Miscellaneous Addresses
Every year new occasions arise that point to a new order of celebrations. Until recently there were no centennial celebrations. Once inaugurated these suggested semi-centennial and quarter-century ones, and as the country advanced in years there came the bi-centennial and ter-centennial. And the attention of the civilized globe was called to our fourth-centennial by the unrivalled and wonderful display at the World’s Exhibition in Chicago.
In this chapter are given outlines of a miscellaneous character, some original and some selected.
OUTLINE OF CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW’S ADDRESS AT THE CENTENNIAL OF CAPTURE OF ANDRÉ
This is a good model for the semi-centennial or centennial of any noted event.
Being in the open air the speaker referred to the grand scenery, almost the same as one hundred years before.
Effect on the nation’s heart of such Revolutionary commemorations.
Small events influence the currents of history. Thermopylæ and its 300; the three plain farmers who preserved American liberty.
The orator then sketched compactly but vividly the critical situation of 1780, and tells at length the story of Arnold’s treason, its frustration by the capture of André and his pathetic fate. This “one romance of the Revolution” is a thrilling tale, and all adornment is given to it. The account of the struggle to save André’s life gives the interest of controversy, as does the defense of Washington’s course. The anecdote and the illustrative parallel are both supplied by the case of Captain Nathan Hale, executed by the English as an American spy. The address closes with a fitting tribute to André’s three captors, whose modest monument marked the spot, and a very effective quotation of William of Orange’s heroic oath at his coronation, “I will maintain.”
OUTLINE OF SPEECH BY GOVERNOR FORAKER AT THE DEDICATION OF OHIO’S MONUMENT TO THE ANDREWS RAIDERS, AT CHATTANOOGA
Why this monument and this dedication. The story of the raid, the suffering of the raiders, and heroism of those who died.
The controversial part covered two points—the military value of the raid, and the manner in which the raiders had been treated by the enemy while prisoners.
The illustrative setting was the historic background of Chattanooga and the contrasts of war and peace.
OUTLINE OF ADDRESS BY CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW AT DINNER ON THE 70TH BIRTHDAY OF JOHN JAY
Not on the programme—pleasantry with Mr. Choate (President) about his railroad fees. Mr. Choate wants it made the rule for all ex-presidents of the club to have a dinner on their 70th birthday. This will help them to live at least that long, as Gladstone and Bismarck, when they had an object, have lived on in spite of the doctors!
Depew, a native of the same county as three generations of Jays. Services of the Revolutionary Jay.
The Anecdote.—General Sherman yesterday told a beautiful young girl—Generals always interested in beautiful young girls—that he would be willing to throw away all he was doing or had done to start at her time of life again. But the nation could not permit that, nor could it in the case of John Jay—closing words of tribute and esteem to the guest of the evening.
OUTLINE OF ADDRESS BY CHAUNCEY M. DEPEW AT THE RECEPTION TO HENRY M. STANLEY BY THE LOTUS CLUB
The speaker jests about his own locks whitened by the cares of railroading, and the raven hair of the reporters—where do they get their dye?
Stanley’s lecture fee, $250.—Lotus Club gets one for only the price of a dinner!
Stanley a great artist in his descriptions as well as a great traveler.
Americans a nation of travelers.—This makes railroads prosperous! What some reporters have done.
The motive makes heroism.—Livingstone the missionary—his rescue by Stanley.
The civilized Africa of the future with Stanley for its Columbus.
Speeches at a Dinner Given to the Religious Press
Toast.—“The Religious Press and Literature.”
First, what are sound views of literature; second, what is a religious paper? The speaker used two illustrations bound in one. A great book is the Nilometer which measures intellectual life as the original Nilometer measured the life and fertility of the land of Egypt. A description of the rise of the Nile and of the Divine Comedy of Dante, as such a measurer of the life of the Middle Ages, made up the speech.
Toast.—“Religious Press and Questions of the Day.”
Eternity begins here. The paper must show on which side of any question the right lies. It should go even further than this. It should cover a wider range of topics and aim to secure the attention of the general public to the questions it discusses and so entitle it to circulate more widely.
Toast.—“Should Religious Papers Make Money?”
If I may make the paying papers, anybody may make the others. Money losing—soon comes, hic jacet. Money making proves usefulness and renders the issue of a paper possible. Letter from the oldest editor of New York in which he says the editor is under life sentence to hard labor.
Toast.—“The Religious Paper and Scholarship.”
He laments that he has no letter from an editor to read (like the last speaker), and tells a story of a Methodist, on request, praying for rain; and when a terrible storm came, the man who asked, was heard to murmur: “How these Methodists do exaggerate.” This was to show the excellence of the dinner. Two other stories were used by the speaker, about the length and discursiveness of his talk. The people need and will read deep, accurate, and scholarly productions. There ought to be a general paper for such. Something has been done in that direction by two religious papers.
