An Old-World Scruple
‘If you come back, which Heaven ordain, you’ll be all the more use to the priesthood,’ the Superintendent of Missions said. ‘Go and serve with our fearless and faithful, approach as an acolyte the altar of freedom. Supposing you don’t see your way to go, I would remind you of a certain passage about “Curse ye Meroz!” I need not insult your knowledge of the Scriptures by finishing my quotation.’
Osborne listened respectfully, but his eyes were looking far away, with dreams of the veld in them.
The Superintendent’s preaching of a sort of Christian Jehad appealed to him infinitesimally.
There was a silence. He knocked his pipe out, and offered the Superintendent a sundowner.
‘I’m glad to have had your opinion,’ he said. ‘I take it you don’t want me just now as a candidate for ordination?’
The Superintendent flushed and hesitated.
‘You mustn’t put it like that,’ he said almost irritably. ‘The decision rests with you, of course. Of course we want men now and want them badly. Yet I wouldn’t press my recruiting needs just now. It doesn’t seem to me the right time to do so. Afterwards.... '
He gulped and spluttered as the big words rushed so fast to his lips.
He was enlarging on the big days for God’s priesthood, when the war, please God, should be over. Big days, that is to say, if the only sort of fit and proper issue should be reached, as doubtless it would be before long.
‘You mean a complete knock-out for the other side?’ his hearer interpolated crudely.
‘I mean a supreme vindication of our holy cause,’ amended the Superintendent with conviction.
Then they changed the subject.
Afterwards, when they smoked late on the lamp-lit stoep, conversation was apt to flag a little. The layman’s eyes would grow abstracted in the intervals of his ceremonious hospitality. The Superintendent watched his face intently once or twice. The man was a mystery to him. He had an uneasy sense that he had not taken his measure, and had been responsible for some sort of a misfit more than once in conversation. Why was he not more like ordinary people? Probably because he had lived a lonely life on the veld much too long. The Superintendent was conscious of a profound distrust of the untamed veld, its influence and its inhabitants. Yet his natural kindliness, reinforced assuredly by his grace of orders and Christian sense of duty, strove quite heroically against that distrust.
David Osborne walked over to see me next week, but he did not find me at home; I was camping with a native teacher’s wagon some twenty miles away.
He slept at my place, and came on after me. A thirty miles’ tramp or so it meant to overtake me, but he did not shrink from it. He wanted to think out things, and he liked foot-slogging on a big scale as a stimulus to thought. I was on a high ledge above the windings of the Sawi River when he found me a ledge with a great view of the Wedza hills. The sun was going down then, and their blue was just dying into purple. I got him some tea, and he drank and ate like a veldsman one who had broken his journey but little since he broke his morning fast. He told me the Superintendent’s point of view, which I have already chronicled. ‘It provides a certain amount of excuse,’ Osborne said, ‘for what I want to do. That’s about all I can say for it.’
‘Then you want to go?’ I asked.
‘I want a change,’ he said, ‘and adventures and all that. As to any war’s being a holy war, that’s Greek to me.’ I smiled. I understood what he meant.
I had only just come back from a limited experience of war as a non-combatant. ‘Why don’t you say outright what you think?’ he pressed me. ‘The Superintendent does do that apparently, I’ll say that much for him. Isn’t Saint Telemachus still your bright particular star of Christian sainthood in wartime? And isn’t Tolstoy still in your eyes a sort of forlorn hope the most hopeful of modern war-time philosophers? Or have you changed all that?’
I looked him straight in the eyes, considering.
‘I have changed,’ I said. He looked at me hopefully. He hadn’t seen me since I had come back from the war. ‘So the holy war’s all right?’ he asked. ‘And the acolyte to the altar of freedom and all that sort of thing? I attach some importance to your opinion, remember, so don’t say more than you mean. Having seen war, which do you plump for? Tolstoy, Saint Telemachus, or the Superintendent? Speak now, and kiss the Book on it.’
I would have liked to laugh, but I did not dare. He was in such desperate earnest. I answered: ‘I have changed for the worse from the Superintendent’s point of view. I am not the same as I was. I am more so.’
He went to the war. But he went with a share of Reuben’s curse upon him. He wrote to me quite frankly from his East African camps about the things that appealed to him, and the other things. His experience seemed to bear out my own, for the most part. He considered that some deplorable things had been done on both sides, and also some very fine things. But as to the efficacy of the machine guns he ministered to, in promoting the Kingdom of God, he was under no illusions. He was possibly disposed to exaggerate things, e.g., the vitiating influence of war upon life about one. He was certainly disposed, I think, to exaggerate his own coarsening, as a not very reputable campaign proceeded. He harped somewhat morbidly on one particular strain in his letters. How much better, he surmised, it would be for Christianity and civilization if he and others like him should never return to resume their places in Christian society! Some verses that he sent me when he was under orders to join a rather hazardous expedition, have, I believe, a certain sincerity in their ruggedness. They are not very cheerful, are they?
They have a note attached to them. N.B. We had Church parade this morning, and the lesson was about Nebuchadnezzar’s going into retreat.