Chapter IV 6. Ne Reprochez les Défauts à Personne, Non Pas Mesme de la Nature, & Ne Prenez Plaisir à Faire Confusion à Qui Que Ce Soit, Par Vos Paroles
Hawkins adds: “which by no Art can be amended.”
Reproach none for their Infirmities—avoid it equally when they are natural ones—and do not take pleasure in uttering words that cause any one shame, whoever it may be.
22d. Shew not yourself glad at the Misfortune of another though he were your enemy
Hawkins i. 32. When thou shalt heare the misfortunes of another, shew not thy selfe gladed for it, though it happ to thy enemy, for that will argue a mind mischievous, and will convict thee of a desire to have executed it thy selfe, had either power or opertunity seconded thy will.
(Nothing corresponding to Rule 22 is found among the Maxims of the Jesuit fathers; but the later French book has the following: “Shew not your self joyful and pleased at the misfortunes that have befallen another, though you hated him, it argues a mischievous mind, and that you had a desire to have done it your self, if you had had the power or opportunity to your will.”) 23d. When you see a Crime punished, you may be inwardly Pleased; but always shew Pity to the Suffering Offender.
Hawkins i. 33. When thou seest justice executed on any, thou maist inwardly take delight in his vigilancy, to punish offenders, because it tends to publique quiet, yet shew pity to the offender, and ever Constitute the defect of his morality, thy precaution.
This Rule has been nearly destroyed by mice.
[24th. Do not laugh too loud or] too much at any Publick [spectacle, lest you cause yourself to be laughed at.]
Hawkins i. 34. Laugh not too much or too Loud, in any publique spectacle least for thy so doing, thou present thy selfe, the only thing worthy to be laughed at.
25th. Superfluous Complements and all Affectation of Ceremony are to be avoided, yet where due they are not to be Neglected
Chapter iii. 1. Quoy qu’il soit bon de s’épargner vn trop grand soing de pratiquer vne ciuilité affectée, il faut pourtant estre exact à en obseruer ce qui est necessaire & auantageux pour faire paroistre une belle éducation, & ce qui ne se peut obmettre sans choquer ceux auec qui l’on converse.
Though it is right to avoid too great care in practising an affected civility, yet one must be exact in observing what is necessary and advantageous in order to show a good education, and all that cannot be omitted without shocking those with whom one is conversing.
26th. In pulling off your Hat to Persons of Distinction, as Noblemen, Justices, Churchmen, &c make a Reverence, bowing more or less according to the Custom of the Better Bred, and Quality of the Persons. Amongst your equals expect not always that they Should begin with you first, but to Pull off the Hat when there is no need is Affectation, in the Manner of Saluting and resaluting in words keep to the most usual Custom.
Chapter iii. 2. Témoignez vos respects aux hommes illustres & honorables, le chappeau en la main, comme aux Ecclesiastiques, ou aux Magistrats, ou à quelques autres personnes qualifiées; en tenant vers vous le dedans du chappeau que vous aurez osté: Faites leur aussi la reverence par quelque inclination de corps, autant que la dignité de chacun d’eux, & la belle coûtume des enfants bien nourris, le semble exiger. Et comme c’est vne chose fort inciuile de ne se pas découurir devant ceux à qui l’on doit ce respect, pour les saluër, ou d’attendre que vostre égal vous rend le premier ce deuoir; aussi de le faire, quand il n’est pas à propos, ressent sa ciuilité affectée: mais c’est vne honteuse impertinence de prendre garde si l’on vous rend vostre salutation. Au reste pour saluër quelqu’vn de parole, ce compliment semble le plus propre, qui est vsité par personnes le plus polies.
Show your respect for illustrious and honourable men,—such as Ecclesiastics, Magistrates, or other persons of quality,—hat in hand, holding the inside of the removed hat towards you; make your reverence to them by inclining your body as much as the dignity of each and the custom of well-bred youth seems to demand. And, as it is very rude not to uncover the head before those to whom one owes such respect, in order to salute them, or to wait till your equal should perform this duty towards you first, so also, to do it when it is not fitting savours of affected politeness: but it is shameful impertinence to be anxious for the return of one’s salute. Finally, it seems most fitting to salute any one in words, a compliment which the politest persons are in the habit of using.
