Chapter XI A Pilgrimage to Nature
It was in May. The side-walk in front of Mike Callahan’s dive was wide, and we, the gang of discharged dive employees, were in the habit of lounging on the empty beer barrels along the curb or sticking ourselves up against the swinging doors of the place. People, whom we knew from having met them in the “better” days, when we were still working, often passed by and were eagerly hailed by us in the hope that they might buy a drink for our thirsty throats.
Corner loafers are despised by all people who lead useful lives, and justly so. Still, there is something very moving in thinking about the dreary existence of these fellows. With brains as empty as their pockets, they assemble with praiseworthy regularity at their open-air clubs, and waste their days in pessimistic conjectures. The loafer is a born pessimist and cynic. No matter what subject or event you may mention to him, he will sneer at it and promptly proceed to pick it to pieces. His criticisms are as acidly sarcastic as his excuses are ingenious. Ask him his opinion about the work done by some skilled mechanic, and he will find a multitude of faults and then expound how the job ought to have been done. Surprised at his technical knowledge you ask in a mild way why he does not put his evident ability to practical use, and are forthwith shocked by suggesting such a thing to a man, who has such a wealth of haughty and convincing reasons for remaining a loafer.
Loafers are forever hovering in the ante-room of crime. If his Satanic Majesty bethinks himself of his own and calls them, they willingly and without compunction, do any crooked commission provided it does not require too much physical courage. After due time, crime seems easy, they have not yet been caught, and from their familiarity with evil-doing, and not because of any lately awakened courage, they commit deeds which are called “desperate” by every conscientious reporter.
Jack Dempsey, Frank Casey and myself formed a sort of inner circle in the larger gang. We often philosophized together, exchanged ideas and commented on things in general. At one of our confabs, Frank Casey seemed to be entirely out of humor.
“What’s the matter with you, Frank?” I asked.
“What do you think there is? There’s nothing the matter with me, excepting that I’m dead sick o’ this game.” We could see he was deeply moved by some unsuspected emotion and were deeply interested in its development.
“I tell you what I’d like to do,” he resumed. “I’d like to cut this all out and go to work some place. There’s nothing in this kind o’ life and it’s the same every day. See, it’s years and years since I done what you may call an honest day’s work.”
“Ah, you’re only kidding!”
“Kidding?” he echoed, indignantly. “Say, Kil, and you, too, Dempsey, I was never more serious in me life. What are we getting out o’ this? It’s hanging round here all day, looking for graft and the few pennies to go to bed with or to buy a beef-stew; and when a fellow does make a piece o’ money, does it do him any good? Not on your life! If you flash it, you got to blow it in for booze, and if you don’t they think you’re no good, and the whole gang gets sore on you. A fellow that’s working and making his dollar and a half or two dollars a day, is better off than the whole bunch of us taken together.”
“For the love of heaven, you ain’t thinking about going to work?”
“That’s just what I’m doing, and the sooner I can start in the better,” attested Casey with emphasis.
A warm discussion followed. It is hard to tell if it was the novelty of the proposition or Casey’s evident sincerity, but Dempsey and I began to consider it very seriously.
“Say Casey,” I asked, “supposing the three of us really wanted to go to work, where could we get it? They don’t take men like us in shops or factories, where there are a whole lot of trained help looking for work every day. So, even if we wanted work, we couldn’t get it.”
“Is that so? You’re talking as if New York City is the whole thing. What’s the matter with the country? That’s where we ought to go, because we’ll never amount to anything here. In the first place, even if we was to get jobs here, the three of us would be going on a drunk on the first pay day and stay on it until we’re broke. But in the country you ain’t got no chance to spend your money, and it’s healthy and it’s better anyway.”
The surety of Casey amused me.
“Will you tell me where you have ever been in the country to know so much about it, and where you got your information from?”
“That don’t make no difference,” insisted Casey stubbornly, “I know there’s lots o’ fellows going over to Philadelphia or Jersey or some place over there every year about this time, and they come back like new and with money from picking strawberries and whatever else there’s growing out there.”
We put our heads together, discussed the matter, came to the conclusion that, surely, we would not be in worse circumstances in the country than we were in the city, and resolved to try our luck at strawberry picking.
To financier our expedition was our first duty. We skirmished round and raised about six dollars as our joint capital. Casey went on a secret errand to make inquiries of some well-known “hobo” authority where to go, and how to get there, and then undertook to personally conduct the tour into the unknown land.
