III Humor in the Trenches
One of the most surprising of the many revelations of this war has been that of the gaiety, humor, and good nature of the British soldier. All the correspondents, English and French, remark upon it. A new Tommy Atkins has arisen, whose cheery laugh and joke and music-hall song have enlivened not only the long, weary, exhausting marches, but even the grim and unnerving hours in the trenches. Theirs was not the excitement of men going into battle, nervous and uncertain of their behavior under fire; it was rather that of light-hearted first-nighters waiting in the queue to witness some new and popular drama.
“A party of the King’s Own,” writes Sapper Mugridge of the Royal Engineers, “went into their first action shouting ‘Early doors this way! Early doors, ninepence!’” “The Kaiser’s crush” is the description given by a sergeant of the Coldstream Guards as he watched a dense mass of Germans emerging to the attack from a wood, and prepared to meet them with the bayonet. When first the fierce German searchlights were turned on the British lines a little cockney in the Middlesex Regiment exclaimed to his comrade: “Lord, Bill, it’s just like a play, an’ us in the limelight”; and as the artillery fusillade passed over their heads, and a great ironical cheer rose from the British trenches, he added: “But it’s the Kaiser wot’s gettin’ the bird.”
Many of the wounded who have been invalided home were asked whether this humor in the trenches is the real thing, or only an affected drollery to conceal the emotions the men feel in the face of death; but they all declare that it is quite spontaneous. One old soldier, well accustomed to being under fire, freely admitted that he had never been with such a cheery and courageous lot of youngsters in his life. “They take everything that comes to them as ‘all in the game,’” he said, “and nothing could now damp their spirits.”
Songs, cards and jokes fill up the waiting hours in the trenches; under fire, indeed, the wit seems to become sharpest. A corporal in the Motor Cycle Section of the Royal Engineers writes: “At first the German artillery was rotten. Three batteries bombarded an entrenched British battalion for two hours and only seven men were killed. The noise was simply deafening, but so little effect had the fire that the men shouted with laughter and held their caps up on the end of their rifles to give the German gunners a bit of encouragement.” The same spirit of raillery is spoken of by a Seaforth Highlander, who says one of the Wiltshires stuck out in the trenches a tin can on which was the notice “Business as Usual.” As, however, it gave the enemy too good a target he was cheerily asked to “take the blooming thing in again,” and in so doing he was wounded twice.
“The liveliest Sunday I ever spent” is how Private P. Case, Liverpool Regiment, describes the fighting at Mons. “It was a glorious time,” writes Bandsman Wall, Connaught Rangers; “we had nothing to do but shoot the Germans as they came up, just like knocking dolls down at the fair ground.” “A very pleasant morning in the trenches,” remarks one of the Officers’ Special Reserve; and another writer, after being in several engagements, says, “This is really the best summer holiday I’ve ever had.”
Nothing could excel the coolness of the men under fire. With a hail of bullets and shells raining about them they sing and jest with each other unconcernedly. Wiping the dust of battle from his face and loading up for another shot, a Highlander will break forth into one of Harry Lauder’s songs:
“It’s a wee deoch an’ doruis,
Jist a wee drap, that’s a’,”
and with a laugh some English Tommies will make a dash at the line “a braw, bricht, minlicht nicht,” with ludicrous consequences to the pronunciation! According to “Joe,” of the 2nd Royal Scots, the favorite songs in the trenches or round the camp-fire are “Never Mind,” and “The Last Boat is leaving for Home.” “Hitchy Koo” is another favorite, and was being sung in the midst of a German attack. “One man near me was wounded,” says a comrade, “but he sang the chorus to the finish.”
It is remarkable how these songs and witticisms steady the soldiers under fire. In a letter in the Evening News Sergeant J. Baker writes: “Some of our men have made wonderful practise with the rifle, and they are beginning to fancy themselves as marksmen. If they don’t hit something every time they think they ought to see a doctor about it.... Artillery fire, however, is the deadliest thing out, and it takes a lot of nerve to stand it. The Germans keep up an infernal din from morning till far into the night; but they don’t do half as much damage as you would think, though it is annoying to have all that row going on when you’re trying to write home or make up the regimental accounts.”
Writing home is certainly done under circumstances which are apt to have a disturbing effect upon the literary style. “Excuse this scrawl,” writes one soldier, “the German shells have interrupted me six times already, and I had to dash out with my bayonet before I was able to finish it off.” Another concludes: “Well, mother, I must close now. The bullets are a bit too thick for letter-writing.” To a young engineer the experience was so strange that he describes it as “like writing in a dream.”
