Of Letters Inuectiue — Chap. 5
To these Exprobratorie epistles, doth next follow the title inuectiue. A sharpe and bitter inueighing against the person, déedes, or behauiours of men, occupied altogether in condemning, disabling, and wresting, whatsoeuer maie bee collected to the reproofe, diminution, or impugning of anie one, and that by all maner of quips, tauntes, reproches, blames, imputations, or designmentes that maie bee of euils. And yet this not by a disordered, malicious or railing humour, vniustlie and without great and forcible cause to be pursued, but by a learned, discreete, lawfull, or reasonable toleration to be followed, which in all maner of directions is principallie to be required. The conueiance is as full of Art as anie others, that heretofore haue beene exampled vnto you, and as well for rife and quicke inuention, as orderlie disposition, enforcementes, and neate deliuerie, hath his speciall commendation.
An Example of an Epistle Inuectiue of a Father Against His Sonne
Exordium.
Metonoia.
Epiphonema.
Liptote.
Periphrasis.
THe sight of your letters, and message receiued by your seruant haue (good Coosen) bred to mee in perusing and harkening vnto the same, no small matter of disquiet, not that your letters or messages for themselues are, or haue beene at anie time ill welcome to my hands, but in respect of him for whom they come, whom in truth I neuer recke if I heare of, so filled haue I beene long since with the euils by him committed. I am nothing ignorant that of loue and meere good will you beare to mee and mine, you framed your speeches vnto me, which with how much tediousnes I haue considered of, and with what willingnes I could haue omitted to answere them, no one can so wel giue testimony, as the burthen of mine owne sorrow beareth witnes vnto me.
Apostrophe.
Noema.
Liptote.
But for that I see you are ill conceyted at my heauinesse, and of your owne good nature woulde gladlye finde meane to recouer that vnto mee, which my selfe am out of hope for euer to compasse, I am content, though ill pleasing to my remembraunce, and the rather also that by the extremitie of the euilles your owne minde maie bee disswaded from anie further dealing in the cause, to shewe vnto you the good conditions of him you sue for, what manner a sonne hee hath alwayes beene vnto mee, what reason thereby I haue to commaunde him from mee, and howe farre wide you are, that in such sort as you declare, doe conceiue both of him, and of mee.
Paralepsis
I neede not repeate heere vnto you, with what fatherlie care I haue brought him vppe to mannes estate, by what prouident foresight, I sought both with maintenaunce and conuenient place of credite, to continue him as a Gentleman, howe vnwilling I was to enter into the search of euerie small offence, but attributing the force thereof to his tyme of youth, was content to winke at that manie times, the sufferaunce whereof I doubted would turne to the ruine that it presentlie carrieth. I will but giue you an instaunce of the same, to the intent that as you shall knowe thereof, so may you in reuoluing the rest, consider the better howe vnkindlie, yea, more then vnnaturallye I maie saie, hee hath rewarded me, and therewith will come to the present estate wherein he now remaineth.
Narratiō.
Merismus.
Commoratiō .
It is I iudge about three yeares sithence, to the intent to retaine him in some good order of life, I placed him with a right godlie and worshipfull Knight, Sir H. D. who for my sake both loued him, and I knowe tooke paines to the vttermost to reforme him, before that time I had placed him in an Inne of Courte, where with expences sufficient I kept him. In both of these places hee brought mee more then I will rehearse indebted, ranne himselfe on the rockes, durst not besides (for that priuilie hee had taken vp) to shewe his head. Complaints were infinite against him, this man could not bee in quiet for him, that mans seruant hee misused, this partie hee deceyued, that other hee highlie wronged: what coulde I doe vnto these thinges, but as one desirous to reclaime him whom he knewe to be his owne (though with a resolute vow neuer to deale with him,) I then had cast him off, yet by intreatie of his friends, and his earnest submission I receiued him againe. Sithence which too much it is to be reuealed, how stubbornlie euen in mine owne house, how iniuriously among mine owne people, he hath behaued himselfe, by reason whereof as compelled for the quiet of mine owne familie, I appoynted him to goe from hence into S. there to remaine with his Vncle. And because it was against a Christmasse, and that I woulde not dismisse him vnfurnished of that belonged vnto a Gentleman, (besides that, with a couple of good Geldings I horsed him and his man, and suted him of apparell, and what other needfull necessaries) I deliuered him twentie pounds in his purse. Hee was no sooner gone to D. beeing not past twentie myles from my house, but the verie same night hee loste all his money at dice, pawned his horses for twentie Nobles, and was faine of an honest friend of mine to borrow tenne poundes for his expences, and to redeeme his Geldings, one of my poore Tenants there refusing to supplie his wantes, hee fowlie beate, and if companie had not come in to the rescue, had like to haue slaine him.
