The Rhyme of the Rusher
[By DOSS CHIDERDOSS in Sporting Times, 29 Oct. In
Appropriate Rhyming Slanguage].
I
I was out one night on the strict teetote, [1]
’Cause I couldn’t afford a drain;
I was wearing a leaky I’m afloat, [2]
And it started to France and Spain. [3]
But a toff was mixed in a bull and cow, [4]
And I helped him to do a bunk; [5]
He had been on the I’m so tap, and now [6]
He was slightly elephant’s trunk. [7]
II
He offered to stand me a booze, so I [8]
Took him round to the “Mug’s Retreat;”
And my round the houses I tried to dry [9]
By the Anna Maria’s heat. [10]
He stuck to the I’m so to drown his cares,
While I went for the far and near, [11]
Until the clock on the apples and pears [12]
Gave the office for us to clear. [13]
III
Then round at the club we’d another bout,
And I fixed him at nap until
I had turned his skyrockets inside out, [14]
And had managed my own to fill,
Of course, I had gone on the half-ounce trick,[15]
And we quarrelled, and came to blows;
But I fired him out of the Roiy quick,
And he fell on his I suppose. [16]
IV
And he laid there, weighing out prayers for me,
Without hearing the plates of meat [17]
Of a slop, who pinched him for “d. and d.” [18]
And disturbing a peaceful beat,
And I smiled as I closed my two mince pies [19]
In my insect promenade;
For out of his nibs I had taken a rise, [20]
And his stay on the spot was barred.
V
Next morning I brushed up my Barnet Fair, [21]
And got myself up pretty smart;
Then I sallied forth with a careless air,
And contented raspberry tart. [22]
At the first big pub I resolved, if pos., [23]
That I’d sample my lucky star;
So I passed a flimsy on to the boss [24]
Who served drinks at the there you are. [25]
VI
He looked at the note, and the air began
With his language to pen and ink; [26]
For the mug I’d fleeced had been his head man, [27]
And had done him for lots of chink. [28]
I’m blessed if my luck doesn’t hum and ha,
For I argued the point with skill;
But the once a week made me go ta-ta [29]
For a month on the can’t keep still. [30]
[1: without drink] [2: coat] [3: rain] [4: swell; row] [5: get away] [6: rap] [7: drunk] [8: drink] [9: trousers] [10: fire] [11: beer] [12: stairs] [13: warning] [14: pockets] [15: bounce] [16: nose] [17: feet] [18: policeman; arrested; drunk and disorderly] [19: eyes ] [20: him; advantage] [21: hair] [22: heart] [23: possible] [24: banknote] [25: bar] [26: stink] [27: fellow; cheated] [28: robbed; money] [29: beak] [30: everlasting wheel=mill]