Act III
The scene is the same as Act I. It is about twelve o’clock in the morning. One night has elapsed since Act II.
[When the curtain rises the studio is empty. There is the sound of the front-door bell ringing with some violence. Berry enters, R., and crosses over L. He exits and reappears in a moment, ushering in Evelyn. Evelyn is looking extremely white and strained.]
Berry
Can I offer you anything to drink, sir?
Evelyn
No, thanks.
Berry
The master’s sure to be in soon, sir.
Evelyn
All right, thanks.
Berry
He’s only taking a walk in the Park.
Evelyn
I think I will have a drink, after all.
Berry
Very good, sir. Whisky and soda?
Evelyn
Yes, please.
[Berry goes out. Evelyn proceeds to pace up and down the room a little. Berry returns with a whisky and soda.]
Evelyn
Oh, thanks.
[He takes it.]
Berry
Would you like the papers, sir, or have you seen them already?
Evelyn
I’ve seen them, thanks.
Berry
Shall I tell Mrs. Churt that you are here, sir?
Evelyn
No—no. Please don’t disturb her.
Berry
Very good, sir.
[He goes out again. Evelyn once more proceeds to pace up and down with the whisky and soda in his hand. He is obviously extremely agitated. After a moment Carol enters from R. She looks fresh and charming. She gives a slight start on seeing Evelyn.]
Carol
Evie!
Evelyn
[Jumping—he turns]
I’ve come to see Edward.
Carol
What’s the matter?
Evelyn
I’ve come to see Edward.
Carol
[With faint apprehension]
I know—you just said so. Aren’t you going to say good morning?
Evelyn
Good morning.
Carol
[Going over to him]
No more than that?
Evelyn
No—no more.
[He turns away.]
Carol
[Biting her lip]
I see.
Evelyn
I want to see him alone.
Carol
[Putting her hand on his arm]
Evie, what’s wrong?
Evelyn
You can seriously ask me that?
Carol
Why are you behaving like this?
Evelyn
[Turning away]
You’re hopeless.
Carol
You’re not going to do anything foolish, are you?
Evelyn
I’m going to do the only thing possible.
Carol
[Swinging him round]
Evie!
Evelyn
Leave me alone.
Carol
But listen—
Evelyn
[Wrenching himself free from her]
Don’t touch me, please.
Carol
[Pleading]
Evie—please—why are you being so horrid?
Evelyn
I don’t want to look at you—or see you again ever!
Carol
Why—why—what have I done?
Evelyn
[Sinking into a chair with his face in his hands]
Leave me alone. Leave me alone.
Carol
You don’t love me at all, then?
Evelyn
For God’s sake stop!
Carol
You don’t—you don’t—
Evelyn
Shut up! Shut up!
Carol
You coward!
[She goes over to the window.]
Evelyn
Please go away. You’ll only make everything much worse.
Carol
Why have you come here this morning?
Evelyn
To tell Edward about last night.
Carol
What will you tell him?
Evelyn
The truth.
Carol
You’re insane.
Evelyn
I was—but I’m not any more.
Carol
[Coming quickly back to him]
You can’t mean this.
Evelyn
I do mean it.
Carol
But why! Why!! Why!!!
Evelyn
I don’t expect you to understand.
Carol
Evie, listen. Be sensible for a moment.
Evelyn
It’s no use going on like that. I’ve made up my mind.
Carol
Evie—
Evelyn
[Rising]
Go away! Go away!
Carol
[Following him]
I love you.
Evelyn
Be quiet.
Carol
I love you—I love you. Tell what you like—shout it from the housetops. I love you!
Evelyn
[Catching hold of her]
Shut up—you must. Some one will hear.
Carol
I don’t care.
Evelyn
You don’t love me—you never did for a moment—it was all a trick.
Carol
[Outraged]
Evie!
Evelyn
I can see it all now—I can see it all.
Carol
You’re talking nonsense.
Evelyn
For God’s sake go away from me.
Carol
[Helplessly]
I don’t know what to do.
Evelyn
Leave me alone. I’ve got to tell Edward the truth.
Carol
In Heaven’s name, why?
Evelyn
Can’t you see why?
Carol
No. What good will it do?
Evelyn
I’ve betrayed him.
Carol
That’s no reason for you to betray me as well.
Evelyn
He trusted me—completely.
Carol
Well, why not let him go on trusting you?
Evelyn
Because I’m unworthy of it forever.
Carol
And what about me?
Evelyn
It was your fault.
Carol
How chivalrous.
Evelyn
You lied to me.
Carol
[Firmly]
I did not lie to you.
