14 In Disgrace
I awakened to find myself lying bound in a wood. The time was apparently the next morning. My first thought was to worry about Lilla. My next was to wonder who was to blame for my seizure. Yuri, undoubtedly.
But, if so, had he not misplayed? If he had let me alone, I should by this time be marrying the Sarkari Bthuh; and, once married to her, I could no longer interfere between Lilla and Yuri. Lilla might even consent to marry the prince out of pique.
My thoughts were interrupted by the return of my captor, who proved to be an ant-man, numbered 356-1-400. He was a young ant, and bore no duel numbers. I started to speak, but he warned me to be silent; to make sure of my obedience, he bit me savagely. Once more, as on my first day on this planet, I experienced intense pain, followed by oblivion, and then conscious paralysis.
When I awoke paralyzed, I found that my captor was carrying me. The fact that he was an ant-man confirmed my suspicions of Yuri. But the fact that he was carrying me furtively through the woods, instead of on the main highway, convinced me that I was still in Cupia.
My bonds were still on, but had become very loose. Immediately I decided that my one chance of escape lay in concealing my recovery from the paralysis, when this recovery should occur. So I awaited my opportunity.
Thus we proceeded for about a parth and a half, when suddenly my captor halted and pricked up his antennae. I too listened. Directly ahead of us there came a long-drawn howl, the call of a woofus. Nearer came the sound.
We were in a field at the time, and I could see that the ant-man was looking around for a likely tree, in which to take refuge. But the bordering woods were all scrub, with not a single sizable tree in sight, so my captor laid me down and advanced toward the sound of the oncoming woofus, evidently determined to bluff it out and attack before being attacked.
Then the purple terror bounded into the open. One lone ant-man is no match for a woofus. Though my captor fought bravely, he was slowly driven back, contesting every parastad of the way. When the two were nearly upon me, I realized that my languor was gone. I undid my bonds. I stood erect. Then I found a heavy stick.
My captor was entirely engrossed in his conflict. Now was my chance to crush him with my club, and then escape while the woofus devoured his remains. Fate was indeed kind to me once more. So I crept stealthily forward, and then brought my club down with a crash on the head of—
The woofus. For my sense of fair play, my sporting sense, had abruptly changed my mind, and I had rescued the underdog, instead of killing him. Now I was again his captive, undoubtedly destined this time to have eggs laid in me by Queen Formis.
The ant-man stood for a moment astounded, and then wheeled around. I still held my club. There was now no reason why I should not kill him too, if I could. But he did not charge.
Instead he said: “Let us not fight. You have saved my life, and so I owe you yours. ‘A life for a life.’ No one shall ever say that 356-1-400 is ungrateful. Go in peace. Look, a mist approaches. My excuse shall be that I lost you in the fog. If you too are grateful, you will tell the same story.”
Then the fog, a frequent phenomenon of Poros, closed upon me, and I saw my captor no more. I lay down, covered myself with tartan leaves to keep off the wet, and waited for the fog to lift.
And the next thing I knew, it was morning.
In spite of my long fast—since supper two days ago—I felt refreshed by my sleep, and at once set out through the woods in as nearly a straight line as I could, in the hope of striking a road. The straight line was easy, as the eastern sky was still faintly pink; and likewise it was easy to head north along the road, when I finally reached one. But when at last I came to a city, it turned out to be Ktuth rather than Kuana.
Before seeking food or anything else, except a much-needed drink of water, I found a pinqui and asked him if he had heard any recent news from Kuana, relative to the disappearance of the princess.
“News from Kuana? Disappearance?” he repeated in surprise. “Surely not. The princess has been here safe and sound for two days, and left only a few paraparths ago by the Kuana road!”
So I had just missed her! If I had entered the city a bit later, I should have passed her on the road!
My tickets were not sufficient to hire a kerkool; and besides now that I knew Lilla was safe, I was in no hurry to face Bthuh, whom I had left waiting at the joining-stand, as it were. So, after breakfast, I set out on foot for Kuana, thirty stads away, carrying some lunch.
Around noon, when I had just eaten my lunch on a stone by the side of the road, a kerkool passed me, headed for Kuana. I hailed its single occupant, and was given a lift the rest of the way. He turned out to be the Chief of Pinquis of Ktuth, bound for a conference with the mango of Kuana. I welcomed the chance to get inside the Kuana jail, face to face with my old friend Poblath, for this opportunity would enable me to give him my long-deferred explanation of my relations—or rather lack of relations—with his Bthuh.
It was three days since I had shaved, and I must have presented an uncanny sight. In fact, the Chief had intimated as much, as I got aboard his kerkool. So, when Poblath saw me, his jaw dropped, and he seemed convulsed with fear.
“Go away, dead man,” he begged. “I confess it all. I did hire the ant-man to assassinate you. But, now that you have my confession, return in peace to the land beneath the boiling seas, and leave me alone!”
So that was why I had been kidnaped. Well, at least it let Yuri out of being an absolute fool.
“Poblath, old friend,” I replied, “I am not dead. The ant-man lost me in the fog. And I have returned, not to curse you, but rather to thank you, for you have saved me from an unwished marriage.”
And then I got across the explanation, which he had so long denied me. When I had finished, there was no longer any doubt in Poblath’s mind that I was still his friend; and he warmly patted my jaw, the conventional Porovian token of friendship.
But I fancied that his sweetheart, Bthuh, would not be so easy to appease.
