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The Lincoln Story Book

by Henry L. Williams

312 sections · Download EPUB

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  1. 1Preface
  2. 2Lincoln Calendar
  3. 3Childish Rime
  4. 4The Little Hatchet Did It
  5. 5The Little Hatchet Again Turns Up
  6. 6Lincoln’s Wedding-Song
  7. 7“Risk the Hogs and I Will Risk Myself!”
  8. 8The Rest Was Vile
  9. 9“No Heaping Coals of Fire on That Head”
  10. 10Stumping the Stump-Speaker
  11. 11Making the Wool, Not Feathers, Fly
  12. 12Log-Rolling to Save Lives
  13. 13Lincoln’s First Dollar
  14. 14Conviction Through a Thrashing
  15. 15Boating on Ground “A Leetle Damp”
  16. 16The Initiator Installed
  17. 17The Horrors for the Third Time!
  18. 18The Whistle That Stopped the Boat
  19. 19It Is the Deed, Not the Doer
  20. 20Turn Out or Be Turned Out
  21. 21The Best Thing to Take
  22. 22Drinking and Swallowing Are Two Things
  23. 23Worsted in a Horse-Trade
  24. 24How Many Short Breaths?
  25. 25Lincoln’s Height
  26. 26Measures and Men
  27. 27The Prize for Homeliness
  28. 28How Long Legs Should Be
  29. 29Long Meter
  30. 30He Used to Be “Good on the Chop”
  31. 31A Man Who Can Scratch His Shins Without Stooping
  32. 32Struck by the Dead Hand
  33. 33This Clinches It
  34. 34Lincoln’s First Love-Story
  35. 35A Put-Up Job — Or Chance?
  36. 36Lincoln’s Marriage
  37. 37The Burlesque Duel
  38. 38“Wanting to Dance the Worst Way”
  39. 39He Did Not Know His Own House
  40. 40The Only One Who Dared “Pull Wool Over Lincoln’s Eyes”
  41. 41The Long and Short of It
  42. 42The “Lex Talionis” Christianized
  43. 43The Slave-Dealer
  44. 44The Negro Home, or Agitation!
  45. 45Lincoln’s Vow
  46. 46“Den I Takes to de Woods!”
  47. 47The Unpardonable Crime
  48. 48Beyond the Boon
  49. 49Vain as the Pope’s Bull Against the Comet
  50. 50A Volunteer Captaincy Worth Two Dollars
  51. 51Getting the Company Column Through “Endwise”
  52. 52Regular and Irregular
  53. 53Knowing When to Give in
  54. 54A Fruitful Speech
  55. 55A Captain Challenged by His Men
  56. 56General McClellan’s Opinion of Lincoln as a Lawyer
  57. 57Kentuckians Are Clanny
  58. 58Not to Be Thought of!
  59. 59Hooking Hens Is Low!
  60. 60As Clear as Moonshine
  61. 61“Nice Clothes May Make a Handsome Man — Even of You!”
  62. 62The Abutment Was Dubersome
  63. 63Lincoln’s First Political Speech
  64. 64A Lightning-Rod to Protect a Guilty Conscience!
  65. 65Firing on a Flea for a Squirrel
  66. 66The Cream of the Joke
  67. 67Parallel Courses — Jumping Jim Crow!
  68. 68Facts Are Stubborn Things
  69. 69The Party Gad
  70. 70Hard to Beat!
  71. 71“I Reckon I Took More Than My Share”
  72. 72Lincoln Was Loaded for Bear
  73. 73The Art of Being Paid to Eat
  74. 74A Vice Not to Say “No!”
  75. 75The Best Car!
  76. 76Self-Made
  77. 77His High Mightiness
  78. 78Lincoln’s Opinion at Thirty
  79. 79The Blank Biography
  80. 80“The Homeliest Man Under Government”
  81. 81Better Looking Than Expected
  82. 82Lincoln and Superstition
  83. 83Lincoln’s Dream
  84. 84Lincoln’s Vision
  85. 85“It Is a Poor Sermon That Does Not Hit Somewhere”
  86. 86The Religion of Feeling
  87. 87The Two Prayers
  88. 88More Praying and Less Swearing!
  89. 89Gloves or No Gloves
  90. 90The Use of Books · Lincoln’s Book Criticism — The Hand-to-Hand Enco…
  91. 91Better Sometimes Right Than All Times Wrong
  92. 92Making the Dagger Stab the Holder
  93. 93The Tail of the Kite · No Day Without a Line — Truth and the People
  94. 94The Eloquent Hand
  95. 95Woman — To Think and to Do Well
  96. 96The Trap to Catch a Douglas
  97. 97Practise Before and Behind “The Bar”
  98. 98Connubial Amity
  99. 99The Model Whisky-Barrel
  100. 100Fighting Out of One Coat Into the Other
  101. 101The Promising Face!
