Satire IX
I should like to know, Nævolus,503 why you so often meet me with clouded brow forlorn, like Marsyas after his defeat. What have you to do with such a face as Ravola had when detected with his Rhodope?504 We give a slave a box on the ear, if he licks the pastry. Why! Crepereius Pollio505 had not a more woe-begone face than yours; he that went about ready to pay three times the ordinary interest, and could find none fools enough to trust him. Where do so many wrinkles come from all of a sudden? Why, surely before, contented with little, you used to live like a gentleman’s gentleman506—a witty boon-companion with your biting jest, and sharp at repartees that savor of town-life!
Now all is the reverse; your looks are dejected; your tangled hair bristles like a thicket;507 there is none of that sleekness over your whole skin, such as the Bruttian plaster of hot pitch used to give you; but your legs are neglected and rank with a shrubbery of hair. What means this emaciated form, like that of some old invalid parched this many a day with quartan ague and fever that has made his limbs its home? You may detect508 the anguish of the mind that lurks in the sickly body—and discover its joys also. For the face, the index of the mind, takes its complexion from each. You seem, therefore, to have changed your course of life, and to run counter to your former habits. For, but lately, as I well remember, you used to haunt the temple of Isis,509 and the statue of Ganymede in the temple of Peace,510 and the secret palaces of the imported mother511 of the gods; ay, and Ceres too (for what temple is there in which you may not find a woman)—a more notorious adulterer even than Aufidius, and under the rose, not confining your attentions to the wives!
“Yes: even this way of life is profitable to many. But I never made it worth my while: we do occasionally get greasy cloaks, that serve to save our toga, of coarse texture and indifferent dye, the clumsy workmanship of some French weaver’s lay; or a small piece of silver of inferior metal.512 The Fates control the destinies of men: nay, there is fate even in those very parts which the lap of the toga conceals from view. For if the stars are unpropitious, your manly powers, remaining unknown, will profit you nothing, even though the liquorish Virro has seen you stripped, and seductive billets-doux, closely following each other, are forever assailing you: for such a fellow as he even entices others to sin. Yet, what monster can be worse, than one miserly as well as effeminate?”513 “I gave you so much, then so much, and then soon after you had more!” He reckons up and still acts the wanton. “Let us settle our accounts! Send for the slaves with my account-book! Reckon up five thousand sesterces in all! Then count up your services!” Are then my duties so light, and so little against the grain? Far less wretched will be the poor slave that digs the great man’s land! But you, forsooth, thought yourself delicate, and young, and beautiful! fit to be a cup-bearer in heaven!
Will you ever bestow favors on a humble dependent, or be generous to one that pays you court, when you grudge even the money you spend on your unnatural514 gratifications? See the fellow! to whom you are to send a present of a green parasol and large amber515 bowls, as often as his birthday comes round, or rainy spring begins; or pillowed on his cushioned sofa, he fingers presents set apart for the female Kalends!516
Tell me, you sparrow, for whom it is you are keeping so many hills, so many Apulian517 farms, so many kites wearied in flying across your pastures? Your Trifoline estate518 enriches you with its fruitful vines; and the hill that looks down519 on Cumæ, and caverned Gaurus. Who seals up more520 casks of wine that will bear long keeping? How great a matter would it be to present the loins of your client, worn out in your service, with a few acres? Would yon rustic child, with his mother, and her hovel,521 and his playmate cur, more justly become the inheritance of your cymbal-beating friend? “You are a most importunate beggar!” he says: But Rent cries out to me “Beg!” My only slave calls on me to beg! loudly as Polyphemus522 with his one broad eye, by which the crafty Ulysses made his escape. I shall be compelled to buy a second, for this one is not enough for me; both must be fed. What shall I do in mid-winter? When the chill north wind whistles in December,523 what shall I say, pray, to my poor slaves’ naked feet and shoulders? “Courage,524 my boys! and wait for the grasshoppers?” But however you may dissemble and pass by all other matters, at how much do you estimate it, that had I not been your devoted client your wife would still remain a maid? At all events, you know all about those services, how hard you begged, how much you promised! Often when your young wife was eloping, I caught her in my embrace. She had actually torn525 the marriage contract, and was on the point of signing a new one. It was with difficulty that I set this matter right by a whole night’s work, while you stood whimpering outside the door. I appeal to the bed as my witness! nay, to yourself, who heard the noise, and the lady’s cries! In many a house, when the marriage bonds were growing feeble and beginning to give way, and were almost severed, an adulterer has set all matters right. However you may shift your ground, whatever services you may reckon first or last, is it indeed no obligation, ungrateful and perfidious man! is it none, that you have an infant son or daughter born to you through me? For you bring them up as yours! and plume yourself on inserting at intervals in the public registers526 these evidences of your virility! Hang garlands527 on your doors! You are now a father! I have given you what you may cast in slander’s teeth! You have a father’s privileges; through me you may inherit a legacy, yes, the whole sum528 left to you, not to mention some pleasant windfall!529 Besides, many other advantages will be added to these windfalls, if I make the number complete and add a third!”