Evelyn
You said you came last night because you loved me.
Carol
So I did!
Evelyn
You came out of curiosity and stayed out of revenge.
Carol
What a fool you are!
Evelyn
You determined to get even with me.
Carol
Evie!
Evelyn
It’s true—it’s true—you know it is.
Carol
Why have you built up this ridiculous story in your mind?
Evelyn
It’s true.
Carol
[With great firmness]
It’s nothing of the sort, and if you calm yourself and think seriously for a moment, you’ll realize the complete absurdity of it. You must be sensible. Do you hear—you must be sensible. You’re on the verge of wrecking everything out of sheer hysteria.
Evelyn
Everything is wrecked already. I’ve got nothing left—no honor, no decency—
Carol
[Quietly]
I gave myself to you last night, Evie—
Evelyn
Don’t—don’t—
Carol
I gave myself to you completely and for one reason only—I loved you. I love you now.
Evelyn
Carol, please—
Carol
If you tell Edward—I shall go away and never see either of you again.
Evelyn
I can’t help it. I—
Carol
You can help it. What you’re contemplating is utterly without reason. If you’re trying to vindicate your honor, you can’t seriously achieve it by betraying mine. We’ve both behaved abominably, I admit. We’ve both been weak and uncontrolled and given way completely and we shall suffer for it accordingly, you needn’t doubt that for a minute. We’re in a terrible mess, but we’re in it together and together we must remain—
Evelyn
I shall never be able to look Edward in the face again.
Carol
Will you be able to face him any better after you’ve told him?
Evelyn
Yes.
Carol
Why?
Evelyn
Because I shall have done the only decent thing left to me.
Carol
You’ll only succeed in making him suffer as well as yourself and me. Can’t you see the uselessness of it?
Evelyn
I can’t see him and talk to him with this shame between us.
Carol
You must—so must I. It’s the just penalty for what we’ve done. You said just now you never wanted to see me again. Well, I promise you you never shall—alone. You at least can go away. I can’t—I’ve got to stay and get through the next few months as best I can—
[There comes a ring at the front-door bell.]
Evelyn
[Pacing the room]
O God! what am I to do?
Carol
[Quickly]
Nothing—nothing yet, anyhow. Think sensibly and quietly—everything depends on your keeping calm—
[Berry enters and crosses over L. and exits.]
Evelyn
Is that Edward?
Carol
Yes, I expect so. He’s always forgetting his key.
Evelyn
[Terribly undecided]
Carol, I—
Carol
Promise you’ll do nothing yet.
Evelyn
I can’t—I—
Carol
[Whispering violently]
Promise me—wait a little—promise me. Will you promise me?
Evelyn
[Helplessly]
Yes.
[Berry re-enters.]
Berry
[Announcing]
Mrs. St. Merryn.
[Zoe enters briskly.]
Zoe
Good morning, Carol. I haven’t seen you for months. How are you?
Carol
[As they kiss]
Splendid. I heard you were back.
Zoe
Hallo, Evie!
Evelyn
[Coldly]
Good morning.
Zoe
I gather that Edward is expected?
Carol
Yes, he’ll be back at any minute.
Evelyn
Good-by.
[He goes out abruptly.]
Zoe
[Surprised]
That was one of the most sudden exits I’ve ever seen.
Carol
[Carelessly]
I think Evie’s upset about something.
Zoe
I didn’t think he was capable of it.
Carol
[Conventionally]
Are you glad to be back?
Zoe
Delighted. London’s looking so pretty with all the roads up.
Carol
[Absently]
Are they? I hadn’t noticed.
Zoe
I don’t see how you could fail to unless you travel exclusively in the underground.
Carol
Where are you staying?
Zoe
Claridge’s.
Carol
Oh!
Zoe
It’s so beautifully austere.
Carol
What?
Zoe
[Patiently]
I said it was so beautifully austere.
Carol
Oh yes, it is.
Zoe
You’re looking awfully well.
Carol
I am, frightfully well.
Zoe
Don’t you think I’m looking frightfully well?
Carol
Yes, you certainly are. Traveling obviously agrees with you.
Zoe
It’s so comforting to know that we both look so awfully well. Can I have a cigarette?
Carol
Yes, of course. I’m so sorry. Here—
[She hands her a box open.]
Zoe
Thank you, dear. There aren’t any in this box, but it doesn’t matter.
Carol
How annoying! Wait a minute. [She takes another box off a table, left.] Here—
Zoe
[Taking one]
You seem a little distrait this morning, if I may say so.
Carol
I’ve got rather a headache.
Zoe
I’m so sorry. You don’t look very well.
