IV The Palace Jest-Book
The Owl and the Eel and the Warming-Pan
The owl and the eel and the warming-pan,
They went to call on the soap-fat man.
The soap-fat man he was not within:
He’d gone for a ride on his rolling-pin.
So they all came back by the way of the town,
And turned the meeting-house upside down.
Laura E. Richards.
The Fastidious Serpent
There was a snake that dwelt in Skye,
Over the misty sea, oh;
He liv’d upon nothing but gooseberry-pie
For breakfast, dinner, and tea, oh.
Now gooseberry-pie—as is very well known—
Over the misty sea, oh,
Is not to be found under every stone,
Nor yet upon every tree, oh.
And being so ill to please with his meat,
Over the misty sea, oh,
The snake had sometimes nothing to eat,
And an angry snake was he, oh.
Then he’d flick his tongue and his head he’d shake,
Over the misty sea, oh,
Crying, “Gooseberry-pie! For goodness’ sake
Some gooseberry-pie for me, oh!”
And if gooseberry-pie was not to be had,
Over the misty sea, oh,
He’d twine and twist like an eel gone mad,
Or a worm just stung by a bee, oh.
But though he might shout and wriggle about,
Over the misty sea, oh,
The snake had often to go without
His breakfast, dinner, and tea, oh.
Henry Johnstone.
Snake Story
There was a little Serpent and he wouldn’t go to school—
Oh, what a naughty little Snake!
He grinn’d and put his tongue out when they said it was the rule—
Ah, what a naughty face to make.
He wriggled off behind a stone and hid himself from sight—
Oh, what a naughty thing to do!
And went to sleep as if it were the middle of the night—
I wouldn’t do like that, would you?
He dreamt of stealing linties’ eggs and sucking them quite dry—
Oh, what a greedy thing to dream!
And then he dreamt that he had wings and knew the way to fly—
Ah, what a pleasure that would seem!
By came a collie dog and said, “What have we here?
Oh, it’s a horrid little Snake!”
He bark’d at him and woke him up and fill’d him full of fear—
Ah, how his heart began to quake!
How the Serpent got away he really didn’t know—
Oh, what a dreadful fright he got!
But he hurried all the way to school as hard as he could go,
Dusty and terrified and hot.
As into school he wriggled, they were putting books away—
“Oh,” says the master, “is it you?
Stand upon that stool, sir, while the others go to play;
That’s what a truant has to do.”
Henry Johnstone.
The Melancholy Pig
There was a Pig, that sat alone,
Beside a ruined Pump.
By day and night he made his moan:
It would have stirred a heart of stone
To see him wring his hoofs and groan,
Because he could not jump.
Lewis Carroll.
Hospitality
Said a Snake to a Frog with a wrinkled skin,
“As I notice, dear, that your dress is thin,
And a rain is coming, I’ll take you in.”
John B. Tabb.
Lost
“Lock the dairy door!” Oh, hark, the cock is crowing proudly!
“Lock the dairy door!” and all the hens are cackling loudly:
“Chickle, chackle, chee,” they cry; “we haven’t got the key,” they cry;
“Chickle, chackle, chee! Oh, dear, wherever can it be!” they cry.
Up and down the garden walks where all the flowers are blowing,
Out about the golden fields where tall the wheat is growing,
Through the barn and up the road they cackle and they chatter:
Cry the children, “Hear the hens! Why, what can be the matter?”
What scraping and what scratching, what bristling and what hustling;
The cock stands on the fence, the wind his ruddy plumage rustling;
Like a soldier grand he stands, and like a trumpet glorious
Sounds his shout both far and near, imperious and victorious.
But to partlets down below, who cannot find the key, they hear,
“Lock the dairy door!” That’s all his challenge says to them, my dear.
Why they had it, how they lost it, must remain a mystery;
I that tell you, never heard the first part of the history.
But if you will listen, dear, next time the cock crows proudly,
“Lock the dairy door!” you’ll hear him tell the biddies loudly:
“Chickle, chackle, chee,” they cry; “we haven’t got the key!” they cry;
“Chickle, chackle, chee! Oh, dear, wherever can it be!” they cry.
