum hic adulescens multo Vlixem anteit2 qui ilico errat intra muros civicos.	They say Ulysses had an awfully hard time of it, away from home as he was for twenty years, wandering round. But this young gentleman is a long way ahead of Ulysses with his wandering round here inside the city walls.
XVI (II) quidquid est nomen sibi	Whatever her (his) name is
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
XVII quae sodalem atque me exercitos habet	A girl that has been keeping my chum and me exercised
XVIII nam credo cuivis excantare cor potes.	For I do believe you can witch the heart out of anyone you please
XIX sin lenocinium forte collibitum est tibi, videas mercedis quid tibi est aecum dari, 30 ne istac aetate me sectere gratiis.	But if pandering happens to have caught your fancy, you should consider what price ought to be paid you, that you may not run after me at that time of life for nothing.
XX Arabus.	Arabian

	Bacchis and her sister are standing together talking. Pistoclerus apart.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid si hoc potis est ut tu taceas, ego loquar?	How about your keeping a quiet tongue yourself, if possible, and my doing the talking?
Soror	Soror
Lepide, licet.	Charming! By all means.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Ubi me fugiet memoria, ibi tu facito ut subvenias, soror.	In case my memory deserts me, see you come to the rescue, sister.
Soror	Soror
Pol magis metuo, ne defuerit mi in monendo oratio.	Goodness me! I’m more afraid of sage suggestions failing myself.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Pol ego metuo, lusciniolae ne defuerit cantio. sequere hac.	(laughing) Goodness me! And I’m afraid of song failing the little nightingale. Come on. (leads the way toward Pistoclerus)
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid agunt duae germanae meretrices cognomines? quid in consilio consuluistis?	(aside, nervously) What are those two up to, those harlot sisters with the same name? (aloud, trying to assume the air of a man of the world) What have you girls settled on in that session?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Bene.	Something nice.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
40 Pol haud meretricium est.	By Jove! Unusual in the profession!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Miserius nihil est quam mulier.	(in apparent dejection) Oh, there’s nothing more miserable than a woman!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid esse dices dignius?	And what ought to be more so, in your opinion?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Haec ita me orat, sibi qui caveat aliquem ut hominem reperiam, ut istunc militem—ut, ubi emeritum sibi sit, se revehat domum. id, amabo te, huic caveas.	My sister here is imploring me to find some one to stand by her, so that our Captain—so that he may carry her back home when she’s served her time. Do stand by her in this, there’s a dear.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid isti caveam?	Stand by her? How?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Ut revehatur domum, ubi ei dediderit operas, ne hanc ille habeat pro ancilla sibi; nam si haec habeat aurum quod illi renumeret, faciat lubens.	To have her carried back home when she’s finished her service, so that he mayn’t keep her for his maid servant. Why, if she only had the money to pay him back, she’d be glad to do it.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Ubi nunc is homost?	Where is this man at present?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Iam hic credo aderit. sed hoc idem apud nos rectius poteris agere; atque is dum veniat, sedens ibi opperibere. eadem biberis, eadem dedero tibi, ubi biberis, savium.	He’ll be here soon, I suppose. But this is a matter you can manage better at our house; yes, you sit down and wait there till he comes. (coaxingly) You shall have something to drink, too, and after that I’ll give you just the nicest sort of kiss, too.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Viscus merus vostrast blanditia.	Nothing but birdlime, these honeyed words.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid iam?	Oh now, why?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
50 Quia enim intellego, duae unum expetitis palumbem,3 perii harundo alas verberat. non ego istuc facinus mihi, mulier, conducibile esse arbitror.	Well, because here you are, the pair of you, after one lone pigeon. (aside) Damnation! The limed twigs are brushing my wings! (aloud, stiffly) Madam, I consider this an unprofitable business for me to be in.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Qui, amabo?	Bless your heart, why so?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quia, Bacchis, bacchas metuo et bacchanal tuom.	Well, Bacchis, I’m afraid of Bacchantes and your Bacchante resort.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid est? quid metuis? ne tibi lectus malitiam apud me suadeat?	How’s that? What are you afraid of? The couch’s tempting you to be naughty with me?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Magis illectum tuom quam lectum metuo. mala tu es bestia. nam huic aetati non conducit, mulier, latebrosus locus.	It’s not so much the couch as the couch’s alluring occupant I’m afraid of. You’re a dangerous animal. Why, dens of darkness don’t become a young fellow like me.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Egomet, apud me si quid stulte facere cupias, prohibeam. sed ego apud me te esse ob eam rem, miles cum veniat, volo, quia, cum tu aderis, huic mihique haud faciet quisquam iniuriam: 60 tu prohibebis, et eadem opera tuo sodali operam dabis; et ille adveniens tuam med esse amicam suspicabitur. quid, amabo, opticuisti?	(quite artless) If you felt like doing anything silly there with me, I’d stop you my own self. But this is why I want you to be at my house when the Captain comes—because no one will do her (pointing to sister) or me any harm when you’re by. You’ll prevent it, and be helping along your chum at the same time; and when that military man arrives, he’ll take me for your sweetheart. Now, now, my dearie,—why so silent?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quia istaec lepida sunt memoratui: eadem in usu atque ubi periclum facias, aculeata sunt, animum fodicant, bona distimulant, facta et famam sauciant.	Because those words of yours have a pretty sound: but when a fellow takes ’em up and tries ’em they’re barbed—they pink a heart, run a fortune through, disable a character and reputation.
Soror	Soror
Quid ab hac metuis?	Why are you afraid of her?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid ego metuam rogitas? adulescens homo penetrem me huius modi in palaestram, ubi damnis desudascitur?4 (66)	Why am I afraid of her, eh? A young fellow like me to enter a physical training school of this sort (pointing to Bacchis’s house) where a man only sweats himself to insolvency?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Lepide memoras.	(with pretended admiration) You do say such clever things!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
(68) Ubi ego capiam pro machaera turturem,5 70 pro galea scaphium, pro insigni sit corolla plectilis, pro hasta talos, pro lorica malacum capiam pallium, ubi mihi pro equo lectus detur, scortum pro scuto accubet? apage a me, apage.	Where my sword would be a turtle dove, my helmet a wine bowl, my plume a woven chaplet, my spear a dice box, my corselet a downy robe; where I’d be given a couch for a horse, with a bad, bad girl beside me for a buckler? Hence! Avaunt!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Ah, nimium ferus es.	Ah, you’re too hard on us!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Mihi sum.	I am hard on myself.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Malacissandus es. equidem tibi do hanc operam.	We’ll have to soften you. Yes indeed, I’ll take you in hand myself—(fondling him) this way.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Ah, nimium pretiosa es operaria.	(submitting reluctantly) Ah, your handiwork is too expensive.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Simulato me amare.	Do make believe you love me.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Utrum ego istuc iocon adsimulem an serio?	(smiling) Make believe in fun, or as if I meant business?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Heia, hoc agere meliust. miles quom huc adveniat, te volo me amplexari.	(reprovingly) Now, now! here’s what we’d better do. When the Captain arrives I want you to hug me.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid eo mi opus est?	What’s the use of my doing that?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Ut ille te videat volo. scio quid ago.	I want him to see you. I know what I’m doing.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Et pol ego scio quid metuo. sed quid ais?	Gad! And I know what I’m fearing. But, I say.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid est?	Well?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid si apud te eveniat desubito prandium aut potatio 80 forte aut cena, ut solet in istis fieri conciliabulis, ubi ego tum accumbam?	What if there should happen to be an impromptu luncheon or drinking party at your house, or a dinner party, perhaps— the ordinary thing at resorts like yours—where would my place be then?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Apud me, mi anime, ut lepidus cum lepida accubet. locus hic apud nos, quamvis subito venias, semper liber est. ubi tu lepide voles esse tibi “mea rosa,” mihi dicito “dato qui bene sit”: ego ubi bene sit tibi locum lepidum dabo.	Next to me, darling; a nice boy and a nice girl side by side. This place at my house is your very own always, no matter how unexpectedly you come. Whenever you want to have a nice time just say, “Give me a comfy place, rosey dear,” and I’ll give you a nice place to be comfy in.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Rapidus fluvius est hic, non hac temere transiri potest.	(half to himself) This is a rapid stream: dangerous crossing here!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Atque ecastor apud hunc fluvium aliquid perdundumst tibi. manum da et sequere.	(aside) My conscience, yes! And a stream you’re bound to lose something in, young man! (aloud) Give me your hand and come along. (tries to take it)
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Aha, minime.	(drawing back) Oh no, not a bit of it!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid ita?	Why not?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quia istoc inlecebrosius fieri nil potest: nox mulier vinum homini adulescentulo.	Because a young fellow couldn’t be offered a more enticing combination than that—wine, woman, and evening hours.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Age igitur, equidem pol nihili facio nisi causa tua. 90 ille quidem hanc abducet; tu nullus adfueris, si non lubet.	All right then. Dear me, I don’t mind at all except for your sake, indeed I don’t. To be sure he’ll carry her off; but don’t you come near me if you don’t like to. (looks at him sadly and appealingly)
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Sumne autem nihili, qui nequeam ingenio moderari meo?	(half aside) So I’ve no mind at all, eh—no power to control myself?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid est quod metuas?	What is it you’re afraid of?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Nihil est, nugae. mulier, tibi me emancupo: tuos sum, tibi dedo operam.	(pauses, then ardently) Nothing! Bagatelles! I surrender myself to you, my lady: I’m all your own; command me.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Lepidu’s. nunc ego te facere hoc volo. ego sorori meae cenam hodie dare volo viaticam: eo tibi argentum iubebo iam intus ecferri foras; tu facito opsonatum nobis sit opulentum opsonium.	That’s a nice boy! (petting him) Now this is what I want you to do. I want to give my sister a dinner to-day to celebrate her coming. I’ll tell them to bring you out some money at once, and you’re to see to provisioning us in perfectly splendid style. (turns to call to servant hither)
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Ego opsonabo, nam id flagitium meum sit, mea te gratia et operam dare mi et ad eam operam facere sumptum de tuo.	(eagerly) I’ll stand the provisioning myself: why, it wouldn’t be decent of me to let you give me a good time, in your kindness, and pay the bills for it too.
Bacch.	Bacch.
At ego nolo dare te quicquam.	(glancing slyly at her sister) But I don’t want it to cost you anything.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Sine.	Do let me.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Sino equidem, si lubet propera, amabo.	Oh, very well, if you really want to. Hurry along, there’s a dear.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
100 Prius hic adero quam te amare desinam.	(fondly) I’ll be back before I’ve stopped loving you. [exit Pistoclerus.
Soror	Soror
Bene me accipies advenientem, mea soror.	You’re going to entertain me finely on my arrival, sister mine.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid ita, obsecro?	Indeed? Why do you say that?
Soror	Soror
Quia piscatus meo quidem animo hic tibi hodie evenit bonus.	Well, that’s something fine in the fish line (with a smile toward the retreating figure of Pistoclerus) you’ve landed to-day, at least I think so.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Meus ille quidemst. tibi nunc operam dabo de Mnesilocho, soror, ut hic accipias potius aurum, quam hinc eas cum milite.	Oh yes, I’ve caught him all right. Now I must help you out in regard to Mnesilochus, my dear, so that you may pick up some money here rather than go trooping off with the Captain.
Soror	Soror
Cupio.	I do so wish you would.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Dabitur opera. aqua calet. eamus hinc intro, ut laves. nam uti navi vecta es, credo timida es.	We’ll see to it. (going toward house) The water’s hot: let’s go inside so that you may bathe. For after that sea trip of yours I dare say you’re feeling shaky.
Soror	Soror
(106) Aliquantum, soror.6	More or less, sister.
Bacch.	Bacch.
(108) Sequere hac igitur me intro in lectum, ut sedes lassitudinem.	Come on in with me then, so as to lie down and get rested. [exeunt.

I. 2.	Scene 2.
	(An hour has elapsed.) enter Pistoclerus preceded by slaves carrying provisions, flowers, etc. Lydus follows.
Lydus	Lydus
Iam dudum, Pistoclere, tacitus te sequor, 110 expectans quas tu res hoc ornatu geras. namque ita me di ament, ut Lycurgus mihi quidem videtur posse hic ad nequitiam adducier. quo nunc capessis ted hinc adversa via cum tanta pompa?	(magisterially) I have been following you in silence for some time, Pistoclerus, waiting to see what you were about with this gear. (pointing to slaves and their hampers) Why, Lord love me, I do believe LycurgusA himself could be led astray here. Where are you betaking yourself now, going away up the street with such a train?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Huc.	(pointing to Bacchis’s door) Here.
Lydus	Lydus
Quid huc? quis istic habet?	What do you mean by “here”? Who lives there?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Amor, Voluptas, Venus, Venustas, Gaudium, Iocus, Ludus, Sermo, Suavisaviatio.	(rapturously) Love, Delight, Venus, Grace, Joy, Jest, Jollity, Chitchat, Kissykissysweetkins!
Lydus	Lydus
Quid tibi commercist cum dis damnosissimis?	(shocked) What commerce have you with such pernicious, pernicious deities?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Mali sunt homines, qui bonis dicunt male; tu dis nec recte dicis: non aequom facis.	It takes a bad man to say bad things of the good; you’re blaspheming the gods: it’s wrong.
Lydus	Lydus
120 An deus est ullus Sauvisaviatio?	You mean to say there is a god Kissykissysweetkins?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
An non putasti esse umquam? o Lyde, es barbarus; quem ego sapere nimio censui plus quam Thalem, is stultior es barbaro poticio, qui tantus natu deorum nescis nomina.	You mean to say you didn’t ever suppose there was? Oh, Lydus, you are a barbarian! I fancied you were ever so much wiser than Thales and here you are, sillier than a barbarian babe in arms—your age, and not knowing the names of the gods!
Lydus	Lydus
Non hic placet mi ornatus.	I do not like this paraphernalia.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Nemo ergo tibi haec apparavit: mihi paratum est quoi placet.	Well, nobody got it together for you: it was got for me, and I do like it.
Lydus	Lydus
Etiam me advorsus exordire argutias? qui si decem habeas linguas, mutum esse addecet.	Are you actually commencing to make smart replies to me? You whom it befits to be mute, even if you had ten tongues?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Non omnis aetas, Lyde, ludo convenit. 130 magis unum in mentemst mihi nunc, satis ut commode pro dignitate opsoni haec concuret cocus.	We aren’t schoolboys for ever, Lydus. The one thing uppermost in my mind just now is that the cook may do as creditable a job on these edibles as their excellence calls for.
Lydus	Lydus
Iam perdidisti te atque me atque operam meam, qui tibi nequiquam saepe monstravi bene.	Ah, now you have thrown yourself away, and me, and my labour,—me, who many a time gave you good advice, all in vain!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Ibidem ego meam operam perdidi, ubi tu tuam: tua disciplina nec mihi prodest nec tibi.	I threw away my own labour at the same place you did yours: your system of instruction is no good to either of us.
Lydus	Lydus
O praeligatum pectus.	Oh, what an obdurate breast!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Odiosus mihi es. tace atque sequere, Lyde, me.	You’re a bore! Keep still and come along, Lydus.
Lydus	Lydus
Illuc sis vide, non paedagogum iam me, sed Lydum vocat.	Now kindly look at that! He no longer calls me “Tutor,” merely Lydus.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Non par videtur neque sit consentaneum, 140 cum haec qui emit intus sit et cum amica accubet cumque osculetur et convivae alii accubent, praesentibus illis paedagogus una ut siet.	It’s not the proper thing, it would be out of place, when the man who bought all this is inside there, and on a couch with his mistress, kissing her—and other guests about—to have his “Tutor” there in their presence.
Lydus	Lydus
An hoc ad eas res opsonatumst, obsecro?	(horrified) In the name of heaven! These provisions bought for such an orgy?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Sperat quidem animus: quo evenat dis in manust.	(flippantly) Well, of course man proposes and God disposes.
Lydus	Lydus
Tu amicam habebis?	You to have a mistress, you?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Cum videbis, tum scies.	(enthusiastically) Once you see her, then you’ll know!
Lydus	Lydus
Immo neque habebis neque sinam; i prorsum domum.	Never! You shall not have one; I will not allow it. (taking Pistoclerus by the arm and trying to lead him back) Go home this instant.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Omitte, Lyde, ac cave malo.	(pulling away) Leave me alone, Lydus, and (threateningly) look out for trouble.
Lydus	Lydus
Quid? cave malo?	What? “Look out for trouble?”
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Iam excessit mi aetas ex magisterio tuo.	I’m too old for you to play the teacher these days.
Lydus	Lydus
O barathrum, ubi nunc es? ut ego te usurpem lubens.7 149 (151) vixisse nimio satiust iam quam vivere. magistron quemquam discipulum minitarier?8	(_tragically_) Oh, pit, where art thou now? How gladly would I take thee for mine own! Far better that I had died than lived for this! A pupil to threaten his teacher?8
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
(155) Fiam, ut ego opinor, Hercules, tu autem Linus.	It’s a Hercules I’ll be, I’m thinking, and you a Linus.B
Lydus	Lydus
Pol metuo magis, ne Phoenix tuis factis fuam teque ad patrem esse mortuom renuntiem.	Great heavens! I have more fear of your actions forcing me to be a PhoenixC and to convey to your father the news of your death.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Satis historiarumst.	(impatiently) Enough of your tales!
Lydus	Lydus
Hic vereri perdidit. compendium edepol haud aetati optabile 160 fecisti, cum istanc nactu’s inpudentiam. occisus hic homo est. ecquid in mentem est tibi patrem tibi esse?	He is lost to shame! Great heavens! You gained nothing that does credit to your years in acquiring this impudence. The creature is past redemption! Does it ever occur to you that you have a father?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Tibi ego an tu mihi servos es?	Am I your servant, or you mine?
Lydus	Lydus
Peior magister te istaec docuit, non ego. nimio es tu ad istas res discipulus docilior, quam ad illa quae te docui, ubi operam perdidi.9 (165)	It was a wicked, wicked teacher gave you these lessons, not I! You are a much apter pupil in matters of this sort than in the subjects I lost my labour teaching you.9
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
(168) Istactenus tibi, Lyde, libertas datast orationis. satis est. sequere hac me ac tace.	(coolly) I’ve let you rant to your heart’s content, so far, Lydus. Now drop it. Follow me this way and keep your mouth shut. [exeunt into the house of Bacchis, Lydus reluctantly.

ACTVS II	ACT II
	enter Chrysalus.
Chrys.	Chrys.
170 Erilis patria, salve, quam ego biennio, postquam hinc in Ephesum abii conspicio lubens. saluto te, vicine Apollo, qui aedibus propinquos nostris accolis, veneroque te, ne Nicobulum me sinas nostrum senem prius convenire quam sodalem viderim Mnesilochi Pistoclerum, quem ad epistulam Mnesilochus misit super amica Bacchide.	(jauntily) Greetings, land of my—master! Land that I behold with joy after departing hence to Ephesus two years agone! (turning toward altar of Apollo in front of house) Thee I greet, neighbour Apollo, who dost dwell adjacent to our house, and I do implore thee not to let our old man Nicobulus fall in with me ere I see Pistoclerus, the chum of Mnesilochus, to whom Mnesilochus hath sent a letter about his mistress, Bacchis.

II. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Pistoclerus from house of Bacchis.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Mirumst me ut redeam te opere tanto quaesere, qui abire hinc nullo pacto possim, si velim 180 ita me vadatum amore vinctumque adtines.	(to Bacchis within) It seems curious, your begging me so hard to come back, when I couldn’t possibly leave you if I wanted, when you’ve got me so bound over to you, held fast in the fetters of love.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Pro di immortales, Pistoclerum conspicor. o Pistoclere, salve.	Ye everlasting gods! It’s Pistoclerus. What ho, sir! How are you?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Salve, Chrysale.	And yourself, Chrysalus?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Compendi verba multa iam faciam tibi venire tu me gaudes: ego credo tibi, hospitium et cenam pollicere, ut convenit peregre advenienti: ego autem venturum adnuc salutem tibi ab sodali solidam nuntio rogabis me ubi sit: vivit.	Here’s for saving you the trouble of a long speech, sir. You’re glad I’ve come: I believe you. You promise to do the honours and dine me, the stranger from afar, and so you should: for my part, I accept. I bring you cordial greetings from your chum. You’ll ask me where he is: alive.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Nempe recte valet?	(eagerly) And well, well, of course?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Istuc volebam ego ex te percontarier.	That’s what I wanted to ask you.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Qui scire possum?	How can I know?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nullus plus.	None better.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
190 Quemnam ad modum?	Why, how so?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quia si illa inventa est, quam ille amat, recte valet, si non inventa est, minus valet moribundusque est animast amica amanti. si abest, nullus est; si adest, res nullast. ipsus est—nequam et miser, sed tu quid factitasti mandatis super?	Because if his ladylove has been discovered, he’s perfectly well: if she’s not discovered, he’s not so well; he’s at death’s door. His love is life to a lover: if she’s away, he’s lost; if she’s there, his cash is lost, he himself being—a poor good-for-nothing fool. But you—what have you been doing about his commission?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Egon ut, quod ab illoc attigisset nuntius, non impetratum id advenienti ei redderem? regiones colere mavellem Acherunticas.	I? Am I the man to let him arrive and find the request his messenger mentioned unattended to? I’d sooner pass my days in the lower regions.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Eho, an invenisti Bacchidem?	Hullo! You haven’t found Bacchis?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
199, 200 Samiam quidem.	Yes, the Samian one.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Vide quaeso, ne quis tractet illam indiligens; scis tu ut confringi vas cito Samium solet.	(affecting terror) Heavens! do see that no one handles that one carelessly; you know that SamianD ware, how precious brittle it is.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Iamne ut soles?	The same old wag, eh?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Dic ubi ea nunc est, obsecro.	Tell me where she is now, for heaven’s sake.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Hic, exeuntem me unde aspexisti modo.	Here in the house you just saw me coming out of.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ut istuc est lepidum: proximae viciniae habitat, ecquidnam meminit Mnesilochi?	Here’s a go! Residing in the immediate neighbourhood! Well, well! does she remember Mnesilochus?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Rogas? immo unice unum plurimi pendit.	Remember him? More than that, she thinks he’s the one and only man on earth.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Papae.	Oh pshaw!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Immo ut eam credis? misera amans desiderat.	More than that, what do you suppose her feelings are? The poor affectionate thing is dying for him.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Scitum istuc.	Quite charming!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Immo, Chrysale, em, non tantulum 210 umquam intermittit tempus quin eum nominet.	More than that, Chrysalus—look!—she doesn’t let even so much (illustrating) time pass without mentioning his name.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Tanto hercle melior.	Humph! So much the better of her.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Immo—	More than that—
Chrys.	Chrys.
Immo hercle abiero potius.	(bored) More than that, by gad, I’d rather get out of range!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Num invitus rem bene gestam audis eri?	You don’t object to hearing that your master is in a prosperous situation, do you?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non res, sed actor mihi cor odio sauciat. etiam Epidicum, quam ego fabulam aeque ac me ipsum amo, nullam aeque invitus specto, si agit Pellio. sed Bacchis etiam fortis tibi visast?	It’s not the situations that make me sick unto death; it’s your confounding acting. Even the EpidicusE—a comedy I love as well as my own self—well, there’s not a one I so object to seeing, if Pellio’s playing in it. But you really consider Bacchis a fine lively one, do you?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Rogas? ni nanctus Venerem essem, hanc Iunonem dicerem.	Do you ask me that? IfF I hadn’t lighted on Venus myself, I’d call her Juno.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Edepol, Mnesiloche, ut hanc rem natam intellego, quod ames paratumst: quod des inventost opus. nam istic fortasse auro est opus.	(half aside) Well, by gad, Mnesilochus, as far as I can understand the present situation, you’ve got your love: the wherewithal is what you need to find. (to Pistoclerus) For I dare say there is need of gold in the affair.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
220 Philippeo quidem.	Yes, and good coin of the realm.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Atque eo fortasse iam opust.	And furthermore, I dare say it’s needed soon.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Immo etiam prius: nam iam huc adveniet miles.	No, before that, even: for a Captain’s due here soon.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Et miles quidem?	Indeed? A Captain, too?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Qui de amittenda Bacchide aurum hic exiget.	Who’ll be after money for letting Bacchis go.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Veniat quando volt, atque ita ne mihi sit morae. domist: non metuo nec ego quoiquam supplico, dum quidem hoc valebit pectus perfidia meum. abi intro, ego hic curabo. tu intus dicito Mnesilochum adesse Bacchidi.	(airily) Let him come when he wants, yes, and let him take care not to keep me waiting. I’m provided: I fear no man and supplicate no man, not I,—at least as long as this heart of mine can prompt a good stiff lie. Inside with you: (grandly waving Pistoclerus in) I’ll take charge here myself. You tell Bacchis in there that she may expect Mnesilochus at once.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Faciam ut iubes.	Very well. [exit.]
Chrys.	Chrys.
Negotium hoc ad me adtinet aurarium. 230 mille et ducentos Philippum attulimus aureos Epheso, quos hospes debuit nostro seni. inde ego hodie aliquam machinabor machinam, unde aurum efficiam amanti erili filio. sed foris concrepuit nostra: quinam exit foras?	It’s my look out, this business of the exchequer. We’ve brought twelve hundred sovereigns from Ephesus, money a friend there owed our old man. I’ll machinate some machinations to-day for transferring part of said gold to my lovesick young master. (listening) But there goes our door! Wonder who’s coming out. (steps aside)

II. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Nicobulus from his house.
Nic.	Nic.
Ibo in Piraeum, visam ecquae advenerit in portum ex Epheso navis mercatoria. nam meus formidat animus, nostrum tam diu ibi desidere neque redire filium.	I’ll walk down to the Piraeus and see if any merchantman has come in from Ephesus. It worries me to have my son dilly-dallying there so long and not returning.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Extexam ego illum pulchre iam, si di volunt. 240 haud dormitandumst: opus est chryso Chrysalo. adibo hunc, quem quidem ego hodie faciam hic arietem Phrixi, itaque tondebo auro usque ad vivam cutem. servos salutat Nicobulum Chrysalus.	(aside) I’ll unravel him handsomely now, God willing. No sleepyheadedness allowed: Chrysalus, you must be a golden chrysalis! Here’s at him—the man I’ll certainly make a GPhrixus’s ram here to-day, and by the same token shear off his gold right down to the quick! (aloud, ceremoniously) Greetings to Nicobulus from servant Chrysalus, sir.
Nic.	Nic.
Pro di immortales, Chrysale, ubi mist filius?	Chrysalus! for the love of heaven where is my son?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quin tu salutem primum reddis quam dedi?	(affecting pique) Why don’t you return my greeting first, sir?
Nic.	Nic.
Salve. sed ubinamst Mnesilochus?	How d’ye do. (more animatedly) But where on earth is Mnesilochus?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Vivit, valet.	Alive and well.
Nic.	Nic.
Venitne?	Has he come?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Venit.	He has.
Nic.	Nic.
Euax, aspersisti aquam. benene usque valuit?	(fervently Oh, good, good! That news is like a dash of water! Has he been well all this time?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Pancratice atque athletice.	In fighting trim, a perfect athlete.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid hoc? qua causa eum in Ephesum miseram, 250 accepitne aurum ab hospite Archidemide?	How about it? The business I sent him to Ephesus for? Did he get the gold from my friend Archidemides?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Heu, cor meum et cerebrum, Nicobule, finditur, istius hominis ubi fit quomque mentio. tun hospitem illum nominas hostem tuom?	(disgustedly) Ugh! My heart and head fairly split, sir, whenever I hear that fellow mentioned. Call that friend of yours fiend, won’t you?
Nic.	Nic.
Quid ita, obsecro hercle?	Bless my soul! Why, for heaven’s sake?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quia edepol certo scio, Volcanus, Luna, Sol, Dies, dei quattuor, scelestiorem nullum inluxere alterum.	Good Lord! Because I’m positive the four gods, Fire, Moon, Sun, and Day, never shone on a more abandoned villain.
Nic.	Nic.
Quamne Archidemidem?	Than Archidemides?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quam, inquam, Archidemidem.	Yes, than Archidemides.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid fecit?	What has he done?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid non fecit? quin tu id me rogas? primumdum infitias ire coepit filio, 260 negare se debere tibi triobolum. continuo antiquom hospitem nostrum sibi Mnesilochus advocavit, Pelagonem senem; eo praesente homini extemplo ostendit symbolum. quem tute dederas, ad eum ut ferret, filio.	What hasn’t he done? Why don’t you ask me that? Well, in the first place he began lying to your son and disclaimed owing you a single sixpence. Immediately Mnesilochus summoned that old gentleman, Pelagon, that’s been our friend so long; in his presence he promptly shows the fellow the token, the one you gave your son yourself to carry to him.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid ubi ei ostendit symbolum?	(anxiously) And what when he showed him the token?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Infit dicere adulterinum et non eum esse symbolum. quotque innocenti ei dixit contumelias! adulterare eum aibat rebus ceteris.	(indignantly) He cries out it’s a counterfeit and not the right token at all. And how he did heap insults on your innocent boy! Said he was an old hand at counterfeiting.
Nic.	Nic.
Habetin aurum? id mihi dici volo.	Have you got the money? Do tell me that.
Chrys.	Chrys.
270 Postquam quidem praetor recuperatores dedit. damnatus demum, vi coactus reddidit ducentos et mille Philippum.	To be sure, after the judge had appointed arbitrators, he was finally convicted, and, under compulsion, he handed over twelve hundred pounds.
Nic.	Nic.
Tantum debuit.	(with a sigh of relief) That was all he owed.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Porro etiam ausculta pugnam quam voluit dare.	There’s more still, sir,—listen how he wanted to knock us out.
Nic.	Nic.
Etiamnest quid porro?	More still?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Em, accipitrina haec nunc erit.	Now then! (aside) This’ll be a regular hawk swoop.
Nic.	Nic.
Deceptus sum. Autolyco hospiti aurum credidi.	(hotly) I’ve been deceived! I’ve trusted my gold to an AutolycusH of a friend!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quin tu audi.	Come, come, listen.
Nic.	Nic.
Immo ingenium avidi haud pernoram hospitis.	Ah, no, I didn’t fathom his greedy soul.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Postquam aurum abstulimus, in navem conscendimus, domi cupientes. forte ut adsedi in stega, dum circumspecto, atque ego lembum conspicor 280 longum. strigorem maleficum exornarier.	After we got the gold we embarked, eager for home. I was sitting on deck, and while I was looking around, my eye just happened to fall on a long, staunch, wicked-looking galley being fitted out for sea.
Nic.	Nic.
Perii hercle, lembus ille mihi laedit latus.	Hell and fury! That galley is ramming me amidships!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Is erat communis cum hospite et praedonibus.	(with emphasis) It was owned between your friend and some pirates.
Nic.	Nic.
Adeon me fuisse fungum, ut qui illi crederem, cum mi ipsum nomen eius Archidemides clamaret dempturum esse, si quid crederem?	(agonized) Could I have been such an imbecile as to trust the fellow when his very name, Archidemides, fairly bawled out that I’d be damned easy, if I did trust him with anything?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Is lembus nostrae navi insidias dabat. occepi ego observare eos quam rem gerant. interea e portu nostra navis solvitur. ubi portu eximus, homines remigio sequi, 290 neque aves neque venti citius. quoniam sentio quae res gereretur, navem extemplo statuimus. quoniam vident nos stare, occeperunt ratem tardare10 in portu.	(warming up) This galley was lying in wait for our ship. I began to keep an eye on their operations aboard her. Meanwhile our ship weighs anchor and moves out of the harbour. When we get outside they row after us fast as a bird, fast as the wind. Now that I noticed what was up, we brought to at once. Now that they saw us lying to they began to slow down there in the harbour.
Nic.	Nic.
Edepol mortalis malos. quid denique agitis?	God bless me, what rascals! What did you do then?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Rursum in portum recipimus.	We put back to the harbour.
Nic.	Nic.
Sapienter factum a vobis. quid illi postea?	That was wise. What did they do after that?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Revorsionem ad terram faciunt vesperi.	Toward evening they went ashore.
Nic.	Nic.
Aurum hercle auferre voluere: ei rei operam dabant.	By the Lord! They wanted to make off with the gold: that was their aim!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non me fefellit, sensi, eo exanimatus fui. quoniam videmus auro insidias fieri, 300 capimus consilium continuo; postridie auferimus aurum omne illis praesentibus palam atque aperte, ut illi id factum sciscerent.	I knew that well enough: I saw through it. That drove me frantic. Now that we perceived that they had designs on the gold, we laid our plans at once; the next day we carried it all ashore publicly and openly while they were by, to let them know it was done.
Nic.	Nic.
Scite hercle. cedo quid illi?	By Jove, a neat idea! Come, come, what did they do?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Tristes ilico, quom extemplo a portu ire nos cum auro vident, subducunt lembum capitibus quassantibus. nos apud Theotimum omne aurum deposivimus, qui illic sacerdos est Dianae Ephesiae.	Looked doleful on the spot, and as soon as they see us go away from the harbour with the gold there’s a shaking of heads and they beach their galley. As for us, we deposited all the gold with Theotimus, the priest of Diana there at Ephesus.
Nic.	Nic.
Quis istic Theotimust?	(suspiciously) Who is that Theotimus?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Megalobuli filius, qui nunc in Ephesost Ephesiis carissimus.	(reassuringly) Megalobulus’s son, sir, and quite the dearest man in all Ephesus to the Ephesians.
Nic.	Nic.
310 Ne ille hercle mihi sit multo tanto carior, si me illo auro tanto circumduxerit.	Good Lord! He certainly would be a very, very much dearer man to me, if he should swindle me out of so much gold.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quin in eapse aede Dianai conditumst. ibidem publicitus servant.	Oh, but it’s stored in the temple of Diana itself. It’s in public keeping there.
Nic.	Nic.
Occidistis me; nimio hic privatim servaretur rectius. sed nilne attulistis inde auri domum?	Yes, worse luck! It would be a great deal safer in private keeping here. But you didn’t bring any of it home, not any?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Immo etiam. verum quantum attulerit nescio.	To be sure, we did. Just how much we brought, though, I don’t know.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid? nescis?	What? Don’t know?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quia Mnesilochus noctu clanculum devenit ad Theotimum, nec mihi credere nec cuiquam in navi voluit: eo ego nescio 320 quantillum attulerit; verum haud permultum attulit.	You see Mnesilochus visited Theotimus on the sly, by night, and he didn’t care to confide in me or anyone else aboard: so I don’t know just what trifle he did bring along; not very much, though.
Nic.	Nic.
Etiam dimidium censes?	As much as half, do you think?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non edepol scio; verum haud opinor.	Upon my soul, I don’t know; but I don’t believe so.
Nic.	Nic.
Fertne partem tertiam?	A third, eh?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non hercle opinor; verum verum nescio. profecto de auro nil scio nisi nescio. nunc tibimet illuc navi capiundumst iter, ut illud reportes aurum ab Theotimo domum. atque heus tu.	Bless my soul, I don t believe so; however, I don’t know. In fact, all I know about the money is that I don’t know. Now you’ll have to make a voyage there yourself, sir, so as to get it from Theotimus and bring it back home. And, oh, I say!
Nic.	Nic.
Quid vis?	Well?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Anulum gnati tui facito ut memineris ferre.	See you remember to take your son’s ring along.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid opust anulo?	Ring? What for?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quia id signumst cum Theotimo, qui eum illi adferet, ei aurum ut reddat.	Because we arranged with Theotimus that he’s to give the gold to the man that brings him that ring.
Nic.	Nic.
330 Meminero, et recte mones. sed divesne est istic Theotimus?	I shall remember; well you mentioned it, too. But is that Theotimus wealthy?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Etiam rogas? quin auro habeat soccis subpactum solum?	Wealthy, eh? Wealthy? And he with gold soles on his shoes!
Nic.	Nic.
Cur ita fastidit?	What makes him so high and mighty?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Tantas divitias habet; nescit quid faciat auro.	He’s so rich; he doesn’t know what to do with gold.
Nic.	Nic.
Mihi dederit velim. sed qui praesente id aurum Theotimo datumst?	(sighing) Wish he’d give it to me! But who was there when this money was given to Theotimus?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Populo praesente: nullust Ephesi quin sciat.	The whole population, sir: there’s not a soul in Ephesus but knows about it.
Nic.	Nic.
Istuc sapienter saltem fecit filius, cum diviti homini id aurum servandum dedit; ab eo licebit quamvis subito sumere.	My son showed sense in that, at any rate,—giving it to a wealthy man to keep for him. You can get it from such a man at a moment’s notice.
Chrys.	Chrys.
340 Immo em tantisper numquam te morabitur quin habeas illud quo die illuc veneris.	Oh no, he’ll never keep you waiting, not—see here— (illustrating) not so long: he’ll let you have it the day you arrive.
Nic.	Nic.
Censebam me effugisse a vita marituma, ne navigarem tandem hoc aetatis senex; id mi haud, utrum velim, licere intellego: ita bellus hospes fecit Archidemides. ubi nunc est ergo meus Mnesilochus filius?	I thought I had escaped from the seafaring life, that an old man of my age might really be done with voyaging. But no choice is left me, I perceive, in this case—thanks to the tactics of my charming friend Archidemides. Where is my son Mnesilochus at present, then?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Deos atque amicos iit salutatum ad forum.	Gone to the forum to pay his respects to the gods and his friends.
Nic.	Nic.
At ego hinc eo ad illum, ut convenam quantum potest.	Well, I shall go and try to find him as soon as possible. [exit to forum]
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ille est oneratus recte et plus iusto vehit. 350 exorsa haec tela non male omnino mihi est: ut amantem erilem copem facerem filium, ita feci, ut auri quantum vellet sumeret, quantum autem lubeat reddere ut reddat patri.	(gleefully) He’s nicely freighted, he is, in fact, overfrighted. Not a half bad sort of web I’ve woven here! To set up the young master in funds for his love affair, I’ve fixed things so that he can take as much of the gold as he wants himself, yes, and pass on to his father as much as he likes to pass on.
senex in Ephesum ibit aurum arcessere, hic nostra agetur aetas in malacum modum, siquidem hic relinquet neque secum abducet senex med et Mnesilochum. quas ego hic turbas dabo! sed quid futurumst, cum hoc senex resciverit, cum se excucurisse illuc frustra sciverit 360 nosque aurum abusos? quid mihi fiet postea?	The old man will go to Ephesus to fetch the gold and we’ll be living a downy life of it here, that is, if the old chap leaves us here and doesn’t drag me and Mnesilochus along with him. Oh, won’t I turn things upside down here! (pauses) But what’ll happen when the old man discovers it? When he finds out he’s gone on a wild goose chase and we’ve used up the cash? What will happen to me then?
credo hercle adveniens nomen mutabit mihi facietque extemplo Crucisalum me ex Chrysalo. aufugero hercle, si magis usus venerit. si ero reprehensus, macto ego ilium infortunio: si illi sunt virgae ruri, at mihi tergum domist. nunc ibo, erili filio hanc fabricam dabo super auro amicaque eius inventa Bacchide.	Gad! I suppose he’ll change my name for me the minute he gets back, and transform me from Chrysalus to Crossalus on the spot. Oh, well, I’ll run for it, if it looks advisable. If I am caught, he’ll have his fill of discomfort: if he’s got rods on the farm, well, I’ve got a back on my person. Now I’ll be off and let the young master know about this gold trick and his mistress Bacchis being found. [exit Chrysalus.]

