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Mr. Punch’s Book of Sport

by Various

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A Polonaise

“Nemo me on pony lacessit.”

Mad bards, I hear, have gaily trolled
  The boundless joys of cricket;
Have praised the bowler and the bowled
  And keeper of the wicket.
I cannot join their merry song—
  Non valeo sed volo—
But really I can come out strong,
  Whene’er I sing of Polo!

Let golfophiles delight to air
  Their putter-niblick learning;
And, scarlet-coated, swipe and swear
  When summer sun is burning!
Let artful cards sit up and pass
  Their nights in playing bolo;
But let me gambol—o’er the grass—
  And make my game at Polo!

On chequered chess-boards students gaze
  O’er futile moves oft grieving;
With knights content to pass their days,
  And constant checks receiving.
’Mid kings and queens I have no place,
  Espiscopari nolo—
I’d rather o’er the greensward race,
  And find no check in Polo!

Then let me have my supple steed—
  Good-tempered, uncomplaining—
So sure of foot, so rare in speed,
  In perfect polo training.
And let me toast in rare old port,
  In Heidsieck or Barolo,
In shady-gaff or something short—
  The keen delights of Polo!


Motto for Croquet.—“She Stoops to Conquer.”


In-Door Amusement for Old People.—The game of croakey.


How to Learn to Love Your Enemies.—Play at croquet.


For the Drawing-Room (When there’s a dead silence.)—My first is a bird; my second’s a letter of the alphabet: my whole is some game.

Explanation. Crow. K. (Croquet.)


A player who sprained his wrist at lawn-tennis explained that “he had been trying a regular wrenchaw, and did it effectually.”

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