Celia Thaxter.
Extremes6
I
A little boy once played so loud
That the Thunder, up in a thunder-cloud,
Said, “Since I can’t be heard, why, then,
I’ll never, never thunder again!”
II
And a little girl once kept so still
That she heard a fly on the window-sill
Whisper and say to a lady-bird,—
“She’s the stilliest child I ever heard!”
James Whitcomb Riley.
The Dream of a Girl Who Lived at Seven-Oaks
Seven sweet singing birds up in a tree;
Seven swift sailing-ships white upon the sea;
Seven bright weather-cocks shining in the sun;
Seven slim race-horses ready for a run;
Seven gold butterflies, flitting overhead;
Seven red roses blowing in a garden bed;
Seven white lilies, with honey bees inside them;
Seven round rainbows with clouds to divide them;
Seven pretty little girls with sugar on their lips;
Seven witty little boys, whom everybody tips;
Seven nice fathers, to call little maids joys;
Seven nice mothers, to kiss the little boys;
Seven nights running I dreamt it all plain;
With bread and jam for supper I could dream it all again!
William Brighty Rands.
The Dream of a Boy Who Lived at Nine-Elms
Nine grenadiers, with bayonets in their guns;
Nine bakers’ baskets, with hot-cross buns;
Nine brown elephants, standing in a row;
Nine new velocipedes, good ones to go;
Nine knickerbocker suits, with buttons all complete;
Nine pair of skates with straps for the feet;
Nine clever conjurors eating hot coals;
Nine sturdy mountaineers leaping on their poles;
Nine little drummer-boys beating on their drums;
Nine fat aldermen sitting on their thumbs;
Nine new knockers to our front door;
Nine new neighbours that I never saw before;
Nine times running I dreamt it all plain;
With bread and cheese for supper I could dream it all again!
William Brighty Rands.
A Little Boy’s Pocket
Do you know what’s in my pottet?
Such a lot of treasures in it!
Listen now while I bedin it:
Such a lot of sings it holds,
And everysin dats in my pottet,
And when, and where, and how I dot it.
First of all, here’s in my pottet
A beauty shell, I pit’d it up:
And here’s the handle of a tup
That somebody has broked at tea;
The shell’s a hole in it, you see:
Nobody knows dat I dot it,
I teep it safe here in my pottet.
And here’s my ball too in my pottet,
And here’s my pennies, one, two, free,
That Aunty Mary dave to me,
To-morrow day I’ll buy a spade,
When I’m out walking with the maid;
I tant put that here in my pottet!
But I can use it when I’ve dot it.
Here’s some more sings in my pottet,
Here’s my lead, and here’s my string;
And once I had an iron ring,
But through a hole it lost one day,
And this is what I always say—
A hole’s the worst sing in a pottet,
Be sure and mend it when you’ve dot it.
Unknown.
A. Apple Pie a
A was once an apple-pie,
Pidy,
Widy,
Tidy,
Pidy,
Nice insidy,
Apple-pie!
b
B was once a little bear,
Beary,
Wary,
Hairy,
Beary,
Taky caky,
Little bear!
c
C was once a little cake,
Caky,
Baky,
Maky,
Caky,
Taky caky,
Little cake!
d
D was once a little doll,
Dolly,
Molly,
Polly,
Nolly,
Nursy dolly,
Little doll!
e
E was once a little eel,
Eely,
Weely,
Peely,
Eely,
Twirly, tweely,
Little eel!
f
F was once a little fish,
Fishy,
Wishy,
Squishy,
Fishy,
In a dishy,
Little fish!
g
G was once a little goose,
Goosy,
Moosy,
Boosey,
Goosey,
Waddly-woosy,
Little goose!
h
H was once a little hen,
Henny,
Chenny,
Tenny,
Henny,
Eggsy-any,
Little hen?
i
I was once a bottle of ink,
Inky,
Dinky,
Thinky,
Inky,
Blacky minky,
Bottle of ink!
j
J was once a jar of jam,
Jammy,
Mammy,
Clammy,
Jammy,
Sweety, swammy,
Jar of jam!
