XVIII The Grumbler
| “Still falling out with this and this, And finding something still amiss; More peevish, cross, and splenetic, Than dog distract, or monkey sick.” | |
| Butler. |
The Grumbler is a talker who may frequently be known by his countenance as well as by his tongue. The temper of his mind gives form and expression to the features of his face. His contracted brow bespeaks his contracted brain. His nose inclines to an elevation of disgust at the things which lie beneath. His mouth is awry with its peculiar exercise, and those deeply indented wrinkles on either side are the sad effects of its long-continued use in its chosen service. His aspect is one of chagrin, trouble, and disappointment.
There are a few more traits of the grumbling talker which may be specified for the benefit of those concerned.
1. The grumbling talker is generally indolent. He loiters or strolls about without any specific or profitable occupation. He can see nothing worth his attention, and if he does, he defers it until the future, meanwhile busy in grumbling with himself and with others. He gossips among his neighbours, or lounges about places of publicity, engaging those like himself, or, it may be, some of the better sort, with his grumbling conversation. Listen a moment: “His son John was not up at the right time this morning; his wife spoiled his breakfast; those orders were not made up yet, and ten o’clock; his business was very poor—can’t make both ends meet, hope times will get better—he doesn’t know how in the world he will pay his way unless he can get in his debts; his neighbour’s chimney smokes so badly that if he doesn’t mend it he must complain; he wishes his friend Wilkes would keep his cats away from his house, for they catch all the mice, and leave none for his cat; he would make things very different in their day-school if he was the master; he thinks Mr. Stock over the way doesn’t conduct his business right, or he would prosper more than he does.”
2. The grumbling talker generally attributes his want of success in his calling to other causes rather than to himself. “No one gives him encouragement. He has to do the best he can by his own means. He is always at it, and yet he does not succeed. Dr. Squibbs, Squire Bumble, Parson Sturge, and Lawyer Issard, all send their custom to his rival in Castle Street. Everybody else is favoured, while he is held back by unfriendly and adverse influences.”
William Goodwin was an industrious, economical, and obliging tradesman. With these qualities he succeeded in his business, and attained to a position of respectability which nearly everybody thought he deserved. Robert Careless was in the same line of business, and had the same opportunities of success, but he did not attain to it. He grumbled dreadfully against Goodwin and his own slow prosperity. “Goodwin,” he said, “was patronized more than he was. The people owed him a grudge, and they wouldn’t trade with him. If he had the same chance as Goodwin, he should prosper as he does. Goodwin is no more acquainted with his business, and has no more wisdom, economy, and affability than he; his clerk was very dull and disobliging; his own wife didn’t seem to take any interest in his business; the situation of his shop wasn’t good,” etc.
3. The grumbling talker is usually independent. He cares for nothing and for nobody. Although he cannot have everything he wants, yet he will not mind. He is determined to do as he likes. He will have his own way after all. He has a will, a knowledge, a purse, friends of his own. He will let the world see that he can get along with his own resources. Barnabas Know-nothing may talk as he please, Job Do-nothing may do all he can, and Richard Bombast may swagger because he thinks matters are done as he planned; but Mr. Grumbler is independent of them all, and will, by-and-by, demonstrate it beyond dispute.
4. The grumbling talker is easily frightened. He may seem very large, and appear very strong in his independence; he may bluster about his determination to carry out his plans despite Mr. This and Mr. That; but he is soon reduced to his just proportions. His fever heat falls suddenly down to zero, if not twenty degrees below. You may soon raise a lion in his way—soon make him believe that fate is against him—soon open his eyes to see breakers ahead; and then he would have done it but for the consequences which he foresaw. It is well to look before you leap. He looked and saw the gulf, and he prefers not to leap. It is better to suffer a little injury than bring a greater one. You may be sure nothing would have kept him from doing as he positively said he would, excepting those insuperable difficulties which he did not anticipate at the time, and which he defies any one to remove out of the way. The fact is, things are just the same as they ever were, only he has got into another element which has changed his temperament and resolutions.
5. The grumbling talker is generally endowed with a most capacious appetite for personal favours. If you can by any means administer to his necessities in this respect you will very much allay his craving, and, in a measure, stop his grumbling. It is the intensity of the appetite which often gives rise to the grumbling. Grumbling is the way in which he expresses his want. Every beast has a way of its own in making known its wants, and grumbling is the way some men have in expressing the deep hunger of their minds for special or ordinary favours. The grumbler is always on hand to receive the gift of a friend. The motto which he carries in the foreground of his grumblings is, “Small favours thankfully received, and larger ones in proportion.”
6. The grumbling talker is generally very jealous. He does not approve of the promotion of his friend to any honour above himself. He is afraid lest it should exalt him beyond measure. Besides, he does not see that he is any more qualified or deserving than he. He is surprised at the judgment of the “powers that be” when they placed Mr. So-and-So in such a responsible office. They could not certainly have known that he was not the man for the office, nor the office for the man. He must have been a favourite. He had helped them into their position, and, “One good turn deserves another, you know.” He knows how these sort of things are managed, “Kissing goes by favour, you know.” He happened to be out of their “good books,” and they were determined to punish him. Had his esteemed friend, Squire Impartial, been in authority, he didn’t doubt for a moment but he would have been promoted to the place where So-and-So now stands. Well, he congratulates himself that his time will come, and when it does he will make everybody wonder and regret that he wasn’t advanced before.
