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Gay Gods and Merry Mortals

by Robert J. Shores

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Proserpina

“Forth reaching to the fruit, she pluk’d, she eat;
Earth felt the wound, and Nature from her seat
Sighing through all her works gave signs of woe
That all was lost.
”

—Milton.

ON Aetna’s isle Dis Pluto drove
    His devil-wagon one fine day,
And passing through fair Enna’s grove
  Beheld Proserpina at play;
    He asked, “Will you not take a ride?”
    “You’re very kind,” the maid replied,
    And stepped into his turn-out swell;
    And that was how she went to hell.

For Pluto, whipping up his team,
  Sped on toward Tartarus in mirth,
And when opposed by Cyane’s stream,
  He took a short-cut through the earth.
    Nor paused, nor drew his rein before
    He heard Cerberus’ welcome roar,
    And sniffed the smell of singeing soul
    By which he knew he’d reached his goal.

Ceres, Proserpina’s mamma,
  Was almost crazed with grief and fear;
(As to Proserpina’s papa,
  His name I never chanced to hear),
    She cursed for all that she was worth
    The crops and fruits of Mother Earth;
    “You’ll bear no fruit,” she told the Ground,
    “Until my Prossie has been found!”

Jove, who beheld the farmer’s need,
  And saw the season’s crops all fail,
Said, “This is Cereous, indeed,
  That fellow Dis should be in jail!”
    “I think,” said Juno, “’twere as well—
    It does no good to give him hell;”
    And so it might have been decreed
    But for one small pomegranate seed.

In Hades Ceres’ daughter sweet
  Was offered luscious bread and jam,
But she was much too cross to eat
  And even scorned the deviled ham;
    Until at last she made a slip
    And swallowed a pomegranate pip;
    Now, they who eat in hell—alack!
    To earth may never more come back.

The Moral is—don’t take a chance
  Joy-riding with a strange chauffeur,
Remember this sad circumstance
  Or you will get in trouble sure.
    If you must go—don’t go alone,
    The devil hates a chaperone.
    So mind the pips and look alive—
    Dis Pluto often goes to drive!

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