The Petit Vieux
“Sow your wild oats in your youth,” so we’re always told;
But I say with deeper sooth: “Sow them when you’re old.”
I’ll be wise till I’m about seventy or so:
Then, by Gad! I’ll blossom out as an ancient beau.
I’ll assume a dashing air, laugh with loud Ha! ha!...
How my grandchildren will stare at their grandpapa!
Their perfection aureoled I will scandalize:
Won’t I be a hoary old sinner in their eyes!
Watch me, how I’ll learn to chaff barmaids in a bar;
Scotches daily, gayly quaff, puff a fierce cigar.
I will haunt the Tango teas, at the stage-door stand;
Wait for Dolly Dimpleknees, bouquet in my hand.
Then at seventy I’ll take flutters at roulette;
While at eighty hope I’ll make good at poker yet;
And in fashionable togs to the races go,
Gayest of the gay old dogs, ninety years or so.
“Sow your wild oats while you’re young,” that’s what you are told; Don’t believe the foolish tongue—sow ’em when you’re old. Till you’re threescore years and ten, take my humble tip, Sow your nice tame oats and then... Hi, boys! Let ’er rip.