  102. 102The Concert on “Dred Scott”
  103. 103Playing Cuttlefish
  104. 104A Voice From the Dead
  105. 105Come One, Come All!
  106. 106Assisting the Inevitable
  107. 107Self-Sacrifice
  108. 108A Fight Proves Nothing
  109. 109Pills to Purge Melancholy
  110. 110Giant and Giant-Killer — Lincoln’s “Sentiments” on a Mooted Point
  111. 111Chestnuts Under a Sycamore
  112. 112Still of Little Note
  113. 113The Tree-Toad and “Timotheus”
  114. 114Grounds for a Financial Estimate
  115. 115The Lincoln Non Sequitur
  116. 116Why So Many Common People
  117. 117Envy of a Humorist
  118. 118The Stopper on Journalistic “Gas”
  119. 119Salt Before Pepper
  120. 120“Matching” Stories
  121. 121The Only Discredit
  122. 122No Re-Lie-Ance of Them!
  123. 123No Vices — Few Virtues
  124. 124The Apples of His Eye
  125. 125The Whetstone Story
  126. 126“The Monarch of All He Surveyed”
  127. 127Men Have Faults Like Horses
  128. 128Lincoln’s Puns on Proper Names
  129. 129Not So Easy to Get Into Prison
  130. 130Lincoln the Great and Lincoln the Little
  131. 131“Go, Thou, and Do Likewise”
  132. 132A Good Listener
  133. 133Carried the Post-Matter in His Hat
  134. 134President Lincoln Dubbed Them the “Wide-Awakes”
  135. 135Trust to the Old Blue Sock
  136. 136If All Failed, He Could Go Back to the Old Trade!
  137. 137As a Light Porter
  138. 138Whiskered, to Please the Ladies and Get Votes
  139. 139After Votes
  140. 140The Highwayman’s Non Sequitur
  141. 141Beginning at the Head With Clothing
  142. 142One Happy Day
  143. 143Old Abe Will Look Better When His Hair Is Combed
  144. 144A Curious Combination — Abraham Lincoln
  145. 145The Snake Simile
  146. 146What’s in a Name? — Paying for Whisky He Did Not Drink
  147. 147“The Highest Merit to the Soldier”
  148. 148The Stokers as Brave as Any
  149. 149Try and Go as Far as You Can!
  150. 150Argument of “The Stub-Tailed Cow”
  151. 151Pegged or Sewed?
  152. 152Soldiering Apart From Politics
  153. 153A Time That Tried the Soul
  154. 154“Cabinet” Talk
  155. 155On the Blister-Bench
  156. 156Perfect Retaliation
  157. 157Let Down the Bars a Leetle
  158. 158Bottling That Wasp
  159. 159That King Lost His Head
  160. 160Swearing Like a Churchwarden
  161. 161“My Speeches Have Originality as Their Merit”
  162. 162Righting Wrong Hurts, but Does Good
  163. 163Stanton’s Service Was Worth His Sauce
  164. 164A Secret of the Interior
  165. 165All Staff and No Army
  166. 166No Man Is Indispensable
  167. 167Sleeping on Post Cancels a Commission
  168. 168My Question!
  169. 169Lincoln Guessed the First Time
  170. 170A Phantom Chase
  171. 171The Word Flies, but the Writ Remains
  172. 172The War-Lord
  173. 173File It Away!
  174. 174More “Shinplasters” to Heal the Sore
  175. 175Don’t Waste the Plug, but Use It!
  176. 176The Running Fever
  177. 177So Slow, a Hearse Ran Over Him!
  178. 178Blood-Shedding Remits Sins
  179. 179His “Leg Cases”
  180. 180How the Delinquent Soldier Paid His Debt
  181. 181“The Swearing Had to Be Done Then, or Not at All!”
  182. 182Displace the Thistles by Flowers
  183. 183Benevolence Is Beautiful
  184. 184A Rule Without Exception
  185. 185Even Rebels Might Be Saved
  186. 186Whipping Around the Stump
  187. 187“Life Too Precious to Be Lost”
  188. 188Mercy Has Precedence Over the Rigid
  189. 189Taken From Rebellion and Given to Loyalty
  190. 190Suspension Is Not Execution
  191. 191They Went Away Sicker Still
  192. 192Of Twenty Applicants, Nineteen Are Made Enemies
  193. 193Rid of an Office-Seeker
  194. 194Not Good Offices, but a Good Story
  195. 195Encourage Longing for Work
  196. 196Something Lincolnian All Could Take
  197. 197The Good Boy Gets on
  198. 198How McCulloch Was Constrained to Serve
  199. 199All Mouth and No Hands’ Class
  200. 200Hot and Cold the Same Breath
  201. 201Wanted the Jail Earnings
  202. 202A Title No Hindrance
  203. 203A Talker With Nothing to Say
  204. 204Stick to Your Business
  205. 205Marrying a Man Without His Consent
  206. 206“Accuse Not a Servant — — "
  207. 207A Wolf in a Trap Must Sacrifice His “Tail” to Be Free
  208. 208Somewhat of a Newsman
  209. 209“A Little More Light and a Little Less Noise”
  210. 210Angels Swearing Make No Difference
  211. 211Washington’s Difficult Task
  212. 212Steel and Steal
  213. 213“That’s What’s the Matter”
  214. 214“The Ship of State” Simile
  215. 215A Pill for the Public Printer
  216. 216“Let the Grass Grow Where It May!”