ACTVS III	ACT III
Lydus	Lydus
Pandite atque aperite propere ianuam hanc Orci, obsecro.	(wildly, inside Bacchis’s house) Quick, quick, open up, I beseech you, unclose this door of hell! enter Lydus hurriedly.
nam equidem haud aliter esse duco, quippe quo nemo advenit, 370 nisi quem spes reliquere omnes, esse ut frugi possiet. Bacchides non Bacchides, sed bacchae sunt acerrumae. apage istas a me sorores, quae hominum sorbent sanguinem. omnis ad perniciem instructa domus opime atque opipare— quae ut aspexi, me continuo contuli protinam in pedes.	For I verily believe it is nothing else, a place where no man enters save him who has lost all hopes of his capacity for good. Bacchises! No Bacchises these, but the wildest of Bacchantes. Avaunt, avaunt, ye sisters who suck the blood of men! Their whole abode is tricked out as a gilded, gorgeous lure to ruin—as soon as I perceived the nature of my surroundings I fled, fled forthwith.
egone ut haec conclusa gestem clanculum? ut celem patrem, Pistoclere, tua flagitia aut damna aut desidiabula?11 (376) (379) neque mei neque te tui intus puditumst factis quae facis, 380 quibus tuom patrem meque una, amicos, adfinis tuos tua infamia fecisti gerulifigulos flagiti.12 (383) de me hanc culpam demolibor iam et seni faciam palam, ut eum ex lutulento caeno propere hinc eliciat foras.	(violently to those within) Am I the man to carry this shut up within me, to keep it secret? To conceal from your father, Pistoclerus, your enormities, your extravagances, your horrid resorts?11 Neither in my sight, nor your own, did you feel any shame at your actions, actions, you infamous creature, that make your father, and me too, and your friends and relatives accessories to your disgrace. (making off) I am going to clear myself of blame in the matter this very minute and inform his poor old father of it all, so that he may hurry and draw him forth from this filthy slough.

III. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Mnesilochus, followed at some distance by slaves carrying his luggage.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Multimodis meditatus egomet mecum sum, et ita esse arbitror homini amico, qui est amicus ita uti nomen possidet, nisi deos ei nil praestare, id opera expertus sum esse ita nam ut in Ephesum hinc abii—hoc factumst ferme abhinc biennium— ex Epheso huc ad Pistoclerum meum sodalem litteras 390 misi, amicam ut mi inveniret Bacchidem. illum intellego invenisse, ut servos meus mi nuntiavit Chrysalus.	I’ve given the question careful consideration, and what I believe is this: nothing but Heaven itself excels a friend who is a friend in the full sense of the term; I’ve found this is so from my own experience. After I went away from here to Ephesus—almost two years ago, that was—I sent a letter from there to my chum Pistoclerus asking him to find my mistress, Bacchis, for me. And find her he did, it seems, according to that fellow Chrysalus of mine.
condigne is quam techinam de auro advorsum meum fecit patrem, ut mi amanti copia esset13 nam pol quidem meo animo ingrato homine nihil inpensiust, malefactorem amitti satius quam relinqui beneficum; nimio inpendiosum praestat te quam ingratum dicier; illum laudabunt boni, hunc etiam ipsi culpabunt mali.	(pauses) Quite worthy of Chrysalus, that scheme of his against my father to get the money, so that my amorous self might have supplies. (pauses) Well, well, to my own mind there’s nothing more expensive than being an ingrate. Letting a malefactor off is better than turning your back on a benefactor. The name of being too extravagant is a great deal better for you than that of being ungrateful. Good men will speak well of the first sort of fellow: even rascals themselves will blame the second.
qua me causa magis cum cura esse aecum, obvigilatost opus. nunc, Mnesiloche, specimen specitur, nunc certamen cernitur, 400 sisne necne ut esse oportet, malus, bonus quoivis modi, iustus iniustus, malignus largus, comis incommodus. cave sis te superare servom siris faciundo bene utut eris, moneo, haud celabis. sed eccos video incedere patrem sodalis et magistrum. hinc auscultabo quam rem agant.	I must take all the more care, then, how I act and keep my eyes open. Here’s where you show a sample of yourself, Mnesilochus; here’s where you’re put to the test whether you’re the man you should be or not—bad or good, whatever you are—just or unjust—mean or generous—gentleman or cad. Mind you look out not to let your servant be your better in doing the kindly thing. No matter what you’ll be, I warn you you can’t conceal it. (looking down street) Hullo, though! Here come my chum’s father and tutor ambling along. I’ll listen to what they’re up to from over here. (withdraws)

III. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Lydus and Philoxenus.
Lydus	Lydus
Nunc experiar, sitne aceto tibi cor acre in pectore. sequere.	(struggling to control himself) Now we shall see whether or no you have a heart of fiery feeling within you. Follow me!
Phil.	Phil.
Quo sequar? quo ducis nunc me?	(calmly) Follow you where? Where are you taking me to now?
Lydus	Lydus
Ad illam quae tuom perdidit, pessum dedit tibi filium unice unicum	To the woman who has depraved, destroyed your one and only son!
Phil.	Phil.
Heia, Lyde, leniter qui saeviunt sapiunt magis. minus mirandumst, illaec aetas si quid illorum facit, quam si non faciat. feci ego istaec itidem in adulescentia.	Gently, gently, Lydus! “Ire restrained is wisdom gained.” It’s less surprising to have a youngster up to something of that kind than not. I’ve done the same sort of thing myself in my younger days.
Lydus	Lydus
Ei mihi, ei mihi, istaec illum perdidit assentatio nam absque te esset, ego illum haberem rectum ad ingenium bonum nunc propter te tuamque pravos factus est fiduciam Pistoclerus.	Oh-h-h dear, oh dear! It is that very tolerance that has been his undoing. Why, but for you, I should have made a good moral man of him: as it is, you and your support have made a debauchee of Pistoclerus.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Di immortales, meum sodalem hic nominat. quid hoc negoti est, Pistoclerum Lydus quod erum tam ciet?	(aside) Good God! My chum’s name! What does this mean—Lydus running down his master Pistoclerus so?
Phil.	Phil.
Paulisper, Lyde est libido homini suo animo obsequi; iam aderit tempus, cum sese etiam ipse oderit. morem geras; dum caveatur, praeter aequom ne quid delinquat, sine.	A man’s eager to have his fling for a little while, Lydus; the time will soon come when he’ll actually loathe himself for it. Give him rein; so long as he’s careful not to go too far in his indiscretions, why, let him be.
Lydus	Lydus
Non sino, neque equidem illum me vivo corrumpi sinam. 420 sed tu, qui pro tam corrupto dicis causam filio, eademne erat haec disciplina tibi, cum tu adulescens eras? nego tibi hoc annis viginti fuisse primis copiae, digitum longe a paedagogo pedem ut efferres aedibus.	I will not let him be, no, nor let him be corrupted and live to see it, never! But you—with your pleas for a son so corrupted—was your own training of this same sort when you were a young man? I say no, I say you never had a chance during the first twenty years of your life to stir a single finger’s breadth from the house without your tutor.
ante solem exorientem nisi in palaestram veneras, gymnasi praefecto haud mediocris poenas penderes. id quom optigerat, hoc etiam ad malum accersebatur malum: et discipulus et magister perhibebantur improbi. ibi cursu luctando hasta disco pugilatu pila saliendo sese exercebant magis quam scorto aut saviis: 430 ibi suam aetatem extendebant, non in latebrosis locis.	Unless you had arrived at the athletic grounds before sunrise, it was no slight penalty the Gymnasium Director imposed on you. When this had happened, this further trouble was added, that pupil and teacher too were held to be disgraced. There it was by running, wrestling, throwing the spear and discus, boxing, ball, jumping, they used to get their exercise, rather than by means of wenches, or kisses: it was there they used to spend their lives, not in dark dens of vice.
inde de hippodromo et palaestra ubi revenisses domum, cincticulo praecinctus in sella apud magistrum adsideres cum libro: cum legeres, si unam peccavisses syllabam, fieret corium tam maculosum quam est nutricis pallium.	Then when you had returned home from the track and field, all neat and trim you would sit on your chair before your teacher with your book: and while you were reading, if you had missed a single syllable, your hide would be made as spotted as a nurse’s gown.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Propter me haec nunc meo sodali dici discrucior miser; innocens suspicionem hanc sustinet causa mea.	(aside It’s torment, hang it, to have my chum coming in for all this on my account; it’s for my sake he’s shouldering this suspicion, poor innocent.
Phil.	Phil.
Alii, Lyde, nunc sunt mores.	(soothingly The customs of to-day are different, Lydus.
Lydus	Lydus
Id equidem ego certo scio. nam olim populi prius honorem capiebat suffragio, quam magistro desinebat esse dicto oboediens; 440 at nunc, prius quam septuennis est, si attingas eum manu, extemplo puer paedagogo tabula disrumpit caput.	Indeed they are! I realize the truth of that. Why, in the old days a young man would be holding office, by popular vote, before he had ceased to hearken to his teacher’s precepts. But nowadays, before a youngster is seven years old, if you lay a finger on him, he promptly takes his writing tablet and smashes his tutor’s head with it.
cum patrem adeas postulatum, puero sic dicit pater: “noster esto, dum te poteris defensare iniuria.” provocatur paedagogus: “eho senex minimi preti, ne attigas puerum istac causa, quando fecit strenue.”14 (445) (447) itur illinc iure dicto. hocine hic pacto potest inhibere imperium magister, si ipsus primus vapulet?	When you go to his father with a protest, he talks to the youngster in this strain: (mimicking) “You’re father’s own boy so long as you can defend yourself against abuse.” Then the tutor is summoned: “Hey, you worthless old baggage, don’t you touch my boy merely for acting like a lad of spirit!” Judgment pronounced, the court adjourns. Can a teacher exert authority here under such conditions, if he is beaten first himself?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Acris postulatio haec est. cum huius dicta intellego, 450 mira sunt ni Pistoclerus Lydum pugnis contudit.	(aside) Here’s a warm protest! Judging from his remarks, it’s a wonder if Pistoclerus hasn’t been punching Lydus’s head.
Lydus	Lydus
Sed quis hic est, quem astantem video ante ostium? o Philoxene, deos propitios me videre quam illum haud mavellem mihi.	(looking in the direction of Mnesilochus) But who is this I see standing in front of the door? (recognizing him) Ah, Philoxenus, that is a man whose support I should value no less than that of the gods!
Phil.	Phil.
Quis illic est?	Who is it?
Lydus	Lydus
Mnesilochus, gnati tui sodalis.15 haud consimili ingenio atque ille est qui in lupanari accubat. fortunatum Nicobulum, qui illum produxit sibi.	Mnesilochus, your son’s chum. And a youth so, so different from the one lolling in that vile house! (pointing to Bacchis’s) Happy, happy Nicobulus to have brought up such a lad!
Phil.	Phil.
Salvos sis, Mnesiloche, salvom te advenire gaudeo.	(stepping forward) How are you, Mnesilochus? I’m glad to see you safely back.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Di te ament, Philoxene.	(heartily shaking hands) God bless you, Philoxenus!
Lydus	Lydus
Hic enim rite productust patri: in mare it, rem familiarem curat, custodit domum, obsequens oboediensque est mori atque imperiis patris. 460 hic sodalis Pistoclero iam puer puero fuit; triduom non interest aetatis uter maior siet: verum ingenium plus triginta annis maiust quam alteri.	Ah, yes, here is a son to rejoice a father’s heart: goes to sea, attends to family affairs, is the bulwark of the home, observes and obeys his father’s every wish and word. He was Pistoclerus’s chum even when they were boys—not three days’ difference between them so far as age is concerned, but this lad is more than thirty years his senior in native sense.
Phil.	Phil.
Cave malo et compesce in illum dicere iniuste.	(angrily) Look out for yourself, and stop speaking about the lad unfairly!
Lydus	Lydus
Tace. stultus es qui illi male aegre patere dici qui facit.16 (464)	Peace! fool that you are to be pained at hearing him badly spoken of, when he is bad!16
Mnes.	Mnes.
(467) Quid sodalem meum castigas, Lyde, discipulum tuom?	(innocently) Why are you finding fault with my chum, Lydus, your own pupil?
Lydus	Lydus
Periit tibi sodalis.	(tragically) Your chum has perished!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Ne di sirint.	God forbid!
Lydus	Lydus
Sic est ut loquor. quin ego cum peribat vidi, non ex audito arguo.	It’s just as I tell you. Ah yes, I myself beheld him in the act: I am not accusing him on hearsay.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid factum est?	What has happened?
Lydus	Lydus
Meretricem indigne deperit.	He is shockingly infatuated with a courtesan.
Mnes.	Mnes.
470 Non tu taces?	(apparently scandalized) Oh, don’t say such a thing!
Lydus	Lydus
Atque acerrume aestuosam: absorbet ubi quemque attigit.	Yes, and a perfect maelstrom of a woman: she sucks down every man who comes within her reach.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Ubi ea mulier habitat?	Where does this woman live?
Lydus	Lydus
Hic.	(pointing) Here.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Unde esse eam aiunt?	Where do they say she is from?
Lydus	Lydus
Ex Samo.	Samos.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quae vocatur?	What is her name?
Lydus	Lydus
Bacchis.	Bacchis.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Erras, Lyde: ego omnem rem scio quem ad modumst. tu Pistoclerum falso atque insontem arguis. nam ille amico et benevolenti suo sodali sedulo rem mandatam exsequitur. ipsus neque amat nec tu creduas.	(with an air of relief) You’re mistaken, Lydus: I know all about the matter, just how it stands. That’s a false charge of yours, and Pistoclerus is innocent. Why, he’s fulfilling a commission for a friend and well-wisher of his, a chum, and doing it zealously. He doesn’t love her himself, and you mustn’t think he does.
Lydus	Lydus
Itane oportet rem mandatam gerere amici sedulo, ut ipsus in gremio osculantem mulierem teneat sedens? nullo pacto res mandata potest agi, nisi identidem 480 manus ferat ei ad papillas, labra a labris nusquam auferat?	(sharply) Does executing this commission for his friend, and doing it zealously, call for his sitting down and holding the girl in his lap while she kisses him? Is there no way of his carrying out this commission save by his embracing her time and again in unseemly fashion and never taking his lips an inch from hers?
nam alia memorare quae illum facere vidi dispudet: cum manum sub vestimenta ad corpus tetulit Bacchidi me praesente, neque pudere quicquam. quid verbis opust? mini discipulus, tibi sodalis periit, huic filius; nam ego illum periisse dico quoi quidem periit pudor.17 (485)	Why, I feel ashamed to mention other things I saw him do, dreadful, dreadful things, in my presence—and never a trace of shame about him. Why say more? My pupil, your chum, this father’s son, has perished; for perished I say he has, when his sense of shame has perished.17
Mnes.	Mnes.
(489) Perdidisti me, sodalis. egone ut illam mulierem 490 capitis non perdam? perire me malis malim modis. satin ut quem tu habeas fidelem tibi aut cui credas nescias?	You’ve wrecked my life, (with special acrimony) chum! Oh, won’t I wreck that woman’s! I’d rather die a dog’s death than not get even with her! Can it really be you don’t know whom to think loyal to you, whom to trust?
Lydus	Lydus
Viden ut aegre patitur gnatum esse corruptum tuom, suom sodalem, ut ipsus sese cruciat aegritudine?	(to Philoxenus) Do you see how he suffers at your son, his chum, being corrupted; how his very soul is tormented?
Phil.	Phil.
Mnesiloche, hoc tecum oro, ut illius animum atque ingenium regas; serva tibi sodalem et mihi filium.	Mnesilochus, try to control the lad’s impulses and disposition, I beg you. Save your chum for yourself and my son for me.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Factum volo.	(vehemently) I wish I might!
Lydus	Lydus
Melius esset, me quoque una si cum illo relinqueres.	(to Philoxenus) It would be better for you to leave me with him, too.
Phil.	Phil.
Adfatim est.	No, no, he’ll manage.
Lydus	Lydus
Mnesiloche, cura, ei, concastiga hominem probe, qui dedecorat te, me amicosque alios flagitiis suis.	Mnesilochus, take charge of him! Go, rate him well—for degrading you, and me and his other friends with his enormities.
Phil.	Phil.
In te ego hoc onus omne impono. Lyde, sequere hac me.	I put the whole load on your shoulders. (turns to go) This way, Lydus; come.
Lydus	Lydus
Sequor.	(gloomily) Very well. [exeunt Philoxenus and Lydus.

III. 4.	Scene 4.
Mnes.	Mnes.
500 Inimiciorem nunc utrum credam magis sodalemne esse an Bacchidem, incertum admodumst. ilium exoptavit potius? habeat. optumest. ne illa illud hercle cum malo fecit suo; nam mihi divini numquam quisquam creduat, ni ego illam exemplis plurumis planeque—amo. ego faxo hau dicet nactam quem derideat.	(tempestuously) I absolutely can’t tell which is my worse enemy now, my chum or Bacchis. Hankered for him instead of me, did she? Let her have him! All right, all right! By heaven, she’ll certainly pay for this; for may no one ever believe my sacred word again, if I don’t thoroughly and utterly—(wryly) love her. She shan’t say she’s lighted on a man she can laugh to scorn, I promise you.
nam iam domum ibo atque—aliquid surrupiam patri. id isti dabo. ego istanc multis ulciscar modis. adeo ego illam cogam usque ut mendicet—meus pater. sed satine ego animum mente sincera gero, 510 qui ad hunc modum haec his quae futura fabulor? amo hercle opinor, ut pote quod pro certo sciam.	For I’ll home this minute, and—steal something from my father and give it to her. I’ll be revenged on her in all sorts of ways. Yes indeed, I’ll bring her to such a pass that—my father will have to beg his bread. But can I really be in possession of my senses, babbling here in this fashion about these futurities? Good Lord! I do believe I love her—seeing I know it for certain.
verum quam illa umquam de mea pecunia ramenta fiat plumea propensior, mendicum malim mendicando vincere. numquam edepol viva me inridebit. nam mihi decretumst renumerare iam omne aurum patri.	But sooner than let any cash of mine make her a fraction of a feather-weight the heavier, I’d outbeggar a beggar. By gad, she shan’t give me the laugh in this world, never! My mind’s made up—I’ll count out every bit of that gold to my father this moment.
igitur mi inani atque inopi subblandibitur tum quom blandiri nihilo pluris referet quam si ad sepulcrum mortuo narres logos.18 (519) 520 profecto stabilest me patri aurum reddere.	Then let her try her pretty wiles on me when I’m poverty stricken and penniless, when it won’t do any more good to coax than if you were to prattle to a dead man at his tomb.18 The money goes to my father, that’s final, absolutely final.
eadem exorabo, Chrysalo causa mea pater ne noceat, neu quid ei suscenseat mea causa de auro quod eum ludificatus est; nam illi aequomst me consulere, qui causa mea mendacium ei dixit. vos me sequimini.	At the same time I’ll persuade him to let Chrysalus off for my sake and not to be at all angry with him on account of his fooling him, for my sake, about the gold. Yes, it is only right I should look out for the fellow that lied to him for my sake. (to slaves with luggage) Follow me, you. [exeunt into house of Nicobulus.

