Upon a House of Office Over a River, Set on Fire by a Coale of Tobacco
Oh fire, fire, fire, where?
The usefull house o’re Water cleare,
The most convenient in a shire,
Which no body can deny,
The house of Office that old true blue
Sir-reverence so many knew[,]
You now may see turn’d fine new. [? fire]
Which no body, &c.
And to our great astonishment
Though burnt, yet stands to represent
Both mourner and the monument,
Which no body, &c.
Ben Johnson’s Vulcan would doe well,
Or the merry Blades who knacks did tell,
At firing London Bridge befell.
Which no body, &c.
They’l say if I of thee should chant,
The matter smells, now out upon’t;
But they shall have a fit of fie on’t.
Which no body, &c.
And why not say a word or two
Of she that’s just? witness all who
Have ever been at thy Ho go,6
Which no body, &c.
Earth, Aire, and Water, she could not
Affront, till chollerick fire got
Predominant, then thou grew’st hot,
Which no body, &c.
The present cause of all our wo,
But from Tobacco ashes, oh!
’Twas s...n luck to perish so,
Which no body, &c.
’Tis fatall to be built on lakes,
As Sodom’s fall example makes;
But pity to the innocent jakes,
Which no body, &c.
Whose genius if I hit aright,
May be conceiv’d Hermophrodite,
To both sex common when they sh...
Which no body, &c.
Of severall uses it hath store,
As Midwifes some do it implore,
But the issue comes at Postern door:
Which no body, &c.
Retired mortalls out of feare,
Privily, even to a haire,
Did often do their business there,
Which no body, &c.
For mens and womens secrets fit
No tale-teller, though privy to it,
And yet they went to’t without feare or wit,
Which no body, &c.
A Privy Chamber or prison’d roome,
And all that ever therein come
Uncover must, or bide the doome,
Which no body, &c.
A Cabinet for richest geare
The choicest of the Ladys ware,
And pretious stones full many there.
Which no body, &c.
And where in State sits noble duck,
Many esteem that use of nock,
The highest pleasure next to oc-
Which no body, &c.
And yet the hose there down did goe,
The yielding smock came up also,
But still no Bawdy house I trow,
Which no body, &c.
There nicest maid with naked r...,
When straining hard had made her mump,
Did sit at ease and heare it p...,
Which no body, &c.
Like the Dutch Skipper now may skit,
When in his sleeve he did do it,
She may skit free, but now plimp niet,
Which no body, &c.
Those female folk that there did haunt,
To make their filled bellies gaunt,
And with that same the brook did launt,
Which no body, &c.
Are driven now to do’t on grasse,
And make a sallet for their A...
The world is come to a sweet passe,
Which no body, &c.
Now farewell friend we held so deare,
Although thou help’st away with our cheare,
An open house-keeper all the yeare,
Which no body, &c.
The Phœnix in her perfumed flame,
Was so consum’d, and thou the same,
But the Aromaticks were to blame,
Which no body, &c.
That Phœnix is but one thing twice,
Thy Patron nobler then may rise,
For who can tell what he’l devise?
Which no body, &c.
Diana’s Temple was not free,
Nor that world Rome, her Majesty
Smelt of the smoke, as well as thee,
Which no body, &c.
And learned Clerks whom we admire,
Do say the world shall so expire,
Then when you sh... remember fire.
Which no body, &c.
Beware of fire when you scumber,
Though to sh... fire were a wonder,
Yet lightning oft succeeds the thunder,
Which no body, &c.
We must submit to what fate sends,
’Tis wholsome counsel to our friends,
Take heed of smoking at both ends,
Which no body can deny.