k
K was once a little kite,
Kity,
Whity,
Flighty,
Kity,
Out of sighty,
Little kite!
l
L was once a little lark,
Larky,
Marky,
Harky,
Larky,
In the parky,
Little lark!
m
M was once a little mouse,
Mousy,
Bousy,
Sousy,
Mousy,
In the housy,
Little mouse!
n
N was once a little needle,
Needly,
Tweedly,
Threedly,
Needly,
Wisky, wheedly,
Little needle!
o
O was once a little owl,
Owly,
Prowly,
Howly,
Owly,
Browny fowly,
Little owl!
p
P was once a little pump,
Pumpy,
Slumpy,
Flumpy,
Pumpy,
Dumpy, thumpy,
Little pump!
q
Q was once a little quail,
Quaily,
Faily,
Daily,
Quaily,
Stumpy-taily,
Little quail!
r
R was once a little rose,
Rosy,
Posy,
Nosy,
Rosy,
Blows-y, grows-y,
Little rose!
s
S was once a little shrimp,
Shrimpy,
Nimpy,
Flimpy,
Shrimpy,
Jumpy, jimpy,
Little shrimp!
t
T was once a little thrush,
Thrushy,
Hushy,
Bushy,
Thrushy,
Flitty, flushy,
Little thrush!
u
U was once a little urn,
Urny,
Burny,
Turny,
Urny,
Bubbly, burny,
Little urn!
v
V was once a little vine,
Viny,
Winy,
Twiny,
Viny,
Twisty-twiny,
Little vine!
w
W was once a whale,
Whaly,
Scaly,
Shaly,
Whaly,
Tumbly-taily,
Mighty whale!
x
X was once a great king Xerxes,
Xerxy,
Perxy,
Turxy,
Xerxy,
Linxy, lurxy,
Great King Xerxes!
y
Y was once a little yew,
Yewdy,
Fewdy,
Crudy,
Yewdy,
Growdy, grewdy,
Little yew!
z
Z was once a piece of zinc,
Tinky,
Winky,
Blinky,
Tinky,
Tinkly minky,
Piece of zinc!
Edward Lear.
A Was an Ant
A was an ant
Who seldom stood still,
And who made a nice house
In the side of a hill.
a
Nice little ant!
B was a book
With a binding of blue,
And pictures and stories
For me and for you.
b
Nice little book!
C was a cat
Who ran after a rat;
But his courage did fail
When she seized on his tail.
c
Crafty old cat!
D was a duck
With spots on his back,
Who lived in the water,
And always said “Quack!”
d
Dear little duck!
E was an elephant,
Stately and wise:
He had tusks and a trunk,
And two queer little eyes.
e
Oh, what funny small eyes!
F was a fish
Who was caught in a net;
But he got out again,
And is quite alive yet.
f
Lively young fish!
G was a goat
Who was spotted with brown:
When he did not lie still
He walked up and down.
g
Good little goat!
H was a hat
Which was all on one side;
Its crown was too high,
And its brim was too wide.
h
Oh, what a hat!
I was some ice
So white and so nice,
But which nobody tasted;
And so it was wasted.
i
All that good ice!
J was a jackdaw
Who hopped up and down
In the principal street
Of a neighboring town.
j
All through the town!
K was a kite
Which flew out of sight,
Above houses so high,
Quite into the sky.
k
Fly away, kite!
L was a light
Which burned all the night,
And lighted the gloom
Of a very dark room.
l
Useful nice light!
M was a mill
Which stood on a hill,
And turned round and round
With a loud hummy sound.
m
Useful old mill!
N was a net
Which was thrown in the sea
To catch fish for dinner
For you and for me.
n
Nice little net!
O was an orange
So yellow and round:
When it fell off the tree,
It fell down to the ground.
o
Down to the ground!
P was a pig,
Who was not very big;
But his tail was too curly,
And that made him surly.
p
Cross little pig!
Q was a quail
With a very short tail;
And he fed upon corn
In the evening and morn.
q
Quaint little quail!