“Your ground of complaint is just indeed, Nævolus; what does he allege in answer?”
“He casts me off, and looks out for some other two-legged ass to serve his turn! But remember that these secrets are intrusted to you alone; keep them to yourself, therefore, buried in the silence of your own breast; for one of these pumice-smoothed530 fellows is a deadly thing if he becomes your enemy. He that intrusted his secret to me but the other day, now is furious, and detests me just as though I had divulged all I know. He does not hesitate to use his dagger, to break my skull with a bludgeon, or place a firebrand at my doors:531 and deem it no light or contemptible matter that to men of his wealth the price of poison is never too costly. Therefore you must keep my secrets as religiously as the court of Mars at Athens.”
“Oh! Corydon,532 poor simple Corydon! Do you think aught that a rich man does can be secret? Even though his slaves should hold their tongues, his cattle will tell the tale; and his dogs, and door-posts, and marble statues! Close the shutters, cover all the chinks with tapestry, fasten the doors, remove every light from the chamber,533 let each one keep his counsel, let not a soul lie near. Yet what he does at the second cock-crow,534 the next tavern-keeper will know before dawn of day; and will hear as well all the fabrications of his steward, cooks, and carvers.535 For what charge do they scruple to concoct against their masters, as often as they revenge themselves for their strappings536 by the lies they forge? Nor will there be wanting one to hunt you out against your will in the public thoroughfares, and pour his drunken tale into your miserable ears. Therefore ask them what you just now begged of me! They hold their tongues! Why they would rather blaze abroad a secret than drink as much Falernian (all the sweeter because stolen) as Saufeia537 used to drink, when sacrificing538 for the people!
“One should lead an upright life for very many reasons; but especially for this—that you may be able to despise your servants’ tongues. For bad as your slave may be, his tongue is the worst part about him. Yet far worse still is he that places himself in the power of those whose body and soul he keeps together with his own bread and his own money.539
“Well, the advice you have just given me to enable me to laugh to scorn my servants’ tongues is very good, but too general. Now, what do you advise in my particular case, after the loss of my time and the disappointment of my hopes? For the short-lived bloom540 and contracted span of a brief and wretched life is fast fleeting away! While we are drinking,541 and calling for garlands, and perfumes, and women, old age steals on us unperceived! Do not be alarmed! So long as these seven hills stand fast you will never lack a pathic friend. Those effeminates, who scratch their heads with one finger,542 will flock from all quarters to these hills, in carriages and ships. You have still another and a better hope in store. All you have to do is to chew eringo vigorously.” “Tell this to luckier wights! My Clotho and Lachesis are well content, if I can earn a subsistence by my vile labors. Oh! ye small Lares,543 that call me master, whom I supplicate with a fragment of frankincense, or meal, and a poor garland, when shall I secure544 a sum that may insure my old age against the beggar’s mat and crutch? Twenty thousand sesterces as interest, with good security for the principal; some small vessels of silver not enchased, but such as Fabricius,545 if censor, would condemn; and two sturdy Mœsian slaves,546 who, bearing me on their shoulders, might bid me stand without inconvenience in the noisy circus! Let me have besides an engraver stooping547 over his work, and another who may with all speed paint548 me a row of portraits. This is quite enough—since poor I ever shall be. A poor, wretched wish indeed! and yet I have no hope even of this! For when dame Fortune549 is invoked for me, she stops her ears with wax fetched from that ship which escaped the Sirens’ songs with its deaf rower.”