Nay, what hath hee done more, but knowing that these his ill demeanours comming once to mine eares, I woulde neuer after repute of him, hee hath confederated with a wicked rascall that once was his man, who beeing the verye same night in his companie, the next day after came to my house and robbed me.
Erotema.
Prolepsis.
Prosopopœia.
Are not these impieties (thinke you) verie straunge? What Nature is in such a sonne, nay, where in him are those district lawes of Nature become, that commonlie enforceth in all other children, an awfull loue and reuerent regarde vnto their parents? Where is the feare of diuine and humane lawes, the one threatning a sharpe scourge for such vndutifulnesse, and the other punishing by penall forfeytures and imprisonments, the manner of such detestable and disordered loosenesse. To what issue is the auncient right and laudable custome of our forefathers alreadie runne, that whilome by seuere directions compelled the runnagate vsage of their children to a more district imposition and farre estranged exaction then nowe vsed, of a most rare and singular obedience? Why is the common intendment earst in our predecessours tymes, of lawfull and good so accustomablie vsed, thus quite forworne, and in these our seasons (filled with all kind of carelesnes) so far forth disgraced? who is he that now recketh farther then his owne fantasie, or what sonne wil for any zeale or dutie once seeke to repell his owne appetite? Whither are ye gone yee iust and seuere iudges, by whose sentence and opinion definitiue sharpe and bitter tortures were laid downe vnto them, that durst presume by any outward shewe in the world, but once so much as to countermaund the authoritie of their fathers?
Emphasis.
Aporia.
Metaphora.
Orismus.
Peroratiō.
O times more iniurious then euill it selfe, by whose onely sufferance, mischiefe spreadeth her selfe so highly as it doth, into such manifold branches. What would you haue me to say in these things? thinke you not that I haue alreadie receiued discontentment inough at such a ones hande? or would you wish me againe by returning him home weetinglie, to sucke vp mine owne misfortune, and by nourishing an expugnable wickednesse, to see a demonstration of mine owne sorrowe and destruction daylie before mine eyes? No, no, coosin, I haue (I hope) taken order sufficient for these thinges, his presence I am resolued shal no more disquiet mee, by hearing or remembrance of him, if no friend of mine doe otherwise vexe mee, for needes a vexation must it bee, be it but the least suppose, to conceiue that I haue yet remayning vnto mee such a sonne. Take heede (good Coosen) that as hee hath deceyued a great manie others, but mee of all others most especiallie, he also doe not deceyue you. Driue him quicklie from your presence, and thinke that a greater plague can you not receyue into your familie, then a person so vile, and of all others demeaned so wickedlie. This is all that I can delyuer you of my present opinion, but not the least of a thousande other accidents occasioning the same. Whereon I am determined fullie to repose my selfe. Sending in the meane time my heartiest commendations and earnest thankes for the indifferent care had of my being both to you and your bedfellow, this of, &c.
An Answere Purgatorie of the Sonne Touching Matters Inuectiue of the Former Epistle
Exordium.
WEre it not sir that my presence might more offend you then I wish, or by anie action of mine owne, woulde willinglie deserue, I had (emboldened by the equitie and right of my cause) in all humble reuerence and dutie, tendered my self vnto you, but vnderstanding howe greatly the malice of mine auncient enemies haue preuailed towards mee, and that without the verie pietie of your selfe, and equall regarde had to the due information of my cause, there is no place of fauour left vnto me, I choose as the meetest to abandon for a while the yeelding vnto you (by my accesse) of anie such annoyance, and in the meane time, to frame these humble lines, pacifiers of your more then ordinarie discontentments, that as true aduertisers of the course of that wherwith I am charged, they may plead pardon of your protested mislike, and winne vnto me (as I hope) that intertainment againe, from which hitherto by the vndeserued proceedings of mine aduersaries, I haue iniuriouslie beene detained.
Insinuatiō.
Paresia.
And albeit there is no reason whie, in the measure of all your actions, I shoulde or ought to deeme, that you doe, or enterprise anie thing vnaduisedlie: yet for so much as the secret sting of malice is such, as is able to penetrate the wisest, and that where much is feared, the least matter inducing thereunto is made occasion to question of, I doe in as lowlie manner as I maie, beseech that but with indifferencie you will see howe and in what sort I am wronged, and giuing credite to what hereby in mine owne defence alledged, you will censure the rest, as to the respect of your fatherlie pietie appertaineth.
