Married Life — Its Joys and Sorrows
By Bishop Arnett
A good wife is the greatest earthly blessing. A wife never makes a greater mistake than when she endeavors to coerce her husband with other weapons than those of love and affection. Those weapons are a sure “pull,” if he has anything human left in him. Forbear mutual upbraidings. In writing letters during temporary separation let nothing contrary to love and sincere affection be expressed; such letters from a wife have a most powerful emotional effect, sometimes little understood by those who write them. It is the mother who molds the character and destiny of the child as to the exteriors; therefore let calmness, peace, affection, and firmness rule her conduct toward her children. Children are great imitators; whether they have scolding or peaceful mothers, they are generally sure to learn from the example set before them, and thus the consequent joy or sorrow is transferred to other families. Therefore let mothers take heed to their conduct. It is not possible to exercise judgment and prudence too much before entering on the married life. Be sure that the affections on both sides are so perfectly intertwined around each other that the two, as it were, form one mind. This requires time and a thorough mutual knowledge on both sides. Marry into your religion and into a blood and temperament different from your own. Bend your whole form, and especially avoid everlastingly dishing up any unsuccessful past action that was done from a good motive and with the best intentions at the time. Let nothing foreign to the spirit of love and mutual affections intervene to cause distance between husband and wife. To this end let self-denial and reciprocal unselfishness rule over each. Avoid habitual fault-finding, scolding, etc., as you would perdition itself. Many men tremble as they cross their threshold into the presence of scolding wives. Let husband and wife cultivate habits of sobriety, and specially avoid drunkenness in every form. What a dreadful spectacle it is to see a husband transformed into a demon, tottering homeward to a broken-hearted wife, whose noble, self-sacrificing devotion to him seems to partake more of the nature of heaven than of earth! Never part, even for a journey, without kind and endearing words; and as a kiss symbolizes union from interior affection, do not dispense with it on such occasions, repeating it when you return. In one word, let love rule supreme.
In all your dealings with women take a lesson from the cooing dove. Speak softly, deal gently, kindly, and considerately with her in every way. Let every husband and every wife cherish for each other the heavenly flame of affection, and let no rude, harsh, or embittered expression on either side chill the sacred fire. If every adoration of the creature may hope for pardon, surely the worship rendered by man to a kind, pure, affectionate, and loving wife—Heaven’s best gift—may invoke forgiveness. What countless millions of women have sacrificed health, strength, and life in attendance on sick and dying husbands, children, and strangers! How many have perished by rushing through fire and water to save their children, and starve themselves that they might live! In how many hospitals has she proven herself an angel of mercy, and her sweet voice uttered words of comfort and cheer! Therefore let woman have her full rights, even that of voting, if she desires it, for a good woman’s influence will ever be used for a good purpose; but let woman act toward man as indicated in the above advice for man to act toward woman, and she would be all but omnipotent; for man, in a manner, would move heaven and earth to serve her, and would do unspeakably more for her than can ever be done by all the fussy croakers, old maids, and woman’s rights associations and lectures in creation. Love in the family is the one thing needful to regenerate the earth and cause the wilderness to become as Eden and the desert to blossom as the rose. Reversed, love and discord have broken more hearts, caused more sorrow, estrangement, and downright death than war, pestilence, and all other causes combined. It palsies energy and ambition, engenders gloom and despair, and transforms manhood into an icicle. Statistics prove that the married live longer, on the average, by several years than the unmarried, a most satisfactory proof that the married state is pre-eminently the life designed for man. Therefore let all interested do their utmost to make it the happiest. (The Budget.)