Footnotes
503 Nævolus is mentioned repeatedly by Martial, and seems to have been a lawyer, i., Ep. 98; iii., Ep. 71 and 95; iv., Ep. 84: hence perhaps the allusion to Marsyas, whose statue stood in the Forum, opposite the Rostra, as a warning to the litigious. Cf. Hor., i., Sat. vi., 120. Xen., Anab., I., ii., 8.
504 Rhodope. Some well-known courtesan named after Æsop’s fellow-slave in the house of Iadmon the Samian, afterward so well known in Egypt. Herod., ii., 134. Cf. Ælian., V. H., xiii., 33.
505 Pollio. Cf. xi., 43, “digito mendicat Pollio nudo.”
506 Vernam equitem. The slaves born in the house were generally spoiled by indulgence; and they frequently got the nickname of Equites, out of petulant familiarity or fondness.
507 Sylva.
“And every limb, once smooth’d with nicest care,
Rank with neglect, a shrubbery of hair.” Gifford.
508 Deprendas.
“Sorrow nor joy can be disguised by art,
Our foreheads blab the secrets of our heart.” Dryden.
509 Isis. Cf. vi., 489, “Aut apud Isiacæ potius sacraria lenæ.”
510 Pacis. Vespasian built the splendid temple of Peace near the Forum, A.D. 76. Dio., lxvi., 15. Suet., Vesp. 9. In it, or near it, stood the statue of Ganymede. Others think that Ganymedes is put for the temple of Jupiter.
511 Advectæ Matris, i. e., Cybele, called also Parens Idæa, and Numen Idæum, because her worship was introduced into Rome from Phrygia, A.U.C. 548, after the Sibylline books had been consulted as to the means of averting certain prodigies. The rude and shapeless mass which represented the goddess was lodged in the house of P. Corn. Scipio Nasica, as the most virtuous man in Rome. Cf. Sat. iii., 137. Liv., xxix., 10. A temple was afterward erected for her on the Palatine Hill: hence palatia. Secreta alludes to the abominable orgies performed in her honor.
512 Venæque secundæ. “Silver adulterated with brass below the standard; in short, base metal.”
513 Mollis avarus.
“But oh! this wretch, this prodigy behold!
A slave at once to lechery and gold.” Dryden.
514 Morbo. Cf. Hor., i., Sat. vi., 30, “Ut si qui ægrotet quo morbo Barrus.”
515 Succina. Cf. ad vi., 573. The old Schol. explains this by “Gemmata Dextrocheria.” Grangæus thinks that it means “presents of amber,” which the Roman ladies used to rub in their hands. So Badham:
“For whom the cup of amber must be found,
Oft as the birth or festal day comes round.”
516 Fœmineis Kalendis. On the 1st of March were celebrated the Matronalia in honor of the women who put an end to the Sabine war (bellum dirimente Sabina, vi., 154). Cf. Ov., Fast., iii., 229. On this festival, as well as their birthdays, the Roman ladies sat up in state to receive presents from their husbands, lovers, and acquaintances (vid. Suet., Vesp., 19), in return for what they had given to the men on the Saturnalia. Cf. Mart., v., Ep. lxxxiv., 10, “Scis certè puto vestra jam venire Saturnalia Martias Kalendas.” Hor., iii., Od. viii., 1, “Martiis cælebs quid agam Kalendis.”
517 Appula. Cf. iv., 27. Milvos.
“Regions which such a tract of land embrace,
That kites are tired within the unmeasured space.” Gifford.