Propositiō.
Anaphora.
The weight of that, for which as I vnderstande you are agreeued agaynst mee, is that heretofore you haue had suggested vnto you that I am verie vnthriftie, that I keepe lewde companie, that I consume all at dice, that I am a quarreller, and lastlie, that you surmize you were robbed by meane of mee, or by my assent, all which to confirme, mine aduersaries seeme to haue gathered vppon me great aduantage, in that notwithstanding, beeing often forewarned the contrarie, I sithence fell into companie, played at dice, brake a mans head, and that my man that robbed you, was the night before in my companie.
Sententia.
Paramologia.
Much more euill commonlie carrieth the reporter, in deliuering an ill suppose of a reasonable conceyted matter, then oftentimes dooth the action it selfe, in the most woorst degree of truth that can bee, beeing equallie considered of, for example, was it euer helde a thing insufferable for a Gentleman to frequent companie or to plaie at dice? May it not sometimes be iustifiable to breake a mans heade? is it a matter of preiudice that hee who once did mee seruice was seene in my company? Your selfe, sir, I knowe wil aunswere for me to all these, No. Then will not I, not only not deny but I did all these, but by your fauour, iustifie to their faces, that honestlie, lawfullie, without offence against you, or reasonable mislike of anie other, I haue and might againe at any time enter into the like vsage of all or any of these, as at that time I did, when they so complained of me.
Commoratiō.
Hypotyposis.
Metonomia.
Epiphonema.
Synonymia.
The company whereof I am accused were such onely and none other as I found in mine Inne, gentlemen ech to you wel known and of all men generallie well reputed, the plaie that I vsed was with them, the set by agreement not great, concluded vpon more to passe time, then whereof to make gaine. Hereunto commeth a bad fellowe out of the town accompanied with one of your tenaunts, who looking on a good while, craued at last hee might set, which being granted, a cast fell between him and me of a nūber to be decided, for his opinion he dared me a good time with twenty Nobles to my geldings, I accepted the wager, the boorde went with mee, your tenant excepted, who against all others stood against me, and hauing this wager in his custody would not deliuer it me. Words by such meanes multiplied, and they both arose against mee, whereupon forced to some impatience, my hand made way to my right, wherewith I quailed their resistance. Lo now sir, the matter thus highly framed against me, lo here the losse, the pawning, the borrowing of money, and what killing and slaying against mee reported. See here I beseech you the vnthriftines, the misrule, the il company, and what else that malice could any waies deuise to ouerthrow me.
Erotema.
And yet if but truely in their verie supposes they shoulde haue dealte with me, what conceipt could they then haue found in all this to obiect against me? Is it not a thing ordinary among Gentlemen when they meete together to solace themselues with some one or other reasonable pastime, in allowance whereof, no one is ordered by himselfe, but by common liking of the rest? Is it not a thing naturall to man, after wearisome trauels to vse vnto his minde some honest recreation? Is it not accordant to ciuilitie to entertaine times and occasions? Affoorded you not therefore the money you gaue mee, in companie well reputed, and in their honest exercises, moderatelie to maintaine mee? Agreeth not hereunto your onelie dailie conuersation, your entertainments, your continuall vse of companie applied in your owne behauiors, and in others commended before me?
Anthypophora.
Paramologia.
Epanodis.
What then may bee saide to condemne me? the common name (perchaunce) of the plaie, carying with it a continuall surmize of inconuenience? I need not here lay vnto your wisdome for my defence, that as well therein, as in all other demeanors, there is vse which is allowed, and abuse, that in it selfe is insufferable. To commende the moderate vse hereof, I can induce nothing more then custome, and for the choise of the best obseruation, the company must cleare mee. Nowe in auoiding the enormities, the charge (if I misconceiue not) you gaue me, extended to the fellowship of the worst, in whose societie nothing is so common as ill vsage, and in whose pleasures, no one thing so ordinarie as vnthriftinesse, each of which occasioning that euill which I seeke to shunne, hath beene herein so far exempted, as I protest there resteth in veritie, no suspicion at all wherewith I may be charged.
Apostrophe.
Paradigma.
Erotema.
Polyptoton.
Asyndeton.
