Act the Fifth
Scene I Justice Balance’s House
Enter Balance and Scale.
Scale. I say, ’tis not to be borne, Mr. Balance.
Bal. Lookye, Mr. Scale, for my own part I shall be very tender in what regards the officers of the army—I only speak in reference to Captain Plume—for the other spark I know nothing of.
Scale. Nor can I hear of any body that does—Oh! here they come.
Enter Sylvia, Bullock, Rose, Prisoners, and
Constable.
Const. May it please your worships, we took them in the very act, re infecta, sir—The gentleman, indeed, behaved himself like a gentleman, for he drew his sword and swore, and afterwards laid it down and said nothing.
Bal. Give the gentleman his sword again—Wait you without. [Exeunt Constable and Watch.] I’m sorry, sir, [To Sylvia.] to know a gentleman upon such terms, that the occasion of our meeting should prevent the satisfaction of an acquaintance.
Syl. Sir, you need make no apology for your warrant, no more than I shall do for my behaviour—my innocence is upon an equal foot with your authority.
Scale. Innocence! have you not seduced that young maid?
Syl. No, Mr. Goosecap, she seduced me.
Bul. So she did, I’ll swear—for she proposed marriage first.
Bal. What, then you are married, child? [To Rose.
Rose. Yes, sir, to my sorrow.
Bal. Who was witness?
Bul. That was I—I danc’d, threw the stocking, and spoke jokes by their bedside, I’m sure.
Bal. Who was the minister?
Bul. Minister! we are soldiers, and want no minister—they were married by the articles of war.
Bal. Hold thy prating, fool——Your appearance, sir, promises some understanding; pray, what does this fellow mean?
Syl. He means marriage, I think—but that, you know, is so odd a thing, that hardly any two people under the sun agree in the ceremony; but among soldiers ’tis most sacred—our sword, you know, is our honour, that we lay down—the Hero jumps over it first, and the Amazon after—Leap, rogue; follow, whore—the drum beats a ruff, and so to bed: that’s all: the ceremony is concise.
Bul. And the prettiest ceremony, so full of pastime and prodigality——
Bal. What! are you a soldier?
Bul. Ay, that I am—Will your worship lend me your cane, and I’ll show you how I can exercise?
Bal. Take it. [Strikes him over the Head.]—Your name, pray, sir? [To Sylvia.
Syl. Captain Pinch: I cock my hat with a pinch, I take snuff with a pinch, pay my whores with a pinch; in short, I can do any thing at a pinch but fight.
Bal. And pray, sir, what brought you into Shropshire?
Syl. A pinch, sir: I know you country gentlemen want wit, and you know that we town gentlemen want money, and so——
Bal. I understand you, sir—Here, constable——
Enter Constable.
Take this gentleman into custody, till further orders.
Rose. Pray, your worship, don’t be uncivil to him, for he did me no hurt; he’s the most harmless man in the world, for all he talks so.
Scale. Come, come, child, I’ll take care of you.
Syl. What, gentlemen, rob me of my freedom and my wife at once! ’tis the first time they ever went together.
Bal. Harkye, constable. [Whispers him.
Const. It shall be done, sir—come along, sir.
[Exeunt Constable, Bullock, and Sylvia.
Bal. Come, Mr. Scale, we’ll manage the spark presently.
[Exeunt.