Exercise 220 — The Tone of the Letter
Undue familiarity or an evidence of loss of temper will at once frustrate the object of a letter. A dignified letter never shows either. Just what constitutes a dignified letter is hard to define but fairly easy to feel. This much is certain: it must be simple in structure, direct in its wording, and so sincere in feeling that no one will doubt its truth. Any extravagance of language, therefore, has no place in a dignified letter.
Study the following to see whether they show dignity:
1
Tuesday, 5 p.m.
Miss Sarah Howard,
Denver, Colorado.
Dear Madam:
I have a great piece of confidential news for you.
Take advantage of the remarkable offer our company is making to you, and it will mean thousands of dollars in your pocket. Understand that this offer is not open to every one. You have been especially selected. You are the only one in your town who will hear of this remarkable offer.
2
Elsworth, Brown & Co.,
120 Jefferson Ave.,
Detroit, Mich.
Gentlemen:
What is the matter with our last order? Have you people gone out of business, or are you asleep? If we don’t get that order by the third, you’ll never hear from us again.
3
A letter to Mrs. Bixby, written Nov. 21, 1864.
Dear Madam:
I have been shown in the file of the War Department a statement of the Adjutant General of Massachusetts that you are the mother of five sons who have died gloriously on the field of battle. I feel how weak and fruitless must be any words of mine which should beguile you from the grief of a loss so overwhelming. But I cannot refrain from tendering to you the consolation that may be found in the thanks of the republic they died to save. I pray that our Heavenly Father may assuage the anguish of your bereavement, and leave you only the cherished memory of the loved and lost and the solemn pride that must be yours to have laid so costly a sacrifice upon the altar of freedom.
Yours very sincerely and respectfully,
Abraham Lincoln
Exercise 221
In writing the following letters, be definite and courteous:
1. You have advertised your eight-room, furnace-heated house for sale for $3,500. A letter of inquiry desires particulars. Answer it.
2. You live on a side street, which for the last week has not been lighted. Write to the editor of the paper, or to a town official, whichever you think would remedy the matter. Be courteous. A letter to an editor is begun: To the Editor of ——.
3. The cars on which you ride every day are very dirty. Write to the mayor. He is addressed: Hon. ——.
4. You wish to have a telephone installed. Make application.
5. Two weeks ago you wrote (4). Still you have no telephone. Write again, stating the substance of (4) and asking the reason for the delay.
6. Write the telephone company’s reply. Be very courteous. What good reason could you give for the delay?
7. You understand that your Congressman has the privilege of recommending a young man for the entrance examinations of your state university. Write to him, asking that he recommend you. Remember that he is a stranger to you. What should you tell him?
Exercise 222—Mistaken Ideas in Letter Writing
It is too bad that, to a number of people, the term business letter conveys the idea of a colorless, stilted composition full of trite and almost meaningless business formulas. No one reads such a letter unless he has to, and surely that is not the kind one should practice writing. Below are given a few of the expressions that should be avoided.
I. Sometimes a writer tries to impress a reader with the volume of business he is doing by showing haste in his correspondence; as, in
1. Omitting the subject; as,
Wrong: In reply to your question will say ——
Right: In reply to your question I will say ——
2. Omitting articles and prepositions; as,
Wrong: Direct package care Western Canning Co.
Right: Direct the package in care of the Western Canning Co.
3. Using abbreviations
a. Of the introduction. Write out the introduction in detail, both name and address. Abbreviating this part of the letter is highly discourteous.
b. In the body of the letter; as,
Wrong: The Co. sent a no. of large orders last year.
c. Of the courteous close; as,
Wrong: Yours etc.
Wrong: Yours resp’y.
4. Using a phrase as a sentence; as,
Wrong: Yours of the 6th at hand and contents noted.
It is much better to refer indirectly to the receipt of a letter; as,
In the order you sent us on Aug. 5 ——
The same sort of mistake is seen in the all too frequent closing:
Wrong: Hoping that we hear from you soon,
Yours truly,
Right: Hoping that we hear from you soon, we are
Yours truly,
Why use such an expression at all? Avoid hoping, trusting, awaiting, or any other artificial closing.
II. Sometimes a writer makes an effort to be extremely courteous, but fails because he uses hackneyed wording; as,
1. Kindly.—A good word in itself but greatly abused.
2. We beg to state.—Never use beg in this sense. You have no right to beg attention; earn it.
3. Your favor, your esteemed favor, your valued favor.—Say, Your letter.
4. Will you be so good as to.—Belongs in the class with beg to state. Make your requests courteously, but directly.
5. Would say.—Avoid this expression.
III. Sometimes in an effort to be clear a writer uses same as a pronoun; as,
Wrong: If the books are not satisfactory, return same.
This is one of the worst of the distinctly business blunders. Same is never a pronoun. Write to a man as you talk to him and you will not use same in this way. (See Exercise 88.)
IV. Sometimes in order to get attention a writer will use a liberal sprinkling of dashes and capitals, probably in imitation of advertising copy. Better than such artificial means is the attraction of a well worded letter.
Criticise the following letters, pointing out all the expressions that should be improved. Rewrite the letters.
1
Gentlemen:
We beg to acknowledge your esteemed favor of Apr. 6. In regard to shoes received by you in poor shape as per complaint, would say that on receipt of same will try to locate cause of trouble. If due to defect in manufacture, will credit you with value of same.
Hoping this is satisfactory to you,
Yours truly,
2
Dear Sir:
Yours of March 18 at hand. Referring to matter of short weight, I beg to call your attention to C & A car 87324, which you loaded for us March 7 at your Auburn mine, gross weight 121,400 lbs. This car was check weighed at Peoria March 11 on your company’s scales and showed gross weight 113,200 lbs. or shortage 8,200 lbs. Having investigated car, I find same was in good order and no indication of leakage, and it would appear to be a case of carelessness at time of loading. Therefore will request you to kindly send me cr. memo, on 8,200 lbs.
Yours truly,