Chapter II
Next day wor a gloomy day i’th’ Hoil-i’th’-Fowld; whether it wor grief for th’ loss o’th’ pump, or th’ effects o’th’ rum an’ ale, aw connot say, but all th’ chaps stopt at hooam, an’ it wor ommost dinner time when they mustered i’th’ middle o’th’ yard, an’ owd Jacob, who’d been puffin at a empty pipe for a long time, luk’d up an’ spake.
‘Lads,’ he sed, ‘it seems to me ‘at this yard will niver luk like itsen agean, unless we have summat standin up i’th’ middle i’th’ place ov th’ owd pump; an’ aw’ve been tryin to think what it had better be, but aw can’t mak up mi mind abaat it. What do yo think?’
‘Suppooas we put a tombstun ovver th’ pump,’ sed Elkanah.
‘Tha wants th’ job o’ writin th’ hepitaf, does ta?’ sed Jonas.
‘Well, aw dooant think that ud do, for a tombstun is nobbut a varry gloomy sooart ov a thing at th’ best hand. Nah, what do you say if we have a statty? Aw think a statty ud look noble an’ inspirin like.’
‘Eea, aw think soa too,’ sed Simeon, ‘but who mun we have a statty on? Mun it be th’ landlord?’
‘Landlord be blow’d! What mun we have a statty o’ him for? We see enuff o’ him ivery month when he comes for his rent.’
‘Well, who mun it be?’
‘Aw dooant know ‘at it matters mich who it is, for they put up stattys to onybody nah days, nobbut we mun pick aght somdy ‘at gets a daycent wage, ‘coss he’ll have to find pairt o’th’ brass. Nah, ther’s Kana thear; he isn’t baat a two or three paand. Suppooas we put one up to Kana?’
‘Why, what’s Kana iver done ‘at he should have a statty?’
‘What difference does that mak? What’s lots o’ fowk done ‘at get stattys? Worn’t his fayther th’ bell-man for monny a year? an’ didn’t owd Sally his mother, bake the best havvercake ‘at yo could get i’th’ district? An’ a statty’s a statty noa matter who’s it is? What says ta Kana?’
‘Well aw dooant know ha mich it’ll cost. What is it to be made on?’
‘Oh, we’ll have it made o’ wood,—th’ pump wor a wooden un, an’ Simeon’s a wood turner, an’ he’ll turn it cheap, willn’t ta Simeon?’
‘Aw’ll do it as reasonable as aw con. Aw think aw could get up a varry gooid en for abaat thirty shillin.’
‘Well, aw’ll be ten shillin,’ sed Kana, ‘an’ tother can be subscribed for at a penny a wick a piece.’
‘Why, that’s fair enuff, lads, what do yo say?’
‘We’ll all agree to that,’ sed Jonas, ‘but whear mun we put it? May be ’as th’ Corporation’s taen away th’ pump they may want to shift th’ statty.’
‘Corporation be hanged! we’ll put it up thear an’ let them mell on it ‘at dar.’
‘Well’ sed Simeon, ‘aw’ll start it reight away, but aw’st want Kana to sit aside o’th’ lathe wol awm turnin, or else awst niver be able to get a likeness on him.’
‘Oh, th’ likeness matters nowt; tha can paint his name on it an’ then iverybody’ll know whose it is.’
‘After a bit moor tawk they sauntered off, some one way an’ some another, an’ amused thersens as weel as they could wol bed time, an’ then went to sleep, all except Simeon; he could’nt sleep, for he didn’t like to admit ‘at he couldn’t turn a statty, an’ still he didn’t know ha to start; but he wor bent o’ having th’ thirty shillin ony way.
Next mornin he made a beginnin, an’ he thowt he’d turn th’ body pairt first, an’ he made a varry daycent job on it he thowt, an’ when they ax’d him at neet ha he wor gettin on, he tell’d ’em th’ belly piece wor all reight, an’ he’d have it all done bi Setterdy neet; an’ he kept his word, an’ when they all coom hooam thear it wor, wi’ a gurt bedquilt ovver it, waitin to be unveiled, an’ yo con bet it worn’t long befoor they’d all swallow’d ther drinkin an’ wor waitin—all except Kana, he felt a sooart o’ modest abaat it an’ had to be fotched aght.
Jacob wor th’ cheerman, an’ they maanted him on a peggytub turned upside daan; but he wor a sooart o’ fast what to say, soa he ax’d Simeon. ‘Why,’ he sed, tha mun praise th’ statty, an’ say it’s a life-like portrait, an’ then tha mun tell all th’ gooid things tha knows abaat Kana.’
‘Why, but aw dooant know nowt varry gooid abaat him, nobbut he can cure a bit o’ bacon dacently.’