518 Trifolinus ager. Cf. Mart., xiii., Ep. 114, “Non sum de primo fateor, Trifolina, Lyæo; inter vina tamen septima vitis ero.” Trifoline wines were so called from being fit to drink at the third appearance of the leaf, “quæ tertio anno ad bibendum tempestiva forent.” Plin., xiv., 6. Facc. takes it from Trifolium, a mountain in Campania, perhaps near Capua. Plin., iv., 6.
519 Suspectumque jugum. Either Mons Misenus (cf. Virg., Æn., vi., 234), only three miles from Cumæ, or Vesuvius, which was famous for its wines. Mart., iv., Ep. 44. Virg., Georg., ii., 224. Gaurus, now Monte Barbaro, is full of volcanic caverns. It is also called “Gierro.”
520 Plura.
“Though none drinks less, yet none more vessels fills!” Dryden.
521 Casulis. Cf. xi., 153, “notos desiderat hædos.”
“Sure yonder female with the child she bred,
The dog their playmate, and their little shed,
Had with more justice been conferr’d on me,
Than on a cymbal-beating debauchee.” Gifford.
522 Polyphemi. For the loudness of his roar, vid. Virg., Æn., iii., 672. The meaning seems to be, “I am as badly off with but one slave as Polyphemus was with only one eye: had he had two Ulysses would not have escaped him.” Badham takes it of the slave calling for food.
“My hungry rascal must at home be fed,
Or else, like Polypheme, he’ll roar for bread!”
523 Decembri, used here adjectively.
524 Durate. A parody on Virg., Æn., i., 207, “Durate, et vosmet rebus servate secundis.” Cf. Suet., Cal., 45.
“Cold! never mind! a month or two, and then
The grasshoppers, my lads, will come again!” Badham.
525 Ruperat. Cf. Tac., Ann., xi., 30, “At is redderet uxorem, rumperetque tabulas nuptiales.” There was an express clause in the marriage contract, “liberorum procreandorum gratiâ uxorem duci.”
526 Libris actorum. Cf. Tac., Ann., iii., 3. Sat. ii., 136, “cupient et in acta referri.” These acta were public registers, in which parents were obliged to insert the names of their children a few days after their birth. They contained, besides, records of marriages, divorces, deaths, and other occurrences of the year, and were therefore of great service to historians, who as some think employed persons to read them up for them. (Cf. acta legenti vii., 104.) Servius Tullius instituted this custom. The records were kept in the temple of Saturn.
527 Suspende coronas. This was customary on all festive occasions, as here, on the birth of a child; at marriages (vi., 51, “Necte coronam postibus, et densos per limina tende corymbos”), the return of friends (cf. xii., 91, “Longos erexit janua ramos”), or any public rejoicing (as x., 65, on the death of Sejanus, “Pone domi lauros”). So, when advocates gained a cause, their clients adorned the entrance of their houses with palm branches. Cf. vii., 118, “virides scalarum gloria palmæ.” Mart., vii., Ep. xxviii., 6, “excolat et geminas plurima palma fores.”
528 Legatum omne. One of the provisions of the Lex Papia Poppæa (introduced, at the desire of Augustus, to extend the Lex Julia de maritandis ordinibus) was, that if a married person had no child, a tenth, and in some cases a larger proportion, of what was bequeathed him, should fall to the exchequer. Cf. vi., 38. It conferred also certain privileges and immunities on those who in Rome had three children (hence jus trium liberorum) born in wedlock. Cf. Ruperti and Lips. ad Tac., Ann., iii., 25. Cf. Ann., xv., 19. Mart., ii., Ep. xci., 6; ix., lxvii.
529 Caducum, probably a legacy contingent upon the condition of having children.
530 Pumice. Cf. viii., 16, “tenerum attritus Catanensi pumice lumbum.”
531 Valvis. Cf. xiii., 145, seq.
532 Corydon. Cf. Virg., Ecl., ii., 69, “Ah, Corydon, Corydon, quæ te dementia cepit!” and 56, “Rusticus es, Corydon!”
533 Claude fenestras.
“Bolt every door, stop every cranny tight,
Close every window, put out every light;
Let not a whisper reach the listening ear,
No noise, no motion—let no soul be near.” Gifford.
