XIV Homeopathics — XIV — Homeopathics
1 — Scene Infernal
During a lull in the uproar of Hell two voices were heard.
“My name,” said one, “was Ludwig van Beethoven. I was no ordinary musician. The Archduke Rudolph used to speak to me on the streets of Vienna.”
“And mine,” said the other, “was the Archduke Rudolph. I was no ordinary archduke. Ludwig van Beethoven dedicated a trio to me.”
2 — The Eternal Democrat
A Socialist, carrying a red flag, marched through the gates of Heaven.
“To Hell with rank!” he shouted. “All men are equal here.”
Just then the late Karl Marx turned a corner and came into view, meditatively stroking his whiskers. At once the Socialist fell upon his knees and touched his forehead to the dust.
“O Master!” he cried. “O Master, Master!”
3 — The School of Honor
A trembling young reporter stood in the presence of an eminent city editor.
“If I write this story,” said the reporter, “it will rob a woman of her good name.”
“If you don’t write it,” said the city editor, “I’ll give you a kick in the pantaloons.”
Next day the young reporter got a raise in salary and the woman swallowed two ounces of permanganate of potassium.
4 — Proposed Plot for a Modern Novel
Herman was in love with Violet, the wife of Armand, an elderly diabetic. Armand showed three per cent of sugar a day. Herman and Violet, who were Christians, awaited with virtuous patience the termination of Armand’s distressing malady.
One day Dr. Frederick M. Allen discovered his cure for diabetes.
5 — Victory
“I wooed and won her,” said the Man of His Wife.
“I made him run,” said the Hare of the Hound.
XV Vers Libre — XV — Vers Libre
Kiss me on the other eye;
This one’s wearing out.