Carol
I think, if you’ll forgive me, I’ll go and take some aspirin.
Zoe
Of course. I should lie down until lunch if I were you.
Carol
Perhaps I will. Edward’s certain to be in soon.
Zoe
I’ll be perfectly happy waiting.
Carol
You must come and dine one night.
Zoe
I’d adore to.
Carol
Good-by for the present, dear.
[She kisses her.]
Zoe
Good-by. I’m sorry you’re so seedy. I’m afraid you’ve been overdoing it lately.
Carol
[Irritatedly]
Overdoing what?
Zoe
[Vaguely]
Oh, everything.
Carol
No, I haven’t.
Zoe
I’m so glad.
[Carol goes out. Zoe wanders round the room, smiling to herself, examining various portraits, etc. After a moment Edward enters.]
Edward
Zoe! How long have you been here?
Zoe
Only a few minutes.
Edward
I’ve been out in the Park.
Zoe
I didn’t know it was still there.
Edward
I’m afraid you’re finding the old town sadly changed.
Zoe
I’m sure it’s much more hygienic now.
Edward
Have you seen Carol?
Zoe
Yes. She’s just gone to bed.
Edward
Gone to bed?
Zoe
She said she had a headache.
Edward
How do you think she’s looking?
Zoe
[Laughing]
Awfully well.
Edward
What are you laughing at?
Zoe
Carol always makes me laugh.
Edward
Why?
Zoe
She’s so consistent.
Edward
Are you lunching with me?
Zoe
If you like. I’ve got to go to Sloane Street first and look at Mary Phillip’s house. She wants to let it to me.
Edward
Pick me up here on the way back.
Zoe
I really came to ask you to dine to-night and go to a play.
Edward
I’d love to. What do you want to see?
Zoe
A nice clean play, please, Edward.
Edward
Splendid. We shan’t have any trouble getting seats.
Zoe
I’m so old-fashioned—I like love stories without the slightest suggestion of sex.
Edward
You ought to be a critic.
Zoe
You’re an awfully nice person to come back to!
Edward
[Smiling]
Am I?
Zoe
Yes. One picks up the threads exactly where they were dropped.
Edward
They were never dropped.
Zoe
Carol’s an awful fool.
Edward
Why?
Zoe
She could hold you if she wanted to.
Edward
Don’t be tiresome, Zoe.
Zoe
What are you going to do about it?
Edward
About what?
Zoe
Do you really want me to be explicit?
Edward
No. I know perfectly well what you mean.
Zoe
You’re wasting time.
Edward
Not at all. I’m working hard.
Zoe
You said that yesterday and it was no more convincing then than it is now.
Edward
It’s true.
Zoe
Perhaps, but rather beside the point.
Edward
What is the point?
Zoe
Your happiness.
Edward
What beautiful thoughts you have, Zoe.
Zoe
Don’t be flippant.
Edward
Flippancy alleviates my boredom with the whole subject.
Zoe
Are you sure you’re not confusing boredom with lack of moral courage?
Edward
Possibly.
Zoe
Well, don’t.
Edward
I refuse to be dominated, Zoe—even by you!
Zoe
[Smiling]
That’s right, dear.
Edward
And don’t laugh at me.
Zoe
I always have. I fail to see why I should stop now.
Edward
I resent it bitterly.
Zoe
Dear Edward.
Edward
What do you expect me to do?
Zoe
Deliver an ultimatum.
Edward
That would be stepping out of my character.
Zoe
Nonsense!
Edward
I am essentially a weak-minded man.
Zoe
Nothing of the sort—you’re a lazy idealist.
Edward
That sounds delightful.
Zoe
So it is in theory; in practice it’s sterility personified.
Edward
You’re terribly didactic.
Zoe
I’m trying to rouse you.
Edward
Why?
Zoe
Because you’re discontented and unhappy.
Edward
I never said so.
Zoe
You don’t need to—it’s written all over you.
Edward
You think I’d be happier if I bashed about making scenes and delivering ultimatums?
Zoe
Certainly—you at least might achieve something.
Edward
What, for instance?
Zoe
Freedom!
Edward
That’s a myth.
Zoe
Oh no, it isn’t.
Edward
In this case it’s impossible.
Zoe
Why?
Edward
[Turning away]
Oh, don’t let’s discuss it any more.
Zoe
You are annoying, Edward.
Edward
Evie went on like that for hours yesterday.
Zoe
Evie?
Edward
Yes. He seemed to advocate violence as being the best method.
Zoe
He would.
Edward
He even offered to teach Carol a lesson.
Zoe
What sort of lesson?
Edward
He didn’t explain.