534 Gallicinium was the technical name for the second military watch, Vid. Facc.
535 Carptores, Grangæus explains by “Escuiers trenchants.” Facc. by δαιτρός and structor.
536 Baltea.
“For countless scourgings will the rogues be slack
In slanderous villainies to pay thee back?” Badham.
537 Saufeia, or Laufella, is supposed to be the “conjux Fusci,” mentioned xii., 45, and Mart., iii., Ep. 72; and whose other debaucheries are mentioned vi., 320. Cicero, knowing the propensity of his countrywomen to wine-bibbing, would exclude them from officiating at any sacred rites (at which wine was always used) after nightfall. The festival of the Bona Dea is the only exception he would make. “Nocturna mulierum sacrificia ne sunto, præter olla quæ pro populo rite fiant.”
538 Faciens; so operatur, xii., 92. Virg., Ecl., iii., 77, “Cum faciam vitulâ pro fugibus ipse venito.” So Georg., i., 339, “Sacra refer Cereri lætis operatus in herbis.” So in Greek, ῥέζειν is constantly used absolutely.
“For more stolen wine than late Saufeia boused,
When, for the people’s welfare, she caroused!” Gifford.
539 Liber.
“Yet worse than they, the man whose vicious deeds
Makes him still tremble at the rogues he feeds.” Badham.
540 Flosculus. For many exquisite parallel passages to this, see Gifford’s note.
541 Dum bibimus.
“And while thou call’st for garlands, girls, and wine,
Comes stealthy age, and bids thee all resign.” Badham.
542 Digito. Effeminate wretches, who, as Holyday says, like women, are afraid of touching their heads with more than a finger, for fear of discomposing their curls. Pompey had this charge brought against him by one Calvus; and cf. Plut. in Vit., 48. Amm. Marcell., XVII., xi.
543 Lares, cf. xii., 87. Hor., iii., Od. xxiii., 15, “Parvos coronantem marino Rore Deos, fragilique myrto.” Plin., xi., 2, “Numa instituit deos fruge colere, et mola salsa supplicare et far torrere.”
544 Figam, a metaphor from hunting.—Tegete, cf. v., 8, “Nusquam pons et tegetis pars.”—Baculo, cf. Ter., Heaut., V., i., 58.
545 C. Fabricius Luscinus, when censor, removed from the senate P. Cornelius Rufinus, who had been twice consul and once dictator, for having in his possession more than ten pounds’ weight of plate. Liv., Epit., xiv. He was censor A.U.C. 478. Cf. xi., 90, seq.
546 Duo fortes. Persons of moderate fortune rode in their sella gestatoria, a sedan borne by two persons. The rich had litters or palanquins, called hexaphori, or octophori, according to the number of the lecticarii. Cf. i., 64. Mœsia, now Bulgaria and Servia, is said to have been famous for producing these brawny chairmen.
547 Curvus. So Lubinus interprets it. “Cum enim laborat se incur vat.” Cf. Virg., Eccl., iii., 42, “curvus arator;” so Art. Am., ii., 670, “Curva senectus.” Or from his assiduity, “qui assiduus in opere est.” Madan says, “Curvus means crooked, that hath turnings and windings; and this latter, in a mental sense, denotes cunning, which is often used for skillful.” Cf. Exod., xxxviii., 23. The old Schol. explains it by Anaglyptarius, “a carver in low relief.”
548 Pingit. Others read fingit, and interpret it of “plaster casts.” It probably refers to the “line of painted busts” to deck his corridor, perhaps of fictitious ancestors. Cf. viii., 2, “Pictosque ostendere vultus majorum.”
549 Fortuna.
“For when to Fortune I prefer my prayers,
The obdurate goddess stops at once her ears;
Stops with that wax which saved Ulysses’ crew,
When by the Syrens’ rocks and songs they flew.” Gifford.