The speaker treated his topic by giving a semi-humorous review of the preceding speeches. He showed how denominational traits affected each item in the work of the paper. He did not make just the kind of a paper he liked best, for some people were of the same taste as Artemus Ward, who always ordered hash at a restaurant, because he then knew what he was getting! The speaker also referred ironically to the mistaken idea that church papers could not pay, and gave striking instances to the contrary. He concluded that denominational papers may be as successful in their line as those purely undenominational and independent.
Response to the Toast, “The Navy: Our Country’s Best Wall of Defense”
1. The disasters which different ports of our country have experienced from invading forces during three great wars. No foe now on this continent which we need fear—our enemies, if any, will come by sea.
2. The defense by fortified harbors cannot be relied on, for when one place is defended another may be attacked, and the coast-line is so great that an unguarded spot may be found. But our glorious navy will seek the foe at any and every point.
3. Past glory of the Navy. Paul Jones in the Revolutionary War singeing John Bull’s beard at his own fireside. 1812. The ships of iron that kept the Confederate States engirdled and forbade outside meddling with domestic troubles.
4. The Navy, by showing the world that we are impregnable, should be the best promoter of a solid peace.
RESPONSE TO THE TOAST, “GENERAL JACKSON: A DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH, BUT A DIAMOND”
1. The hero of New Orleans, though rough, was a strong and great man. Stories about him always popular. His indorsing State papers “O.K.” when he approved them, and saying that these letters meant “oll korrect.” The victor and the spoils.
2. His connection with great questions, such as the currency and nullification. Popularity with his own party.
3. Proved to be a great commander by the manner in which he used his very slender resources at the battle of New Orleans—the backwoods riflemen and the breastworks of cotton.
RESPONSE TO THE TOAST, “THE WORKING MAN: MAY HE LOVE HIS WORK AND HAVE PLENTY OF IT, WITH GOOD WAGES PROMPTLY PAID”
1. For a healthy man a reasonable amount of work is no misfortune, but a blessing. Idleness is a curse, and leads to all kinds of evil. (See story in Anecdote No. 21 at end of this volume—of the tramp who earned seventy-five cents and quit work because he feared that he could not bear the curse of riches! Not many of us have this kind of fear.)
2. Toil with pen and brain as real, and may be as exhausting as with the hand and foot.
3. But to defraud a workman of one cent of his earnings is a peculiarly atrocious crime. How this may be done indirectly. All persons who believe in this toast should deal justly and fairly, and try to hold others to the same rule.
4. The true workman wants work and fair play; not patronage and flattery, but sympathy and friendship.
A Nominating Speech
The great conventions that nominate candidates for the Presidency of the United States furnish examples on the largest scale of the nominating speech. But officers of societies of almost any character may be nominated in addresses that are very similar. The following outline of a speech of general character may be easily modified to suit any case in which such help is desired.
Mr. Chairman: It gives me great pleasure to place before you, the name of a candidate who is so well qualified and so fully deserving of this honor, and of every other, that may be conferred upon him, as ——. In giving him your votes, you can make no mistake. [Here state previous offices held, or trusts filled, or other evidences of fitness for the post in view.] In addition, I am happy to state that he represents [here name locality, section, class, or opinion, being careful to adduce only those which will be pleasing to the persons whose votes are sought.] On his behalf, I can promise faithful service, and the prompt discharge of every duty. Others may have as much zeal for the cause: some may have as long a training for the duties of this office; a few may possibly have as legitimate a claim upon any honors or rewards in your gift, but where else can you find such a combination of claims?
The illustrative anecdote will naturally be of the candidate himself, of his popularity, availability, or other good quality, or of some person or element strongly supporting him.
Speech Accepting a Nomination
1. An honor of which any man must be deeply sensible as well as proud. The importance or high character of the body making the nomination.
2. The degree of surprise felt that the candidate should be preferred to so many worthy competitors. W by the honor is especially prized, and the reasons, if any; why the candidate would have preferred a different selection.
3. The motives which make him willing to bear the burdens entailed by this nomination.
4. The hope of being able to support his competitors for other offices, or other terms of this office.
5. With all his sense of unworthiness, the candidate dares not set up his judgment against that of the honorable body which has named him, for the office of ——, and he therefore bows to their decision and gratefully accepts the [unexpected?] honor conferred upon him. Should the people—not for his sake, but for the sake of the cause represented—have the intelligence and good judgment [of which there is not a shadow of doubt?] to indorse the nomination, he will exert all the power he possesses, to faithfully fill the position their choice has bestowed upon him.