But if nowe sir, you will reason of your tenauntes hurte, what therein may bee obiected that shall not euery waie further mee: who is hee that by nature could bee so restrained, but by the verie instinct thereof, hee will rather kill if neede bee, then stande to be killed? Hath not the Soueraigne mother of all our earthlie beeing, armed euen the verie Beastes themselues to their owne defence? hath not the Lyon his clawes, the Bull his hornes, the Dogge his teeth, and the Boare his tuskes? Doe not the worthiest sort of mankinde also contemne to be misprized, and naturallie couet where they bee enforced, immediatlie to be reuenged? Allotteth not the lawe vnto euerie man his right? Was it not by Conuention agreed, that the winner shoulde haue the wager? And did not the vniuersall sentence of the whole boord, adiudge it to me? What resteth any waies then to bee alleadged whereby in this action to accuse mee? Nay rather what is vnleft herein to condemne him, that being your tenaunt, hauing his liuing of you and yours, beholding as hee is to all yours, woulde yet be so vile conceipted against any of yours, as not with ordinary speeches alone, but with vnfitting tearmes, with violent force woulde goe about to withstande me, to hurt mee, yea desperatelie to confederate with another of my life and money to bereaue me.
Dialysis.
Ecphonesis.
Expeditiō.
Dichologia.
But nowe to drawe vnto the last parte that toucheth my man, standing as a coniecture for that hee was in my companie the night before, I must conspire with him to rob you. Do but cōsider sir I pray you, what likelihood of truth this beareth: would any one be so mad as once to harme, or go about to hurt the possessions that in right is to no one so much as himselfe? Woulde I euer appeare so vngracious as to confederate with a stranger, to no benefit but of himselfe, to rob and spoile my father? Alas, what coulde there be so aduerse vnto Nature, as should enforce in me so vnkinde a condition? You must needes Sir (by your fauour) something consider, what one thing or more might bee in mee occasioning vnto the same, it must either bee some vehement necessitie (which neuer hapened) constraining mee, some great extremity (which you know to bee contrary) wherewith by keeping mee too short of expence or maintenance you might enforce me, a kinde of wanton prodigality, whereof no worlde can accuse me, ill counsell whereunto so far forth I neuer could yeelde me, or a most detestable and vile disposition graffed in my selfe, which no man euer found in me. These causes as I thinke are the most likest of all others inducing to those opinions, which howe farre they or any of them haue estranged my condition, let but the verie consciences of my vtmost aduersaries indifferently trie: me what if hee were in my company, is not that a thing that without any suspition at all, might easliest of al others happen vnto me? I am not weeting of mens thoughts, neither can I coniecture of any other but their outward demeanors: if he were il, weigh I pray you, the fault proceedeth not from me. Sory I am that any such conceipt by any one of mine should so much offend you.
Epilogus.
Dichologia.
These things then falling out in such sort as they be, it may please you sir, henceforth to allowe of this my iust Apology, and by the selfe same nature, piety, and louing condition, wherewith in all duty and obedience I seeme firmely charged vnto you, in like sort to recognize and receiue mee, who notwithstanding I confesse many waies heretofore, to haue erred, yet heerein in no one point indifferent rest I rightlie to be challenged. The expectation whereof hath made mee presume to the recommendation of these letters, attending therwithal the newes of your good conceipt, and happy returne of this bearer. From, &c. this, &c.
To this defence, we will for the more variety suppose a reply to be made by the Father, the reasons whereof shall yet also consist in the selfe same state absolute, yeelding thereby a more ample demonstration of the diuersitie of constructions incident to those places, and how by the forcible applications of their special intendmentes, they are, or may be caried to diuers seuerall purposes. Inasmuch, as like to their present vse in this defence they haue beene suggested for confirmation and to the clearing of the sonnes faultines, herein also by the same conueiance they shal be maintained by the confutation of al his former allegations, the matter whereof, in sort following may be considered.
A Replie of the Father Confuting the Allegations of the Sonne, and Maintaining the Causes of the Former Inuectiue Alleadged
Exordium.
Metaphora
YOur wiles (Sirra) and sophisticall expositions of your owne misdemeanours, with sundrie confirmations therein vsed, whereby to driue me from the verie suppose of that whereunto no one thing hath giuen more euident testimony, then the course and progression of your whole life, are either too newlie forged, to reape at my hands any sound credite, or the metall so light, as carieth in the weight thereof verie small substance. in my conceipt to be beleeued.
Insultatiō.
Allegoria.
Well haue you applied your wits (no doubt) and to especiall good purpose haue your studies bin framed, that can so cunninglie cōment as you haue done vpon so bad a text, but withdraw your measure betimes, and cease this ouerweening, least by continuing your selfe in a fools paradice, and where al things are naught, supposing nothing to be amisse, you do (as by your deserts you haue sundry times endeuored to lose a father) so in the end frame a desperate meane to lose your selfe, when you may neuer be recouered.
