Presence. Absence. Social Intercourse
Long absent, soon forgotten.
Out of sight, out of mind.
“Friends living far away are no friends” (Greek). “He that is absent will not be the heir” (Latin).167 “Absence is love’s foe: far from the eyes, far from the heart” (Spanish).168 “The dead and the absent have no friends” (Spanish).169 “The absent are always in the wrong” (French).170 “Absent, none without fault; present, none without excuse” (French).171
Against this string of proverbs, all running in one direction, we may set off the Scotch saying,—
They are aye gude that are far awa’;
and this French one: “A little absence does much good.”172 Without affirming too absolutely that—
Friends agree best at a distance—
which was a proverb before Rochefoucauld wrote it down among his maxims—we may admit that “To preserve friendship a wall must be put between” (French);173 and that “A hedge between keeps friendship green” (German).174 “Love your neighbour, but do not pull down the hedge” (German).175 “There are certain limits of sociality, and prudent reserve and absence may find a place in the management of the tenderest relations.”—(Friends in Council.) This lesson the Spaniards embody in two proverbs, bidding you “Go to your aunt’s (or your brother’s) house, but not every day.”176 Friends meet with more pleasure after a short separation. “The imagination,” says Montaigne, “embraces more fervently and constantly what it goes in search of than what one has at hand. Count up your daily thoughts, and you will find that you are most absent from your friend when you have him with you. His presence relaxes your attention, and gives your thoughts liberty to absent themselves at every turn and upon every occasion.”
Better be unmannerly than troublesome.
I wad rather my friend should think me framet than fashious.—Scotch.
That is, I would rather my friend should think me strange (fremd, German) than troublesome (fâcheux, French).
Too much familiarity breeds contempt.
Ower-meikle hameliness spoils gude courtesy.
Hameliness means familiarity. See “Hame is a hamely word,” page 36.
Leave welcome ahint you.—Scotch.
Do not outstay your welcome. “A guest and a fish stink on the third day” (Spanish).177
Welcome the coming, speed the parting guest.
“Aweel, kinsman,” says Rob Boy to the baillie, “ye ken our fashion—foster the guest that comes, further him that maun gang.” “Let the guest go before the storm bursts” (German).178
If the badger leaves his hole the tod will creep into it.—Scotch.
“He that quits his place loses it” (French).179 “Whoso absents himself, his share absents itself” (Arab).
Footnotes
167 Absens hæres non erit.
168 Ausencia enemiga de amor: quan lejos de ojo tan lejos de corazon.
169 A muertos y a idos no hay mas amigos.
170 Les absents ont toujours tort.
171 Absent n’est point sans coulpe, ni présent sans excuse.
172 Un peu d’absence fait grand bien.
173 Pour amitié garder il faut parois entreposer.
174 Ein Zaun dazwischen mag die Liebe erfrischen.
175 Liebe deinen Nachbar, reiss aber den Zaun nicht ein.
176 A case de tu tia, mas no cada dia. A casa de tu hermano, mas no cada serano.
177 El huesped y el pece á tres dias hiede.
178 Lass den Gast ziehen eh das Gewitter ausbricht.
179 Qui quitte sa place la perd.