III. 5.	Scene 5.
	Fifteen minutes have elapsed) enter Pistoclerus from Bacchis’s house.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Rebus aliis antevortar, Bacchis, quae mandas mihi: Mnesilochum ut requiram atque ut eum mecum ad te adducam simul. nam illud animus meus miratur, si a me tetigit nuntius, quid remoretur. ibo ut visam huc ad eum, si forte est domi.	(to Bacchis within) Everything else shall come second to your commission, Bacchis,—to hunt up Mnesilochus and bring him back with me. Why, I don’t know what to make of his delay, if my message reached him. I’ll go look him up at the house here, in case he happens to be at home.

III. 6.	Scene 6.
	enter Mnesilochus from house.
Mnes.	Mnes.
530 Reddidi patri omne aurum. nunc ego illam me velim convenire, postquam inanis sum, contemptricem meam. sed veniam mihi quam gravate pater dedit de Chrysalo; verum postremo impetravi, ut ne quid ei suscenseat.	I’ve handed over the whole sum to my father. Now’s the time I should like her to meet me, now that I haven’t a sou—my Lady Disdain! (pausing) But how father did hate to pardon Chrysalus for me! However, I finally induced him to swallow his wrath.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Estne hic meus sodalis?	(approaching Nicobulus’s house) Isn’t that my chum?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Estne hic hostis, quem aspicio, meus?	Isn’t that my enemy I see?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Certe is est.	(beaming) It certainly is.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Is est.	(glowering) It is.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Adibo contra et contollam gradum. salvos sis, Mnesiloche.	I’ll step up and meet him. (hurries to him) Mnesilochus! bless you!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Salve.	(gruffly) Same to you.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Salvos quom peregre advenis, cena detur.	(enthusiastically) We must have a dinner, now you’re safe back from abroad.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Non placet mi cena quae bilem movet.	I have no desire for a dinner that stirs my bile.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Numquae advenienti aegritudo obiecta est?	(wonderingly) You haven’t met with any trouble on your return, have you?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Atque acerruma.	Yes, of the worst sort.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Unde?	What caused it?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Ab homine quem mi amicum esse arbitratus sum antidhac.	A man I always took for a friend till now.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
540 Multi more isto atque exemplo vivont, quos cum censeas esse amicos, reperiuntur falsi falsimoniis, lingua factiosi, inertes opera, sublesta fide. nullus est quoi non invideant rem secundam optingere; sibi ne invideatur, ipsi ignavia recte cavent.	(indignantly) There are plenty of fellows amongst us of that character and description, fellows you regard as friends only to find ’em treacherous traitors—energetic talkers, lazy doers, and ready deserters. There’s no one they don’t envy his good luck. As for themselves, they take proper care no one envies them—their own inertness looks out for that.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Edepol ne tu illorum mores perquam meditate tenes. sed etiam unum hoc: ex ingenio malo malum inveniunt suo: nulli amici sunt, inimicos ipsi in sese omnis habent. ei se cum frustrantur, frustrari alios stolidi existumant. sicut est his, quem esse amicum ratus sum atque ipsus sum mihi: 550 ille, quod in se fuit, accuratum habuit quod posset mali faceret in me, inconciliaret copias omnis meas.	(dryly) Well, well! You certainly have a very intimate acquaintance with their characteristics. But there’s this one thing to add: they’re cursed by their own cursed dispositions: friends to no man as they are, they themselves have foes in all men. When they’re deceiving themselves the fools fancy they are deceiving others. That’s the way with this man I thought was as good a friend to me as I am to myself: as far as in him lay he took pains to do me all the harm he could, to defraud me of all I had.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Improbum istunc esse oportet hominem.	The fellow must be a perfect villain!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Ego ita esse arbitror.	Precisely my own opinion.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Obsecro hercle loquere, quis is est?	(more indignantly) By Jove, now! Who is he? Tell me, tell me.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Benevolens vivit tibi. nam ni ita esset, tecum orarem ut ei quod posses mali facere faceres.	A man on good terms with you. Yes, but for that, I’d beg you to do him any damage you could.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Dic modo hominem qui sit sit: non fecero ei male aliquo pacto, me esse dicito ignavissimum.	Only tell me who the fellow is: if I don’t damage him somehow, you can call me the most spiritless wretch on earth.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Nequam homost, verum hercle amicus est tibi.	He’s a scoundrel, but good Lord, he is a friend of yours!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Tanto magis dic quis est; nequam hominis ego parvi pendo gratiam.	All the more reason for telling me who he is; it’s little I care for the favour of a scoundrel.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Video non potesse quin tibi eius nomen eloquar. 560 Pistoclere, perdidisti me sodalem funditus.	I see there is nothing for me to do but give you his name. Pistoclerus, (bitterly) you have ruined me, your chum, ruined me utterly.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid istuc est?	(aghast) Eh? What’s that?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid est? misine ego ad te ex Epheso epistulam super amica, ut mi invenires?	What’s that? Didn’t I send you a letter from Ephesus about my mistress, asking you to find her for me?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Fateor factum, et repperi.	To be sure you did—and I did find her.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid? tibi non erat meretricum aliarum Athenis copia quibuscum haberes rem, nisi cum illa quam ego mandassem tibi occiperes tute19 amare et mi ires consultum male?	What? Weren’t there enough other women in Athens for you to philander with, without beginning to make love to her, the girl I had entrusted to you, and trying this underhand trick on me?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Sanun es?	Are you sane?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Rem repperi omnem ex tuo magistro. ne nega. perdidisti me.	I have the whole story from your tutor. You needn’t deny it. You have ruined me.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Etiamne ultro tuis me prolectas probris?	(getting irritated) Can it be you’re bent on provoking me with this uncalled for abuse of yours?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid? amas Bacchidem?	Eh? You do love Bacchis?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Duas ergo his intus eccas Bacchides.	Well, but look you, there are two Bacchises in here.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid? duas?	(astonished) What? Two?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Atque ambas sorores.	And sisters, too.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Loqueris nunc nugas sciens.	Now you’re talking rot, and you know it.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
570 Postremo, si pergis parvam mihi fidem arbitrarier, tollam ego ted in collum atque intro hinc auferam.	See here now, if you go on making light of my word, I’ll perch you up on my neck and carry you off inside. (seizes him)
Mnes.	Mnes.
Immo ibo, mane.	No, no, I’ll go: wait.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Non maneo, neque tu me habebis falso suspectum.	I won’t wait, and I won’t have you suspecting me falsely, either. (pulls him toward door)
Mnes.	Mnes.
Sequor.	I’m coming. [exeunt into house.

ACTVS IV	ACT IV
	enter Parasite with Cleomachus’s page.
Par.	Par.
Parasitus ego sum hominis nequam atque improbi, militis, qui amicam secum avexit ex Samo. nunc me ire iussit ad eam et percontarier, utrum aurum reddat anne eat secum semul. tu dudum, puere, cum illae usque isti semul: quae harum sunt aedes, pulta. adi actutum ad fores.	The parasite of a worthless reprobate is what I am, the parasite of the Captain that carried the wench off from Samos with him. Now he has ordered me to call on her and inquire whether she intends to pay him back his money, or go along with him. (scanning the houses) Boy, you came along to the place with her a short time ago: whichever house it is here, knock. Up to the door with you directly: (page obeys, knocking timidly)
recede hinc dierecte. ut pulsat propudium! 580 comesse panem tris pedes latum potes, fores pultare nescis. ecquis in aedibust? heus, ecquis his est? ecquis hoc aperit ostium? ecquis exit?	Get out and be hanged to you! How the imp knocks! You can devour a loaf of bread three feet wide: as for knocking at a door, you don’t know how. (pounds vigorously himself, and shouts) Anyone at home? Hi! Anyone here? Anyone minding this door? Anyone coming?

IV. 2.	Scene 2.
	enter Pistoclerus into doorway.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid istuc? quae istaec est pulsatio? 20quae te mala crux agitat, qui ad istunc modum alieno viris tuas extentes ostio? fores paene exfregisti. quid nunc vis tibi?	(angrily) What’s all this? What do you mean by pounding so? What the devil ails you, to test your strength on other people’s doors this way? You’ve nearly smashed it off. Now what are you after?
Par.	Par.
Adulescens, salve.	(somewhat cowed) Good day, young gentleman.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Salve, sed quem quaeritas?	Good day. But who is it you’re looking for?
Par.	Par.
Bacchidem.	Bacchis.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Utram ergo?	Well, which?
Par.	Par.
Nil scio nisi Bacchidem. paucis: me misit miles ad eam Cleomachus, 590 vel ut ducentos Philippos reddat aureos vel ut hinc in Elatiam hodie eat secum semul.	Bacchis—that’s all I know. Briefly: Captain Cleomachus sent me to say she must either pay him back two hundred golden sovereigns, or else go along with him to-day to Elatea.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Non it. negat se ituram. abi et renuntia. alium illa amat, non illum. due te ab aedibus.	She is not going. She refuses to go. Away with you and report! It’s another man she loves, not him. March yourself off!
Par.	Par.
Nimis iracunde.	(soothingly) You’re too irritable.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
At scin quam iracundus siem? ne tibi hercle haud longe est os ab infortunio, ita dentifrangibula haec meis manibus gestiunt.	(roaring) But d’ye know how irritable? By the Lord, that face of yours is precious close to a calamity, the way these (shaking his fists at parasite, who retreats) tooth-crackers here are itching!
Par.	Par.
Cum ego huius verba interpretor, mihi cautiost, ne nucifrangibula excussit ex malis meis. tuo ego istaec igitur dicam illi periculo.	(aside, wryly) To judge from his remarks, I must take care he doesn’t knock the nutcrackers out of my jaws. (aloud) All right, I’ll tell him about this, and it will be at your risk. (turns to go)
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid ais tu?	See here! (advancing)
Par.	Par.
Ego istuc illi dicam.	(backing away) I’ll tell him what you say.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
600 Dic mihi, quis tu es?	Tell me this, who are you?
Par.	Par.
Illius sum integumentum corporis.	(impressively) I am the Captain’s corporal integument.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Nequam esse oportet cui tu integumentum improbu’s.	A sorry specimen he must be to have a rascal like you for an integument!
Par.	Par.
Sufflatus ille huc veniet.	He’ll be coming here swelling with rage.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Dirrumptum velim.	I hope he bursts.
Par.	Par.
Numquid vis?	(going) Anything more I can do?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Abeas. celeriter factost opus.	Yes, get out! And you need to be quick about it. (advancing)
Par.	Par.
Vale, dentifrangibule.	(running) Farewell, Sir Toothcracker.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Et tu, integumentum, vale. in eum nunc haec res venit locum, ut quid consili dem meo sodali super amica nesciam, qui iratus renumeravit omne aurum patri, neque nummus ullust qui reddatur militi. 610 sed huc concedam, nam concrepuerunt fores. Mnesilochus eccum maestus progreditur foras.	The same to yourself, Sir Integument [exit Parasite.] Now matters have come to the point where I don’t know how to advise my chum about his mistress, what with his getting angry and counting out all the gold to his father, and not a penny left to pay the Captain. (listening) But I’ll step aside here: (does so) the door creaked. Ah, there’s our woebegone Mnesilochus coming out.

IV. 3.	Scene 3.
	enter Mnesilochus from Bacchis’s house.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Petulans, protervo iracundo animo, indomito incogitato, sine modo et modestia sum, sine bono iure atque honore, incredibilis imposque animi, inamabilis inlepidus vivo, malevolente ingenio natus. postremo id mi est quod volo ego esse aliis. credibile hoc est? nequior nemost neque indignior quoi di bene faciant neque quem quisquam homo aut amet aut adeat.	A hasty fool, a reckless, passionate, uncontrollable, unthinking fool without method and moderation, that’s what I am—a creature without any sense of right and honour, distrustful, hotheaded, loveless, graceless, crabbed and born crabbed! Yes, yes, I’m everything that I wish some one else was! Is this credible? There’s not a viler man alive, a man more unworthy of heaven’s kindness, of having a mortal soul love him or come near him!
inimicos quam amicos aequomst med habere, malos quam bonos par magis me iuvare. omnibus probris, quae improbis viris 620 digna sunt, dignior nullus est homo; qui patri reddidi omne aurum amans, mihi quod fuit prae manu. sumne ego homo miser? perdidi me simulque operam Chrysali.	Enemies are what I ought to have, not friends; rascals are the right people to help me, not honest men. Not a man on earth has a better title to all the infamy of an infamous scoundrel! I to give all that gold to my father, and I in love—gold I had in hand! If I’m not a poor, poor fool! I’ve thrown away my own life together with all Chrysalus did for me.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Consolandus his mist, ibo ad eum. Mnesiloche, quid fit?	(aside) I must console him: I’ll up to him. (aloud, approaching) How are things, Mnesilochus?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Perii.	I’m done for.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Di melius faciant.	God forbid!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Perii.	(still more dejectedly) I’m done for.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Non taces, insipiens?	Won’t you shut up, you silly fellow?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Taceam?	Shut up?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Sanus satis non est.	You’ve lost your wits.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Perii. multa mala mi in pectore nunc acria atque acerba eveniunt. criminin me habuisse fidem? immerito tibi iratus fui.	I’m done for. Oh, the confounded thoughts that crowd in on me now, exasperating, excruciating! To have credited that accusation! I had no reason to be angry with you.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Heia, bonum habe animum.	Oh well, cheer up.
Mnes.	Mnes.
630 Unde habeam? mortuos pluris pretist quam ego sum.	Where can I get cheer? A corpse is worth more than I am.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Militis parasitus venerat modo aurum petere hinc, eum ego meis dictis malis his foribus atque hac platea abegi; reppuli, reieci hominem.	(encouragingly) The Captain’s parasite has just been here after the money: I let him have a volley of abuse and drove him away up the street here. I fought him off, flung him back.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid mi id prodest? quom ipse veniet, quid faciam? nil habeo miser. ille quidem hanc abducet, scio.	(disconsolate) What’s the good of that to me? When he comes himself, what shall I do? I haven’t a penny, wretch that I am! Of course he’ll carry her off, I know that.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Si mihi sit, non pollicear.	If I had any money myself, I wouldn’t promise it to you.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Scio, dares, novi tuom. sed nisi ames, non habeam tibi fidem tantam; eo quod amas tamen nunc agitas sat tute tuarum rerum; sin liber sies egone ut opem mi ferre posse putem inopem te? non potest.	I know, you’d give it to me: I know your way. If you weren’t in love yourself, though, I shouldn’t have such confidence in you. Being in love, however, you have troubles enough of your own as it is. But even if you were fancy free, could I think you able to supply me, unsupplied as you are yourself? Impossible!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Tace modo: deus respiciet nos aliquis.	Oh, do shut up: some god will look out for us.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Nugae. vale.	Rubbish! (despairingly, moving off) Farewell!
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Mane.	(looking down street) Wait.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid est?	What’s the matter?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Tuam copiam eccam Chrysalum video. tace.	(pointing) Look! I see your supply station, Chrysalus. Sh—h! (they withdraw).