R was a rabbit,
Who had a bad habit
Of eating the flowers
In gardens and bowers.
r
Naughty fat rabbit!
S was the sugar-tongs,
Nippity-nee,
To take up the sugar
To put in our tea.
s
Nippity-nee!
T was a tortoise,
All yellow and black:
He walked slowly away,
And he never came back.
t
Torty never came back!
U was an urn
All polished and bright,
And full of hot water
At noon and at night.
u
Useful old urn!
V was a villa
Which stood on a hill,
By the side of a river,
And close to a mill.
v
Nice little villa!
W was a whale
With a very long tail,
Whose movements were frantic
Across the Atlantic.
w
Monstrous old whale!
X was King Xerxes,
Who, more than all Turks, is
Renowned for his fashion
Of fury and passion.
x
Angry old Xerxes!
Y was a yew,
Which flourished and grew
By a quiet abode
Near the side of a road.
y
Dark little yew!
Z was some zinc,
So shiny and bright,
Which caused you to wink
In the sun’s merry light.
z
Beautiful zinc!
Edward Lear.
The Table and the Chair
I
Said the Table to the Chair,
“You can hardly be aware
How I suffer from the heat
And from chilblains on my feet.
If we took a little walk,
We might have a little talk;
Pray let us take the air,”
Said the Table to the Chair.
II
Said the Chair unto the Table,
“Now, you know we are not able:
How foolishly you talk,
When you know we cannot walk!”
Said the Table with a sigh,
“It can do no harm to try.
I’ve as many legs as you:
Why can’t we walk on two?”
III
So they both went slowly down,
And walked about the town
With a cheerful bumpy sound
As they toddled round and round;
And everybody cried,
As they hastened to their side,
“See! the Table and the Chair
Have come out to take the air!”
IV
But in going down an alley,
To a castle in a valley,
They completely lost their way,
And wandered all the day;
Till, to see them safely back,
They paid a Ducky-quack,
And a Beetle, and a Mouse,
Who took them to their house.
V
Then they whispered to each other,
“O delightful little brother,
What a lovely walk we’ve taken!
Let us dine on beans and bacon.”
So the Ducky and the leetle
Browny-Mousy and the Beetle
Dined, and danced upon their heads
Till they toddled to their beds.
Edward Lear.
Feeding the Fairies
Fairies, fairies, come and be fed,
Come and be fed like hens and cocks;
Hither and thither with delicate tread,
Flutter around me in fairy flocks.
Come, little fairies, from far and near;
Come, little fairies, I know you can fly;
Who can be dear if you are not dear?
And who is so fond of a fairy as I?
Fairies, fairies, come if you please,
Nod your heads and ruffle your wings,
Marching in order or standing at ease,
Frolicsome fairies are dear little things!
Golden the grain and silver the rice,
Pleasant the crumbs from Mama’s own bread,
Currants pick’d out of the pudding are nice—
Fairies, fairies, come and be fed!
Hushaby, oh! hushaby, oh!
Hide by the door—keep very still—
I must be gentle, I must speak low,
Or frighten the fairies I certainly will.
Fairies are easily frighten’d, I know;
They are so small, we must pity their fears.
Hushaby, oh! hushaby, oh!
Coax them and humour them—poor little dears!
Fairies, fairies, why don’t you come?
Fairies, fairies, wherefore delay?
In a few minutes I must run home—
Cross little creatures! you know I can’t stay!
See how I scatter your beautiful food—
Good little fairies would come when I call;
Fairies, fairies, won’t you be good?
What is the use of my speaking at all?
“Two Friends.”
The Fairy
Oh, who is so merry
As the light-hearted fairy?
He dances and sings
To the sound of his wings,
With a hey, and a heigh, and a ho!
Oh, who is so merry
As the light-hearted fairy?
His nectar he sips
From the primrose’s lips,
With a hey, and a heigh, and a ho!
Oh, who is so merry
As the light-hearted fairy?
His night is the noon,
And his sun is the moon,
With a hey, and a heigh, and a ho!
Unknown.
Notes
6 From “The Book of Joyous Children,” copyright 1902, by Chas. Scribner’s Sons.