From the jail I went to my rooms for a shave and a clean toga, and then repaired to the garage where I had rented the kerkool, my intention being to try and arrange to pay for the loss on the installment plan.
But to my surprise, the kerkooloolo informed me that my kerkool had been found, with its gyros still running, standing beside the wrecked ant-car, and had been brought back to Kuana intact, so that all I owed was an extra day’s rent, for which he would gladly trust me until next ticket-day.
On returning again to my rooms, I found a messenger with a peremptory summons to attend the king forthwith, in spite of the fact that it was now nearly time for the evening meal. Evidently, old Kew had heard of my return.
He had! When I entered the audience chamber, I entered the presence of an awful wrath. Kew was seated on his royal couch, and standing beside him was a she-woofus named Bthuh. Never before had I so stirred a woman’s rage, and I hope never to do so again.
The king demanded an explanation, which I gave readily enough, but which did not convince him in the least.
“Cabot Barsarkar,” he spoke, “I do not believe you. Concern for the safety of the princess is very commendable. But, if it were that which actuated you, you would have inquired first from me, and would have learned that she had left a note with me, giving word of her departure for Ktuth.
“No, you took the absence of the princess as a mere convenient excuse to desert your bride at the joining-stand, unmindful of the high honor which I was conferring on you in giving the hand of a sarkari to you, lately a commoner, nay, even a beast from another world. Whether or not she will still have you, is for the lady to say; but, as for me, you have greatly incurred the royal displeasure, and I am almost minded to revoke your rank. You came to us from among those accursed Formians, under whose thraldom I am chafing. Verily, I believe the ancient proverb: ‘No good cometh out of Formia.’ Go! I have spoken.”
“But I have not spoken,” interjected Bthuh, ever the disrespectful. “Know, base earth-thing, that no one can injure the pride of Bthuh with impunity. You who could have given me your love, or even merely your hand, and have received in return a love, the passion of which is unequaled on this planet, chose instead to mete out to me, who am your social superior, the worst insult which a man can give to a woman.
“I condescend to link myself with a commoner, and for reward am treated as dirt, am ground under heel like a brink. Never can you wipe out this insult. Never shall I reconsider my present determination not to marry you.”
“For this relief, much thanks,” said I to myself.
“But you still have me to cope with,” she continued, “you brink! Mathlab! Earth-man!”
A particularly delicate touch, putting “earth-man” as the climax of a list of distasteful creatures!
“Bthuh will have her revenge,” she concluded, “never fear. Now I have spoken.”
I drew a long breath, as one who has just finished receiving a flogging. So that was over. (The lady is now a very good friend of mine, and begs me to tone down this transcription of her tirade. But why not tell the story just as it happened?)
As I respectfully withdrew from the audience chamber, an attendant softly radiated into my antennae that the princess desired to see me at once in her apartments. More trouble!
But I was wrong, for Lilla received me most tenderly and graciously. Supper was laid for two. I took her in my arms.
At last we seated ourselves side by side on a couch by the table, and the meal was served.
“I was unable to bear your marriage to another,” she explained, “especially as you did not seem to be trying to do anything about it.”
“But how can a mathlab struggle in the jaws of a woofus?” I interjected, quoting one of Poblath’s proverbs.
Lilla smiled indulgently, and continued her story. “There was no one here whom I could trust, so I finally called upon Doggo. He met me on the outskirts of the city, and carried me to Ktuth in his kerkool; then returned to Kuana, to try and devise with you some means of escaping from Bthuh. But his kerkool broke down en route, and he had to continue on foot; and, by the time that he reached the city, you had disappeared. When you failed to show up for the wedding, Bthuh acted like one drunk with saffra-root, and has continued so ever since. Doggo sent word to me at Ktuth, and I returned.”
Then I told her my adventures, she sympathizing tenderly with my misfortunes, and thrilling at my conquest of the woofus.
“Now that Poblath is our friend again, we have little to fear from Bthuh,” she said. “Bthuh is a mad little wanton, and will cool off if let alone. But Poblath, for all his philosophy, is a commoner, and so was to have been expected to misunderstand the situation.”
I wanted to say that Lilla herself had entertained exactly the same misunderstanding as Poblath, but instead I merely remarked, “I too am a commoner, Lilla dearest.”
“You are not!” she indignantly replied, “you are a barsarkar, and have the heart of a king. Could the Princess Lilla love a commoner?”
“The Princess Lilla once spent a whole night in the arms of a commoner,” I remonstrated.
“And was just as safe and free from insult as she would have been in the arms of her mother,” she added. “But Yuri believed otherwise, or said that he did; and threatened that, unless I would by my silence assent to his version of my rescue, he would tell the king, who would have believed the worst and would have cast me out. So, as long as I thought that you were hopelessly doomed, I held my peace. But I was very sad.”
After the meal, Lilla and I sat for a long time together on her little balcony, discussing plans.
“I shall marry you,” assented my princess, “even if we have to flee together to islands beyond the boiling seas.”
That was all very well, but quite impractical. The boiling seas were impassable—unapproachable even. Formia was barred to us by my criminal record, and by the presence and influence there of Yuri. Cupia was barred to us by the wrath of King Kew, due to my treatment of his favorite. And Formia and Cupia constituted the entire world. For us to hide disguised was impossible, because of my own earth-born deformities.
So, although I gloried in Lilla’s love, my joy was sobered by a realization that marriage between us was impossible.
And what about the situation when King Kew should die, and Prince Yuri should succeed to the crown? We had that to look forward to.