IV. 4.	Scene 4.
	enter Chrysalus in high spirits.
Chrys.	Chrys.
640 Hunc hominem decet auro expendi, huic decet statuam statui ex auro; nam duplex hodie facinus feci, duplicibus spoliis sum adfectus. erum maiorem meum ut ego hodie lusi lepide, ut ludificatust. callidum senem callidis dolis compuli et perpuli, mi omnia ut crederet.	Here is a man (patting his chest) that is worth his weight in gold: here is a man who ought to have a gold statue set up for him. Why, I’ve done a double deed to-day, been graced with double spoils. The old master—how cleverly I did take him in to-day, how he was fooled! Wily as the old chap is, my wily arts impelled him and compelled him to believe me in everything.
nunc amanti ero filio senis, quicum ego bibo, quicum edo et amo, regias copias aureasque optuli, ut domo sumeret neu foris quaereret. non mihi isti placent Parmenones, Syri, 650 qui duas aut tris minas auferunt eris.	And now the young master that’s in love, the old one’s son, that I drink with and eat with and go a-courting with—I’ve furnished him out with regal supplies, golden supplies, so that he can go to himself for cash and not look for it outside. I haven’t any use for those Parmenos,I those SyrusesI that do their masters out of two or three gold pieces.
nequius nil est quam egens consili servos, nisi habet multipotens pectus: ubicumque usus siet, pectore expromat suo. nullus frugi esse potest homo, nisi qui et bene et male facere tenet.	There’s nothing more worthless than a servant without brains: he’s got to have a precious powerful intellect: whenever a scheme is needed, let him produce it from his own intellect. Not a soul can be worth anything, unless he knows how to be good and bad both.
improbis cum improbus sit, harpaget, furibus furetur quod queat, vorsipellem frugi convenit esse hominem, 659-660 pectus quoi sapit: bonus sit bonis, malus sit malis; utcumque res sit, ita animum habeat.	He must be a rascal among rascals, rob robbers, steal what he can. A chap that’s worth anything, a chap with a fine intellect, has to be able to change his skin. He must be good with the good and bad with the bad; whatever the situation calls for, that he’s got to be.
sed lubet scire quantum aurum erus sibi dempsit et quid suo reddidit patri. si frugi est, Herculem fecit ex patre: decimam partem ei dedit, sibi novem abstulit. sed quem quaero optume eccum obviam mihi est.	(pausing) But I should like to know how much money master took for himself and what he passed on to his father. If he is worth anything, he has let his father play Hercules—given him a tithe and made off with nine parts for his own use. (sees Mnesilochus and Pistoclerus) Hullo, though! Here’s a lucky meeting with the man I’m looking for!
num qui nummi exciderunt, ere, tibi, quod sic terram optuere? quid vos maestos tam tristesque esse conspicor? 670 non placet nec temere est etiam. quin mihi respondetis?	(to Mnesilochus) You haven’t dropped any of the coin, have you, sir,—gazing at the ground that way? (waits for answer) What makes you two look so sad and gloomy? (waits again) I don’t like it: no indeed, it’s not for nothing. (waits again) Why don’t you answer me?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Chrysale, occidi.	Chrysalus, I’m a lost man.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Fortassis tu auri dempsisti parum?	You took too little of the gold, perhaps?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quam, malum, parum? immo vero nimio minus multo parum.	Too little, eh, curse it! No indeed,—much too much less than too little!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid igitur, stulte? an tu, quoniam occasio ad eam rem fuit mea virtute parta, ut quantum velles tantum sumeres, sic hoc digitulis duobus sumebas primoribus? an nescibas quam eius modi homini raro tempus se daret?	Well, how’s that, you blockhead? After my ability won you this opportunity to help yourself to just as much as you pleased, you surely didn’t pick it up this way (illustrating) with a couple of finger tips? Didn’t you know how seldom a man is offered such a chance?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Erras.	You’re making a mistake.
Chrys.	Chrys.
At quidem tute errasti, cum parum immersti ampliter.	Well, you made another yourself, by not dipping into it deep enough.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Pol tu quam nunc med accuses magis, si magis rem noveris. occidi.	(moodily) Good Lord! You’d lecture me more than you do now, if you knew more of the facts. I’m a lost man!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Animus iam istoc dicto plus praesagitur mali.	Now I foresee more trouble coming, after that remark.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Perii.	I’m done for.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid ita?	Why so?
Mnes.	Mnes.
680 Quia patri omne cum ramento reddidi.	Because I’ve handed over every scrap of it to my father.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Reddidisti?	(dumbfounded) Handed it over?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Reddidi.	Handed it over.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Omnene?	Every bit?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Oppido.	Absolutely.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Occisi sumus. qui in mentem venit tibi istuc facinus facere tam malum?	We’re both lost men! What made it enter your head to do such a thing, such an awful thing?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Bacchidem atque hunc suspicabar propter crimen, Chrysale, mi male consuluisse: ob eam rem omne aurum, iratus reddidi meo patri.	(awkwardly) I heard a charge made, Chrysalus, and suspected Bacchis and Pistoclerus here of plotting against me: so I got angry and handed all the money over to my father.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid, ubi reddebas aurum, dixisti patri?	What did you tell your father when you handed it over?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Me id aurum accepisse extemplo ab hospite Archidemide.	That I had received it on demand from his friend Archidemides.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Em, istoc dicto dedisti hodie in cruciatum Chrysalum; nam ubi me aspiciet, ad carnuficem rapiet continuo senex.	(grimly) Aha! And gave Chrysalus over to torment by the statement; for when he sets eyes on me the old man will promptly hale me off to the public torturer.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Ego patrem exoravi.	(hurriedly I persuaded him.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nempe ergo hoc ut faceret quod loquor?	(dryly) Indeed? To do what I’m saying, I take it?
Mnes.	Mnes.
690 Immo tibi ne noceat neu quid ob eam rem suscenseat; atque aegre impetravi. nunc hoc tibi curandumst, Chrysale.	No, no, not to harm you, or be at all angry with you for what you did; and a hard time I had getting it out of him, too. (pauses, then in flattering manner) Here’s what you must see to now, Chrysalus.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid vis curem?	(sourly) What do you want me to see to?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Ut ad senem etiam alteram facias viam. compara, fabricare finge quod lubet, conglutina, ut senem hodie doctum docte fallas aurumque auferas.	To making another march still against the old man. Use your ideas, your devices, your craft, any way you please, stick together some clever scheme to fool the clever old fellow to-day and get away with the gold.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Vix videtur fieri posse.	It hardly looks possible to me.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Perge, ac facile ecfeceris.	You go ahead, and you’ll carry it through easily.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quam, malum, facile, quem mendaci prendit manufesto modo? quem si orem ut mihi nil credat, id non ausit credere.	Easily, eh, curse it? A man that has caught me in a barefaced lie? A man that, if I should beg him not to believe me in a thing, wouldn’t dare to believe even that!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Immo si audias quae dicta dixit me adversum tibi.	(smiling feebly) Worse still—if you had only heard what he said to me about you.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid dixit?	What did he say?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Si tu illum solem sibi solem esse diceres, 700 se illum lunam credere esse et noctem qui nunc est dies.	That if you told him the sun there was the sun, he’d believe it was the moon, and that it was night now, not day.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Emungam hercle hominem probe hodie, ne id nequiquam dixerit.	(thinking a moment, then jubilantly) By Jupiter! I’ll clean the man up in glorious shape to-day, that he mayn’t say that for nothing!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Nunc quid nos vis facere?	What do you want us to do now?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Enim nil nisi ut ametis impero. ceterum quantum lubet me poscitote aurum: ego dabo. quid mihi refert Chrysalo esse nomen, nisi factis probo? sed nunc quantillum usust auri tibi, Mnesiloche? dic mihi.	Oh, make love—that’s all I order. But just apply to me for gold, as much as you like: I’m your man. What’s the advantage of my being named Chrysalus, unless I live up to it? Well now, Mnesilochus, what’s the paltry sum you need? Tell me.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Militi nummis ducentis iam usus est pro Bacchide.	(eagerly) I need two hundred pounds at once to pay the Captain for Bacchis.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ego dabo.	I’m your man.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Tum nobis opus est sumptu.	Then we must have something for running expenses.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ah, placide volo unum quidque agamus: hoc ubi egero, tum istuc agam. de ducentis nummis primum intendam ballistam in senem; 710 ea ballista si pervortam turrim et propugnacula, recta porta invadam extemplo in oppidum anticum et vetus: si id capso, geritote amicis vostris aurum corbibus, sicut animus sperat.	Oh, I say, let’s go gently and attend to things one by one: after I’ve attended to this, then I’ll attend to that: I’ll train my catapult on the old fellow for the two hundred first. If I shatter the tower and outworks with the said catapult, the next minute I’ll plunge straight through the gate into the ancient and time-worn town; in case I capture it, you two can carry off gold to your lady friends by the basketful, and gratify the hope of your soul.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Apud test animus noster, Chrysale.	Our soul is in your keeping, Chrysalus.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nunc tu abi intro, Pistoclere, ad Bacchidem, atque ecfer cito.	(obviously the manager) Now, Pistoclerus, inside with you to Bacchis and hurry back with—
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid?	With what?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Stilum, ceram et tabellas, linum.	—a stylus, wax and tablets, some tape.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Iam faxo his erunt.	I’ll have them here at once. [exit into house.]
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid nunc es facturus? id mihi dice.	What are you going to do now? Tell me that.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Coctumst prandium? vos duo eritis atque amica tua erit tecum tertia?	Is lunch cooked? You two, and your girl with you for a third,—is that the plan?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Sicut dicis.	Just so.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Pistoclero nulla amica est?	No girl for Pistoclerus?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Immo adest. alteram ille amat sororem, ego alteram, ambas Bacchides.	Oh, yes there is! He loves one sister and I the other, both of them Bacchises.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid tu loquere?	(surprised) What’s that you tell me?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Hoc, ut futuri sumus.	Merely our arrangements.
Chrys.	Chrys.
720 Ubist biclinium vobis stratum?	Where is this duplex dining-couch of yours set?
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid id exquaeris?	What do you ask that for?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Res itast, dici volo. nescis quid ego acturus sim nec facinus quantum exordiar.	The case calls for it. I want to be told. You don’t know what I’m up to, what a monster of a scheme I’m going to get under way.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Cedo manum ac subsequere propius me ad fores. intro inspice.	(slyly) Give me your hand and follow me closer to the door. (leads Chrysalus to the house of Bacchis and pushes the door open) Cast your eyes in there!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Euax, nimis bellus atque ut esse maxume optabam locus.	(looking in) Hurray! Perfectly delicious, yes, just the sort of place I longed for it to be! re-enter Pistoclerus.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quae imperavisti. imperatum bene bonis factum ilicost.	(to Chrysalus, with mock deference) Orders followed, sir! Good orders to good men instantly executed.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid parasti?	What have you got?
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quae parari tu iussisti omnia.	Everything your mandate called for. (showing writing materials)
Chrys.	Chrys.
Cape stilum propere et tabellas tu has tibi.	(to Mnesilochus) Quick! Take the stylus and these tablets, you.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid postea?	(obeying) And then?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quod iubebo scribito istic. nam propterea te volo 720 scribere, ut pater cognoscat litteras quando legat. scribe.	Write down there what I dictate. I want you to do the writing, you see, so that your father will recognize your hand when he reads it. Write.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Quid scribam?	Write what?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Salutem tuo patri verbis tuis.	Oh, some wish—use your own words—for your father’s health. (Mnesilochus writes)
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Quid si potius morbum mortem scribat? id erit rectius.	Hadn’t he better write sickness and death? That will be more to the point.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ne interturba.	(to Pistoclerus) Don’t muddle him.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Iam imperatum in cera inest.	That’s down now according to orders.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Dic quem ad modum.	Let’s hear how you’ve put it.
Mnes.	Mnes.
“Mnesilochus salutem dicit suo patri.”	(reading) “Mnesilochus sends best wishes to his father.”
Chrys.	Chrys.
Adscribe hoc cito: “Chrysalus mihi usque quaque loquitur nec recte, pater, quia tibi aurum reddidi et quia non te fraudaverim.”	Hurry up, add this: “Chrysalus keeps talking away at me everywhere, father, and talking harshly, because I handed the gold over to you and did not defraud you.”
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Mane dum scribit.	Give him time to write.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Celerem oportet esse amatoris manum.	A lover’s hand ought to be nimble.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
21At quidem hercle est ad perdundum magis quam ad scribundum cita.	Gad, yes! but it makes shorter work of cash than correspondence.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Loquere. hoc scriptumst.	Go on. That’s written.
Chrys.	Chrys.
“Nunc, pater mi, proin tu ab eo ut caveas tibi, 740 sycophantias componit, aurum ut abs ted auferat; et profecto se ablaturum dixit.” plane adscribito.	“Now then, father dear, do be on your guard against him—he is laying a rascally scheme to take the gold from you; and he vows he will take it.” Write that down plain.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Dic modo.	(after a moment) Yes, yes, go on.
Chrys.	Chrys.
“Atque id pollicetur se daturum aurum mihi, quod dem scortis quodque in lustris comedim congraecem, pater, sed, pater, vide ne tibi hodie verba det: quaeso cave.”	“And besides, he promises he will give it to me to spend on women and to squander in riotous living in low resorts, father. But, father, do see that he doesn’t impose upon you to-day: for mercy’s sake, take care.”
Mnes.	Mnes.
Loquere porro.	(finishing) All right, some more.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Adscribe dum etiam—	Just go on and add—(thinking)
Mnes.	Mnes.
Loquere quid scribam modo.	Well, say what.
Chrys.	Chrys.
“Sed, pater, quod promisisti mihi, te quaeso ut memineris, ne illum verberes; verum apud te vinctum adservato domi.” cedo tu ceram ac linum actutum. age obliga, obsigna cito.	“However, I beg you to remember what you promised me, father: don’t beat him; but tie him up and keep watch on him at home.” (to Pistoclerus) The wax and tape, you, look sharp! (Pistoclerus obeys. To Mnesilochus) Come on, fasten it, seal it, quick!
Mnes.	Mnes.
Obsecro, quid istis ad istunc usust conscriptis modum, 750 ut tibi ne quid credat atque ut vinctum te adservet domi?	(obeying) For heaven’s sake, what’s the use of a document like this, telling him not to believe you at all, to tie you up and keep watch on you at home?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quia mi ita lubet. potin ut cures te atque ut ne parcas mihi? mea fiducia opus conduxi et meo periclo rem gero.	Because it suits me. Can’t you mind your own business and not bother about me? (arrogantly) I was relying on myself when I contracted for this job, and I’ll take the risk myself in doing it.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Aequom dicis.	Fairly spoken.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Cedo tabellas.	Hand over the tablets.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Accipe.	(doing so) Here they are.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Animum advortite. Mnesiloche et tu, Pistoclere, iam facite in biclinio cum amica sua uterque accubitum eatis, ita negotiumst, atque ibidem ubi nunc sunt lecti strati potetis cito.	Attention now! Mnesilochus, and you too, Pistoclerus, go at once and take your places on your duplex dining-couch, each of you beside his girl—that’s the thing to do—and right there where the couches are set at present you hurry up and begin drinking.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
Numquid aliud?	(turning to go) Nothing else?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Hoc, atque etiam: ubi erit accubitum semel, ne quoquam exsurgatis, donec a me erit signum datum.	Just this—and one thing more: when you’ve once taken your places, don’t move an inch off the couches until you get the signal from me.
Pistoc.	Pistoc.
O imperatorem probum!	O peerless leader!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Iam bis bibisse oportuit.	(bustling them off) You should have put down two drinks already.
Mnes.	Mnes.
Fugimus.	(in mock terror) We’re running away.
Chrys.	Chrys.
760 Vos vostrum curate officium, ego efficiam meum.	(grinning) You two do your duty and I’ll attend to mine. [exeunt Pistoclerus and Mnesilochus into house of Bacchis.

IV. 5.	Scene 5.
Chrys.	Chrys.
insanum magnum molior negotium, metuoque ut hodie possiem emolirier. sed nunc truculento mi atque saevo usus senest; nam non conducit huic sycophantiae senem tranquillum esse ubi me aspexerit.	(doubtfully) It’s some wild, wild work I’ve got in hand, and what I’m afraid of is that I can’t carry it out. (pauses) But now I must make the old man feel fierce and savage. For it won’t suit this swindle of mine, to have him peaceful when he sets eyes on me.
versabo ego illum hodie, si vivo, probe. tam frictum ego illum reddam quam frictum est cicer. adambulabo ad ostium, ut, quando exeat, extemplo advenienti ei tabellas dem in manum.	I’ll turn him other end up to-day, handsomely, on my life, I will. I’ll see he’s roasted like a roasted pea. I’ll saunter up to the door so that when he comes out I can hand him the letter the minute he appears. (withdraws as door opens)

IV. 6.	Scene 6.
	enter Nicobulus from house.
Nic.	Nic.
770 Nimium illaec res est magnae dividiae mihi, supterfugisse sic mihi hodie Chrysalum.	Ugh! how it does rankle to have let Chrysalus get out of my reach as he has to-day.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Salvos sum, iratus est senex. nunc est mihi adeundi ad hominem tempus.	(in low tone) Saved! The old fellow’s angry. Now is the time to approach him.
Nic.	Nic.
Quis loquitur prope? atque his quidem, opinor, Chrysalust.	(aside) Who’s that speaking near here? (seeing Chrysalus) Yes, it’s actually Chrysalus, I do believe.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Accessero.	(aside) At him now! (approaches)
Nic.	Nic.
Bone serve, salve. quid fit? quam mox navigo in Ephesum, ut aurum repetam ab Theotimo domum? taces? per omnis deos adiuro, ut ni meum gnatum tam amem atque ei facta cupiam quae is velit, 779-780 ut tua iam virgis latera lacerentur probe ferratusque in pistrino aetatem conteras. omnia rescivi scelera ex Mnesilocho tua.	Ah! my good servant, how goes it? How soon shall I sail to Ephesus to bring home the gold from Theotimus? Silent, eh? (more savagely) I swear to heaven if I didn’t love my son so, if I wasn’t anxious to gratify his wishes, those flanks of yours would be torn to ribbons with rods this instant and you should wear out your days in fetters in the mill. I have heard about your rascality from Mnesilochus—everything.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Men criminatust? optimest: ego sum malus, ego sum sacer, scelestus. specta rem modo; ego verbum faciam nullum.	(affecting indignation) He’s accused me, me? Very fine indeed! I’m the one that’s bad, I’m the cursed criminal! (significantly) You just keep your eyes open; that’s all I have to say.
Nic.	Nic.
Etiam, carnufex, minitare?	What? Threatening, you hangdog?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nosces tu illum actutum qualis sit. nunc has tabellas ferre me iussit tibi. orabat, quod istic esset scriptum ut fieret.	You’ll shortly know what sort he is. He ordered me to bring this letter to you now. Begged you to do what’s written there.
Nic.	Nic.
Cedo.	Give it here.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nosce signum.	(obeying) Take notice of the seal.
Nic.	Nic.
Novi. ubi ipse est?	(seeing it is intact) Yes, yes. Where is my son himself?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nescio. 790 nil iam me oportet scire. oblitus sum omnia. scio me esse servom. nescio etiam id quod scio. nunc ab trasenna his turdus lumbricum petit; pendebit hodie pulcre, ita intendi tenus.	(surlily) Don’t know. The proper thing for me now is to know nothing. I’ve forgotten everything. I know I’m a slave. I don’t even know what I do know. (aside) Now our thrush here is after the worm in my trap; he’ll soon be hung up handsomely, the way I’ve set the noose.
Nic.	Nic.
Mane dum parumper; iam exeo ad te, Chrysale.	(having read letter) Just wait a moment; (goes toward house) I’ll soon be back with you, Chrysalus. [exit into house.]
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ut verba mihi dat, ut nescio quam rem gerat. servos arcessit intus qui me vinciant. bene navis agitatur, pulcre haec confertur ratis. sed conticiscam, nam audio aperiri fores.	(elated) Oh, isn’t he bluffing me! Oh, isn’t it mysterious what he’s at! He’s fetching servants from inside to tie me up. A lovely shake-up the galleon there is getting: the little bark here is putting up a fine fight! (listening) But not a word! I hear the door opening.

IV. 7.	Scene 7.
	enter Nicobulus bringing slave overseer and other slaves.
Nic.	Nic.
Constringe tu illi, Artamo, actutum manus.	(to overseer) Quick, Artamo, fasten his hands there!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid feci?	(as Artamo obeys) What have I done?
Nic.	Nic.
800 Impinge pugnum, si muttiverit. quid hae locuntur litterae?	(to Artamo) Plant your fists in his face, if he breathes a word. (to Chrysalus) What does this letter say?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid me rogas? ut ab illo accepi, ad te obsignatas attuli.	What are you asking me for? I took it from him and brought it to you just as it was, all sealed.
Nic.	Nic.
Eho tu,22 loquitatusne es gnato meo male per sermonem, quia mi id aurum reddidit, et te dixisti id aurum ablaturum tamen per sycophantiam?	Oho, you! So you have been giving my son the rough side of your tongue, because he handed over that gold to me? Said you’d take it from me just the same by some rascally scheme, eh?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Egone istuc dixi?	I said that, I?
Nic.	Nic.
Ita.	Just so.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quis homost qui dicat me dixisse istuc?	Who’s the man says I said that?
Nic.	Nic.
Tace, nullus homo dicit: hae tabellae te arguont, quas tu attulisti. em hae te vinciri iubent.	Silence! No man says it: this letter indicts you, the one you brought yourself. (showing it) There! This orders you to be tied up.
Chrys.	Chrys.
810 Aha, Bellorophontem tuos me fecit filius: egomet tabellas tetuli ut vincirer. sine.	(resignedly) Aha! Your son has made a BellerophonJ of me: I myself brought the letter to have myself tied up. (dangerously) Very well!
Nic.	Nic.
Propterea hoc facio, ut suadeas gnato meo ut pergraecetur tecum, tervenefice.	(ironically)) I do this merely to make you persuade my son to join you in riotous living, you soulless villain.
Chrys.	Chrys.
O stulte, stulte, nescis nunc venire te; atque in eopse adstas lapide, ut praeco praedicat.	Oh, you poor poor fool, you don’t know you’re being sold this moment; and here you are standing on the very block with the crier crying you!
Nic.	Nic.
Responde: quis me vendit?	(mystified) Answer! Who is selling me?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quem di diligunt adulescens moritur, dum valet sentit sapit. hunc si ullus deus amaret, plus annis decem, plus iam viginti mortuom esse oportuit: 820 terrai odium ambulat, iam nil sapit nec sentit, tantist quantist fungus putidus.	(sneeringly) He whom the gods love dies young, while he has his strength and senses and wits. If any god loved this fellow, (indicating Nicobulus) it’s more than ten years, more than twenty years ago, he ought to have died. He ambles along encumbering the earth, absolutely witless and senseless already, worth about as much as a mushroom—a rotten one.
Nic.	Nic.
Tun terrae me odium esse autumas? abducite hunc intro atque adstringite ad columnam fortiter. numquam auferes hinc aurum.	(furious) So I encumber the earth, do I, according to you? (to Artamo and slaves) March him off inside! yes, and tie him to a pillar—tight! (to Chrysalus) You shall never take that gold away from me.
Chrys.	Chrys.
At qui iam dabis.	(mysteriously) However, you’ll soon give it away.
Nic.	Nic.
Dabo?	I give it away?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Atque orabis me quidem ultro ut auferam, cum illum rescisces criminatorem meum quanto in periclo et quanta in pernicie siet. tum libertatem Chrysalo largibere; ego adeo numquam accipiam.	Yes, and beg me, beg me of your own accord, to take it away, when you learn about that accuser of mine and what danger, what deadly danger, he’s in. Then you’ll be all for liberating Chrysalus; but not for me, I won’t be liberated.
Nic.	Nic.
Dic, scelerum caput, 830 dic, quo in periclo est meus Mnesilochus filius?	Speak, you fount of iniquity, speak—what danger is my son Mnesilochus in?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Sequere hac me, faxo iam scies.	(going toward Bacchis’s house) This way; follow me: I’ll soon let you know.
Nic.	Nic.
Quo gentium?	(following) Where on earth are you taking me?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Tres unos passus.	Three steps merely.
Nic.	Nic.
Vel decem.	Ten, for that matter.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Agedum tu, Artamo, forem hanc pauxillum aperi; placide, ne crepa; sat est. accede huc tu. viden convivium?	Come on now, you, Artamo; open this door a tiny bit; easy, don’t make it creak. (Artamo obeys) That will do. (to Nicobulus) Step up here, you. See that jovial party? (pointing inside)
Nic.	Nic.
Video exadvorsum Pistoclerum et Bacchidem.	(peeking in) I see Pistoclerus and Bacchis right opposite.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Qui sunt in lecto illo altero?	Who are on that other couch?
Nic.	Nic.
Interii miser.	(peeking again, then with a start) Death and damnation!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Novistine hominem?	Do you recognize the gentleman?
Nic.	Nic.
Novi.	I do.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Dic sodes mihi, bellan videtur specie mulier?	Kindly give me your opinion—good-looking female, eh?
Nic.	Nic.
Admodum.	(angrily) Quite so!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid illam, meretricemne esse censes?	Well, do you think she’s a harlot?
Nic.	Nic.
Quippini?	Naturally.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Frustra es.	You’re mistaken.
Nic.	Nic.
Quis igitur obsecrost?	For heaven’s sake, who is she, then?
Chrys.	Chrys.
840 Inveneris. ex me quidem hodie numquam fies certior.	(again mysterious) You’ll soon discover. But you’ll never get the information from me to-day.