Zoe
Poor Evie.
Edward
You needn’t despise him so utterly. He’s a good sort.
Zoe
He’s the quintessence of masculine complacency.
Edward
I’m sure it’s a great comfort to him. I wish I was.
Zoe
Evie will get into trouble one of these days. He’s too worldly.
Edward
If I were free, Zoe, would you marry me?
Zoe
Edward!
Edward
I suddenly thought of it.
Zoe
[Laughing]
This is terribly sudden.
Edward
Don’t be silly.
Zoe
You must give me time to think.
Edward
Do shut up and be serious.
Zoe
I have a vague feeling that your proposal is a little previous.
Edward
It wasn’t a proposal—just an idea.
Zoe
Not exactly an original one. We discussed it all ages ago.
Edward
And whose fault was it that it never came off?
Zoe
[Promptly]
Yours.
Edward
Zoe, how can you? It was entirely yours.
Zoe
Nonsense! I was dead set on it.
Edward
You refused me and rushed off to Africa.
Zoe
You can’t call Algiers Africa.
Edward
It is, all the same.
Zoe
If you’d loved me enough, you’d have followed me.
Edward
I was waiting for you to come back.
Zoe
Let’s stop talking about it—it’s rather painful.
Edward
We weren’t in love, really, anyhow.
Zoe
Weren’t we?
Edward
I don’t know.
Zoe
It’s all very difficult.
Edward
Yes.
Zoe
I think I shall go away again soon.
Edward
Oh, Zoe, please don’t!
Zoe
It’s going to be awkward if I stay.
Edward
No, it isn’t.
Zoe
We’re both on rather dangerous ground.
Edward
I don’t see why.
Zoe
Yes, you do, perfectly.
Edward
I do not.
Zoe
If I stay, we shall probably fall in love properly—we’re both at a perilous age.
Edward
What if we do?
Zoe
It would be too horrible, with all this Carol business going on and everything.
Edward
You’re crossing your bridges before you come to them.
Zoe
I shall go, all the same.
Edward
That is rank cowardice.
Zoe
No, it isn’t; it’s sound sense.
Edward
It will be beastly for me.
Zoe
Not so beastly as if I stayed, really—in the long run.
Edward
What could happen?
Zoe
Oh, the usual thing, I suppose—we should have an affair and spoil everything.
Edward
I don’t see why.
Zoe
You’re being very obstinate this morning.
Edward
If I were in love with you at all, it would be in a very nice, restrained way.
Zoe
We should both tire of that very quickly.
Edward
Zoe, how can you be so unpleasant?
Zoe
I’m only facing facts.
Edward
We’ve been together a good deal in the past.
Zoe
I know.
Edward
And everything was above reproach.
Zoe
Entirely.
Edward
Well, why can’t we go on like that?
Zoe
Because even if we do, people will say we don’t.
Edward
What does that matter?
Zoe
It matters a lot. I’ve had enough squalor in the past few years to last me for life.
Edward
Yes, but I don’t see—
Zoe
Also I have a strange aversion to coming between man and wife.
Edward
Oh, shut up, Zoe.
Zoe
It’s true. I suffer from a pre-war conscience.
Edward
There’s no question of that, really.
Zoe
Don’t be silly. Of course there is.
Edward
Carol wouldn’t care.
Zoe
What difference does that make? Really, Edward, you’re being horribly flaccid over the whole thing!
Edward
Don’t let’s argue about it.
Zoe
All right.
Edward
But please don’t go away again—just yet.
Zoe
I’ll think it over, Edward.
Edward
You’ve depressed me terribly.
Zoe
I’m sorry.
Edward
It’s all such a hopeless muddle.
Zoe
It needn’t be.
Edward
I’d no idea you were so designing.
Zoe
What a horrid thing to say!
Edward
It’s true though, isn’t it?
Zoe
Absolutely.
Edward
Oh, Zoe—
Zoe
I must go.
Edward
Remember lunch.
Zoe
I’ll pick you up here.
Edward
No, don’t—I’ll meet you.
Zoe
Where?
Edward
Berkeley—one o’clock.
Zoe
I’m sure to be late.
Edward
So am I.
Zoe
Good-by, dear.
[She goes up to him and kisses him lightly.]
Edward
Zoe!
Zoe
That was part of the design!
[She goes out. Edward walks up and down irritably for a moment, then lights a cigarette and flings himself into an armchair. The telephone rings. He gives an exclamation of annoyance and rises to answer it.]
Edward
[At telephone]
Hallo!... Yes—yes.... Who is it speaking?... No, I’m afraid you can’t. She isn’t very well—
[Carol enters in time to catch the last sentence.]