Allegoria.
Parison.
Synathrismus.
Synonymia.
Erotema.
Orismus.
Metonoia.
The shame you haue of your mischiefe done, and guiltinesse of your owne conscience to come in my sight, togither with a knowne mislike that you haue receiued from mee, either to see or heare from you: you vse as a cloake, to couer the long pretext you haue made in defence of your euils, you haue well shewed that paper beareth no other hue but his owne, and the letters you imprint therupon, carrie but their proper colour. Though they falsifie a thousande actions, and bolster vp inumerable lies, it is not seene in their chaunge, but in a shamefast browe of him that were not past shame, the least of all these would quickelie bee deciphered. Is it not inough you haue done badlie touching your selfe, vnkindlie demeaned your selfe towardes your fathers friendes, vnthriftily consumed your time in some one or other badde companie, run at randon euerie way to your parents and your owne infamie, but that also in your behauiours, you will not onelie dare to denie it, but which is woorse, in your writing seeke to defende it. It fitteth not that I shoulde vse reasoning, neither meane I to contend with your cautels, but for fashions sake, or (if so you list) to beate that to your remembrance, whereof hitherto you abandon the notice, let me aske you this one question. In all your smooth passage and flourish made of your companie, their reputation, your ciuilitie, small play, my allowance, and your construction vpon the same, dooth it not drawe to this ende, that it was in an Inne, in a place filled with all vnthriftinesse, in a dicing Chamber, in a spectacle for all companies? Doth not the verie deliuerance of your owne fact condemne you, dooth not the verie sequell of his entrance, looking on, and plaie (whome you tearme to bee a base fellowe) impugne you? Dooth not your after quarrell and mischiefe done oppose it selfe agaynst you? What if all the information deliuered vnto mee in particular were not true? Is not the substaunce true? Nature coueting recreation, is in him that will bee modestlie gouerned, to be measured as well by time and place, as by entertainment of companies, Custome carrying with it selfe anie secrete insimulation of euill, is not to bee followed; ciuilitie is not ciuilitie, when it shall bee repugnant to a right gouerned modestie: can that be agreeing to Law, which in effect is discordant from anie good order of law? Induce you my allowance, as a confirmed sentence to your vaine opinions? Why, sirra, frequented I euer anie such play in Innes? Nay rather did I not euer mislike it, alwaies spake against it, and in euerie action condemne it? Stood not my conceit that being in the best part it might be, though young men stoode neuer so much on their light gaming, and little hinderance, it was rather an allurements and inurement to vnthriftines then a pastime of any gentlenes, when it was vsed in a Gentlemans house, which is by sundrie defences more tollerable, and not in an Inne, the verie publike intertainer of all kinds of societies.
Synathrismus.
At your departing from mee, your iourney laie to S. you were to trauaile to my friendes house. In respect of the time, my reputation, your beeing, the place, and the companie, I furnished you with money, knowing that there, and with such persons, and in their seuerall pleasures you were to bee conformed to companies: Hereof gaue I euer allowance, the like whereof haue I deemed meetest for the expence and societie of anie Gentleman, thither shoulde you haue trauelled, so in the honest distribution of that allowed for your maintenaunce, you had both auoyded the present mischiefe, alreadie incurred, and preuented occasions, wherby manie times they are aduentured.
Sententia.
Antithesis.
Merismus.
It is not inough, not to doe euill, but we ought also to resist the occasions of euill, what recreation I pray you, after trauell is more natural then rest? Who more subiect to casualties, then they that hazarde themselues to most companies? What custome better, then to vse our Inne for repose, the onelie and sole intent whereunto it was prepared? Wherein is ciuilitie more commended then in honest gouernment? What more lawfull for any man then laudablie to beare himselfe? Your demeanour is tyed to your own behauiour, and not to anothers inclinations, your actions well disposed, are not offensiue to what by others pleasures to bee continued: had you vsed the place as it serued for, who would haue beene discontented? Once it appeareth that euill is come of it, brawlings arise, men are hurt, slanders ensue, and infamy doth guerdon it.
Peroratiō.
Sententia.
Touching the latter part of your Letter I say little, till I haue more deliberatelie of the circumstaunce considered. Some, hoping more of that you will bee, then I dare intende what you maie bee, haue manie wayes in this action perswaded mee. Where much hath beene ouerpassed, it is reason that something at length do beare shew to haue well deserued. Simplicitie in well doing, is farre more pleasing then a curious definition of well dooing. When I finde proofe of your amendement, I shall then wish to see you. Meane while, it shall behooue you to enter into your selfe, and more circumspectly to consider what most fittest beseemeth you, wherewith at this present my directions shall conclude. R. this, &c.