27th. Tis ill manners to bid one more eminent than yourself be covered as well as not to do it to whom it’s due. Likewise he that makes too much haste to Put on his hat does not well, yet he ought to Put it on at the first, or at most the Second time of being ask’d; now what is herein Spoken, of Qualification in behaviour in Saluting, ought also to be observed in taking of Place, and Sitting down for ceremonies without Bounds is troublesome.
Chapter iii. 3. C’est une grande inciuilité d’entreprendre de prier vn superieur de se couurir, aussi bien que de n’en pas supplier celuy à qui cela se peut faire. Et celuy qui se haste trop de se couurir, particulierement en parlant à quelque personne qualifiée, ou qui pressé par plusieurs fois de ce faire, le refuse, choque la bienscéance; c’est pour cela qu’à la 1. ou 2. fois il est permis de se couurir, si l’vsage ne se trouue contraire en quelque Prouince ou Royaume. Et en effet entre les égaux, ou auec de plus âgez, soit Religieux, ou domestiques, il est permis d’accorder cette requeste à vn égal ou à vn plus ieune, dés la 1. fois. Toutefois ceux qui sõt égaux, ou fort péu differents les vns des autres, ont coustume de se faire cette priere, & de se couurir tout ensemble. Toutes les remarques donc qui se sont faites icy de la bonne conduite, doiuent estre aussi entenduës de l’ordre qu’il faut tenir à prendre place, & à s’asseoir: car le plaisir que l’on prend aux ciuilitez & aux complimens, est tout à fait importun.
It is very impolite to ask a superior to be covered, as it is not to do so in the case of one with regard to whom it is proper. And the man who is in haste to put his hat on, especially in talking to a person of quality, or who, having been urged several times to do so, refuses, shocks good manners; for this reason, after the first or second request, it is allowable to put the hat on, unless in some province or kingdom where the usage is otherwise. In fact, amongst equals, or with those who are older, or who belong to religious orders, or domestics, it is allowable to grant that request to one’s equal or to a younger man, at the very first time. However, those of equal rank, or between whom there is little difference of rank, usually make the request and put on their hats at the same time. All the remarks here made on polite conduct, must also be extended to the order to be observed in taking places, and in sitting down; for the pleasure taken in ceremonies and compliments is really irksome.
28th. If any one come to Speak to you while you are Sitting Stand up tho he be your Inferiour, and when you Present Seats let it be to every one according to his Degree.
Chapter iii. 5. Si vous estes assis, lors que quelq’vn vous vient rendre visite, leuez-vous dés qu’il approche; si la dignité de la personne demande cette deference, comme s’il a quelque aduantage sur vous, s’il vous est égal, ou inferieur; mais non pas fort familier. Si vous vous reposez chez vous, ayant quelque siege, faites en soite de traiter chacun selon son merite.
If you are sitting down when any one pays you a call rise as soon as he comes near; whether his position demands that deference, as having precedence over you, or if he be your equal, or inferior; but not if he is on very intimate terms with you. If you are in your own house, having any seat to offer, manage to treat each guest according to his station.
29th. When you meet with one of Greater Quality than yourself, Stop, and retire especially if it be at a Door or any Straight place to give way for him to Pass
Chapter iii. 6. Quand vous rencontrez des personnes à qui vous deuez du respect, outre les devoirs d’vne salutation ordinaire, vous estes obligé de vous arrester quelque peu de temps, ou de rebrousser chemin jusqu’à l’entrée des portes, ou aux coins des ruës, pour leur donner passage.
Walker says, “If you meet a superior in a narrow way, stop, and press to make him more room.”
In meeting those to whom you should shew respect beyond the salutations which are their due, you should stop a little, or retreat to a threshold, or to the corner of the street, so as to make way for them.