Carol
Who is it?
Edward
Oh.... Hold on, please.... Harry Challoner.
[He hands her the telephone curtly and goes over to the window.]
Carol
[At telephone]
Hallo!... Yes, it’s me.... No—no, I can’t. I’m sorry.... All right, if you like.... I’ll be in between six and seven.... Yes.... Good-by.
[She hangs up the receiver and looks toward Edward who has his back turned. She is about to go out again, when he turns.]
Edward
Carol.
Carol
Yes?
Edward
I want to talk to you.
Carol
Is anything the matter?
Edward
Yes. Sit down, will you?
Carol
[Sitting]
If you like.
Edward
I want to get things settled.
Carol
Get things settled?
Edward
Yes.
Carol
What sort of things?
Edward
Our exact relationship.
Carol
What do you mean?
Edward
Just that.
Carol
I don’t understand.
Edward
I think you do.
Carol
[By now extremely apprehensive]
I don’t Edward, honestly.
Edward
Do you intend to pursue your present course indefinitely?
Carol
What are you talking about?
Edward
Infidelity.
Carol
Are you insinuating that I—
Edward
I’m insinuating nothing. I’m stating that you have been unfaithful to me.
Carol
[Rising]
Edward!
Edward
[Firmly]
Sit down. This is not a scene—it’s a process of readjustment. Please let us keep it as brief as possible.
Carol
[Sinking down]
How can you be so horrible!
Edward
Do you deny it?
Carol
Of course I do.
Edward
Carol, let me disillusion you. I’m not bluffing. I know. I’ve known for ages. It’s no use wasting time denying and arguing. We must decide what’s to be done about it.
Carol
How can you be so foul!
Edward
[Wearily]
Oh, Carol, do stop acting.
Carol
You’re insufferable.
Edward
Once and for all will you be sensible?
Carol
I hate you.
Edward
That would be beautifully definite if you weren’t so unreliable.
Carol
Do you want me to hate you?
Edward
To be honest with you, I really don’t mind.
Carol
[Outraged]
Edward!
Edward
Don’t be a fool, Carol.
Carol
How dare you! How dare you!
Edward
We will face facts, please.
Carol
[Rising]
I’m not going to stay here and be insulted.
Edward
You’re not being insulted—it’s I who have been insulted. You’ve been publicly underrating my intelligence for months.
Carol
That’s what’s upsetting you, is it?
Edward
Certainly it is. I wish you’d sit down.
Carol
I’m going to my room.
Edward
You’re only temporarily evading the issues by doing that.
Carol
What’s the object of all this?
Edward
The object, as I said before, is to get our relationship satisfactorily defined.
Carol
[With grandeur]
It’s satisfactorily defined now as far as I am concerned.
Edward
I would prefer the satisfaction to be mutual.
Carol
You think you’re very clever, don’t you?
Edward
What a common remark! You’ll be sticking your tongue out at me in a minute.
Carol
I suppose Zoe has been putting you up to this.
Edward
Meaning that I have no initiative of my own anyhow?
Carol
Exactly.
Edward
That’s charming of you—and fits in beautifully with your behavior during the last year.
Carol
Are you in love with me still?
Edward
Do you expect me to be?
Carol
Are you?
Edward
No, Carol.
Carol
I see.
Edward
All of which is beside the point.
Carol
No, it isn’t. If you loved me you’d never say such things to me.
Edward
I admit that it would be more comfortable for you if I just suffered and suffered in silence.
Carol
You’re too unemotional to be capable of any suffering.
Edward
Do you imagine you’re putting up a good defense for yourself?
Carol
I’m not attempting to.
Edward
That brings us to my ultimatum.
Carol
[With a forced laugh]
Ultimatum! Really Edward!
Edward
You’ve been unfaithful to me three times during the past year—Maurice Verney, Geoffrey Poole, and now Harry Challoner!
Carol
[Blanching slightly]
Edward!
Edward
All three married men, which adds considerably to the general sordidness of the whole business.
Carol
[Losing control]
I will not be spoken to like this!
Edward
[With sudden force]
Be quiet! Do you still deny it?
Carol
[More dimly]
No.
Edward
That’s better.
Carol
[Sullenly]
I’m sorry.
Edward
That’s too sudden to be convincing.
Carol
[Breaking up slightly; after a long pause]
What are you going to do?
Edward
Wait until next time.
Carol
Next time?
Edward
Yes.
Carol
And what then?
Edward
I shall divorce you.
Carol
Edward!
Edward
I mean it. Whether the man happens to be married or single will not make the slightest difference.