IV. 8.	Scene 8.
	enter Cleomachus, apparently not seeing group at doorway.
Cleom.	Cleom.
Meamne hic Mnesilochus, Nicobuli filius, per vim ut retineat mulierem? quae haec factiost?	(blustering) Mnesilochus, Nicobulus’s son, keep her here by force—my woman? What sort of conduct is this?
Nic.	Nic.
Quis illest?	Who is that?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Per tempus hic venit miles mihi.	(aside) The Captain has come just in the nick of time for me. (draws Nicobulus farther away)
Cleom.	Cleom.
Non me arbitratur militem, sed mulierem, qui me meosque non queam defendere. nam neque Bellona mi umquam neque Mars creduat, ni illum exanimalem faxo, si convenero, nive exheredem fecero vitae suae.	He takes me for a woman, not a soldier, a woman unable to defend myself and mine! Now never may BellonaK and Mars trust me more, unless I extinguish his vital spark, once I come upon him, and unless I disinherit him of his existence!
Nic.	Nic.
850 Chrysale, quis ille est qui minitatur filio?	(anxiously) Chrysalus! who’s that threatening my son?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Vir hic est illius mulieris quacum accubat.	(coolly) He is the husband of that woman beside your son on the couch.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid, vir?	(in terror) What? The husband?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Vir, inquam.	That is what I say, the husband.
Nic.	Nic.
Nuptanest illa, obsecro?	For heaven’s sake, is she married?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Scies haud multo post.	You’ll see a little later.
Nic.	Nic.
Oppido interii miser.	Oh! This is perfectly agonizing!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid nunc? scelestus tibi videtur Chrysalus? age nunc vincito me, auscultato filio. dixin tibi ego illum inventurum te qualis sit?	What now? Do you think Chrysalus is the criminal? Go ahead now, tie me up and listen to your son. Didn’t I tell you you’d find out what sort he is?
Nic.	Nic.
Quid nunc ego faciam?	What shall I do now?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Iube sis me exsolvi cito; nam ni ego exsolvor, iam manufesto hominem opprimet.	Kindly have me loosed, and quickly; for if I’m not loosed, he’ll soon be surprising our gentleman red-handed.
Cleom.	Cleom.
Nihil est lucri quod me hodie facere mavelim, 860 quam illum cubantem cum illa opprimere, ambo ut necem.	There is no amount of money I had rather make to-day than surprise him with her in his arms, so that I may slay them both!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Audin quae loquitur? quin tu me exsolvi iubes?	You hear what he’s saying? Why don’t you have me loosed?
Nic.	Nic.
Exsolvite istum. perii, pertimui miser.	(to slaves) Loose him. (they obey) This is awful! Dear, dear, I’m frightened through and through!
Cleom.	Cleom.
Tum illam, quae corpus publicat volgo suom, faxo se haud dicat nactam quem derideat.	Then that woman who makes a common prostitute of herself—I warrant she’ll not say she has lit on a man she can laugh to scorn!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Pacisci cum illo paulula pecunia potes.	You can buy him off for a bit of cash.
Nic.	Nic.
Pacisce ergo, obsecro, quid tibi lubet, dum ne manifesto hominem opprimat neve enicet.	(beside himself) Buy him off, then, for heaven’s sake—anything you like—if only he doesn’t surprise the lad red-handed and slay him!
Cleom.	Cleom.
Nunc nisi ducenti Philippi redduntur mihi, iam illorum ego animam amborum exsorbebo oppido.	Unless two hundred pounds are given me at once, I’ll drain them dry, the both of them, of the breath of life this moment.
Nic.	Nic.
870 Em illuc pacisce, si potes; perge obsecro, pacisce quid vis.	There! Buy him off for that, if you can. At him, for heaven’s sake: buy him off at any price.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ibo et faciam sedulo. quid clamas?	I’ll go and do my best, (approaching Cleomachus) What are you bawling at?
Cleom.	Cleom.
Ubi erus tuos est?	Where is your master?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nusquam. nescio vis tibi ducentos nummos iam promittier, ut ne clamorem hie facias neu convicium?	(loudly) Nowhere. I don’t know. (gets him farther from Nicobulus) Do you want to have two hundred pounds promised you instantly, on condition you don’t come bawling or bellowing here?
Cleom.	Cleom.
Nihil est quod malim.	(calming down) Nothing I should like better.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Atque ut tibi mala multa ingeram?	(in low tone) Yes, and on condition you take plenty of hard words from me?
Cleom.	Cleom.
Tuo arbitratu.	At your own discretion.
Nic.	Nic.
Ut subblanditur carnufex.	(hearing only last words) How the hangdog is wheedling him!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Pater hic Mnesilochi est; sequere, is promittet tibi. tu aurum rogato; ceterum verbum sat est.	Here is (pointing) Mnesilochus’s father; come on; he’ll promise it to you. You ask for the money; (meaningly) as for the rest, a word will suffice. (Cleomachus nods his understanding: they join Nicobulus)
Nic.	Nic.
Quid fit?	Well? Well?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ducentis Philippis rem pepigi.	I’ve settled for two hundred pounds.
Nic.	Nic.
Ah, salus 880 mea, servavisti me. quam mox dico “dabo”?	(ecstatic) Ah, my salvation! you’ve saved me! How long before I say “I’ll pay”?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Roga hunc tu, tu promitte huic.	(to Cleomachus) You make your demand of him: (to Nicobulus) you promise him.
Nic.	Nic.
Promitto, roga.	(eagerly) I promise: make your demand.
Cleom.	Cleom.
Ducentos nummos aureos Philippos probos dabin?	Will you pay me two hundred good honest gold sovereigns?
Chrys.	Chrys.
“Dabuntur” inque. responde.	(to Nicobulus) “I will”: say that. Answer him.
Nic.	Nic.
Dabo.	I will.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid nunc, impure? numquid debetur tibi? quid illi molestu’s? quid illum morte territas? et ego te et ille mactamus infortunio. si tibi est machaera, at nobis veruinast domi: qua quidem te faciam, si tu me inritaveris, confossiorem soricina nenia. 890 iam dudum hercle equidem sentio, suspicio quae te sollicitet: eum esse cum illa muliere.	(to Cleomachus) What now, you beast? Is anything owed you? What are you annoying that gentleman for? What are you scaring him with murderous threats for? We’ll give you a horrible time of it, he and I together. You may have a sword, but we’ve got a little spit at home: if you get me roused, I’ll up with it and stick you fuller of holes than a squealing shrewmouse. Good Lord! Why, I saw it all long ago—how you’re suffering from the suspicion that he’s with the lady there.
Cleom.	Cleom.
Immo est quoque.	Suspicion? He is there, too.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ita me Iuppiter Iuno Ceres Minerva23 Latona Spes Opis Virtus Venus Castor Polluces Mars Mercurius Hercules Summanus Sol Saturnus dique omnes ament, ut ille cum illa neque cubat neque ambulat neque osculatur neque illud quod dici solet.	(with unction) So help me Jupiter, Juno, Ceres, Minerva, Latona, Spes, Ops, Virtus, Venus, Castor, Pollux, Mars, Mercury, Hercules, Summanus, Sol, Saturn, and all the gods, he is neither lying with her, nor walking with her, nor kissing her, nor anything else he has the name of doing.
Nic.	Nic.
Ut iurat! servat me ille suis periuriis.	(aside) What an oath! The man is saving me by perjuring himself.
Cleom.	Cleom.
Ubi nunc Mnesilochus ergost?	Where is Mnesilochus at present, then?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Rus misit pater, 900 illa autem in arcem abiit aedem visere Minervae. nunc apertast. i, vise estne ibi.	His father has sent him out to the farm. As for the lady, she has gone to the Acropolis to visit Minerva’s temple. It’s open now. Go and see if she isn’t there.
Cleom.	Cleom.
Abeo ad forum igitur.	In that case, I’ll be off to the forum.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Vel hercle in malam crucem.	Or to blazes, if you like, by gad!
Cleom.	Cleom.
Hodie exigam aurum hoc?	Shall I get the money out of him to-day?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Exige, ac suspende te: ne supplicare hunc censeas tibi, nihili homo, ille est amotus. sine me—per te, ere, opsecro deos immortales—ire huc intro ad filium.	Get it, and be hanged to you! You needn’t think he will sue for favours from you, you riffraff. [exit Cleomachus. He’s sent packing. (fervently) In the name of heaven, sir, do let me go in here and see your son, I beseech you.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid eo intro ibis?	Go in this house? Why?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ut eum dictis plurumis castigem, cum haec sic facta ad hunc faciat modum.	So that I may reprove him roundly for acting in such a way as this.
Nic.	Nic.
Immo oro ut facias, Chrysale, et ted opsecro, cave parsis in eum dicere.	Let you? I beg you to, Chrysalus, and I beseech you, don’t spare him in the slightest!
Chrys.	Chrys.
910 Etiam me mones? satin est si plura ex me audiet hodie mala, quam audivit umquam Clinia ex Demetrio?	(virtuously indignant) D’ye warn me of that, me? Is it enough, if he hears more hard words from me this day than ever CliniaL heard from DemetriusL? [exit Chrysalus into house of Bacchis.
Nic.	Nic.
Lippi illic oculi servos est simillimus: si non est, nolis esse neque desideres; si est, abstinere quin attingas non queas. nam ni illic hodie forte fortuna his foret, miles Mnesilochum cum uxore opprimeret sua atque obtruncaret moechum manufestarium.	(ruefully) That servant of mine is very much like a sore eye: if you haven’t got one, you don’t want one and don’t miss it; if you have, you can’t keep your hands off it. Why, if he hadn’t happened by good luck to be here to-day, the Captain would have surprised Mnesilochus with his wife and cut him to pieces for an adulterer caught in the act.
nunc quasi decentis Philippis emi filium, 920 quos dare promisi militi: quos non dabo temere etiam prius quam filium convenero. numquam edepol quicquam temere credam Chrysalo; verum lubet etiam ni has perlegere denuo: aequomst tabellis consignatis credere.	As it is, I have bought my son, so to speak, for the two hundred pounds I promised to pay the Captain—two hundred I won’t be rash enough to pay him yet, before I have met the boy. I’ll put no rash confidence in Chrysalus, never, by heaven! But I’ve a mind to read this over (looking at letter) once more still: a man ought to have confidence in a sealed letter. [exit into house.]