An Example of Another Epistle Inuectiue, Pleasantly Written Against the Humours and Conditions of a Vaineglorious Person
Exordium.
Epanodis.
Liptote.
WEre the peeuishnes of my conceits correspondent to those vaineglorious humours of yours, I could before and sithence your exemplified discourse committed to my view, haue vpon occasion sufficient, deuised how and wherewith to haue preuented or answered your accustomed cauils. The first whereof not hauing performed, so could I willinglie also haue left the latter vndone by determined speech to haue beene accomplished, were it not that hauing prooued the arrogancie to bee in you, wherewith vniustly you charge me, I might by my ouerlong silence giue head to your follies, and whilest by an outragious well liking of your selfe you become ignorant of your owne mischiefs, you might vse a scope not necessarie therby more farther to abuse my sufferance, as heretofore you haue done a great many others by their common negligence.
Ironia.
For auoyding whereof, I haue (as my leisure would induce mee) thought good to giue place to mine owne determination, & to serue your humour so farre forth as to answere your letter, not being stung, as you fondlie and vainlie imagine, with the venome thereof, nor galled with the opposed surmises of your munificence, wealth, credite, reputation, and I know not what besides, all which I do suppose either to be so skant, as no man can substantiallie discerne them, or otherwise that you would neuer so often as you do, without a surfeiting follie enduour to obtrude them.
Omiosis.
Sarcasmus.
The policies you vse with mee are nothing straunge, which because they are nowe growne so stale, bee euerie waie therefore the lesse currant. Howe like vnto a shamelesse woman, or some other base conceyted creature, you appeare in your wryting, let but the matter of your Letter testifie, if because you haue both manlie shape and countenaunce, you will admitte neither of these similitudes, you must bee either a childe, or a foole, and so weare a bable, or take a horne booke at your girdle, and get you to schoole againe.
Anthypophora.
Schesis onomatō.
Ironia.
Insultatiō.
Meiosis.
Merismus.
Antiphrasis.
Prosonomasia.
Meiosis.
Charientismus.
Epitropis.
Asteismus.
You complaine that I haue done you iniurie, if I haue, why then doe you not content your selfe to pursue the reuengement thereof, either with manlike or lawfull extremitie? Whie take you for a refuge these cankred foolish vpbraidings, womanish encountrings, vnseemlie lyings, and childish threatnings. If we folow the rule you begin, we must straight waies bee children, and then I must wrangle why you stole away Toms bread and butter, and you must threaten if I tell of that, you will then complaine of mee for eating vp the firmentie that was kept for the childs breakefast, or how I drunke vp my grandams ale and toste, or lick bread in the dripping panne, or some such like weightie causes. A soueraigne capacitie no doubt. Is this manner of dealing deriued I pray you from your Gentilitie, or had you it by education, or haue you won it with your wealth, or is it incident to your reputation? Bee these your incounters? A braue canuisado, indeede, when to deface an honest minde, you haue shot out all the venome of twentie yeares acquaintance that you haue stuffed togethers, and all not woorth a butterflie, then to tell to those that accompanie you, howe brauelie you haue touched mee, howe with your learned enditing to so manie read and shewed, you haue quencht mee, howe manie wayes behinde my backe, if you were so ill disposed you could kill mee, and for default of other matter forsooth, howe they laughed at mee to whome I haue spoke somewhat against you, and howe master B. found Socrates in my Letter, and sent to seeke out your well reputed sconce to expound it, not without the credit of your owne worshipfoltie to be admitted to the sight hereof: If I should for carrying this insight, not say you were a great Clearke, your grauitie I knowe would condemne mee, and it would bee thought in your deeper studies, that my senses did faile me. But alas sir, what is it that I woulde denie you? It is not I, well I wot that haue abilitie, or if I had, woulde presume so far as to impugne you, what wold you more sir? I am come to your bow, and acknowledge your credit, your worshipful acquaintance, and all else you haue brought me to. But yet sir, after all these sporting deuises, hee is but a Nidcote, and that wise man can tell you, that will glory so much in such fruitles follies.
Metonoia.
Anthypophora.
Sarcasmus.
But say I tis your vaine glory? No, not so, it is but a Thrasonicall exercise. There bee that affirme Gentilitie hath no deriuation, where is neither good nature, honesty, nor friendly condition. But what is that to you? A man may sit vnder a stall with credit, but to be laid on a stal, smelleth somwhat of beggership. Go to, I warrant him he is a proud fellow, and little of good maner knoweth, that so rudely wil dare to speake of your maistership.