Carol
[Looking down]
I see.
Edward
Is that quite clear?
Carol
Quite.
Edward
Incidentally, I wish you to give up Harry Challoner entirely. I object to you even being seen with such a second-rate bounder.
Carol
[Looking at him]
Very well.
Edward
We’ll both do our best to forget the whole thing. We can get along perfectly well together with a little effort.
Carol
There’s no more, is there?
Edward
No, that’s all.
[Carol goes slowly toward the door in silence. Her expression is very thoughtful. When she reaches the door she turns.]
Carol
[In a different voice]
Edward.
Edward
Yes?
Carol
Please forgive me.
Edward
Forgiveness in this case is surely rather unimportant.
Carol
Oh, please, please—
[She bursts into tears and goes toward him]
Edward
Now then, Carol—
Carol
[Standing in front of him weeping]
You must forgive me—you must!
Edward
All right.
Carol
I didn’t love any of them—I swear I didn’t.
Edward
[Turning away irritably]
Oh, Carol—
Carol
You’ve been utterly indifferent to me for ages.
Edward
Naturally.
Carol
No, but before—I mean before—last year you stopped loving me.
Edward
Please don’t go on like this.
Carol
It’s true—it’s true. I was lonely.
Edward
Don’t talk such utter nonsense.
Carol
[Working herself up]
It isn’t nonsense—it’s you I love really all the time. I hate Harry Challoner, really. I’ve been trying to break with him for ages. I made a vow weeks ago that I’d never be unfaithful to you again—honestly I did, I swear it. I’m sick of everybody. I wanted to ask you to take me away abroad somewhere, but I didn’t dare—you had so much work to do—and you were so cold and horrid. Edward—Edward—you’ve got to love me again—you must. I shall go mad if you don’t. Please—Edward darling.
[She flings herself into his arms.]
Edward
[Gently disentangling himself]
There now—it’s all right. Do stop.
[He kisses her dutifully]
Carol
I feel so bitterly ashamed.
Edward
Stop crying.
Carol
I swear I’ll be good. I swear I will.
Edward
That’s right. Now control yourself.
Carol
I’ll never see Harry again.
Edward
Very well. For Heaven’s sake stop crying.
Carol
I do love you really, you know. That’s what makes it so awful.
Edward
Pull yourself together.
Carol
[Dabbing her eyes]
I’ll try.
Edward
Go and lie down and take something.
Carol
What shall I take?
Edward
Aspirin, I should think.
Carol
I had some just now.
Edward
Have some more.
Carol
All right. Oh, God!
[She goes out slowly, still half sobbing. Edward heaves a sigh of mingled relief and irritation, he again flings himself into an armchair. Then comes the sound of the front-door bell. He groans. Berry enters from R.]
Edward
Whoever it is, Berry, I’m out.
Berry
Very good, sir. [He goes out L. After a moment he re-enters.] I’m very sorry, sir; it’s Major Bathurst. The porter downstairs told him you’d just come in; he’s called already this morning.
Edward
Nobody told me. You’d better show him in.
Berry
Yes, sir. [He goes out and returns, announcing] Major Bathurst.
[Evelyn comes in. He looks more harassed than ever. Berry goes out.]
Edward
Hallo, Evie!
Evelyn
[Haltingly]
Edward—I—I’ve come to say good-by.
Edward
[Surprised]
Good-by!
Evelyn
Yes. I came earlier this morning, but you were out.
Edward
But where on earth are you going?
Evelyn
Australia.
Edward
Why Australia?
Evelyn
[Weakly]
I’ve always wanted to go to Australia.
Edward
What do you mean?
Evelyn
I mean I’ve got to go there on business.
Edward
It’s very sudden, isn’t it?
Evelyn
Yes. I had a wire from my brother.
Edward
I didn’t know he was in Australia.
Evelyn
He isn’t. He’s in Cheltenham, but he sent me a wire saying I ought to go out there at once.
Edward
What’s the matter with you, Evie?
Evelyn
Nothing.
Edward
You’re not only telling me extremely fatuous lies, but you look like death.
Evelyn
They’re not lies. I—
Edward
Don’t he an ass. Have a drink.
Evelyn
No—I don’t want a drink.
Edward
What’s wrong?
Evelyn
There’s nothing wrong.
Edward
You’d better tell me, you know.
Evelyn
I want to tell you.
Edward
Come on, then.
Evelyn
I’ve got to tell you.
Edward
Out with it.
Evelyn
But I can’t.
Edward
Surely that’s rather silly.
Evelyn
I tried to shoot myself this morning.
Edward
You what!!!
Evelyn
Tried to shoot myself.