30th. In walking the highest Place in most Countrys Seems to be on the right hand therefore Place yourself on the left of him whom you desire to Honour: but if three walk together the middle Place is the most Honourable the wall is usually given to the most worthy if two walk together.
Chapter iii. 7. S’il arriue que vous faciez la promenade auec eux, vous leur laisserez tousiours la place honorable, qui est celle qui sera marquée par l’vsage. A parler generalement, il semble que plusieurs Nations ont passé en coustume que la droite soit tenuë pour vne marque de reuerence, de telle soit, que quand quelq’vn veut deferer à un autre, il le mette à sa droicte, en prenant sa gauche. Lors que trois hommes se promenent ensemble, le plus qualifié a tousiours le milieu: Celuy qui tient la droite, a le second lieu, & l’autre qui reste à la gauche, n’a que le troisiéme. Mais en France, quand l’on se promene au long d’vn mur; par ce que ce lieu est presque toujours plus eleué & plus net à cause de sa pente, la coûtume porte presque par tout qu’elle soit laissée au plus qualifié, & particulierement quand deux personnes marchent ensemble.
If you happen to take a walk with them, always give them the place of honour, which is that pointed out by usage. To speak generally, it appears that several nations have made it a custom that the right should always be held as a mark of esteem, so that, when any one wishes to honour another, he will put him on his right, himself taking the left. When three are walking together, he of the highest quality always has the middle: he who takes the right has the second place, and the other who remains on the left has the third. But in France, when walking by the side of a wall, that place being almost always higher and cleaner because of the slope, the custom almost always is that it be yielded to the man of the highest quality, and particularly when two are walking together.
31st. If any one far Surpasses others, either in age Estate, or Merit [yet, in any particular instance,] would give Place to a meaner than himself [in his own house or elsewhere] the one ought not to except it, So [the other, for fear of making him appear uncivil, ought not to press] it above once or twice.
Chapter iii. 9. Si celuy qui se trouuera beaucoup plus avancé en âge, ou auantagé en dignité, soit en sa maison ou en quelqu’autre lieu, veut honorer son inferieur, comme il n’est pas à propos que cet inferieur s’en estime digne, de mesme aussi ne faut-il pas que celuy qui est superieur, l’en presse auec trop de soin, ou luy témoigne sa deference plus d’vne ou deux fois, de crainte que l’assiduité de sa supplication reïterée ne rabatte quelque chose de la bonne opinion que celuy qui le refuse, avoit conceu de son addresse & de sa courtoisie, ou qu’il luy fasse commettre enfin une inciuilité.
If he who is much the older, or has the advantage of rank, wishes, in his house or elsewhere, to honour his inferior, as it is not fitting that such inferior should think himself worthy, so also the superior must not press him too much or show such deference more than once or twice, lest the assiduity of his reiterated requests lower somewhat the good opinion which he who refuses, had conceived of his tact and courtesy, or lest, at last, it cause him to be guilty of some incivility.
32d. To one that is your equal, or not much inferior you are to give the chief Place in your Lodging and he to who ’tis offered ought at the first to refuse it but at the Second to accept though not without acknowledging his own unworthiness
Chapter iii. 10. Mais entre les égaux, il est bien à propos en receuant quelqu’vn dans sa maison, de luy donner la place la plus honnorable. Et celuy à qui l’on fait un sì bon accueil, en doit faire quelque refus d’abord, mais à la seconde instance de son amy, il luy doit obeyr.
Maxim iii. 8, which says that acceptance of a first place should be accompanied by an acknowledgement of unworthiness, is represented in the last words of Rule 32.
But amongst equals, it is quite right, in receiving any one into one’s house, to give him the most honourable place; and the person to whom one accords such a good reception ought at first rather to refuse it, but, when his friend insists a second time, he ought to obey him.
33d. They that are in Dignity or in office have in all places Preceedency but whilst they are Young they ought to respect those that are their equals in Birth or other Qualitys, though they have no Publick charge.
