Scene XV The Viscount, the Countess, Julia, Criquet
Visc. I come to tell you, Madam, that the theatricals will soon be ready, and that we can go into the hall in a quarter of an hour.
Coun. Mind, I will have no crowd after me. (To CRIQUET) Tell the porter not to let anybody come in.
Visc. If so, Madam, I give up our theatricals. I could take no interest in them unless the spectators are numerous. Believe me, if you want to enjoy it thoroughly, tell your people to let the whole town in.
Coun. Page, a seat. (To the VISCOUNT, after he is seated) You have come just in time to accept a self-sacrifice I am willing to make to you. Look, I have here a note from Mr. Thibaudier, who sends me some pears. I give you leave to read it aloud; I have not opened it yet.
Visc. (after he has read the note to himself). This note is written in the most fashionable style, Madam, and is worthy of all your attention. (Reads aloud) “Madam, I could not have made you the present I send you if my garden did not bring me more fruit than my love….”
Coun. You see clearly by this that nothing has taken place between us.
Visc. “The pears are not quite ripe yet, but they will all the better match the hardness of your heart, the continued disdain of which promises me nothing soft and sweet. Allow me, Madam, without risking an enumeration of your charms, which would be endless, to conclude with begging you to consider that I am as good a Christian as the pears which I send you,4 for I render good for evil; which is to say, to explain myself more plainly, that I present you with good Christian pears in return for the choke-pears which your cruelty makes me swallow every day.
Your unworthy slave,
THIBAUDIER.”
Madam, this letter is worth keeping.
Coun. There may be a few words in it that are not of the Academy, but I observe in it a certain respect which pleases me greatly.
Ju. You are right, Madam, and even if the viscount were to take it amiss, I should love a man who would write so to me.