  217. 217The Peace-at-Any-Price Party
  218. 218Things Were Topsy-Turvy Aloft, Too
  219. 219Hitching to the Moon — A Red Flag to Him
  220. 220His Pen Wanted to Keep Their Hogs Safe
  221. 221Get Their Graves Ready!
  222. 222Mr. Lincoln’s Opinion of General McClellan
  223. 223A “Stationary” Engine
  224. 224Shoveling Fleas
  225. 225The Georgia Colonel’s Costume
  226. 226Coarse Feed First!
  227. 227With Two Guns, Hold Off an Army
  228. 228Breaking Up the Little Game
  229. 229“Master of Them Both”
  230. 230No Sunday Fighting
  231. 231Let a Good Man Alone!
  232. 232The “Blondin” Simile
  233. 233The Pioneer’s Land-Title
  234. 234“Cheers Not Military — But I Like Them!”
  235. 235Numbering the Hairs of His — Tail!
  236. 236An Unconventional Order
  237. 237Compliments Is All They Do Pay!
  238. 238Bail the Potomac With a Spoon
  239. 239Not “Shoulder-Straps,” but Hardtack
  240. 240“Maryland a Good State to Move From!”
  241. 241Don’t Swap Horses Crossing a Stream
  242. 242The Lincoln Plan of Campaign
  243. 243The Commander Should Obey Orders
  244. 244The Idlers Equaled the Effectives
  245. 245Rest!
  246. 246“I Can Bear Censure, but Not Insult!”
  247. 247A Battle of Roses
  248. 248“Help Me Let Go!”
  249. 249Splitting the Difference
  250. 250In the Inca’s Position
  251. 251“Blind” Fortune
  252. 252Little David and the Stone for Goliath
  253. 253Lincoln’s Cheese-Box on a Raft
  254. 254No “Dutch Courage”
  255. 255Brigadiers Cheap — Chargers Costly
  256. 256To Cure Singing in the Head
  257. 257Bowing to the Boy of Battles
  258. 258When Washington Was All One Tavern
  259. 259How Get Him Out?
  260. 260“A Pleasure to Preside, at Last!”
  261. 261On the Lord’s Side
  262. 262The Fox Appointed Paymaster
  263. 263Risking the Dictatorship
  264. 264A Stage in the Ceaseless March Onward to Victory
  265. 265Working for a Living Makes One Practical
  266. 266“Hold on and Chaw!”
  267. 267The Great National Job
  268. 268For Flaying a Man Alive
  269. 269The South Like an Ash-Cake
  270. 270Passes No Good for Richmond
  271. 271The Mayor Is the Better Horse
  272. 272The Real Thing Superior to the Sham Battle
  273. 273The Tool Turned on the Handle
  274. 274Too Busy to Go Into Another Business
  275. 275The Scale of Rebels
  276. 276One War at a Time
  277. 277“Agin’ the Government”
  278. 278Plowing Around a Log
  279. 279Not the Right “Clay” to Cement a Union
  280. 280“The Man Down South”
  281. 281The Dismembered “Yaller” Dog
  282. 282The Meteorological Omen
  283. 283Did She Take the Wink to Herself?
  284. 284Going Down With Colors Flying
  285. 285There Must Be the Bell-Mule
  286. 286The Grant Brand of Whisky
  287. 287A Fizzle Anyhow!
  288. 288If He Felt That Way — Start!
  289. 289Figures Will Prove Anything
  290. 290“I Don’t Want to — But That’s It If I Must Die!”
  291. 291Best Let an Elephant Go!
  292. 292History Repeats
  293. 293“Close Your Eyes!”
  294. 294Don’t Judge by Appearances
  295. 295“Went and Returned!”
  296. 296The Clear Foresight
  297. 297Do It “Unbeknownst”
  298. 298One Cannot die Twice
  299. 299No More Invidious Name-Calling
  300. 300“The United States of America the Treasury of the World”
  301. 301Lincoln’s Last Wish — Assassination
  302. 302A President, Not an Emperor
  303. 303The Plot to Waylay the President (1860)
  304. 304“I Don’t Believe There Is Any Danger!”
  305. 305Worry Till You Get Rid of Things
  306. 306The Fearlessness of the God-Fearing
  307. 307The Poisoning Plot
  308. 308Nothing Like Getting Used to Things!
  309. 309Most Afraid of a Friendly Shot
  310. 310The One Word He Had Learned
  311. 311Not to Disappoint the People
  312. 312Nothing Like Prayer — But Praise

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