Chapter VI Protoplasm and Froth
We have forgot what we have been,
And what we are we little know.
—Thomas W. Parsons.
There was not the least doubt that our dinner in honor of the German biologist, Plätner, had been a tremendous success. Long before we had reached the game course I had caught the gleam of triumph in Tom’s eyes, and across the long board my gaze had met his in joyous congratulation. It was not merely personal glory that we had won by this well-conceived and smoothly executed social function. In a way, we had vindicated our caste, had proved to a censorious world that the inner circle of metropolitan society is not wholly frivolous, utterly indifferent to the achievements of genius and the marvelous feats of modern science.
When Tom had first suggested to me the possibility of our entertaining Plätner, whose efforts had won the enthusiasm of materialists in all parts of the world, I had fought shy of the project. Tom’s idea was to gather at our table the most noted scientists of the city, with the German biologist as the magnet, and to select our women from among the cleverest of our set, once vulgarly known as the “Four Hundred.” Upon his first presentation of the scheme I had argued that it was impracticable, that the scientists would find our women frivolous, and that our women would be horribly bored by the sages. Even up to the moment of our entrance to the dining-room I had been annoyed by the fear that my pessimistic attitude toward the function was to be vindicated, that Tom’s effort to make oil and water mix was doomed to failure.
And the funniest thing about the whole affair is that we were saved from disaster and raised to glory through the quaint personality of the Herr Doctor, our guest of honor. A typical German savant in appearance, with spectacles, beard and agitated hair, he displayed from the outset a perfect self-control beneath which, one quickly realized, glowed the fires of a fine enthusiasm. Speaking French or English with a fluency that was enviable, he aired his hobby in a genial, entertaining way, which saved him from being the bore that a man with a fixed idea is so apt to prove. Protoplasm may seem to be a most unpromising topic upon which to base the conversation at a fashionable dinner-party, but I found myself intensely interested, before the oyster-plates had been removed, in the scientific discussion that the learned Herr Doctor had set in motion and Tom had deftly kept alive.
“I had been impressed, years ago,” Plätner had begun, in answer to a polite question from Mrs. “Ned” Farrington, who is a very tactful woman; “I had been impressed by the similarity of protoplasm to a fine froth.” Here the German scientist held an oyster poised on a fork and gazed at it musingly, the while he continued, in almost flawless English: “The most available froth, soap lather, is made up of air bubbles entangled in soap solution. After years of experimenting, my friends, I succeeded in making an oil foam from soapy water and olive oil. Under the microscope my solution closely resembles protoplasm.”
“Does it really?” cried Mrs. “Ned,” rapturously.
“Wonderful!” commented Professor Shanks, America’s most noted zoölogist.
“It’s curious,” remarked Elinor Scarsdale, rather cleverly, I thought, “that from protoplasm to the highest civilization there should have been a struggle from soap to soap.”
The Herr Doctor glanced approvingly at the brightest débutante of the season.
“In those words, young lady,” he said, with flattering emphasis, “you have summed up the whole history of physical evolution. But to continue: My drops of oil foam act as if they were alive, their movements bearing a most marvelous resemblance to the activities of Pelomyxa, a jelly-like marine creature, protoplasmic in its simplicity.” The Herr Doctor was again addressing his remarks to his oyster fork.
“Do I understand you, Dr. Plätner,” asked Tom, from the foot of the table, “that, under the microscope, rhozopod protoplasm, for example, would resemble your—ah—oil foam?”
“So closely, sir,” answered Herr Plätner, instantly, “that I have often deceived the most expert microscopists in Germany. Furthermore, Mr. Minturn, my artificial protoplasm retains its activity for long periods of time. I made one drop, sir, that was alive, so to speak, for six days.”
“And then it died?” asked Mrs. “Ned,” mournfully.
“To speak unscientifically, yes,” answered the German, carefully. “Now, what are we to gather from all this, my friends?” The butler had removed the oysters, and the Herr Doctor was forced to glance at his audience.