Speech in a Political Canvass
No form of speech is so easy as a political address in a hot campaign. The people know enough of the general argument in advance, to appreciate a strong statement of it, or the addition of new items. They already have much of that interest in the theme that other classes of speakers must first seek to arouse. The tyro makes his feeble beginnings in the sparsely settled portions of the country, but the polished orator is welcomed by large audiences at the centres of population, and wins money, fame, and possibly a high office. Americans have many opportunities of hearing good speeches of this character, and not only become competent judges, but learn to emulate such examples.
1. A bright story, a personal incident, a local “hit,” or, best of all, a quick, shrewd caricature of some feature of the opposing party, will gain attention and half win the battle. A speaker was once called upon to make an address after a political opponent had taken his seat. This man at one time strongly indorsed a measure to which his own party was bitterly opposed. The measure was defeated notwithstanding his opposition, and he was obliged to sanction his party’s action. The audience being familiar with this, the speaker referred to it by saying: “Oh! he approves, does he! Imagine a kicked, cuffed, pounded, and dragged across a road, bracing himself at every step, but forced over at last and tied to a post; then imagine that mule straightening himself up and saying, ‘Thank Heaven, we crossed that road, didn’t we?’ It was difficult to move the mule, he was obstinate, but it made no difference. My opponent was obstinate too, but what did it avail!”
2. The criticism of our opponents’ platform or principles. Their fallacies, mistakes, and misrepresentations.
3. Their history. How they have carried out all their bad and dangerous doctrines, but have slurred over and allowed to drop out of sight their promises of good.
4. The contrast. Plain statement [and there is nothing more effective in a speech than a plain, dear, and condensed statement] of the opposing issues.
5. The man. [The personal element in a canvas nearly always overshadows political doctrine, except when a new party or new measure is rising into prominence.] Our men brilliant, able, safe. Our opponents the opposite. [Public character only should be criticized. Gossip, scandal, slander are abominable, and seldom well received by any audience. Poison, the assassin’s dagger, and the spreading of infamous stories do not belong to honorable warfare.]
Speech After a Political Victory. Selected
1. We are masters of the field. Completeness of victory [told in military language].
2. Sympathy for the defeated. We will treat their leaders with Good Samaritan generosity, but we invite the rank and file to enlist with us, unless they prefer to go home and pray for better luck next time.
3. Only by joining us can they get a nibble at the spoils. Probably they will, for many of them are men of seven principles—five loaves and two fishes. The “cohesive power of public plunder.”
4. We must not be careless after victory, but reorganize, be vigilant, keep our powder dry. The “outs” are hungry, and an enemy will fight terribly for rations. “Brag is a good dog, but Holdfast is a better.”
5. Now let us all rejoice over the defeat of a party many of whose members we respect personally, but which, as a whole, we regard as an immense nuisance.
Speech After a Political Defeat. Selected
My Political Brethren: You seem to be in the dumps! Don’t like the figures; wish they were a cunningly devised fable. How did it happen? Big vote and intolerable cheating cooked our goose. But we are india-rubber and steel springs, and no amount of hard usage can take the fight out of us.
Let our opponents laugh! We are not savage—would not hurt a hair of their heads personally, but politically will skin them alive next time. But we prefer to convert them, and hope they will hear our speakers as often as possible before the next election.
A Chairman’s or President’s Speech
At a public meeting some one interested in the object for which it has convened calls the assembly to order. After securing attention he proposes the name of some person as chairman or president. When the nomination is seconded he takes the vote and announces the election. It will then be in order for the person chosen to take a position facing the assembly and to make a brief speech.
“Ladies and Gentlemen: I have no wish to disparage your judgment, although I think it might have been exercised to better advantage by electing some of the able persons I see before me. But I thank you for this honor, which I appreciate the more highly and accept the more readily because of say deep interest in the question of ——, which is now before us. First, however, please nominate a secretary.”
When, however, the president or chairman elected is himself a prime mover in the business for which the meeting is called, it will be perfectly proper for him to extend his speech, upon accepting the chair, by stating clearly but briefly the object of the meeting; or, if he prefers, he may ask some one in whose powers of plausible and persuasive statement he has confidence to do this in his place. Formal argument is not advisable in the opening speech; but the best argument consists in giving a compact statement and ample information. In this way the cause may be half won by the chairman’s speech or the speech of his proxy.
A General Outline Foe All Occasions
The Introduction. The speaker’s modesty or inability, the lateness of the hour, the merit of preceding speeches, the literary treats that are to follow, the character of the dinner, personal allusion to the president or to the audience—but not all of these in one address.
The Discussion. Here refer to the toast or theme—be sure to put in a humorous anecdote. Make it as appropriate as possible, but don’t fail to bring it in. Get up a short controversy: set up a man of straw if you can find nobody else, and then make an onslaught upon him; but be sure he has no friends in the audience!
Conclusion. A graceful compliment to some one, a reference to an expected speaker, or a word indicating the part of your subject of which you will not treat, or give a very quick summary of what you have already said.