Edward
[Alarmed]
In God’s name, why?
Evelyn
[Brokenly]
Oh, Edward!
Edward
Evie, what has happened?
Evelyn
I’m the filthiest cad in the world.
Edward
Don’t be ridiculous.
Evelyn
Our friendship is over forever.
Edward
[With irritation]
Do stop all this melodrama, Evie, and tell me what’s the matter.
Evelyn
I’ve betrayed you, utterly.
Edward
[In great astonishment]
Betrayed me?
Evelyn
[Looking down]
Yes.
Edward
How?
Evelyn
[Brokenly]
Carol!
Edward
Carol! Well, what about her?
Evelyn
Carol dined with me last night.
Edward
Oh, did she?
Evelyn
And—and—O my God!
[He sinks into a chair by the table and leans his head on his arms.]
Edward
[In amazement]
You don’t seriously mean to tell me—
Evelyn
[In muffled tones]
Yes.
Edward
You and Carol!
Evelyn
Yes.
Edward
This is too much!
[He bursts out laughing.]
Evelyn
[Looking up astounded]
Edward!
Edward
I can’t bear it.
[He laughs louder.]
Evelyn
[Rising]
Edward—old man—please—
Edward
[Helplessly]
It’s unbelievable—incredible. Oh dear!
[He collapses on the window seat.]
Evelyn
[Approaching him]
Edward—for God’s sake—
Edward
[Weakly]
Don’t come near me. I shall be all right in a minute.
Evelyn
[With growing anger]
You must be mad.
Edward
I certainly feel very strange.
[He goes into fits of laughter again.]
Evelyn
[Outraged]
Edward—do you realize what I’ve just told you?
Edward
[Trying to control himself]
Yes—perfectly.
Evelyn
And you can laugh!
Edward
Will you hand me a cigarette, please?
Evelyn
[Irately]
Look here, Edward—
Edward
[With sudden firmness]
Will you hand me a cigarette, please.
Evelyn
Here.
[He offers him his case.]
Edward
Thanks. [He takes one.] Light.
Evelyn
Here.
[He strikes a match.]
Edward
Thanks. I feel better now.
Evelyn
Well! What are you going to do about it?
Edward
Ring that bell, will you? By the door.
Evelyn
I can find my own way out.
Edward
[Firmly]
You’re not going yet. Ring the bell, please.
[Evelyn looks at him and then goes and rings the bell.]
Evelyn
Look here, Edward, I came here this morning because I felt I owed it to our friendship to confess the truth to you—
Edward
You’re out of your depth, Evie—far, far out of your depth.
Evelyn
I don’t know what you mean.
Edward
This is reality, not fiction.
[Berry enters.]
Berry
You rang, sir?
Edward
Will you ask your mistress to come down immediately, please, Berry? It’s very important.
Berry
Yes, sir.
[He goes out.]
Evelyn
[Panic-stricken]
Edward, this is not fair of you.
Edward
[Unceremoniously]
Shut up.
Evelyn
This is between us.
Edward
The three of us, Evie—what’s known, I believe, as the eternal triangle.
Evelyn
Let me tell you one thing—what happened was not deliberate.
Edward
You prefer to be thought a fool rather than a cad!
Evelyn
Yes, if you like to put it that way.
Edward
How typical!
Evelyn
I only asked Carol to dine, in the first place, for your sake.
Edward
For my sake?
Evelyn
Yes, I intended to teach her a lesson.
Edward
And she ended up by teaching you one.
Evelyn
[Utterly shocked]
Edward!
Edward
Men of your sort should stick to athletics and not attempt physiology.
Evelyn
I deserve that.
Edward
[Agreeably]
Fully.
[Carol enters from R. She starts visibly on seeing Evelyn.]
Carol
What’s the matter?
Edward
Don’t look so surprised, Carol. It’s terribly irritating.
Carol
I don’t understand.
Edward
I gather that you and Evie—
Evelyn
[Wounded by such frankness]
Edward!
Carol
[Looking at Evelyn]
You cad!
Edward
It was very unpleasant of you, Carol—
Carol
[Appealingly]
Edward, please—
Edward
I should like to know how it all happened.
Evelyn
I told you—I—
Edward
Carol will you explain, please?
Carol
Certainly not.
Edward
Very well. You must allow me to reconstruct it for myself.
Evelyn
Surely this is unnecessary.
Edward
That is entirely for me to decide.
Carol
You’re being unbelievably cheap.
Edward
[Mildly]
Really, Carol—keep a slight grip on your values.
Evelyn
Say what you like. I don’t care.
Edward
It wouldn’t make the slightest difference if you did.