Some of the nick-names given by Tommy Atkins to the German shells have already been quoted, but the most amusing is surely that in a letter from Private Watters. “One of our men,” he relates, “has got a ripping cure for neuralgia, but he isn’t going to take out a patent for it! While lying in the trenches, mad with pain in the face, a shell burst beside him. He wasn’t hit, but the explosion rendered him unconscious for a time, and when he recovered, his neuralgia had gone. His name is Palmer, so now we call the German shells ‘Palmer’s Neuralgia Cure.’”
The amusing story of a long march afforded some mirth in the trenches when it got to be known. A party of artillerymen who had been toiling along in the dark for hours, and were like to drop with fatigue, ran straight into a troop of horsemen posted near a wood. “We thought they were Germans,” one gunner related, “for we couldn’t make out the colors of the uniforms or anything else, until we heard some one sing out ‘Where the hell do you think you’re going to?’ Then we knew we were with friends.”
Football is the great topic of discussion in the trenches. Mr. Harold Ashton, of the Daily News and Leader, relates an amusing encounter with a Royal Horse Artilleryman to whom he showed a copy of the paper. “Where’s the sporting news?” asked the artilleryman as he glanced over the pages. “Shot away in the war,” replied Mr. Ashton. “What!” exclaimed Tommy, “not a line about the Arsenal? Well, I’m blowed! This is a war!” “We are all in good spirits,” writes a bombardier in the 44th Battery, Royal Artillery, “and mainly anxious to know how football is going on in Newcastle now.” “I got this,” said a Gordon Highlander, referring to his wound, “because I became excited in an argument with wee Geordie Ferris, of our company, about the chances of Queen’s Park and Rangers this season.”
An artilleryman sends a description of the fighting written in the jargon of the football field. He describes the war as “the great match for the European Cup, which is being played before a record gate, though you can’t perhaps see the crowd.” In spite of all their swank, he adds, “the Germans haven’t scored a goal yet, and I wouldn’t give a brass farthing for their chances of lifting the Cup.” At the battle of Mons it was noticed that some soldiers even went into action with a football attached to their knapsacks!
But there is no end to the humor of Tommy Atkins. Mr. Hamilton Fyfe tells in the Daily Mail how he stopped to sympathize with a wounded soldier on the roadside near Mons. Asking if his injury was very painful he received the remarkable reply: “Oh, it’s not that. I lost my pipe in the last blooming charge.” In a letter from the front, published in the Glasgow Herald, this passage occurs: “Our fellows have signed the pledge because Kitchener wants them to. But they all say, ‘God help the Germans, when we get hold of them for making us teetotal.’”
What a Frenchman describes as the “new British battle-cry” is another source of amusement. Whenever artillery or rifle fire sweeps over their trenches some facetious Tommy is sure to shout, “Are we downhearted?” and is met with a resounding “No!” and laughter all along the line.
To those at home all this fun may seem a little thoughtless, but to those in the fighting line it is perfectly natural and unforced. “Our men lie in the trenches and play marbles with the bullets from shrapnel shells,” writes one of the Royal Engineers; “we have been in two countries and hope to tour a third,” says a letter from a cheery artilleryman; and Mr. W.L. Pook (Godalming), who is with one of the field post-offices, declares that things are going so badly with “our dear old chum Wilhelm” that “I’ve bet X—— a new hat that I’ll be home by Christmas.”
Bets are common in the trenches. Gunners wager about the number of their hits, riflemen on the number of misses by the enemy. Daring spirits, before making an attack, have even been known to bet on the number of guns they would capture. “We have already picked up a good deal in the way of German souvenirs,” says one wag; “enough, indeed, to set a decent-sized army up in business.” The British Army, indeed, is an army of sportsmen. Every man must have his game, his friendly wager, his joke, and his song. As one officer told his men: “You are a lively lot of beggars. You don’t seem to realize that we’re at war.”
But they do. That is just Tommy’s way. It is how he wins through. He always feels fit, and he enjoys himself. Corporal Graham Hodson, Royal Engineers, provides a typical Atkins letter with which to conclude this chapter. “I am feeling awfully well,” he writes, “and am enjoying myself no end. All lights are out at eight o’clock, so we lie in our blankets and tell each other lies about the number of Germans we have shot and the hairbreadth escapes we have had. Oh, it’s a great life!”