“Do you know,” said he one day to Mr. Content, “how it is that people talk so much about the superior abilities of our town councillor, Mr. Workman? For my part, I see nothing in him which is above mediocrity.”
“Mr. Workman is, indeed, generally reputed as being a clever man, and I certainly think he is,” said Mr. Content.
“He may be clever, but I do not think that he is any cleverer than most ordinary men.”
“I have every opportunity of judging, and I do most candidly think that we could not have found his equal in the entire town,” said Mr. Content again.
“That may be your opinion, and the opinion of others; but still my opinion is the same, and I am amazed at his reputation,” replied Mr. Grumbler.
7. The grumbling talker is often long-lived. The philosophy of the fact, if fact it be, I will not attempt to explain. It is a pity it should be so, but it does sometimes occur that the least desirable men are continued, while the most lovable are taken away. Were Providence to suspend or change the law which protracts the grumbler’s existence beyond the length of better men, I am sure no one would complain of it except the grumbler himself.
8. The grumbling talker is found everywhere in some one or all of his developments. He seems to be endowed with a spirit of ubiquity. You find him in all ages of time, in all ages of persons, in all places of resort, in all circumstances of life, in all nations of humanity, and in all varieties of mind. On the throne of the prince, in the chair of the president, in the gathering of Parliament or Congress, in the counting-house and in the store, in the tradesman’s shop and the lawyer’s office, in the school, the college, the lecture-room, and even in the precincts of the house of God, you may find the spirit of the grumbling talker. Heaven, perhaps, is the only place in the universe where he cannot be found.
9. The grumbling talker can rarely improve or make things better, even if he tries. Place him to fill the office which he says is so ineffectively filled by some one else, and its functions will be neglected or far more ineffectively performed. He “can preach a better sermon than the minister preached the other Sunday morning.” Let him try, and others judge. He “can superintend the Sunday-school with more authority and keep better order than he who now is in that position.” Place him there, and see what are the results.
In forty-nine instances out of fifty in which the grumbler has been taken as a substitute for the one against whom he has complained, there has been failure, through his want of competency for the place.
It is not, however, often that he reaches his end by his grumbling. He frustrates his own wish. Sound judgment in others pronounces against him. Wisdom knows that weakness is the main element of grumbling; that to instal in office a person who is a grumbler will not cure him; that one evil is better than two—his grumbling out of office than his grumbling in, with an inefficient performance of its duties.
His grumbling is sometimes so chronic and habitual, that no one takes any notice of him. He attracts far more attention when he is out of this rut than when he is in it. The majority know that things are right when he grumbles; but when he is silent they suspect them to be wrong, and when he approves they are quite sure.
10. The grumbling talker includes everything within his grumbling. He grumbles against God and His Providence, His Word and His ministers. The devil does not even please him. He grumbles about politics, religion, the Church, the state, books, periodicals, papers. He grumbles against trade, commerce, money; against good men and bad men; against good women and bad women; against babes and children, young ladies and old maids. He grumbles about the weather, about time, life, death, things present, and things to come. It would appear that as he is endowed with universal presence, he is endowed with universal knowledge also, which leads him to universal grumbling.
11. The grumbling talker is afflicted with a most revolting disease. It is dangerous in its nature, and most unpleasant in its influence. It is injurious in its operation upon all who come within its reach. Persons who are not troubled with it, and are not accustomed to see it, never wish to catch a sight or a scent of it the second time. It is rather contagious. If the law regulating the case of the leper was to be enforced in the case of the grumbler, it might have a salutary effect. But as there is no probability of this, and as it is important that the disease should be arrested before it spread farther and prove more disastrous than it has, I shall, pro bono publico, as well as for the grumbler himself, presume to copy an American prescription that I have in my possession, and which never failed to cure any grumbler who scrupulously carried it out.
“1. Stop grumbling.
“2. Get up two hours earlier in the morning, and begin to do something outside of your regular profession.
“3. Stop grumbling.
“4. Mind your own business, and with all your might; let other people alone.
“5. Stop grumbling.
“6. Live within your means. Sell your horse. Give away or kill your dog.
“7. Stop grumbling.
“8. Smoke your cigars through an air-tight stove. Eat with moderation, and go to bed early.
“9. Stop grumbling.
“10. Talk less of your own peculiar gifts and virtues, and more of those of your friends and neighbours.
“11. Stop grumbling.
“12. Do all you can to make others happy. Be cheerful. Bend your neck and back more frequently when you pass those outside of ‘select circles.’ Fulfil your promises. Pay your debts. Be yourself all you see in others. Be a good man, a true Christian, and then you cannot help finally to
“13. Stop grumbling.”
The above is an admirable receipt for the grumbling disease. It is composed of ingredients each of which is the best quality of healing medicine. Every grumbler should take the whole as prescribed, and he will soon experience a sensible change in his nature for the better; his friends also will observe him rapidly convalescent, and after a short time will rejoice over his restoration to a sound healthy condition, called by moral physicians—“CONTENTMENT.”
“Sweet are the thoughts that savour of content—
The quiet mind is richer than a crown;
Sweet are the nights in careless slumber spent—
The poor estate scorns fortune’s angry frown.
Such sweet content, such minds, such sleep, such bliss,
Beggars enjoy when princes oft do miss.
The homely house that harbours quiet rest,
The cottage that affords no pride nor care,
The mean that ’grees with country music best,
That sweet consort of Mirth’s and Music’s fare.
Obscuréd life sits down a type of bliss;
A mind content both crown and kingdom is.”