Evelyn
Damned ungenerous.
Edward
Shut up and don’t be an ass. You and Carol have brought about this abominable situation. It’s up to you to keep quiet and let me straighten it out in my own way.
Evelyn
[Turning away]
Very well.
Edward
Thank you. Now then—Evie, you asked Carol to dine with you alone at your flat?
Evelyn
Yes.
Edward
Why?
Evelyn
I told you.
Edward
In order to teach her a lesson.
Carol
Oh, this is insufferable.
Edward
You’re perfectly right, it is. I gather that the first part of the lesson, Evie, necessitated you making love to her. Am I right?
Evelyn
[Impatiently]
Oh yes—
Edward
And then what?
[Turning]
Evelyn
Look here, Edward, I’m damned if I’m going to listen to this any longer—
Carol
Neither am I!
Edward
Tell me the truth, then, Carol. It will simplify matters considerably. Do you love Evie?
Carol
No.
Edward
Then why, if it’s not an indelicate question, did you—
Carol
[Violently]
Because he insulted me and tried to humiliate me and I determined to show him that he wasn’t as clever as he thought he was.
Edward
Admirable. You, Evie, had the ineffable conceit to pit your meager experience of the world against an extremely attractive and obviously unscrupulous woman. You then give in to her completely despite the fact that she is the wife of your friend; and not content with that, you turn on her afterward, work yourself up into a frenzy of false melodramatic values, rush round here and blurt it out to me doubtless under the delusion that by uncovering the whole shameful business you are vindicating your own honor! Oh, Evie, what a pitiful fool you are!
Evelyn
It’s no use blackguarding me any more, is it? What are you going to do about it?
Edward
I don’t quite know yet.
Carol
There’s nothing to be done.
Edward
You’re too sure of yourself, Carol—you always have been.
Evelyn
I wish to God I had shot myself.
Edward
It’s a little late to think of that now.
Evelyn
You’re being unnecessarily cruel, Edward.
Edward
I’m afraid I’m a bitter disappointment to you both. You see emotionally I’m unmoved. The capacity for feeling very deeply over Carol died a long while ago.
Evelyn
I should have thought that for the sake of our friendship—
Edward
That’s sheer cant. You’ve considerably over-estimated our friendship for years. If you care to analyze it honestly you’ll discover that we both bore one another stiff and always have. We were at school together—in different forms—since when we’ve dined together on an average of once a month. We’ve confided our troubles superficially for the want of something to talk about. We’re poles apart mentally and physically; we’ve built up this so-called great friendship on a basis of false tradition, and the only reason I realized it first is because my brain functions quicker than yours—
Evelyn
[Shattered]
Edward!
Edward
And I should like to add—having naturally a more acute sense of sex psychology than you—that the reason you took such a fatal interest in Carol’s morals was not on my account at all, but because she’d snubbed you severely several times and you were probably very much attracted to her.
Evelyn
It’s not true. You’re disgusting.
Edward
Be that as it may, the solution to the whole thing is obvious.
Evelyn
What do you mean?
Edward
I’ll tell you. Carol, you must go away immediately.
Carol
[Horrified]
Edward—
Evelyn
[Stricken]
But—I—I—
Edward
Wait a moment. Let me explain. Carol, you and I have no longer the slightest justification for living together. If you go away abroad somewhere I will make it perfectly easy for you to divorce me. If you don’t agree to this, I shall file a petition against you at once, naming Evie as corespondent. That’s the second ultimatum I’ve delivered this morning and I’m feeling extremely tired.
[He sits down.]
Carol
Edward, you can’t mean this—you can’t.
Edward
I do. I mean it more than I’ve ever meant anything in my life.
Carol
[Bursting into tears of rage]
I won’t stand it. I won’t!
Edward
You’re not being very polite to Evie.
Evelyn
You think you’re being damned clever.
Edward
That’s been hurled at me so often just lately that I’m honestly beginning to believe I am.
Carol
You utter beast.
Edward
Well—what’s the decision?
Carol
[Wailing]
I’ll never speak to you again—never—never—never.
Edward
[Rising]
Evie?
Evelyn
[Gruffly]
You’d better give us time to think.
Edward
What is the time now, anyhow?
Evelyn
[Looking at his watch]
Twenty past one.
Edward
My God! I knew I should be late. I’ll be at the Berkeley if you want me.
[Edward goes out. Evelyn and Carol look after him and then at each other.]
[Carol after a pause walks over and sits next to Evie.]
Carol
Evie.
Evie
What?
Carol
[Sweetly]
There’s still time for you to shoot yourself!
Curtain