Scene II A Street in Oxford
Enter Ralph Simnell in Prince Edward’s apparel; and Prince Edward, Warren, and Ermsby disguised.
Ralph. Where be these vacabond knaves, that they attend no better on their master?
P. Edw. If it please your honour, we are all ready at an inch.
Ralph. Sirrah Ned, I’ll have no more post-horse to ride on: I’ll have another fetch.
Erms. I pray you, how is that, my lord?
Ralph. Marry, sir, I’ll send to the Isle of Ely for four or five dozen of geese, and I’ll have them tied six and six together with whip-cord: now upon their backs will I have a fair field-bed with a canopy; and so, when it is my pleasure, I’ll flee into what place I please. This will be easy.
War. Your honour hath said well: but shall we to Brazen-nose College before we pull off our boots?
Erms. Warren, well motioned; we will to the friar before we revel it within the town.—Ralph, see you keep your countenance like a prince.
Ralph. Wherefore have I such a company of cutting191 knaves to wait upon me, but to keep and defend my countenance against all mine enemies? have you not good swords and bucklers?
Enter Friar Bacon and Miles.
Erms. Stay, who comes here?
War. Some scholar; and we’ll ask him where Friar Bacon is.
Bacon. Why, thou arrant dunce, shall I never make thee a good scholar? doth not all the town cry out and say, Friar Bacon’s subsizer is the greatest blockhead in all Oxford? why, thou canst not speak one word of true Latin.
Miles. No, sir? yes! what is this else? Ego sum tuus homo, “I am your man;” I warrant you, sir, as good Tully’s phrase as any is in Oxford.
Bacon. Come on, sirrah; what part of speech is Ego?
Miles. Ego, that is “I”; marry, nomen substantivo.
Bacon. How prove you that?
Miles. Why, sir, let him prove himself an ‘a will; I can be heard, felt and understood.
Bacon. O gross dunce! [Beats him.
P. Edw. Come, let us break off this dispute between these two.—Sirrah, where is Brazen-nose College?
Miles. Not far from Coppersmith’s Hall.
P. Edw. What, dost thou mock me?
Miles. Not I, sir, but what would you at Brazen-nose?
Erms. Marry, we would speak with Friar Bacon.
Miles. Whose men be you?
Erms. Marry, scholar, here’s our master.
Ralph. Sirrah, I am the master of these good fellows; mayst thou not know me to be a lord by my reparrel?
Miles. Then here’s good game for the hawk; for here’s the master-fool, and a covey of coxcombs: one wise man, I think, would spring you all.
P. Edw. Gog’s wounds! Warren, kill him.
War. Why, Ned, I think the devil be in my sheath; I cannot get out my dagger.
Erms. Nor I mine: swones,192 Ned, I think I am bewitched.
Miles. A company of scabs! the proudest of you all draw your weapon, if he can.—[Aside]. See how boldly I speak, now my master is by.
P. Edw. I strive in vain; but if my sword be shut
And conjur’d fast by magic in my sheath,
Villain, here is my fist.
[Strikes Miles a box on the ear.
Miles. O, I beseech you conjure his hands too, that he may not lift his arms to his head, for he is light-fingered!
Ralph. Ned, strike him; I’ll warrant thee by mine honour.
Bacon. What! means the English prince to wrong my man?
P. Edw. To whom speakest thou?
Bacon. To thee.
P. Edw. Who art thou?
Bacon. Could you not judge, when all your swords grew fast,
That Friar Bacon was not far from hence?
Edward, King Henry’s son and Prince of Wales,
Thy fool disguis’d cannot conceal thyself:
I know both Ermsby and the Sussex Earl,
Else Friar Bacon had but little skill.
Thou com’st in post from merry Fressingfield,
Fast-fancied193 to the Keeper’s bonny lass,
To crave some succour of the jolly friar:
And Lacy, Earl of Lincoln, hast thou left,
To treat fair Margaret to allow thy loves;
But friends are men, and love can baffle lords;
The earl both woos and courts her for himself.
War. Ned, this is strange; the friar knoweth all.
Erms. Apollo could not utter more than this.
P. Edw. I stand amaz’d to hear this jolly friar,
Tell even the very secrets of my thoughts:—
But, learnèd Bacon, since thou know’st the cause
Why I did post so fast from Fressingfield,
Help, friar, at a pinch, that I may have
The love of lovely Margaret to myself,
And, as I am true Prince of Wales, I’ll give
Living and lands to strength thy college state.
War. Good friar, help the prince in this.
Ralph. Why, servant Ned, will not the friar do it?—Were not my sword glued to my scabbard by conjuration, I would cut off his head, and make him do it by force.
Miles. In faith, my lord, your manhood and your sword is all alike; they are so fast conjured that we shall never see them.
Erms. What, doctor, in a dump! tush, help the prince,
And thou shalt see how liberal he will prove.
Bacon. Crave not such actions greater dumps than these?
I will, my lord, strain out my magic spells;
For this day comes the earl to Fressingfield,
And ’fore that night shuts in the day with dark,
They’ll be betrothèd each to other fast.
But come with me; we’ll to my study straight,
And in a glass prospective194 I will show
What’s done this day in merry Fressingfield.
P. Edw. Gramercies, Bacon; I will quite thy pain.
Bacon. But send your train, my lord, into the town:
My scholar shall go bring them to their inn;
Meanwhile we’ll see the knavery of the earl.
P. Edw. Warren, leave me:—and, Ermsby, take the fool:
Let him be master and go revel it,
Till I and Friar Bacon talk awhile.
War. We will, my lord.
Ralph. Faith, Ned, and I’ll lord it out till thou comest; I’ll be Prince of Wales over all the black-pots195 in Oxford. [Exeunt.