Tim Keyser’s Nose
Tim Keyser lived in Wilmington;
He had a monstrous nose,
Which was a great deal redder than
The very reddest rose,
And was completely capable
Of most terrific blows.
He wandered down one Christmas day
To skate upon the creek,
And there, upon the smoothest ice,
He slid around so quick
That people were amazed to see
Him do it up so slick.
The exercise excited thirst;
And so, to get a drink,
He cut an opening in the ice
And lay down on the brink.
He said, “I’ll dip my lips right in And suck it up, I think.”
And while his nose was thus immersed
Six inches in the stream,
A very hungry pickerel was
Attracted by its gleam;
And darting up, he gave a snap,
And Keyser gave a scream.
Tim Keyser then was well assured
He had a splendid bite.
To pull his victim up he jerked
And tugged with all his might;
But that disgusting pickerel had
The better of the fight.
And just as Mr. Keyser thought
His nose was cut in two,
The pickerel gave its tail a twist
And pulled Tim Keyser through,
And he was scudding through the waves
The first thing that he knew.
Then onward swam that savage fish
With swiftness toward its nest,
Still chewing Mr. Keyser’s nose;
While Mr. Keyser guessed
What sort of policy would suit
His circumstances best.
Just then his nose was tickled with
A spear of grass close by;
Then came an awful sneeze, which knocked
The pickerel into pi,
And blew its bones, the ice and waves
Two hundred feet on high!
Tim Keyser swam up to the top
A breath of air to take;
And finding broken ice, he hooked
His nose upon a cake,
And gloried in a nose which could
Such a concussion make.
And thus he drifted slowly on
Until he reached the shore;
And creeping out all dripping wet,
He very roundly swore
To use that crimson nose as bait
For pickerel no more.
His Christmas turkey on that day
He tackled with a vim,
And thanked his stars as, shuddering,
He thought upon his swim,
That that wild pickerel had not
Spent Christmas eating him!