The Bush Leaguer’s Dream. — (From Our “Songs of the Spring Recruit.”)
I
The young recruit stood dreaming where the sultry sun was beaming,
With the perspiration streaming down his neck;
He had missed four easy chances, which aroused some angry glances,
And he saw his big league fancies were a wreck;
His work had been erratic, and he heard one mad fanatic
Yell in tones far from ecstatic: “Chase that cheese!”
Whereupon he drew a vision that was all to the Elysian,
And he spoke with much decision words like these:
Chorus
“If I could run the bases like Bill Bryan,
If I only had Ted Roosevelt’s batting eye,
If I had the reach of Thomas Fortune Ryan,
I’d never let another chance get by;
If I only was as cool as Charley Fairbanks;
Or had control like Harriman has got,
I’d be the diamond daisy, and I’d set the bleachers crazy,
For I’d be the greatest player of the lot.”
II
There had been a dearth of scoring, and the anxious Bugs were roaring
In the bleachers and imploring for a hit,
Until finally one fellow plucked a triple, ripe and mellow,
And the way those fans did bellow in a fit!
Just one little tap would cinch it, just one timely little pinch hit,
And the contest would be safely on the shelf;
But the bush league phenom madly swung in vain at three, then sadly
Walked away and murmured softly to himself:
Chorus
“If I only had a batting eye like Teddy,
If I had the speed of John D. ducking fines,
I’d have a big league job and hold it steady,
For I’d make both Cobb and Wagner look like shines;
If I could only ‘steal’ (in running bases)
Like all these ‘malefactors of great wealth,’
I’d be the diamond daisy, and I’d set the bleachers crazy,
And I wouldn’t be here playing for my health.”