The Leary Man [Notes]
[From The Vulgar Tongue, by DUCANGE ANGLICUS].
I
Of ups and downs I’ve felt the shocks
Since days of bats and shuttlecocks,
And allcumpaine and Albert-rocks,
When I the world began;
And for these games I often sigh
Both marmoney and Spanish-fly,
And flying kites, too, in the sky,
For which I’ve often ran.
II
But by what I’ve seen, and where I’ve been,
I’ve always found it so,
That if you wish to learn to live
Too much you cannot know.
For you must now be wide-awake,
If a living you would make,
So I’ll advise what course to take
To be a Leary Man.
II
Go first to costermongery,
To every fakement get a-fly, [1]
And pick up all their slangery,
But let this be your plan;
Put up with no Kieboshery, [2]
But look well after poshery, [3]
And cut teetotal sloshery, [4]
And get drunk when you can.
IV
And when you go to spree about,
Let it always be your pride
To have a white tile on your nob [5 ]
And bull-dog by your side
Your fogle you must flashly tie [6]
Each word must patter flashery, [7]
And hit cove’s head to smashery,
To be a Leary Man.
V
To Covent Garden or Billingsgate
You of a morn must not be late,
But your donkey drive at a slashing rate,
And first be if you can.
From short pipe you must your bacca blow
And if your donkey will not go,
To lick him you must not be slow
But well his hide must tan.
VI
The fakement conn’d by knowing rooks
Must be well known to you,
And if you come to fibbery,
You must mug one or two.
Then go to St Giles’s rookery, [8]
And live up some strange nookery,
Of no use domestic cookery,
To be a Leary Man.
VII
Then go to pigeon fancery
And know each breed by quiz of eye,
Bald-heads from skin-‘ems by their fly,
Go wrong you never can.
All fighting coves too you must know
Ben Caunt as well as Bendigo,
And to each mill be sure to go,
And be one of the van.
VIII
Things that are found before they’re lost,
Be always first to find.
Restore dogs for a pound or two
You’ll do a thing that’s kind,
And you must sport a blue billy,
Or a yellow wipe tied loosily [9]
Round your scrag for bloaks to see [10]
That you’re a Leary Man
IX
At knock-’em-downs and tiddlywink,
To be a sharp you must not shrink,
But be a brick and sport your chink [11]
To win must be your plan.
And set-toos and Cock-fighting
Are things you must take delight in,
And always try to be right in
And every kidment scan.
X
And bullying and chaffing too,
To you should be well known,
Your nob be used to bruisery, [12]
And hard as any stone.
Put the kiebosh on the dibbery,
Know a Joey from a tibbery,
And now and then have a black eye,
To be a Leary Man.
XI
To fairs and races go must you,
And get in rows and fights a few,
And stopping out all night it’s true
Must often be your plan.
And as through the world you budgery,
Get well awake to fudgery,
And rub off every grudgery,
And do the best you can.
XII
But mummery and slummery
You must keep in your mind,
For every day, mind what I say,
Fresh fakements you will find.
But stick to this while you can crawl.
To stand ’till you’re obliged to fall,
And when you’re wide awake to all
You’ll be a Leary Man.
[1: dodge; learn] [2: nonsense] [3: money] [4: drink] [5: hat; head] [6: necktie] [7: talk slang] [8: Notes] [9: handkerchief] [10: neck; men] [11: good fellow; money] [12: head; pugilism]