Apostrophe.
Charientismus.
Yet nowe we be in, let vs goe to it by the weeke. In odde sooth I must tel you plainly, your occupations haue beene too manifolde to thriue by your honesty. But perchance the terme is quaint, and you will saie this matter of honesty is besides your profession? Alacke sir, though it be, you must pardon the writer, it was but a mistake in his penning, by ill noting your pedegree.
Irmus.
Asteismus.
Tush pedegree, pedegree, here is nothing with you in hande but twitting with pedegree. Cockes fish, these proude fellowes that haue nothing to liue vpō to see how malapert they be, if they had ability to take to as you haue, & wherwithal to beare vp their heads in yᵉ world as you do, such credit with honorable & worshipfull, who haue multiplied your praises for noted good parts, apparantly seen to be in you, what would then become of their doings? Very true sir, but will not this be sufficient to giue scope to the name of a gentleman? Faith sir, to be plaine with you, tis but as the wiser sort do hold opinion.
Orismus.
Omoiteleton.
Brachiologa.
For in our beliefe it is saide, that a great deale better shewe doth it make to giue but one certaine & true demonstration of a gentleman, then to yeeld twenty brauados, and neuer come neare the true meaning of them, railing, lying, backbiting, slaundering, facing, vaunting, contemning, cogging, menacing, vpbraiding, taunting, and proudlie defacing other mens actions, desertes, qualities, behauiours, and vertues, are in right reckoning, in verie trueth but slender partes of a Gentleman.
Paramologia.
Asyndeton.
Meiosis.
Allegoria.
Omiosis.
Apostrophe.
Synonymia.
Epitheton.
Epizeuxis.
You wil say, I am too far bewitched to tell you of these things, you will raile at me, you will storme at me, you will not beleeue me: you will alleadge I am too different herein from all other opinions, your acquaintance doe like of you, praise you, and magnifie you, very true indeede, but they are but a fewe, and such also as doe it, haue intent but to laugh at you, you are but the anuile whereout they hammer their pastimes, they vse you but as an instrument to bee pliable to their turnes. In this as to Will Sommers, they yeelde to your rages, they sooth vp your passions, and cokes vp your humors. But vnto me, to whom such fashions are loathsome, and in whose cares those base purposes and surfetting demeanors of yours are most ridiculous and hateful, they are too intolerable.
Paradigma.
Periphrasis.
The Peacoke when hee spreadeth his tayle, is glorious of his beautie, but stooping downe to his feete, his feathers fall with the selfe sight immediately. Woulde you but abase your eyes vnto the lower part of your rising, you might then recognize your original, and seeing the simple obiect whereout your prosperity hath beene deriued, confesse that tenne such glorious plumes as you studie to haue aduanced, without they were better qualified coulde scarse make a shewe beseeming the lowest part of all that belongeth to a Gentleman.
Epanodis.
Hysterō proteron.
Allegoria.
For my part it is not the shew you beare, but the pride wherewith you are caried that despiteth me, the qualities you haue, and not the malice you vtter, that discontenteth me: whether your opinion stand good or bad to me, it is not that I accompt of, as beeing such a one whose censure to my knowledge, neuer stoode in that degree to bee reckoned of. Onely doubting least ouerswolne with your humours, you should consume in your follies I haue written that I haue done, leauing the rest to your own correction, if at least you haue any wit at al whereby to amend them.
An Example of an Other Epistle Inuectiue, Written in Cause of Great Desert Against Two Seueral Parties
Exordium.
I Am sorie it falleth vnto my lot among matters more serious, that I must at this present incomber my pen, and enforce my labours, about so needlesse a purpose, as to decipher a knaue whome the worlde knoweth alreadie by his colours, and a companion of his that will shortly giue proofe of his facultie by his far spreading titles. And yet the time hath bin when by their shadowes I could set them both to viewe, and hauing cunningly deciphered them, could laugh at the portraiture, imagining that there were more heades to carpe at their villanies then honest meaning to excuse their treacheries.
Sententia.
It was not amisse said amongst the wise, that there cā be no friendship but amongst the good, and yet is society so common amongst men, that there is not the arrantest varlet in the world but he will find a companion, & why? because therein is a likelihood, which although it cannot turne to friendship, yet growing ex similitudine morum, I find no reason but that a coniunction may be of knaues as well as a separation of honest men sometimes.
Paralepsis.