‘Niver heed, tha mun say all tha thinks he owt to ha done, it’ll do just as weel.’
Kana wor wonderin all th’ time what he’d have to say, soa he called Jonas o’ one side an’ axed him.
‘Oh, thy pairt’s easy enuff. Tha mun thank ’em all, an’ say it’s th’ praadest day o’ thi life; but dooant say owt abaat thi own ten shillin, coss it willn’t do for iverybody to know that; an’ then as tha’s nowt to booast on thisen, put in a word or two abaat thi father. Owt tha says obaat thi father is sure to goa daan.’
‘Order! order!’ shaated two or three as Jacob gate ready to spaik. ‘Feller citizens, an’ citizenesses, under this bed quilt is a statty erected to th’ memory of Kana, an’ it’s put here asteead o’th’ pump. You all know Kana. He’s a daycent sooart ov a chap, an’ we thowt he owt to have a statty. At onyrate, we wanted a statty, an’ it mud as weel be Kana’s as onybody’s else. He’s a varry daycent chap, as aw sed befoor, an’ upright—varry upright—as upright—as upright as a yard o’ pump watter. An’ aw’ve noa daat he’s honest; aw niver knew him trusted wi’ owt, but varry likely if he wor he’d stick to it. He’s a gentleman, th’ bit ther is on him, an’ he allus pays his rent. Aw could say a gooid deeal moor, but th’ least sed is th’ sooinest mended, an’ as yo all want to see what’s under this quilt, aw’ll say no moor but show yo at once.’
Off coom th’ quilt, an’ ther wor th’ statty, but it didn’t stand on its feet, for it wor raised on a powl, an’ turned raand like a weathercock. Worn’t ther a shaat when they saw it! Didn’t they swing ther hats raand! Niver mind!
‘Well,’ sed Jacob, ‘tha’s made a gooid job o’ that, Simeon; it’s as nice a bit o’ wood as aw’ve seen for a long time, but what made thi have it to turn raand?’
‘Eea, it’s a bit o’ nice wood, an’ them buttons ‘at aw put in for his een cost me sixpence a-piece. Aw thowt it wor noa use puttin a nooas on, for tha sees it ud be sure to get brokken off, an’ th’ reason aw made it to turn raand is becoss aw thowt it wor hardly fair ‘at fowk ‘at live o’ one side o’ th’ fowld should have his face to luk at allus, an’ tother side his back; soa nah we con have it lukkin one way one day an’ another th’ next. But whisht! Kana’s baan to spaik.’
‘Kind friends, aw just stand up to spaik a few words hopin to find yo all weel as aw am at present. If onybody had tell’d my fayther ‘at his son wod iver have a statty like that, aw think it wod ha brokken his heart. This is a praad day for me, an’ aw shall niver see this work o’ art withaat thinkin abaat what it cost. My father wor a gooid man, an’ awm his son, an’ this is my statty, an’ aw thank yo one an’ all, soa noa moor at present, throo yours truly, Elkanah.’
When he’d done ther wor some moor shaatin, an’ then one o’th’ wimmen sed shoo’d a word or two to say.
‘Silence for Mary o’ Sarah’s!’
‘Me an’ tother wimmen has been tawkin it ovver,’ shoo sed, ‘an’ we think ‘at if ther wor a gooid strong hook driven in th’ top of its heead, ‘at we could fessen a clooas line to, ‘at it wod be varry useful, an’ we’d ommost as sooin have it as th’ pump.’
‘That’s a gooid idea,’ sed Simeon, ‘aw’ll drive one in, for ther’s no brains in it.’
‘Its soa mich moor like Kana,’ sed Jonas, but nubdy tuk ony noatice.
They all kept waitin abaat after th’ ceremony wor ovver, expectin ‘at Kana wod ax ’em to have summat to sup at th’ heead on it, but he didn’t seem to understand things, soa Simeon went up to him an’ whispered.
‘Net another hawpney,’ he sed, ‘it’s cost me enuff.’
When they heeard this they all turned agean him at once. ‘If tha doesn’t stand treat,’ sed Jacob, ‘we’ll rub thi name off an’ put on somdy’s else at will.’
‘Yo can put whose yo like on,’ sed Kana.
An’ one o’th’ wimmen coom wi’ a dishclaat an’ wiped it off, for shoo sed ‘it wor far to handsome a statty for sich a skinflint as him, as flaysome as it wor.’
Then Jacob gate on to th’ tub agean an’ ax’d who’d stand a gallon to have their name put on, but they all sed they wor hard up an’ couldn’t affoord owt, soa thear it stands, an’ th’ first chap ‘at’ll pay for a gallon o’ ale con have his name put on whether he’s a subscriber or net.
Ther’s a chonce for some o’ yo ‘at wants a statty.