Baggage did not encumber us. I had thought of taking my good old pal, my Bill, along with us, but did not wish to expose him to the dangers, which, no doubt, were lurking for us.
At the ferry, Casey flew his flag and read us the last orders. To save our small capital, we were to walk or “jump” freight trains. Also, for reasons of economy and sagacity, we were not to indulge in one solitary drop of anything intoxicating.
The first hitch occurred in Hoboken. To get a freight train was impossible. Dempsey and I never knew why we were unable to make connections, as Casey’s plausibility drove the question from our minds and made us follow him blindly.
We walked from Hoboken to Newark. It was a scorching afternoon, the sand was hot and heavy under foot, and our mouths became parched at an uncomfortable rate. A few wells and pumps were passed by us, but Casey would not permit us to slake our thirst, as “Newark is only a step or so further on, and it’s dangerous to monkey with them country people. They got dogs and are kind of suspicious of fellows like us, who come from New York.”
Ah, really and truly, it would have been the most confiding and unsophisticating nature that would not have been suspicious of us, no matter where we hailed from. Three tough specimens of humanity, indeed, we were!
No stop was made until we reached the railroad station at Newark. Quite a crowd was assembled to wait for either an incoming or outgoing train, but we, without paying the slightest attention to the many mistrustful glances given in our direction, raced for the ice-water tank, prepared to gorge ourselves with the cooling drink.
Casey was the last to have his turn at the chained tin cup. He started off splendidly, but paused after, his first gulp and smacked his lips in a most critical manner.
“Taste anything funny in that water?”
We replied in the negative.
“There’s something wrong with it, just the same,” Casey persisted. “And do you know, the worst thing a man can do this time o’ the year is to drink bad water.”
“But we got to drink something. We ain’t going to drink any beer, and I hate to spend money for soda and ginger-ale and stuff like that,” remarked Dempsey.
“That’s true enough,” admitted Casey, “but, I’ll tell you what we’ll do. The same fellow who gave me points on how to get to the strawberries, also, told me that the biggest glass of beer in the country was sold right here in Newark. Now, we ain’t going to get full or anything like that, but, being as the water ain’t fit to drink, I guess we might have one, just one o’ those biggest schooners, which I never seen and which, besides quenching our thirst, are surely worth looking at, the same as any curiosities.”
Without the aid of a Baedeker, we found our way to Newark’s most interesting spot. We entered the hospitable tavern at about seven o’clock, and, at ten o’clock, were still tarrying there admiring the size and beauty of the biggest beers in the world.
Regardless of the size of the drink, the beer alone,—never a product of malt and hops—a vile concoction of injurious chemicals, is sufficient to put the indulger far above the most worrying troubles. Late that night, the quiet streets of Newark were profaned by three unsteady musketeers, who, with song and laughter, were making their way to the “meadows.”
Only one more resolution made and broken. It was not the first and was not the last.
Out in the “meadows,” the train-yard, where the freight trains were made up, we succeeded, after many mishaps, including Casey’s tumble from a moving train into a ditch, in catching a train at about midnight. We had only traveled about a mile, when a trainman, stepping from car to car with lighted lantern, saw us huddled between the bumpers.
“Where are you fellows going?”
“Philadelphia,” came the answer in sleepy, drowsy tones.
“You’re on a wrong train. This train goes to the ‘branch.’”
At the time we did not know that this was only a common ruse to make “hoboes” leave the train and accepted it at its face value.
“Where did he say we were going?” asked Casey.
“To the ‘branch,’ wherever that may be,” I answered.
“I guess we better get off, then. This train ain’t going to Philadelphia,” suggested Dempsey.
“What we’ll get off for? This train goes somewhere, don’t it? And it don’t make much difference where it goes to, as long as it goes somewhere into the country and away from New York,” said Casey, with the evident intention of ending further argument.
The heavy, damp night air and the drink partaken by us lulled us into deep slumber, forgetful of our precarious attitude. We had journeyed for hours without waking and were not aroused until the coldness in our limbs became actually painful. Without speaking a word and merely staring at each other we jolted on and on into the unknown, and the dawning morning.
Suddenly a brilliant spectacle caught our eyes. Coming out from wooded land, the train sped along a level stretch and we fed our looks on the Fata Morgana of a large city. The size, brilliancy of illumination and distance from New York left no doubt in our minds that we were not far from Philadelphia, and had we known how to pray, we would surely have done so. I have never regretted the experience, still have no wild desire to repeat it. There are more easily obtainable joys in life than the riding on the bumpers of a freight train on a chilly May morning.