“New reverence for soap and olive oil,” suggested one of the younger scientists, a professor at a neighboring university.
Plätner eyed the speaker suspiciously, and then said:
“That, of course, sir; but much more than that. I have proved conclusively, my friends, that the primary movements of life are due to structure, and that there is absolutely no necessity for believing in any peculiar vital essence or force. The living cell, I confidently assert, may be built up out of inert matter. The old-fashioned idea of a vital spark being absolutely essential is as obsolete as the belief in special creation. Let me live a hundred years, my friends, and I’ll make for you a Goethe or a Shakespeare out of soap lather and olive oil.”
“Just imagine it!” exclaimed Mrs. Farringdon, gazing with exaggerated admiration at the German genius.
“It’s really not so shocking to our pride of ancestry as it seems at first sight;” Tom ventured to suggest. “Our generation has become reconciled, perforce, to its humble origin. It is hard for us to realize how severely Darwinism shocked our fathers and mothers.”
“As I understand you, Dr. Plätner,” broke in Mrs. “Bob” Vincent, turning the blaze of her great, dark eyes full upon the German’s face, “your discovery is a triumph for the extreme materialists? It destroys absolutely all the bases upon which the belief in psychic forces rests? We are machines, wound up to run for a while, and then to stop forever?”
“You have practically stated my creed, madame,” answered the Herr Doctor, gravely. “Constant motion, constant change—these are the alpha and the omega of the universe. Why should we superimpose the concept of a psychical existence upon a structure that is already perfect? As I said in other words, my friends, I could, if sufficient time were granted to me, rebuild the earth and its creatures in my laboratory.”
“Provided that it was situated near a barber shop and a delicatessen store,” whispered Dr. Hopkins, who had been listening in silence on my left to our guest of honor. I was glad to hear this subdued note of protest from so eminent a source, but he shook his gray head as I glanced at him approvingly. Professor Hopkins, Ph. D., loves science but hates controversy. Had he crossed swords at that moment with the German he would have found, I imagine, that the sympathies of my guests were with the materialist. When a scientist frankly tells you that he can manufacture protoplasm, and goes on to describe to you his method of procedure, it’s well to pause before plunging into an argument with him. But I, who had good reason to know that Herr Plätner was ludicrously at fault in his conception of the universe, could not but regret that so brilliant a champion as Dr. Hopkins had not rushed to the defense of the truth. For a moment I was almost tempted to defy the rules of hospitality and voice the new faith that had come to me in the existence of psychic mysteries. This inclination was intensified by Herr Plätner’s answer to a question put to him by one of the men.
“It’s all the veriest rubbish,” I heard the German saying, with great emphasis. “All those Oriental philosophies and religions are merely picturesque presentments of the truths that are clearly stated by modern materialism, so-called. What is Nirvana but simply cessation of motion? Admitting reincarnation, for example, as a working hypothesis, it would mean simply the coming and going of atomic vibrations with successive losses of identity. They are dreamers, those Orientals, seeing half truths clearly enough, but never following them out to their logical conclusions.”
“And yet the East is the mother of lather and olive oil,” murmured Dr. Hopkins, under his breath.
At that instant my heart leaped into my throat, and I sprang to my feet in affright. With Horatio in her arms, his nurse had rushed frantically into the dining-room, despite the interference of the butler, and, with blanched face and staring eyes, was bearing down on me, with the purpose, evidently, of thrusting the baby into my grasp.
“Take him! take him!” she cried, hysterically, and before I could resist her insistence, Horatio was squirming in my bare arms. “He’s bewitched,” continued his nurse, frantically. “He’s been talking like a man. I’m through with him. He ain’t a baby! You just wait a moment, Mrs. Minturn. He’ll speak again in a moment. He’s got a voice like a steam calliope. And what he says! Oh, my!”
“Take her away at once,” Tom was crying to the butler. “She has gone crazy,” he went on, rushing past our astounded guests to my assistance. “Don’t be frightened, my dear! I always thought that she was unbalanced, and now I know it. Poor little Horatio! He looks scared to death!”