Chap. XII A Catalogue of Some Illustrious Topers
Since, according to Horace’s observation, every one conforms himself to the example of the prince.
“Regis ad exemplum totus componitur orbis.”a
And that, according to Seneca’s maxim, one must regulate one’s conduct by illustrious models.
“Vita est instituenda illustribus exemplis.”
It must not be wondered at that people so generally get drunk, since in this they follow the examples of great kings, amongst whom are very few that this verse of Ovid, which Guy Patin applied to Naudæus and Gassendi, agrees with1.
“Vina fugit gaudetque meris abstemius undis.”1a
Flies wine abstemious, but the limpid stream,
Pure and unmixed, his thirsty heat subdues.
And, perhaps, this is the reason, why in comedies they bestow crowns to those that are drunk.
————— Quid ego video
PS. Cum coronâ ebrium pseudolum meum2.
And in Amphytrion, Mercury says,
Ibo inter et capiam ornatum qui potius decet.2a
“I’ll go in and take the ornament which better becomes me.” For he had said a little before,
Capiam coronam in caput, assimulabo me esse ebrium.2a
I’ll put a crown upon my head, and feign myself drunk.
Lipsius3 furnished me with these examples.
But I should never have done, if I endeavoured to give a list of all the kings that got drunk.
———— “Quorum si nomina quæras
Promptius expediam quot amaverat Hippia mæchos,
Quot themison ægros autumno occiderat uno4.”
———— Whose names, if you require,
With greater expedition could I tell,
To Hippia’s lust how many prostrate fell;
How many only in one autumn died,
By doctors, and their slip-slops ill applied.
I shall content myself, therefore, to instance some of the most illustrious, as they come into my mind, without observing any certain order.
Alexander the Great first offers himself to my imagination. It will be sufficient to mention his name, without saying any more. Nomen non amplius addam.
Cæsar, to make use of Balzac’s words, was not always the sober destroyer of the commonwealth, and he did not at all times hate the pleasure of drinking.
Cambyses was also very much given to wine, as may be judged by what I am going to say. This prince, having been told by one of his courtiers, That the people took notice he got drunk too often, taking, some time after, his bow and arrow, shot the son of that courtier through the heart, saying no more than this to the father, Is this the act of a drunkard?
Darius, the first king of Persia, had these words put upon his tomb:—
Vinum multum bibere potui idque perferre.
I could drink much wine and bear it well.
King Antigonus may come in here. Ælian reports of this prince, That one day when he was much in drink, meeting Zeno the philosopher, whom he had a great kindness for, he kissed him, and promised to give him whatever he would desire. Zeno only answered very mildly, Go and ease your stomach by vomiting, that’s all I ask of you at present.
Philip, king of Macedon, got drunk sometimes; witness what a woman, whom he had not done justice to, said to him, viz. I appeal from Philip drunk, to Philip when sober.
Dionysius5 the younger, tyrant of Sicily, was sometimes drunk for nine days successively; he drank himself almost blind, and the lords of his court, to flatter him, pretended they themselves could scarce see, so that they neither eat nor drank but what he reached to them.
Tiberius was called Biberius, because of his excessive attachment to drinking; and, in derision, they changed his surname of Nero into Mero.
Bonosus was a terrible drinker, if one may give any credit to his own historian, Flavius Vopiscus. He used to make ambassadors, that came to him from foreign powers, drunk, in order, by that means, to discover their secret instructions.
Maximin6, the father, drank very often a pot containing two gallons. One might very well, therefore, have given him this epitaph:—
Hic jacet amphora vini.
Trajan and Nerva, those excellent princes, took sometimes a pleasure in getting drunk.
Galerius Maximinus, who, according to Aurelius Victor, was a prince of sweet temper, and loved men of probity and letters, had a very great passion for wine, and frequently got drunk. Having once given orders when he was in this condition, which he repented of when sober, he solemnly forbad any one to obey such orders that he should give when he should get drunk for the future.
a. Claudian, De Quarto Consulatu Honorii Augusti (VIII) 300.
1. Esprit de Pat. p. 22.
1a. Ovid, Metamorphoses XV.323.
2. Plautus. Pseudolus 1286-87.
2a. Plautus, Amphitryon 1007; Amphitryon 999.
3. Ant. Lect. lib. iii.
4. Juvenal, satire x. v. 220. i.e. 219-221.
5. Ælian, chap. 6.
6. J. Capitolin.