IV. 9.	Scene 9.
	(Fifteen minutes have elapsed.) enter Chrysalus from Bacchis’s house.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Atridae duo frates eluent fecisse facinus maxumum, quom Priami patriam Pergamum divina moenitum manu armis, equis, exercitu atque eximiis bellatoribus mille cum numero navium decumo anno post subegerunt. non pedibus termento fuit praeut ego erum expugnabo meum sine classe sineque exercitu et tanto numero militum.24 930 (932) nunc prius quam huc senex venit, libet lamentari dum exeat.	(bumptiously) The two sons of Atreus have the name of having done a mighty deed when Priam’s paternal city, Pergamum, “fortified by hand divine,” was laid low by ’em after ten years, and they with weapons, horses, and army and warriors of renown and a thousand ships to help ’em. That wasn’t enough to raise a blister on their feet, compared with the way I’ll take my master by storm, without a fleet and without an army and all that host of soldiers. Now before the old chap appears, I feel like raising a dirge for him till he comes out.
o Troia, o patria, o Pergamum, o Priame periisti senex, qui misere male mulcabere quadringentis Philippis aureis. nam ego has tabellas obsignatas consignatas quas fero non sunt tabellae, sed equos quem misere Achivi ligneum.25 (936)	(wailing) O Troy, O paternal city, O Pergamum! O ancient Priam, thy day is past! Thou shalt be badly, badly beaten—out of four hundred golden sovereigns. Ah yes, these tablets here, (showing them) sealed and signed, which I bear, are no tablets, but a horse sent by the Greeks—a wooden horse.25
941 tum quae his sunt scriptae litterae, hoc in equo insunt milites armati atque animati probe. ita res successit mi usque adhuc. atque hic equos non in arcem, verum in arcam faciet impetum; exitium excidium exlecebra fiet hic equos hodie auro senis.	Moreover, the words herein inscribed are the soldiers within this horse, soldiers armed to the teeth and full of fight. Thus has my scheme progressed up till now. Aye, and this horse will proceed to assail not a stronghold, but a strongbox. The wreck, ruin, and rape of the old man’s gold will this horse prove to-day.
nostro seni huic stolido, ei profecto nomen facio ego Ilio; miles Menelaust, ego Agamemno, idem Vlixes Lartius, Mnesilochust Alexander, qui erit exitio rei patriae suae; is Helenam avexit, cuia causa nunc facio obsidium Ilio.	This silly old man of ours—I dub him Ilium, I certainly do. The Captain is Menelaus, I Agamemnon: I am likewise Laertian Ulysses: Mnesilochus is Alexander,M who will be the destruction of his native city; he is the one that carried off Helen, on account of whom I now besiege Ilium.
nam illi itidem Vlixem audivi, ut ego sum, fuisse et audacem et malum: 950 in dolis ego prensus sum, ille mendicans paene inventus interiit, dum ibi exquirit fata Iliorum; adsimiliter mi hodie optigit. vinctus sum. sed dolis me exemi: item se ille servavit dolis.	At that Ilium Ulysses, so they say, was a bold, bad man, just as I am now. I was caught in my wiles; he was found begging and almost perished, while he was seeking to learn there the destinies of the Ilians. What befell me to-day was quite similar. I was bound, but released myself by wiles: by wiles he likewise saved himself.
Ilio tria fuisse audivi fata quae illi forent exitio: signum ex arce si periisset; alterum etiamst Troili mors; tertium, cum portae Phrygiae limen superum scinderetur: paria item tria eis tribus sunt fata nostro huic Ilio.	In the case of that Ilium, so they say, there were three fateful events which would prove her downfall: if the imageN disappeared from the citadel; still a second, the death of TroilusO; the third, when the upper lintel of the Phrygian gate should be torn away. Counterparts of these three are three fateful events, too, in the case of this Ilium of ours.
nam dudum primo ut dixeram nostro seni mendacium et de hospite et de auro et de lembo, ibi signum ex arce iam abstuli. iam duo restabant fata tunc, nec magis id ceperam oppidum. 960 post ubi tabellas ad senem detuli, ibi occidi Troilum, cum censuit Mnesilochum cum uxore esse dudum militis.26 (961)	For a little while ago when I first told our old man that lie about his friend and the gold and the galley, I there and then stole the image from the citadel. Even then two fateful events were yet to come, and the town was still untaken. Later, on carrying the letter to the old man, I then slew my Troilus, when he thought Mnesilochus a short time ago was with the Captain’s wife.26
(966) post cum magnifico milite, urbes verbis qui mermus capit, conflixi atque hominem reppuli; dein pugnam conserui seni: eum ego adeo uno mendacio devici, uno ictu extempulo cepi spolia. is nunc ducentos nummos Philippos militi, 970 quos dare se promisit, dabit, (972) nunc alteris etiam ducentis usus est, qui dispensentur Ilio capto, ut sit mulsum qui triumphent milites.27	Still later I closed with the noble Captain—who captures cities with no weapon save his mighty tongue—and hurled him back. Next I joined battle with the old man: aye, and him I struck down with a single lie; a single blow, and the spoils were mine. He now will give the Captain the two hundred pounds he promised him. And now there is need of another two hundred still, to be disbursed, on Ilium’s capture, that the soldiery may have wine and honey to celebrate their victory.27
(978) sed Priamum adstantem eccum ante portam video. adibo atque adloquar.	[enter Nicobulus from his house.] Aha, though! I see Priam standing before the gate. I’ll up and address him.
Nic.	Nic.
Quoianam vox prope me sonat?	(looking round) Whose voice is that I hear near me?
Chrys.	Chrys.
O Nicobule.	(approaching) Oh, sir!
Nic.	Nic.
Quid fit? quid quod te misi, ecquid egisti?	(eagerly) How goes it? What about your mission—have you accomplished anything?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Rogas? congredere.	Do you ask that? Come here, close.
Nic.	Nic.
980 Gradior.	(doing so) I am.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Optumus sum orator. ad lacrumas coegi hominem castigando maleque dictis, quae quidem quivi comminisci.	(enthusiastic) I’m the orator for you! I fairly brought our man to tears, by saying all the harsh, bitter things I could think of.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid ait?	What did he say?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Verbum nullum fecit: lacrumans tacitus auscultabat quae ego loquebar; tacitus conscripsit tabellas, obsignatas mi has dedit. tibi me iussit dare, sed metuo, ne idem cantent quod priores. nosce signum. estne eius?	Not a word; just wept in silence and paid attention to what I was telling him. Still silent, he wrote a letter, sealed it, and gave it to me. He ordered me to give it to you. But I’m afraid it sings the same song as the other one (hands tablets to Nicobulus) Take notice of the seal. Is it his?
Nic.	Nic.
Novi. libet perlegere has.	(examining seal) Yes, yes; I’m anxious to read this over.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Perlege. nunc superum limen scinditur, nunc adest exitium Ilio, turbat equos lepide ligneus.	Do. (aside) Now the upper lintel is being torn away; now Ilium’s fall is nigh. The wooden horse is making a beautiful mess of things.
Nic.	Nic.
Chrysale, ades, dum ego has perlego.	Chrysalus, stay here while I read this over.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid me tibi adesse opus est?	What’s the use of my staying with you?
Nic.	Nic.
Volo,28 ut scias quae his scripta sient.	I wish it, so that you may know what is written here.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nil moror neque scire volo.	Not for me—I don’t wish to know.
Nic.	Nic.
Tamen ades.	Never mind, stay here.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid opust?	What’s the use?
Nic.	Nic.
Taceas: quod iubeo id facias.	(angry) Silence! do what I tell you.
Chrys.	Chrys.
990A Adero.	(apparently reluctant) Stay I will.
Nic.	Nic.
Euge litteras minutas.	(opening tablets) Well, well! What tiny letters.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Qui quidem videat parum; verum, qui satis videat, grandes satis sunt.	(innocently) Yes, for a man with poor eyes; they’re big enough, if your sight is good enough, though.
Nic.	Nic.
990 Animum advortito igitur.	Well then, pay attention.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nolo inquam.	I don’t want to, I tell you.
Nic.	Nic.
At volo inquam.	But I want you to, I tell you.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Quid opust?	What’s the use?
Nic.	Nic.
At enim id quod te iubeo facias.	See here now, you do what I order.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Iustumst ut tuos tibi servos tuo arbitratu serviat.	(after reflection, impartially) It’s right for your own servant to serve you as you see fit, sir.
Nic.	Nic.
Hoc age sis nunciam.	Now kindly attend to this at once.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ubi lubet, recita: aurium operam tibi dico.	Read when you like, sir: I promise you my ears.
Nic.	Nic.
Cerae quidem haud parsit neque stilo; sed quidquid est, pellegere certumst. “Pater, ducentos Philippos quaeso Chrysalo da, si esse salvom vis me aut vitalem tibi.” malum quidem hercle magnum.	(looking tablets over with a sigh) He hasn’t been sparing of wax or stylus, it seems. But whatever it is, I’m resolved to read it through, (reading) “Father, do for mercy’s sake give Chrysalus two hundred pounds, if you wish to have your son safe, or alive.” Give him a good sound thrashing, by heaven!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Tibi dico.	I say.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid est?	Well?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non prius salutem scripsit?	Didn’t he write a word of greeting first?
Nic.	Nic.
1000 Nusquam sentio.	(looking) Not a sign of it.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non dabis, si sapies; verum si das maxume, ne ille alium gerulum quaerat, si sapiet, sibi: nam ego non laturus sum, si iubeas maxume. sat sic suspectus sum, cum careo noxia.	(indignant) You won’t do it, if you’re wise; but no matter how much you do do it, let him look up another porter, if he’s wise: for I won’t carry it, no matter how much you order me. I am suspected enough as it is, when I’m perfectly blameless.
Nic.	Nic.
Ausculta porro, dum hoc quod scriptumst perlego.	Listen, further, while I read through what is written here.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Inde a principio iam inpudens epistula est.	That’s an impudent letter, impudent from the very beginning!
Nic.	Nic.
“Pudet prodire me ad te in conspectum, pater: tantum flagitium te scire audivi meum, quod cum peregrini cubui uxore militis.” 1010 pol haud derides; nam ducentis aureis Philippis redemi vitam ex flagitio tuam.	(continuing) “I’m ashamed to come into your sight, father. I have heard that you know of my wicked intrigue with the foreign Captain’s wife.” Gad! That is no joke! Two hundred golden sovereigns it cost me to save your life after that piece of wickedness!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nihil est illorum quin ego illi dixerim.	There’s nothing of that I didnt say to him, sir.
Nic.	Nic.
“Stulte fecisse fateor, sed qaeso, pater, ne me, in stultitia si deliqui, deseras. ego animo cupido atque oculis indomitis fui; persuasumst facere quoius me nunc facti pudet.” prius te cavisse ergo quam pudere aequom fuit.	“I admit that I acted foolishly. But for mercy’s sake, father, don’t desert me, if I have done wrong in my folly. Wanton desires possessed me, and I couldn’t control my eyes, I was induced to do what I am now ashamed of doing.” Well, prudence then, rather than shame now, would have been the proper thing for you!
Chrys.	Chrys.
Eadem istaec verba dudum illi dixi omnia.	Just the very same words I said to him a while ago, sir.
Nic.	Nic.
“Quaeso ut sat habeas id, pater, quod Chrysalus 1020 me obiurigavit plurumis verbis malis, et me meliorem fecit praeceptis suis, ut te ei habere gratiam aequom sit bonam.”	“Do, please, consider it enough, father, that Chrysalus has scolded me very very harshly and has made me a better man by his precepts, so that you ought to be deeply grateful to him.”
Chrys.	Chrys.
Estne istuc istic scriptum?	Is that written there?
Nic.	Nic.
Em specta, tum scies.	(showing him the place) There! look, then you’ll know.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ut qui deliquit supplex est ultro omnibus.	(piously) How the wrongdoer does bend the knee to every one, of his own accord!
Nic.	Nic.
“Nunc si me fas est obsecrare abs te, pater, da mihi ducentos nummos Philippos, te obsecro.”	“Now if I have a moral right to beseech you, father, I do beseech you to give me two hundred pounds.”
Chrys.	Chrys.
Ne unum quidem hercle, si sapis.	Not even one, by heaven, if you’re wise!
Nic.	Nic.
Sine perlegam. “ego ius iurandum verbis conceptis dedi, daturum id me hodie mulieri ante vesperum, 1030 prius quam a me abiret. nunc, pater, ne perierem cura atque abduce me hinc ab hac quantum potest, quam propter tantum damni feci et flagiti. cave tibi ducenti nummi dividiae fuant; sescenta tanta reddam, si vivo, tibi. vale atque haec cura.” quid nunc censes, Chrysale?	Let me read it through. “I took an oath in express terms to give the woman this sum before evening comes and she leaves me. Now, father, do see to it that I don’t forswear myself, and do rescue me just as soon as you can from this creature on account of whom I have been so wasteful and wicked. See you don’t let a matter of two hundred pounds vex you; I will pay it back to you a thousand times over, if I live. Good-bye and do look out for this.” What do you recommend now, Chrysalus?
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nihil ego tibi hodie consili quicquam dabo, neque ego haud committam ut, si quid peccatum siet, fecisse dicas de mea sententia. verum, ut ego opinor, si ego in istoc sim loco, 1040 dem potius aurum quam illum corrumpi sinam. duae condiciones sunt: utram tu accipias vide: vel ut aurum perdas vel ut amator perieret. ego neque te iubeo neque veto, neque suadeo.	(vehemently) Never a bit of advice will I give you this day! I’ll take no chance of your saying, if anything goes wrong, that you did it at my suggestion. However, in my opinion, if I was in your place, I should rather give up the money than let him be debauched. There are two alternatives: see for yourself which to choose: you must either lose the money, or let our lover be forsworn. I do not order you, or forbid you, or urge you, either, not I.
Nic.	Nic.
Miseret me illius.	(earnestly) I’m sorry for the lad.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Tuos est, non mirum facis. si plus perdundum sit, periisse suaviust, quam illud flagitium volgo dispalescere.	Nothing strange in that, your own flesh and blood as he is. (casually) If more must be lost, that’s pleasanter than having such a piece of wickedness come to be the common talk.
Nic.	Nic.
Ne ille edepol Ephesi multo mavellem foret, dum salvos esset, quam revenisset domum. quid ego istic? quod perdundumst properem perdere. 1050 binos ducentos Philippos iam intus ecferam. et militi quos dudum promisi miser et istos. mane istic, iam exeo ad te, Chrysale.	Good Lord! I should certainly much rather have him at Ephesus, provided he was safe, than back home. (pauses) What am I to do in the matter? (another pause, then irritably) Let me hurry up and lose what has to be lost. I’ll go in and get four hundred pounds at once—the two hundred I promised the Captain a while ago, poor wretch that I am, and this last. Wait where you are: I’ll be with you again in a moment, Chrysalus. [exit into house.]
Chrys.	Chrys.
Fit vasta Troia, scindunt proceres Pergamum. scivi ego iam dudum fore me exitio Pergamo. edepol qui me esse dicat cruciatu malo dignum, ne ego cum illo pignus haud ausim dare; tantas turbellas facio. sed crepuit foris: ecfertur praeda ex Troia. taceam nunciam.	(hilarious). Troy is being made a waste; the chieftains are laying Pergamum low! I knew long ago I’d be the downfall of Pergamum! By gad, the man that says I deserve to be punished damnably—I surely wouldn’t dare bet him I don’t. Oh, the lovely rumpus I’m raising! listening() But the door creaked: the booty is being carried out from Troy. Time for me to keep still! re-enter Nicobulus with two bags of gold.
Nic.	Nic.
Cape hoc tibi aurum, Chrysale. i, fer filio. 1060 ego ad forum autem hinc ibo, ut solvam militi.	Take this money, Chrysalus: go, carry it to my son. As for me, I am going to the forum to settle with the Captain.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non equidem accipiam. proin tu quaeras qui ferat. nolo ego mihi credi.	(drawing back) No indeed, I won’t take it. So you can look further for some one to carry it. I don’t want it trusted to me.
Nic.	Nic.
Cape vero, odiose facis.	Come, come, now, take it: you annoy me.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Non equidem capiam.	Indeed I won’t take it.
Nic.	Nic.
At quaeso.	But I beg you.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Dico ut res se habet.	(firmly) I tell you just how I stand.
Nic.	Nic.
Morare.	(impatiently) You’re delaying me.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Nolo, inquam, aurum concredi mihi, vel da aliquem qui servet me.	I don’t want money put in my charge, I say. (pause) At least, appoint some one to watch me.
Nic.	Nic.
Ohe, odiose facis.	Pshaw! You annoy me.
Chrys.	Chrys.
Cedo, si necesse est.	(reluctant) Give it here, if I must.
Nic.	Nic.
Cura hoc. iam ego huc revenero.	(handing him bag of gold) Look out for this. I shall be back here soon [exit toward forum.]
Chrys.	Chrys.
Curatum est—esse te senem miserrumum. hoc est incepta efficere pulcre: bellule mi evenit, ut ovans praeda onustus incederem; 1070 salute nostra atque urbe capta per dolum domum reduco integrum omnem exercitum.	(as Nicobulus disappears) It has been looked out for—your being the poorest old wretch alive. Here’s the way to carry out your attempts in style! Ah, this is beautiful luck—to be marching along in jubilation, laden with booty. Safe myself, the city captured by guile. I am leading my whole army back home intact.
sed, spectatores, vos nunc ne miremini quod non triumpho: pervolgatum est, nil moror; verum tamen accipientur inulso milites. nunc hanc praedam omnem iam ad quaestorem deferam.	But, spectators, don’t be surprised now that I don’t have a triumph: they’re too common: none of them for me. But the soldiers shall be entertained with wine and honey just the same. (turning toward Bacchis’s door) Now I’ll convey all this booty to the quartermaster-general at once. [exit into house.]

IV. 10.	Scene 10.
	(Half an hour has elapsed) enter Philoxenus.
Phil.	Phil.
Quam magis in pectore meo foveo quas meus filius turbas turbet, quam se ad vitam et quos ad mores praecipitem inscitus capessat, magis curae est magisque adformido, ne is pereat neu corrumpatur. scio, fui ego illa aetate et feci illa omnia, sed more modesto; neque placitant mores quibus video volgo in gnatos esse parentes:29 1080	The more I ponder over the capers my son is cutting, and the life and habits the thoughtless lad is plunging headlong into, the more worried, and the more fearful I get at the danger of his becoming an irreclaimable rake. I know, I was young once myself, and did all those things, but I showed some self-restraint. The attitude I see in the general run of parents toward their sons doesn’t suit me.
(1082) ego dare me meo gnato institui, ut animo obsequium sumere possit; aequom esse puto, sed nimis nolo desidiae ei dare ludum. nunc Mnesilochum, quod mandavi, viso ecquid eum ad virtutem aut ad frugem opera sua compulerit, sic ut eum, si convenit, scio fecisse: cost ingenio natus.	I’ve made a practice of being liberal to my son, so that he may follow his inclinations; I think it’s the fair way; at the same time, I don’t want to give too much play to his dawdling. Now I’m going to see Mnesilochus about that commission of mine, and find out if he has driven the boy over to the path of virtue and sobriety by his efforts—as I know he has, if he found occasion: that is his natural disposition. (goes toward Bacchis’s door)

ACTVS V	ACT V
	enter Nicobulus in a rage, without seeing Philoxenus.
Nic.	Nic.
Quicumque ubi ubi sunt, qui fuerunt quique futuri sunt posthac stulti, stolidi, fatui, fungi, bardi, blenni, buccones, solus ego omnis longe antideo stultitia et moribus indoctis. perii, pudet: hocine me aetatis 1090 ludos bis factum esse indigne?	Of all the silly, stupid, fatuous, fungus-grown, doddering, drivelling dolts anywhere, past or future, I alone am far and away ahead of the whole lot of ’em in silliness and absurd behaviour! Damnation! I’m ashamed! The idea of my being made a fool of twice at my time of life in this outrageous fashion!
magis quam id reputo, tam magis uror quae meus filius turbavit. perditus sum atque eradicatus sum, omnibus exemplis excrucior. omnia me mala consectantur, omnibus exitiis interii.	The more I think it over, the hotter I get at my son’s devilry! I’m ruined, eradicated, tortured every way! Every kind of trouble is upon me: I’ve died every kind of death!
Chrysalus med hodie laceravit, Chrysalus me miserum spoliavit: is me scelus auro usque attondit dolis doctis indoctum, ut lubitumst.	I’ve been mangled to-day by Chrysalus, stripped, poor wretch, by Chrysalus! He has sheared me clean of my gold, the villain, sheared me to suit his taste by his wily arts, artless innocent that I am!
ita miles memorat meretricem esse eam quam ille uxorem esse aiebat, omniaque ut quidque actum est memoravit, eam sibi hunc annum conductam, relicuom id auri factum quod ego ei stultissimus homo promisissem: hoc, hoc est quo cor peracescit:	The Captain tells me that the woman that rascal said was his wife is a courtesan, and he’s given me the full history of the case—how he’d hired her for this year, how the money I’d promised him, like an utter idiot, was the sum due him for the months yet to run. This, this, is what galls me;
hoc est demum quod percrucior, (1099) me hoc aetatis ludificari,30 cano capite atque alba barba 1101 miserum me auro esse emunctum. perii, hoc servom meum non nauci facere esse ausum! atque ego, si alibi plus perdiderim. minus aegre habeam minusque id mihi damno ducam.	this is the crowning torment—for me to be gulled at my time of life, for me, poor fool, with my hoary hairs and white beard to be cleaned out of my gold! Oh, damnation! My own servant dares to hold me cheaper than dirt in this fashion! Yes, yes, if I lost more money some other way, I should mind it less and regard the loss as less.
Phil.	Phil.
Certo hic prope me mihi nescio quis loqui visust; sed quem video? hic quidemst pater Mnesilochi.	It surely seemed as if some one was speaking here near me. (sees Nicobulus) But who’s this I see? Mnesilochus’s father, upon my word! (approaches)
Nic.	Nic.
Euge, socium aerumnae et mei mali video. Philoxene, salve.	(grimly) Splendid! I see my partner in toil and woe. Good day to you, Philoxenus.
Phil.	Phil.
Et tu. unde agis?	And to you. Where are you coming from?
Nic.	Nic.
Unde homo miser atque infortunatus.	Where a wretched, unlucky man should come from.
Phil.	Phil.
At pol ego ibi sum, esse ubi miserum hominem decet atque infortunatum.	Gad! but I’m on the very spot where a wretched, unlucky man should be.
Nic.	Nic.
Igitur pari fortuna, aetate ut sumus, utimur.	Then we’re alike in luck as we are in years.
Phil.	Phil.
Sic est. sed tu, quid tibist?	So it seems. But you—what is your trouble?
Nic.	Nic.
Pol mihi par, idem est quod tibi.	Good Lord! The same as yours.
Phil.	Phil.
1110 Numquid nam ad filium haec aegritudo attinet?	This dolefulness of yours has something to do with your son, eh?
Nic.	Nic.
Admodum.	(morosely) Rather!
Phil.	Phil.
Idem mihi morbus in pectorest.	The same ailment is worrying me.
Nic.	Nic.
At mihi Chrysalus optumus homo perdidit filium, me atque rem omnem meam.	Well, but Chrysalus—that pattern of excellence—has ruined my boy and me and all that’s mine!
Phil.	Phil.
Quid tibi ex filio nam, obsecro, aegrest?	What in the world has your son done to vex you, pray?
Nic.	Nic.
Scies: id, perit cum tuo: ambo aeque amicas habent.	You shall know: this—he’s going to the dogs along with yours: the both of them alike have mistresses.
Phil.	Phil.
Qui scis?	How do you know?
Nic.	Nic.
Vidi.	I saw.
Phil.	Phil.
Ei mihi, disperii.	(with apparent conviction) Oh dear me! Terrible, terrible!
Nic.	Nic.
Quid dubitamus pultare atque hue evocare ambos foras?	Why don’t we go straight up and knock; and call them both out here?
Phil.	Phil.
Haud moror.	(lukewarm) I have no objection.
Nic.	Nic.
Heus Bacchis, iube sic actutum aperiri fores, nisi mavoltis fores et postes comminui securibus.	(pounding on Bacchis’s door) Hi! Bacchis! Be so good as to have the door opened this instant, unless you prefer to have door and doorposts smashed in with axes!