It was not long before we were slinking along Market street in Philadelphia. After fortifying ourselves against the bad consequences of our benumbing voyage by sampling some “speak-easy” whiskey, we visited “Dirty Mag’s” famous all-night restaurant on Sixth street and feasted on steak-pie and coffee, with crullers included. The bill amounted to ten cents.
We were so tired out by our traveling that it was out of the question to continue our journey. Down on Calomel street we found a resting-place for our weary and frozen bones at fifteen cents per couch. It was almost noon before we woke from our sleep and held a conference. At its termination we hied ourselves to the nearby grocery store and spent almost the entire remainder of our depleted treasury in buying provisions for our trip into the wilds of Pennsylvania. After that, with a last parting drink, we turned our backs on Philadelphia and set boldly out to win our fortunes.
Just as the suburbs had been reached by us we were reminded by our stomachs that we had forgotten to breakfast. An inviting tree stood nearby, a brook, as clear as crystal, was rippling past our feet, and the place seemed to be made for a picnic ground. The enjoyment of the meal was marred by the thought that now we would have no lunch or dinner.
“What’s the use of worrying about that now? Besides, we won’t have to carry so much,” was Casey’s way of consoling us.
We rose and began our tramp in earnest. For hours we walked, giving little attention to the things about us and only holding desultory conversation. Not one of us knew the route to the “strawberry country,” and we were often obliged to ask people whom we met for directions. We had little luck in this. Most of the people addressed by us would quickly button their coats and hurry on without heeding us. Others would barely stop and throw us such a small scrap of information that, instead of enlightening us, they only bewildered us the more. At last, Casey got tired of this way of securing information and burst upon us with his latest and brightest inspiration.
“It’s no use of asking any o’ these men. Most o’ them are hayseeds and been to New York and have been buncoed. They can see in a minute that we’re from New York and ain’t going to take no chances with us. It’s different with women. They’re always nice and gentle and, especially, when they get spoken to the way I know how to talk to them. Leave this to me. Don’t ask any more men. Wait till we meet some women, and then I’ll ask them, and then you’ll be surprised in the difference.”
Casey, who had given voice to this speech with properly inflated chest, proved himself to be a true prophet. We found there was a difference in the way in which men and women received our approach.
Before long, we saw two women with baskets coming our way.
“Now, you fellows want to keep a little behind, and watch me how I do this,” was Casey’s final instruction.
Giving his clothes a quick brushing with his hands and setting his hat jauntily over his ear, Casey went toward his fate with a grace all his own.
Dempsey and I could not hear the first passage of words, but it was hardly necessary, as the effects of it were immediately visible.
One woman proceeded to pummel Casey with her umbrella, while the other was trying to fit her market-basket on his head. When they saw Dempsey and me come running to the rescue, they left Casey and took it on a run across the fields, but they took good care to shout back to us that they would have the sheriff or constable after us.
“For heaven’s sake, what did you say to those women?” I asked Casey, after I had pulled the basket from his head.
“What did I say to them? They ain’t civilized, and it don’t make no difference what a fellow says to them kind o’ people. I spoke to them like a regular dude. This is what I said: ‘Ain’t this a fine morning, girls. We’re strangers here and didn’t like this country very much until it was our good fortune to see you, who are sweeter than any sugar, and now we’d like to stay here if you will tell us the road to where the strawberries grow and where there are as many girls as beautiful as yourselves!’ And the minute I said that they soaked me.”
We consoled Casey and resumed our tramp.
It was now late in the afternoon and I determined that we should know something about our whereabouts. I stopped the very next man we met in such a way that he could not get away from us.
After assuring him that we had no intention of robbing him, I insisted on getting correct information.
Can you imagine our feelings when he told us that we had spent our time and energy in describing circles around Philadelphia, without getting away from it?
Dempsey and Casey made no attempt to hide their chagrin. The blow was too crushing. I, also, felt fearfully discouraged, but did not want to give in.
“There is no use in going back. We’re here now, and must go on. If we go back to Philadelphia, we might as well go back to New York. We’re in the country now, and we might as well stay here. I don’t care what you fellows do, I’m going to go ahead.”
The last sentence was a fearful bluff. Had Dempsey and Casey decided to return to New York, I would have joined them on the spot. Fortunately, they adopted my way of looking at it, and we once more pursued our sorry pilgrimage.