Leauing your yokefellowe M. whome I esteeme so base a fellow as comming out of the very Cell it selfe of all villanies, smelleth so strongly of the stench thereof, that he is not worthy to come within a mile of my paper, nor neare by a thousande Yeardes vnto the worst parte of my studie, I will speake two or three words vnto you maister F. which are his aduocate, and as it seemeth his second selfe, nay rather incorporated in his bowels, and become maklenezed, yea rather M. himselfe, for he hath taught you to handle his cause so cunninglie, that he neede not ioine with you to lie for himselfe, for you will lie for both, and surelie (not thinking you haue it by nature, absit) I iudge it rather yᵉ infection of him who hath so transmuted your disposition, that to boast, face, scold, and lie, and that without shame, credite, or honesty, you surpasse as I heare, why M. himself (of whom you are thought but the shadowe) cannot go beyond you. You haue deliuered forth in publique speaches, that I and my companions abused your Client with a false Lease, that we led him by degrees into a deceiptful marriage, that I wil come with my hat in mine hand to craue your Clients fauor, that you know me well, and thereupon demaunded whether I was not once master L. his man, and being answered yea, you paused, and then said, belike you knew me then.
Sarcasmus.
Remembring that you are become a M. (whom alwaies I note for a shameles liyng knaue) I wonder the lesse at your impudencie, marie if you were an honest Gentleman, that did rather stande vppon your credit, thē vpon such base respects to get money, by bolstering whatsoeuer villanies you care not, I would then saie, tota erras via. But not shewing you such fauour, I must needes tell you in shorte conclusion (You lie.) And so much the rather because in the deliuerie thereof you make not a matter of information of it, but rather as it seemeth a thing of your owne knowledge.
Charientismus.
Allegoria.
And because the lie seemeth rather a word of course, then commonly of substance, without proofe added to manifest the certaintie, I further affirme that I will bring halfe a score, honester knowne then either you or your Client, to whome he hath confessed the contrarie himselfe, and made knowne the same most amplie vnto their owne vnderstanding, who by the iustifying thereof, will proue him a shamelesse lying knaue in his slaunders, and you a prating foolish dolt in the rash deliuery of the same vpon so sleight a grounde, to defame an honest man of more accompt then your selfe, and that without occasion. And because you take vpon you to know me so well, and are yet of opinion that I wil stoop to your Client, I must tel you therein your wisdom greatly mistaketh both my nature and condition, for that I can neuer bee so disparaged in conceipt, but that I coulde alwaies find an Asse by his braying, and scorne a rascall though he were neuer so full of vaunting.
My dwelling with Mayster L. continued euermore with reputation and credite sufficient euen to this present daie, I desire to be informed without pausing, what you canne say to impugne the same, and albeit I knowe a slaunderous mouth neuer wanteth whereof to gather, yet taking mee at that present state, you shall finde mee such in trueth as all your malice shall neuer bee able to disgrace me.
Asteismus.
Emphasis.
Epitheton.
You saie I dare not walke abroade, that I cannot bee seene at Westminster as your Clyent is. It is indeede spoken like a Tinker, and sauouring somewhat of a Coblers stall, what betwixt choler and lying, your Client and you haue taken order, to speake nothing honestlie. And I woonder not of it, for you haue not so much as a sauour of honesty about you. Vile malicious deuourers of men, do you thinke it an easie thing, or matter of sleight purpose, so villainouslie to derogate a mans good name (then which to a generous minde nothing is more precious) or do you deeme all men of so base contempt as your selues, that they can willingly suffer all things to bee benefited by any thing? And when you haue shamefully vttered your lies in place of audience, dare not for your breeches stand to the lest word of smallest moment, that you let fall out of your ouerflowing venemous mouthes.
Aposiopesis.
Synathrismus.
But de his taceo, the best is, you are both well knowne, for the one of you, seeke all London for a cogging, brabling, boasting, rayling shamelesse and lying knaue, M. is the man, and hee shall doe it. He seeking all the towne ouer for a facing Aduocate, one that coulde handle the matter like himselfe, F. was the man: Yee are both well met together, continue your purpose, and see the ende, for you meane so, nay you will do it.
I vse not F as he vsed me, to brabble, and to lie of him to strangers.
But hauing drawne his portraiture, I send the first counterfeite to himselfe, that seeing it hee may shunne his lewdnesse, which yet lieth in secret, and if hee continue shall quickelie bee published, and that to his shame openlie.
I leaue you both as I found you, my paper and present matter for this time taking end. In apparant hast, hauing otherwise more weightilie to imploy my selfe, this last of Februarie, &c.