The Character of the Cacklogallinians in General
THE Cacklogallinians were, in former Ages, a Wise and a Warlike Nation, both fear’d and esteem’d by their Neighbours. Their Blood was pure, without being mix’d with that of the Owls, Magpies, Eagles, Vulturs, Jays, Partridges, Herns, Hawks, or any other Species; the Scum of which Nation, by the Fertility of the Country, and the want of Foresight in the Cacklogallinians, has been allured to, and permitted to settle in Cacklogallinia, and by their Intermarriages has caused the great Degeneracy those Families, which have kept their Blood untainted, complain of.
The History of their Neighbours are standing Witnesses of the Worth of their Ancestors, and shew the vast Difference between the ancient and modern Cacklogallinians. The former, tho’ tenacious of their Liberty, were remarkable for their Loyalty; and each thought it his peculiar Interest zealously to promote that of the Publick. But not to be prolix in the Character of the old Cacklogallinians, I shall give it in few Words. They were what the English now are, Wise, Modest, Brave, Human, Loyal, Publick-spirited, capable of governing their own, and conquering other Kingdoms; Hospitable to Strangers: They encourag’d Merit, and abominated Flattery. A Pimp in those Days wou’d have starv’d, and even the Concubine of a Prince not been admitted among Hens of Virtue, tho’ to make the Fortune of a Husband. There was no Upstarts among the Nobility, and if any were rais’d to Titles, it was by Force of a conspicuous Merit, which gave a Lustre to the August Assembly in which he was enroll’d. Justice was impartially administer’d, and the selling of the People to a Prince or Minister, was a Villainy unknown. None bribed the People to chuse ’em for their Representatives; Posts in the Government were given to Fowls capable to serve it, without being burthened with this or that Family, nor were their Revenues loaded with Pensions to worthless and vicious Persons, and given for Services which would be a Disgrace to publish. Trade flourish’d, Money was plenty, none of their Neighbours durst encroach on their Commerce; their Taxes were inconsiderable: In a Word, as I before said, they were what our happy Nation now is, admired for the Prudence of their Administration at home, and the Terror of their Arms abroad. They are now directly the Reverse of what they were, and even in my Time, they were sinking in the Opinion of their Neighbours, who began to consider them as a declining Nation, which Alteration, I must own (for I love to speak the Truth) was not a little owing to the Administration of my Friend, the first Minister, who in taking upon him to manage the Interests of Nations, went out of his Depth, for Affairs of that Nature seemed to be above his Capacity. His Education, his Study, his Practice, were rather mercantile, than otherwise, and all that Knowledge which his Partizans boast so much in him, was confined to the Business of the Taxes, a Road in which he was (as it were) grown old, and to Money-Projects, which was owing to a strict Correspondence he always kept with certain projecting and mercantile People, and being used to carry all Points at home by Gold, he knew no other way of doing Business abroad; so that when their Neighbours used to differ among themselves, about some Points of Interest, and one Side or other stood in Need of the Assistance of the Cacklogallinians, they sometimes push’d themselves into the Quarrel, and perhaps paid great Sums of Money for the Favour of sending Armies to the Succour of one Side or other, so that they became the Tools which other Nations work’d with. They are naturally prone to Rebellion, have let the Cormorants chouse them out of several valuable Branches of their Commerce; and yet the Cormorants are People with whom they have kept the most lasting Friendship of all their Neighbours. They love War, and rather than not fight, they will give Money to be let into the Quarrel (as has been hinted before) they know beforehand, however victorious they may prove, nothing but Blows will fall to their Share. If they are under a mild Government, and grow rich, they are always finding Fault with their Superiors, and ever ready to revolt: But if they are oppress’d and kept poor, like our Spaniels, they fawn on their Masters, and seem in Love with Tyranny; which should any dare to speak against, he is esteem’d an Enemy to the Happiness of his Country. They are very proud, yet very mean in some Particulars, and will, for their Interest, sacrifice the Honour of their Families. They look upon nothing infamous but Poverty, for which Reason, the most scandalous Methods of procuring Riches, such as Lying, Robbing the Publick, Cheating Orphans, Pimping, Perjury, & c. are not look’d upon with evil Eyes, provided they prove successful. This Maxim holds with ’em, both in publick and private Affairs. I knew One rais’d from a Fowl of Three Foot Six Inches, to be a Makeseulsibi, a Post which rais’d him to Eight Foot Six, and is one of the greatest in the Kingdom. He is to instruct the Grandees, when in Council, in Points of Law, and is Guardian to all Orphans. Complaint was made to the Emperor, that he converted their Estates to his own Use, and left them all to starve; he was therefore, by the Emperor’s Consent, and to satisfy the People, brought to a Tryal. He answer’d, That he did not deny the Charge; but that he wanted the Money to make a Figure equal to his Post: However, the Enquiry discover’d his vast Acqusitions, and prov’d him to be so rich, that he was look’d upon with Respect, and he lived and died in as much Grandeur, and Tranquillity, as if he had been a Patriot, and at his Funeral, his great Service to his Country was blazon’d out in Figures and Hieroglyphicks by the Heralds; which being a thing I seem’d amaz’d at, and enquiring of many, how it came to pass, that a Fowl should be treated with Honour, who had been esteem’d an Oppressor? the common Answer was, he died rich, and that was enough for all Honours.