Now, we were sure of penetrating right into the heart of the country and evidences of it were not lacking. Suburban villas grew fewer and fewer and we had to walk for a considerable distance before we passed another farmhouse. With our inborn stubbornness we kept plodding on, until our legs almost refused to obey.
It was the hour in which evening unwittingly yields supremacy to night. We felt it, as was proven by Casey in answer to Dempsey’s question in regard to the time.
“Well, when it looks like this they always begin to light up in Callahan’s, and that’s about seven o’clock.”
Again we were silent and tramped and tramped. Dempsey was the next to speak.
“Say, fellows, I ain’t seen any strawberries yet. And even if we were to see any now, we couldn’t go to work at them this evening, it being so late now, and I think the best thing we can do is to sit down some place and take a rest.”
Only a few more steps and we saw a spot, which by you, would have been called a dell. We called it nothing, just saw the soft grass and, with one accord, sank down on it.
The tone of evening now rang unmistakably clear. Evening and its partner, the gloaming, were at the last and best moment of their supremacy. Too short, by far, are evenings in the country, those short brief hours of nature’s neutral state, before retiring to its well-earned rest. But that I only feel now, and did not then.
Remember! this was my first night in God’s country. Like thousands of others who live and die in the southeast corner of Manhattan—along the Bowery—I had never had a sight of nature. I could not have told a daisy from a rose; or a crow from a robin. All that I write here are the impressions that linger in my mind of this, my first night with nature.
It was one grand moment in our lives, yet we did not feel it. Hold, I am wrong! We did feel it, perhaps subconsciously, but feel it we did. Our kind is not given to much talking while doing anything of import. Then our energies are in our task, no matter how dirty that may be. As soon as we rest, we change, and the silent drudge becomes a veritable magpie. We three were resting as, like three daisies in the wilderness, we sat in our dell, but there was something all about and around us that stopped our flow of talk from loosening itself.
We sat and stared, and the most insignificant changes in the tranquil scene before us left their unrecognized, yet deep impressions on us. And looking back through all the years passed since then, I see it all still before me, though I cannot attempt to picture it to you.
From where we sat it looked before us like the setting for a glorious play. On both sides, small sketches of woodland interjected just far enough to serve as the wings on the stage. Back of it, there was a grand, majestic last drop, a range of hills, running unbrokenly from where to where we could see. The cast, the actors of the play were supplied by all the many living things about us and, above it all, like the last curtain, hung the forerunners of the coming night.
It was no tumultuous melodrama, no rollicking farce, it was a pastoral play so successful, so wisely composed and staged that from its first night it has been enacted every night through all the ages. No wonder that with so many rehearsals the scene, as we saw it, was played with perfection.
Out from a loophole in the sky, a bird came flying toward us with unfaltering swing. Night after night it had flown the same course, night after night it had the same rôle, that of bringing their share to the young striplings in the nest above our heads. Along the road came a creaking, lumbering farm-wagon. The farmer looked at us with suspicion, still, gave us a “good evening, boys.” I do not know if we returned his greeting or not.
It was quiet, so quiet, that the many little noises, made by unseen beings, pealed like tornadoes of sound. The snatch of laughter, coming from the tree-encircled farm-house behind us, was as the laughter of a multitude; the chirrup of that homeward bound bird was as a lofty, airy chorus; the croaking of the frog was as a grunting wail from many, many, who never get above the very ground. While we had sat staring holes into the air before us, evening had flown, and night, a gallant victor, had unrolled the standard of the stars. I know I cannot tell you my impressions, but even had I the gift and genius of a hundred of our greatest writers, I could not convey to you what a picture that night, my first night in God’s country, left with me. It seemed to me that all and everything, before becoming wrapped in slumber, gave one praise-offering to Above. The corn of the field and the poor lowly flower by the roadside and even the tiny blade of grass, they all were straightened by one last, upward tremor before relaxing to their drooping doze. The birds of the air and the beasts of the ground, all sounded their evening song. With some it was a thrill of sweetest divine melody, with others it was but a grunt, but it all seemed like a thanksgiving for having lived and worked a day made by the Creator of all.
And from beneath all this, the silent attitude of prayer and the intoned evening hymn of creatures rose onward, upward, like an anthem to the sky, where brilliant orbs and shining, milky veils were interwoven in a web of glory, and peeping over the tops of hours into the birthing cradle of another day. It is a witching hour, this hour, when stars and nature in unison sing their evening song.
Where nature is grandest, man most likes to profane it.
