No Help for It
“John,” said a Houston grocer the other day to one of his clerks. “You have been a faithful and competent clerk, and in order to show my appreciation, I have decided to take you into partnership. From this time on you are to have a share in the business, and be a member of the firm.”
“But, sir,” said John anxiously, “I have a family to support. I appreciate the honor, but I fear I am too young for the responsibility. I would much rather retain my present place.”
“Can’t help it,” said the grocer. “Times are hard and I’ve got to cut down expenses if I have to take every clerk in the house into the firm.”
Riley was a lazy fellow,
Never worked a bit;
All day long in some store corner
On a chair he’d sit.
Never talked much—too much trouble—
Tired his jaws, you see;
When his folks got out of victuals,
“Just my luck!” says he.
Fellow offered him ten dollars
If he’d work two days;
Riley crossed his legs and looked up
Through the sun’s hot rays;
Then he leaned back in the shadow,
Sadly shook his head;
“Never asked me till hot weather—
Just my luck!” he said.
Riley courted Sally Hopkins
In a quiet way;
When he saw Jim Dobsen kiss her,
“Just my luck!” he’d say.
Leap Year came, and Mandy Perkins
Sought his company;
Riley sighed, and married Mandy—
“Just my luck!” he’d say.
Riley took his wife out fishing
In a little boat;
Storm blew up and turned them over;
Mandy couldn’t float.
Riley sprang into the river,
Seized her by the hair.
Swam a mile into the shore where
Friends pulled out the pair.
Mandy was so full of water
Seemed she’d surely die.
Doctors worked with her two hours
Ere she moved an eye.
They told Riley she was better;
Doctors were in glee.
Riley chewed an old pine splinter—
“Just my luck!” says he.