Unintentional Witticisms of the Absent-Minded German Professor
In the day of Achilles the Greeks had no books except Homer.
A panic seized the Persians at Marathon, and crying, “Lord Jesus, there are the Athenasians,” they rushed for the sea.
Alexander would undoubtedly have subjugated the whole of Asia, but he will soon die.
Alexander was poisoned twenty-one years before his death.
The death of Alexander was felt by all Asia, but not until after his death.
Demetrius was the son of his father, and had an army of 100,000 Reichsthalers.
Charilaus was born very young.
This is a common incident in Roman history, which, however, does not occur often.
Servius came to Rome and was born there.
At the battle of Cannæ the Roman army consisted of 30,000 men, 20,000 were made prisoners, 40,000 fell, and 120,000 escaped.
If Cæsar had not crossed the Rubicon there is no knowing where he would have gone.
Brutus and Cassius murdered Cæsar in a manner very detrimental to his health.
His brother, whom he had caused to be murdered, he at last proscribed.
Varus was the only Roman general who succeeded in being conquered by the Germans.
Gallus was murdered in the presence of the populace, and he met the same fate once more at the hands of an assassin.
Julianus first killed himself, then his father, and then himself.
Tacitus says the ancient Germans were as tall as our Gardes du Corps.
The Cimbers and Teutons are descended from each other.
Alfons was two years old when he was born.
So did King Alfons surrender the eastern part of his career.
Returning from Spain, the roads were so poor that it was necessary to take eight waggons to one horse.
Richard III. murdered all his successors.
After the execution of Mary Stuart, Elizabeth appeared in Parliament, in one hand a handkerchief, in the other a tear.
It is unnecessary to say anything about Newton except that he died.
Danton was not executed until he had cut his own throat.
To be sure Marat was murdered, but he died first of a disease so virulent as to rob him of life.
Maximilian I. had hopes of seeing the throne upon his head.
After the battle of Leipsic there were a large number of horses that had lost three or four or more legs running about without a master.
Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden, lived until shortly before his death.
Stanislaus was not yet in existence when his father was born.
Suwarow marched at so rapid a pace with his army that neither the infantry, nor cavalry, nor artillery could keep up with him.
The Polish army was beaten by Suwarow because it ran away and fled.
A bitter war ensued on page 94.
The earth like all bodies has parallel circles, which intersect, and this is mathematical geography.
He drew his sword and shot him.
Gotha is not much farther from Erfurt than Erfurt is from Gotha.
I am unable to give you the titles of books about Africa just now. I have them in my head, but not on paper.
Among the most excellent products of Egypt the climate must be counted.
The sources of the Nile are much farther south than where Bruce discovered them.
The eye-sight of the Hottentots is so well developed that they can hear the tramp of a horse at an incredible distance.
The walls of Babylon were so broad that four waggons could go on top of each other.
North America consists of a great number of large and small islands, very few of which are surrounded by water.
When Humboldt ascended Mount Chimborazo he found the air so thin that he could not read without glasses.
There is so much coal-smoke in London that even when the sun does not shine you cannot see the sky.
There would be far less leather produced by the English if they tanned only their own hides.
There are many propositions in mathematics that can only be proved by beginning over again.
The theory of parallel lines explains itself, for it tends toward infinity.
Professor: “That impertinent fellow, Sustorf, must be reported.” Pupil: “Herr Professor, his name is not Sustorf; it is Thomas.” Professor: “Well, then, we will not report him.”
It must strike four soon, for it struck a quarter-to half-an-hour ago.
I see a great many pupils who are absent.
If any of you would like to read up this subject, you will find something to the point in a book the title of which I have forgotten. It is in the forty-second chapter.