The sublime, sweet spell held us enthralled. Not a word had been spoken by us. How long we had sat there we did not know. How much longer we would have sat there is a matter of unprofitable conjecture. As if turned loose from the regions of the arch-fiend, with howling screech, with snorting, rumbling, rattling, a train, looking like a string of toy-cars in the distance, clattered along the range of hills, the last drop of our scene. Spitting fire before it, leaving white streamers behind it, the iron disrespecter of nature’s sanctity rushed into the very heart of the hills and took the haze of idealism with it.
The spell was broken, and we were not long in getting back to terra firma.
“Say,” remarked Casey very pensively, “ain’t it very quiet here?”
“Well, I should say so,” hastened Dempsey to corroborate him. “It’s so quiet you couldn’t sleep here if you wanted to. This ain’t no place for us. Let’s go.”
We started ahead and tumbled along the country road. All directions, as to our route, were, for the present, forgotten. We only had one purpose now, to get away from the haunting quiet. With every step our nerves became more unstrung. A rabbit scooted across the road and made us grasp each other’s arms. The faint rustle of the leaves sent shivers down our backs.
Out in the open, we felt the hazy, vapory night air enshroud us, which showed every object in ghost-like mold. A dog barked far away, then it howled, and I can swear to it, we trembled.
It was not physical fear. It was the weirdness of the unaccustomed that played havoc with our reasoning powers. Some may doubt all this and mention as proof the “hoboing” tramps, who spend their most pleasing and profitable period of vagrancy in their country. I am not prepared to discuss this at all, but am quite sure that every tramp, at the beginning of his career as such, was similarly impressed on his first night in the country, provided he had not found shelter in a barn or haystack or had not been born and lived in the country before.
We, we were city bred to the bone, and noise was essential to us as ozone is to the country lad. He cannot sleep with noise,—we could not sleep without it.
Our musings—we had not spoken for a long time—were interrupted by Dempsey, who had fallen over a rail, which he had not noticed in the shadowy Darkness. Yes, it was a full-fledged railroad track and, for some obscure reason, it seemed to possess a great deal of fascination for us. We were apparently not able to get away from it. We stood and looked at it as if we had never seen a railroad track before.
This lasted until the ever-ready Casey interpreted our feelings.
“I wonder if this is the Pennsylvania railroad?”
That started a chorus of “wonders.”
“I wonder which end of this runs into New York;” “I wonder how far we are from New York;” “I wonder if we could get to New York from here;” “I wonder how long it takes to get to New York from here;” “I wonder if there is a station near here.”
How it happened, whether any one proposed it, or how we got there I do not know, but I do know that, quite unexpectedly, we found ourselves at a little wayside station, with a lot of milk cans on its platform. There is no mistaking the fact that we were entirely unbalanced mentally, and it was a good thing for the crew of the freight train, which rolled in to unload and load milk cans, that they were an easy-going crowd of men. We made no pretense of hiding ourselves, but climbed boldly on to the cars and would have committed murder had they attempted to put us off. The spectre of the stillness had taken possession of our brains, and we wanted to flee from it as from a plague.
Again the long, cold journey, and, then, at last, a great white sheen of shining lustre in the heavens told us that we were home once more to the city of our birth, of which we were so proud.
But could she be proud of us?
The rest of the night, or rather the beginning of the day, was spent in chairs in Callahan’s back-room, which seemed like paradise to us after our “fierce” experience in the country. After a nap, I went to look for my Bill, who greeted me as if I had left him alone as long as I did on our previous separation, and then again settled down to grace Callahan’s dive with my presence.
In a day our country trip was forgotten, and I felt quite resigned at taking up my career where I had dropped it. There was little hope of things in divedom brightening up for some time to come and I was perfectly willing to resume playing the gentleman of leisure, who makes his fluctuating living at the expense of his fellow men.
But the days in the old life were numbered. Only a short space of time more, and I was to be taken from the cesspool by one whom God must have sent solely for this end. Why this was and why I was chosen, neither you or I can answer, but it is enough for me to know that, even were every miracle of old found to be a fraud or sacrilege, the existence of one great, mighty, living God would be proven to me beyond the slimmest shadow of doubt by the miracle he performed on me by His sweetest prophet.
Lord my master, here I thank Thee, not only for having permitted me to live the life of purity and cleanliness, but also for having had me come from out and through the life of the most miserable and sinful. Mysterious are Your ways and Your purposes are not for us to know, but I have suffered, learned and prayed, and I know You will not let it be without avail. And if naught else I can do, give that for her sake, I shall always live in the way she wanted me to live and that was in Your way, God.