Scene 4 Dining-Room
Rev. Mr. Pinchen giving Mrs. Gaines an account of his experience as a minister—Hannah clearing away the breakfast table—Sampey standing behind Mrs. Gaines’ chair.
Mrs. Gaines. Now, do give me more of your experience, brother Pinchen. It always does my soul good to hear religious experience. It draws me nearer and nearer to the Lord’s side. I do love to hear good news from God’s people.
Mr. Pinchen. Well, sister Gaines, I’ve had great opportunities in my time to study the heart of man. I’ve attended a great many camp-meetings, revival meetings, protracted meetings, and death-bed scenes, and I am satisfied, sister Gaines, that the heart of man is full of sin, and desperately wicked. This is a wicked world, sister Gaines, a wicked world.
Mrs. G. Were you ever in Arkansas, brother Pinchen? I’ve been told that the people out there are very ungodly.
Mr. P. Oh, yes, sister Gaines. I once spent a year at Little Rock, and preached in all the towns round about there; and I found some hard cases out there, I can tell you. I was once spending a week in a district where there were a great many horse thieves, and one night, somebody stole my pony. Well, I knowed it was no use to make a fuss, so I told brother Tarbox to say nothing about it, and I’d get my horse by preaching God’s everlasting gospel; for I had faith in the truth, and knowed that my Savior would not let me lose my pony. So the next Sunday I preached on horse-stealing, and told the brethren to come up in the evenin’ with their hearts filled with the grace of God. So that night the house was crammed brim full with anxious souls, panting for the bread of life. Brother Bingham opened with prayer, and brother Tarbox followed, and I saw right off that we were gwine to have a blessed time. After I got ’em pretty well warmed up, I jumped on to one of the seats, stretched out my hands, and said, “I know who stole my pony; I’ve found out; and you are in here tryin’ to make people believe that you’ve got religion; but you ain’t got it. And if you don’t take my horse back to brother Tarbox’s pasture this very night, I’ll tell your name right out in meetin’ to-morrow night. Take my pony back, you vile and wretched sinner, and come up here and give your heart to God.” So the next mornin’, I went out to brother Tarbox’s pasture, and sure enough, there was my bob-tail pony. Yes, sister Gaines, there he was, safe and sound. Ha, ha, ha.
Mrs. G. Oh, how interesting, and how fortunate for you to get your pony! And what power there is in the gospel! God’s children are very lucky. Oh, it is so sweet to sit here and listen to such good news from God’s people! You Hannah, what are you standing there listening for, and neglecting your work? Never mind, my lady, I’ll whip you well when I am done here. Go at your work this moment, you lazy huzzy! Never mind, I’ll whip you well. [Aside.] Come, do go on, brother Pinchen, with your godly conversation. It is so sweet! It draws me nearer and nearer to the Lord’s side.
Mr. P. Well, sister Gaines, I’ve had some mighty queer dreams in my time, that I have. You see, one night I dreamed that I was dead and in heaven, and such a place I never saw before. As soon as I entered the gates of the celestial empire, I saw many old and familiar faces that I had seen before. The first person that I saw was good old Elder Pike, the preacher that first called my attention to religion. The next person I saw was Deacon Billings, my first wife’s father, and then I saw a host of godly faces. Why, sister Gaines, you knowed Elder Goosbee, didn’t you?
Mrs. G. Why, yes; did you see him there? He married me to my first husband.
Mr. P. Oh, yes, sister Gaines, I saw the old Elder, and he looked for all the world as if he had just come out of a revival meetin’.
Mrs. G. Did you see my first husband there, brother Pinchen?
Mr. P. No, sister Gaines, I didn’t see brother Pepper there; but I’ve no doubt but that brother Pepper was there.
Mrs. G. Well, I don’t know; I have my doubts. He was not the happiest man in the world. He was always borrowing trouble about something or another. Still, I saw some happy moments with Mr. Pepper. I was happy when I made his acquaintance, happy during our courtship, happy a while after our marriage, and happy when he died. [Weeps.]
Hannah. Massa Pinchen, did you see my ole man Ben up dar in hebben?
Mr. P. No, Hannah; I didn’t go amongst the niggers.
Mrs. G. No, of course brother Pinchen didn’t go among the blacks. What are you asking questions for? Never mind, my lady, I’ll whip you well when I’m done here. I’ll skin you from head to foot. [Aside.] Do go on with your heavenly conversation, brother Pinchen; it does my very soul good. This is indeed a precious moment for me. I do love to hear of Christ and Him crucified.
Mr. P. Well, sister Gaines, I promised sister Daniels that I’d come over and see her this morning, and have a little season of prayer with her, and I suppose I must go. I’ll tell you more of my religious experience when I return.
Mrs. G. If you must go, then I’ll have to let you; but before you do, I wish to get your advice upon a little matter that concerns Hannah. Last week, Hannah stole a goose, killed it, cooked it, and she and her man Sam had a fine time eating the goose; and her master and I would never have known a word about it, if it had not been for Cato, a faithful servant, who told his master. And then, you see, Hannah had to be severely whipped before she’d confess that she stole the goose. Next Sabbath is sacrament day, and I want to know if you think that Hannah is fit to go to the Lord’s supper after stealing the goose.
Mr. P. Well, sister Gaines, that depends on circumstances. If Hannah has confessed that she stole the goose, and has been sufficiently whipped, and has begged her master’s pardon, and begged your pardon, and thinks she’ll never do the like again, why then I suppose she can go to the Lord’s supper; for
“While the lamp holds out to burn,
The vilest sinner may return.”
But she must be sure that she has repented, and won’t steal any more.
Mrs. G. Now, Hannah, do you hear that? For my own part, I don’t think she’s fit to go to the Lord’s supper, for she had no occasion to steal the goose. We give our niggers plenty of good wholesome food. They have a full run to the meal tub, meat once a fortnight, and all the sour milk about the place, and I’m sure that’s enough for any one. I do think that our niggers are the most ungrateful creatures in the world, that I do. They aggravate my life out of me.
Hannah. I know, missis, dat I steal de goose, and massa whip me for it, and I confess it, and I is sorry for it. But, missis, I is gwine to de Lord’s supper, next Sunday, kase I ain’t a-gwine to turn my back on my bressed Lord an’ Massa for no old tough goose, dat I ain’t. [Weeps.]
Mr. P. Well, sister Gaines, I suppose I must go over and see sister Daniels; she’ll be waiting for me.
[Exit Mr. Pinchen, M. D.
Mrs. G. Now, Hannah, brother Pinchen is gone, do you get the cowhide and follow me to the cellar, and I’ll whip you well for aggravating me as you have to-day. It seems as if I can never sit down to take a little comfort with the Lord, without you crossing me. The devil always puts it into your head to disturb me, just when I am trying to serve the Lord. I’ve no doubt but that I’ll miss going to heaven on your account. But I’ll whip you well before I leave this world, that I will. Get the cowhide and follow me to the cellar.
[Exit Mrs. Gaines and Hannah, R.