V. 2.	Scene 2.
Bacch.	Bacch.
1120 Quis sonitu ac tumultu tanto nominat me atque pultat aedes?	(within) Who’s raising such a din and uproar, calling me and beating on the house? enter the two Bacchises into doorway.
Nic.	Nic.
Ego atque hic.	This gentleman and I.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid hoc est negoti nam, amabo? quis has huc ovis adegit?	(to sister after surveying them) Mercy me, dear, what does this mean? Who drove these sheep here?
Nic.	Nic.
Ovis nos vocant pessumae.	(to Philoxenus) They’re calling us sheep, the sluts!
Soror	Soror
Pastor harum dormit, quom haec eunt sic a pecu balitantes.	Their shepherd must be taking a nap, to let them straggle off from the flock this way, bleating.
Bacch.	Bacch.
At pol nitent, haud sordidae videntur ambae.	My goodness, though! They are sleek! they seem to be quite spick and span, both of them.
Soror	Soror
Attonsae hae quidem ambae usque sunt.	Yes, you see they’ve both been ever so well shorn.
Phil.	Phil.
Ut videntur deridere nos.	(to Nicobulus) Hm! They seem to be making fun of us.
Nic.	Nic.
Sine suo usque arbitratu.	(sourly) Let them go as far as they like.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Rerin ter in anno tu has tonsitari?	Do you suppose they are generally sheared three times a year?
Soror	Soror
Pol hodie altera iam bis detonsa certo est.	Goodness me! that other one (indicating Nicobulus) has been shorn twice this very day for certain.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Vetulae sunt minae ambae.31	They’re both rather woolless old—(with a sly glance at her sister) customers.
Soror	Soror
At bonas fuisse credo.	But they used to be good ones, I do believe.
Bacch.	Bacch.
1130 Viden limulis, obsecro, ut intuentur?	For heaven’s sake, do you see the little sidelong glances they’re casting at us?
Soror	Soror
Ecastor sine omni arbitror malitia esse.	Oh well, I don’t think they mean anything naughty by it.
Phil.	Phil.
Merito hoc nobis fit, qui quidem hue venerimus.	(to Nicobulus) This serves us right for coming here!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Cogantur quidem intro.	They really ought to be pushed inside.
Soror	Soror
Haud scio quid eo opus sit, quae nec lac nec lanam ullam habent. sic sine astent. exsolvere quanti fuere, omnis fructus iam illis decidit. non vides, ut palantes solae liberae grassentur? quin aetate credo esse mutas: ne balant quidem, quom a pecu cetero absunt. stultae atque haud malae videntur. revortamur intro, soror.	I don’t see any use in that, they haven’t any milk, or wool either. Let them stand still as they are. They’ve been worked to their full value; all the fruit has dropped off of them already. Don’t you see how they straggle along aimlessly, alone, untended? Why, I do believe they’re dumb with age; they don’t even bleat at being away from the rest of the flock. They seem perfectly harmless—just silly. Let’s go back inside, sister.
Nic.	Nic.
1140 Ilico ambae manete: haec oves volunt vos.	Stay where you are, both of you: these sheep want you.
Soror	Soror
Prodigium hoc quidemst: humana nos voce appellant oves.	Dear, dear, miraculous! The sheep are addressing us, quite as if they were human!
Nic.	Nic.
Haec oves vobis malam rem magnam, quam debent, dabunt	These sheep are going to give you all the trouble they owe you.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Si quam debes, te condono: tibi habe, numquam abs te petam. sed quid est quapropter nobis vos malum minitamini?	If you owe anything, I’ll forgive it you: keep it yourself— I’ll never come to you for it. But what’s the reason for your threatening us with trouble?
Phil.	Phil.
Quia nostros agnos conclusos istic esse aiunt duos.	Because they say our lambs are shut up in there, (pointing to house) two of them.
Nic.	Nic.
Et praeter eos agnos meus est istic clam mordax canis: qui nisi nobis producuntur iam atque emittuntur foras, arietes truces nos erimus, iam in vos incursabimus.	And besides those lambs, there’s a dog of mine, a biter, skulking in there: unless these beasts are produced for us immediately and let out of doors, we’ll turn into ferocious rams, and immediately butt you.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Soror, est quod te volo secreto.	Sister, I want a word with you in private, (takes her aside)
Soror	Soror
Eho, amabo.	(inquiringly) Well, well, there’s a dear!
Nic.	Nic.
Quo illaec abeunt?	Where are they off to?
Bacch.	Bacch.
1150 Senem illum tibi dedo ultenorem, lepide ut lenitum reddas; ego ad hunc iratum adgrediar, si possumus nos hos intro inlicere huc.	I give that further old fellow (pointing to Philoxenus) over to you to get nicely pacified; I’ll make up to this bear, (indicating Nicobulus) and we’ll see if we can’t lure them inside here.
Soror	Soror
Meum pensum ego lepide accurabo, quamquam odiost mortem amplexari.	(without enthusiasm) I’ll take care of my stint nicely enough, even though it is sickening to hug a death’s-head.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Facito ut facias.	See you do it.
Soror	Soror
Taceas. tu tuom facito: ego quod dixi haud mutabo.	Hush! You do your share, and I won’t fail to keep my word.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid illaec illic in consilio duae secreto consultant?	What are they scheming, those two, in that secret session?
Phil.	Phil.
Quid ais tu, homo?	(awkwardly) I say, old fellow.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid me vis?	What do you want?
Phil.	Phil.
Pudet dicere me tibi quiddam.	There’s something I’m ashamed to tell you.
Nic.	Nic.
Quid est quod pudeat?	What is it you are ashamed of?
Phil.	Phil.
Sed amico homini tibi quod volo credere certumst. nihili sum.	But to a good friend like you—yes, I’m going to own up to what I want. (pauses) I’m an ass.
Nic.	Nic.
Istuc iam pridem scio. sed qui nihili es? id memora.	I have known that for some time. But why are you an ass? Explain that.
Phil.	Phil.
Tactus sum vehementer visco; cor stimulo foditur.	(with a wry smile) I’m most confoundedly caught in bird-lime; my heart’s pierced by a goad.
Nic.	Nic.
Pol tibi multo aequius est coxendicem. 1160 sed quid istuc est? etsi iam ego ipsus quid sit probe scire puto me; verum audire etiam ex te studeo.	Jove! much more to the point, if it were your nether portions! But what do you mean? And yet I think I have a pretty fair notion myself what it is already; however, I’m anxious to have it from your own lips.
Phil.	Phil.
Viden hanc?	Do you see this girl? (pointing to the Sister)
Nic.	Nic.
Video.	I do.
Phil.	Phil.
Haud mala est mulier.	(approvingly) Not a bad one!
Nic.	Nic.
Pol vero ista mala et tu nihili.	(indignantly) Good Lord! She certainly is a bad one, and you are an ass.
Phil.	Phil.
Quid multa? ego amo.	(not listening) In short, I’m in love with her.
Nic.	Nic.
An amas?	You in love?
Phil.	Phil.
ναὶ γάρ.	Bien sûr!
Nic.	Nic.
Tun, homo putide, amator istac fieri aetate audes?	You, you disgusting creature? You venture to turn lover at your age?
Phil.	Phil.
Qui non?	Why not?
Nic.	Nic.
Quia flagitium est.	Because it’s infamous.
Phil.	Phil.
Quid opust verbis? meo filio non sum iratus, neque te tuost aequom esse iratum: si amant, sapienter faciunt.	(gathering courage rapidly) Tut, tut! I’m not angry at my son, and you oughtn’t to be angry at yours: if they’re in love, they’re acting wisely.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Sequere hac.	(to sister) Come along.
Nic.	Nic.
Eunt eccas tandem probri perlecebrae et persuastrices, quid nunc? etiam redditis nobis filios et servom? an ego experior tecum vim maiorem?	Ah, there they come at last, the seductive, persuasive pests! (to sisters) Well now? See here, are you going to give us back our sons and servant? Or shall I try more vigorous measures with you? (to Nicobulus, protestingly) Get out, will you? There’s no red blood in you, addressing a sweet little girl (leering at Bacchus) in that sour fashion.
Phil.	Phil.
Abin hinc? non homo tu quidem es, qui istoc pacto tam lepidam inlepide appelles.	(to Nicobulus, protestingly) Get out, will you? There’s no red blood in you, addressing a sweet little girl (leering at Bacchus) in that sour fashion.
Bacch.	Bacch.
1170 Senex optime quantumst in terra, sine me hoc exorare abs te, ut istuc delictum desistas tanto opere ire oppugnatum.	(to Nicobulus, as she tries to fondle him) You nicest old man in all the world, do let me persuade you not to be so awfully opposed to your son’s naughtiness.
Nic.	Nic.
Ni abeas, quamquam tu bella es, malum tibi magnum dabo iam.	(struggling to be very stern) Unless you get away from me—no matter if you are pretty—I’ll give you a good sound slap this minute.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Patiar, non metuo, ne quid mihi doleat quod ferias.	(softly, still fondling him) I’ll take it. I’m not afraid of your striking me so as to hurt at all.
Nic.	Nic.
Ut blandiloquast! ei mihi, metuo.	(aside) What a coaxer she is! Oh, dear me! I’m afraid!
Soror	Soror
Hic magis tranquillust.	(caressing Philoxenus to his high satisfaction) This one is more peaceful.
Bacch.	Bacch.
I hac mecum intro atque ibi, si quid vis, filium concastigato.	Do come inside here with me: yes, and punish your son ever so, in there, if you like.
Nic.	Nic.
Abin a me, scelus?	Get away from me, you hussy!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Sine, mea pietas, te exorem.	Let me persuade you, that’s a love! (tries to draw him toward house)
Nic.	Nic.
Exores tu me?	You persuade me?
Soror	Soror
Ego quidem ab hoc certe exorabo.	I’ll certainly persuade my man, at any rate.
Phil.	Phil.
Immo ego te oro, ut me intro abducas.	(returning her embrace with vigour) No you won’t: I myself beg you to take me inside.
Soror	Soror
Lepidum te.	Oh, you delightful man!
Phil.	Phil.
At scin quo pacto me ad te intro abducas?	But do you know on what condition you can take me inside.
Soror	Soror
Mecum ut sis.	Yes, your being with me.
Phil.	Phil.
Omnia quae cupio commemoras.	The sum total of my desires!
Nic.	Nic.
Vidi ego nequam homines, verum te neminem deteriorem.	(pulling himself together) I have seen worthless men, but never a worse one than you.
Phil.	Phil.
1180 Ita sum.	(cheerfully) So I am.
Bacch.	Bacch.
I hac mecum intro, ubi tibi sit lepide victibus, vino atque unguentis.	(to Nicobulus) Do come along inside with me: you’ll have a lovely time—things to eat, and wine and perfumes.
Nic.	Nic.
Satis, satis iam vostrist convivi: me nil paenitet ut sim acceptus: quadringentis Philippis filius me et Chrysalus circumduxerunt. quem quidem ego ut non excruciem, alterum tantum auri non meream.	Enough, enough of your banqueting already—it makes no difference to me how I’m entertained! Four hundred pounds I’ve been tricked out of by my son and Chrysalus. And I wouldn’t forgo making that slave bleed for it, not for another four hundred.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid tandem, si dimidium auri redditur, in hac mecum intro? atque ut eis delicta ignoscas.	Well, but supposing half of it is given back, won’t you come in with me, then? Yes, and pardon their offences?
Phil.	Phil.
Faciet.	He’ll do it.
Nic.	Nic.
Minime, nolo. nil moror, sine sic. malo illos ulcisci ambo.	(with all his remaining resolution) Not a bit of it. I don’t want to. None of this for me: leave me alone. I prefer to take vengeance on that pair.
Phil.	Phil.
Etiam tu homo nihili? quod di dant boni cave culpa tua amissis dimidium auri datur. accipias, potesque et scortum aecumbas.	(aside to Nicobulus) See here, you—ass! Look out you don’t lose the blessings the gods give you, and have yourself to blame for it. Here’s half the money given you: take it, and drink and have a good time with the wench.
Nic.	Nic.
Egon ubi filius corrumpatur meus, ibi potem?	(very feebly) I drink in the house where my son is being debauched?
Phil.	Phil.
1190 Potandumst.	(clapping him on the shoulder) Drink you must.
Nic.	Nic.
Age iam, id ut ut est, etsi est dedecori patiar, facere inducam animum egon, cum haec cum illo accubet, inspectem?	(giving way temporarily) Come on then, no matter what it is, disgraceful though it be, I’ll stand it, I’ll bring myself to it. (after a pause, doubtfully) Am I to look on while she’s on the couch beside him?
Bacch.	Bacch.
Immo equidem pol tecum accumbam, te amabo et te amplexabor.	Goodness me, no indeed! I’ll be on the couch beside you, loving you and hugging you. (snuggles up to him)
Nic.	Nic.
Caput prurit, perii, vix negito.	(aside) My head does itch! Dear, dear, dear! It is hard to keep on saying no!
Bacch.	Bacch.
Non tibi venit in mentem, amabo, si dum vivas tibi bene facias tam pol id quidem esse haud perlonginquom, neque, si hoc hodie amissis, post in morte eventurum esse umquam?	My dear man, doesn’t it occur to you that, supposing you do enjoy yourself all your life, this life is very, very short, after all,—good gracious, yes!—and that if you let this chance slip, it won’t come again when you’re dead, ever?
Nic.	Nic.
Quid ago?	(nearly helpless) What am I to do?
Phil.	Phil.
Quid agas? rogitas etiam?	To do? The idea of asking that!
Nic.	Nic.
Libet et metuo.	I long to, and—I’m afraid.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Quid metuis?	Afraid of what?
Nic.	Nic.
Ne obnoxius filio sim et servo.	Of humbling myself before my son and servant.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Mel meum, amabo, etsi haec fiunt, tuost: unde illum sumere censes, nisi quod tute illi dederis? hanc veniam illis sine te exorem.	Oh, honey, there’s a dear, now! Even if it’s all so, he’s your own boy: where do you think he’s to get money, except from your own generous self? Do let me persuade you to forgive them.
Nic.	Nic.
Ut terebrat! satin offirmatum 1200 quod mihi erat, id me exorat? tua sum opera et propter te improbior.	(half aside) How she does drill through a man! Is she actually persuading me against my fixed intention? (giving up the struggle and yielding to Bacchis’s caresses) I’m a reprobate now, and all because of you and your efforts.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Ne tis32 quam mea mavellem. satin ego istuc habeo firmatum?	(softly and tenderly) Oh, I do wish it had been your efforts rather than (giving her sister a dreary smile) mine. So I’m actually to take that as your fixed intention?
Nic.	Nic.
Quod semel dixi haud mutabo	What I have once said I won’t change.
Bacch.	Bacch.
It dies, ite intro accubitum, filii vos exspectant intus.	The day is going: go inside and take your places on the couches. Your sons are within waiting for you.
Nic.	Nic.
Quam quidem actutum emoriamur.	(dryly) Yes, waiting for us to breathe our last with celerity.
Soror	Soror
Vesper hic est, sequimini.	It’s evening: come along.
Nic.	Nic.
Ducite nos quo lubet tamquam quidem addictos.	Take us where you please, just as if we were your veritable bond servants.
Bacch.	Bacch.
Lepide ipsi hi sunt capti, suis qui filiis fecere insidias.	(aside to spectators) Here they are, prettily caught themselves—after laying traps for their sons. [exeunt omnes into house of Bacchis.

	EPILOGUE
GREX	SPOKEN BY THE COMPANY.
Hi senes nisi fuissent nihili iam inde ab adulescentia, non hodie hoc tantum flagitium facerent canis capitibus; neque adeo haec faceremus, ni antehac vidissemus fieri, 1210 ut apud lenones rivales filiis fierent patres. spectatores, vos valere volumus et clare adplaudere.	Unless these old men had been worthless from their very youth, they would not be guilty of such an enormity as this to-day when their heads are hoary; nor, indeed, would we have presented such a comedy, unless we had seen before now how fathers become their sons’ rivals at places of unsavoury repute. Spectators, we wish you health and—your loud applause.

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1. Leo notes lacuna here: aedis Ritschl.	A. The Spartan reformer
2. Leo notes lacuna here: fide Leo.	B. Linus was killed by his pupil, Hercules.
3. Corrupt (Leo): perii MSS: prope Ritschl.	C. Phoenix, Achilles’ preceptor, informed Peleus, Achilles’ father, of his son’s death.
4. Leo brackets following v., 67: ubi pro disco damnum capiam, pro cursura dedecus?	D. A fragile and (The Captives 291) cheap kind of pottery.
5. Leo brackets following v., 69: ubique imponat in manum alius mihi pro cestu cantharum.	E. One of Plautus’s plays.
6. Leo brackets following v., 107: simul huic nescio cui, turbare qui huc it, decedamus.	F. Venus and Juno not being sisters.
7. Leo brackets following v., 150: video nimio iam multo plus quam volueram.	G. The owner of the ram with the golden fleece.
8. Leo brackets following v., 153, 154: nil moror discipulos mihi iam plenos sanguinis. valens afflictat me vacivom virium.	8. I have no liking for these full-blooded pupils: the sturdy youngster is bullying me, destitute of strength as I am.
9. Leo brackets following v., 166, 167: edepol fecisti furtum in aetatum malum cum istaec flagitia me celavisti et patrem.	9. Good heavens! Such villainy in a lad of your age, concealing such atrocities from me and from your father!
10. Tardare Hauptius: turbare MSS.	H. A noted thief, the grandfather of Ulysses.
11. Leo brackets following v., 377-378: quibus patrem et me teque amicosque omnes affectas tuos ad probrum, damnum, flagitium appellere una et perdere.	11. You are doing your best by such conduct to bring ignominy, loss, disgrace, upon every one of us, your father and me and yourself and all your friends, and ruin us.
12. Leo brackets following v., 382: nunc prius quam malum istoc addis, certumst iam dicam patri	I. Rascally slaves in Greek comedies.
13. sed eccum video incedere follows in MSS: Leo brackets.	J. Who carried a letter which was to be his own death warrant.
14. Leo brackets following v., 446: it magister quasi lucerna uncto expretus linteo.	K. The goddess of war.
15. Pistocleri follows in MSS: Leo brackets.	L. Characters in some familiar play.
16. Leo brackets following v., 465, 466: nam illum meum malum promptare malim quam peculium. Phil. Quidem? Lydus Quia, malum si promptet, in dies faciat minus.	16. Yes, yes, I should rather have him administer my punishment than my money. Phil. Why so? Lydus Because if he administered my punishment, there would soon be none left.
17. Leo brackets following v., 486-488: quid opust verbis? si opperiri vellem paulisper modo, ut opinor, illius inspectandi mi esset maior copia, plus viderem quam deceret, quam me atque illo aequom foret.	17. Why say more? If I had wished to remain but a little longer, I should have had further opportunity to observe his conduct, I suppose, and I should have seen more than was proper, more than became me and him.
18. Leo brackets the following v., 519a-519c: sed autem quam illa umquam meis opulentiis ramenta fiat gravior aut propensior, mori me malim excruciatum inopia.	18. However, rather than have my money make her a fraction the weightier or heavier, I’d prefer to perish in the pangs of want.
19. Corrupt (Leo): tute (etiam) Seyffert: tute (eam) Lindsay.	M. Paris
20. Leo notes lacuna here: Quae te (male) mala Lindsay.	N. The Palladium, a statue of Pallas.
21. Corrupt (Leo). At quidem hercle est ad perdundum magis quam ad scribundum cita Camerarius: various readings MSS.	O. A son of Priam, slain by Achilles.
22. Leo notes lacuna here: tu (scelus) Ritschl.
23. Corrupt (Leo): Latona Spes MSS: Luna Spes Bergk: Lato Spes Ussing.
24. Leo brackets the following v., 931: cepi expugnavi amanti erili filio aurum ab suo patre.
25. Leo brackets the following v., 937-940: Epiust Pistoclerus: ab eo haec sumptae; Mnesilochus Sino est relictus, ellum non in busto Achilli, sed in lecto accubat; Bacchidem habet secum: ille olim habuit ignem qui signum daret, hunc ipsum exurit; ego sum Vlixes, cuius consilio haec gerunt.	25. Our Epius is Pistoclerus: from his hands were they taken. Mnesilochus is Sinon the abandoned. Behold him! not lying at Achilles’ tomb, but on a couch, he has a Bacchis with him, that one of old had a fire, to give the signal,—but this Sinon is burning himself. I am Ulysses whose counsel directs it all.
26. Leo brackets the following v., 962-965: ibi vix me exsolvi: id periclum adsimilo, Vlixem ut praedicant cognitum ab Helena esse proditum Hecubae, sed ut olim ille se blanditiis exemit et persuasit se ut amitteret, item ego dolis me illo extuli e periclo et decepi senem	26. Then it was I just managed to get free: this danger I liken to that they tell of when Ulysses was recognized by Helen and betrayed to Hecuba. But as he, in former days, got away by means of his honeyed words and persuaded her to let him go, so also I, by means of my wiles, got out of danger and deceived the old man.
27. Leo brackets the following v., 973-977: sed Priamus hic multo illi praestat: non quinquaginta modo, quadringentos filios habet atque equidem omnis lectos sine probro: eos ego hodie omnis contruncabo duobus solis ictibus. nunc Priamo nostro si est quis emptor, comptionalem senem vendam ego, venalem quem habeo, extemplo ubi oppidum ex pugnavero.	27. But this Priam is far superior to that one, not a mere fifty sons has he; he has four hundred, yes, and every one is unquestionably a choice and flawless specimen. This day I will annihilate ’em all with just two blows. Now, if there is anyone who cares to buy our Priam, I will sell off the old gentleman I have on sale, as a job lot, the moment I have taken the town by storm.
28. ut quod iubeo facias follows in MSS: Leo brackets.
29. Leo brackets the following v., 1081: duxi, habui scortum. potavi, dedi, donavi, sed enim id raro.
30. Leo brackets the following v., 1100: immo edepol sic ludos factum
31. Minae ambae Colerus: thimiame MSS.
32. tis Schroeder: is MSS.