Chapter iii. 12. A ceux qui out le cõmandement, & qui sont dans le pouuoir, ou qui exercent les Charges de Judicature, l’on donne tousiours les premieres places en toute sorte de compagnie. Mais qu’ils sçachent eux-mesmes que s’ils sont jeunes, ils sont obligez de respecter ceux qui sont d’aussi noble maison qu’eux, on qui les deuancent de beaucoup en âge, & sont honorez du degré de Doctorat; quoy qu’ils n’exercent aucune charge publique; Et bien plus, ils leur doiuent d’abord remettre la premiere place qu’il leur auoient deferé, & en suitte auec modestie, receuoir cest honneur comme une grace.
The second clause is not in the French Maxims.
In every company the first place is always given to those in command, or in power, or who exercise judicial charges. But these, if young, should realise that they ought to respect those who belong to houses as noble as their own, or who are much older, and those honoured with the degree of Doctor, though not exercising any public function; and moreover they ought, at first, to return an offer of the highest place, and afterwards receive that honour modestly, as a favour.
34th. It is good Manners to prefer them to whom we speak before ourselves especially if they be above us with whom in no Sort we ought to begin.
Chapter iii. 13. Il est de la derniere ciuilité de parler tousiours mieux de ceux auec qui nous avons à conuerser, que de vous mesmes: Et particulieremet quãd ce sont des personnes éleuées audessus de nous, auec qui il ne faut iamais contester en aucune maniere.
Compare the last clause of this Maxim with Rule 40.
It is the height of politeness always to speak better of those with whom we have to converse than of ourselves. And particularly when they are persons of a superior rank to ourselves, with whom we ought never to dispute in any fashion.
35th. Let your Discourse with Men of Business be Short and Comprehensive.
Chapter iii. 15. Le temps & le lieu, l’âge & la difference des personnes doivent regler tout cét vsage de compliments qui se fait parmy les plus polis, & particulierement ceux qui consistent dans les paroles. Mais l’on doit trancher court auec les personnes affairées & ne leur presenter plus aux nez toutes ses agreables fleurettes: il les faut épargner, & se faire entendre plustost par mines, qu’auec des paroles.
Time and place, age and the difference between persons, ought to regulate the whole custom of compliments as is done amongst the most polite, especially compliments that consist in words. But one should cut matters short with men of business, and not put one’s fine flowerets under their nose; one should spare them, and make himself understood rather by looks than words.
36th. Artificers & Persons of low Degree ought not to use many ceremonies to Lords, or Others of high Degree but Respect and highly Honour them, and those of high Degree ought to treat them with affibility & Courtesie, without Arrogancy
Chapter iii. 16. Comme le soin de la ciuilité la plus raffinée ne doit pas beaucoup trauailler les esprits des Artisants & de la lie du peuple enuers les Grands & les Magistrats; aussi est-il raisonnable qu’ils ayent soin de leur rendre de l’honneur: de mesme il est à propos que la Noblesse les traitte [sic] doucement & les épargne, & qu’elle éuite toute sorte de superbe.
As the care for the most refined politeness ought not to trouble much the minds of artizans and of the dregs of the people, as regards Nobles and Magistrates, while it is reasonable that they should take care to honour such, so it is also right that the nobility should treat them gently, spare them, and avoid all manner of arrogance.
37th. In Speaking to men of Quality do not lean nor Look them full in the Face, nor approach too near them at lest Keep a full Pace from them.
Chapter iii. 18. En parlant aux personnes qualifiées, ne vous appuyez point le corps; ne leuez point vos yeux iusques sur leur visage; ne vous en approchez pas trop prés, & faites en sorte que ce ne soit iamais qu’à vn grãd pas de distance.
In speaking to persons of quality, do not lean your body on any thing; do not raise your eyes to their face; do not go too near, and manage to keep a full step from them.
38th. In visiting the Sick, do not Presently play the Physicion if you be not Knowing therein.