XIX
Up the long shady slope; into the branch road by the fork; between the wastes of Joe-Pyeweed and life-everlasting; over the rotting bridge across Gooseneck Creek, where the dragon-flies swarmed above the partly dried stream; up the rutted track through last year’s corn stubble; and past the broken fences of the farmyard to the group of indifferent farmers gathered on benches, chairs, and upturned cracker boxes, under the fine old oaks. All through the drive something invisible was whipping her on, as if the memory of wet branches stung her face in the blue August weather. A question was beating unanswered at the back of her brain. Why, since she neither loved nor hated Jason, should she long so passionately to own the place where he lived? Was it merely that the possession of Five Oaks would complete her victory and his degradation? Or was it simply that feeling like hers never died, that it returned again and again, in some changed form, to the place where it had first taken root?
When she reached the lawn, Ezra Flower, the auctioneer, was intoning from the front porch to the gathering under the trees. He was a fat little man, with a beard which stood out like ruffled grey feathers and the impudent manner of a bedraggled sparrow. From his scolding tone, Dorinda inferred that the bidding had been fainthearted. Nobody wanted land, for land was the one thing that everybody owned and could not give away. While Nathan drove on to the side of the house, Dorinda walked quickly over to a chair a farmer was relinquishing. Only after she had seated herself between John Appleseed and William Fairlamb, did she glance round and observe that Lena had not followed her, but had stopped among the younger men and boys who were sprawling over the grass. Already the girl was rolling her eyes and giggling without modesty. Well, what did it matter? Dorinda had tried, she felt sincerely, to do her duty by Nathan and his children; but it was impossible for any stepmother to be responsible for the character of a girl who possessed none. A stern expression forced her lips together, and she looked away to the twitching figure of Ezra Flower.
Still the auctioneer droned on, eliciting now and then responses as curt as oaths. Presently she heard Nathan’s dry cough and his slow emphatic voice rasping out the words, “Three thousand dollars!” The bidding was about to begin in earnest, she saw, and a chill sensation ran over her as she settled her flaring skirt in the rush-bottomed chair.
While she sat there, listening to the rise and fall of the bidding, she tried to keep her mind firmly fixed on the objects before her. Overhead, the sky was of larkspur blue. Far away in the glittering fields, she heard the shrill chorus of grasshoppers chiming in with the monotonous hum of the auctioneer’s voice. In the nearer meadow clouds of golden pollen were drifting like swarms of devouring insects. Over the grass on the lawn a flock of white turkeys moved in a sedate procession.
Yes, what had happened had happened, she told herself, and was over. Her affair was not with the past; it was not with the future. The only thing that concerned her vitally was the moment in which she was living. Only by keeping her mind close to the immediate present could she prevent her thoughts from slipping back into the abyss. Even now there were hours when memory seemed to be dragging her into the past; and when this occurred, a sense of weakness, of futility, of distaste for living, would sweep over her like a malady. To look back, she knew, meant the frustration of effort. To go on, taking the moment as it came, surmounting the obstacles, one by one, as they confronted her; to lavish her vital energy on permanent, not fugitive, endeavours,—these were the resolves which had carried her triumphantly over the years.
“Six thousand dollars,” sang the auctioneer. “Going—going—going for six thousand dollars. Only six thousand dollars. Will nobody bid more? Not a quarter of what it is worth. Will nobody bid more for this fine old farm? Going—going—what? Nobody bids more? Going—going—gone for six thousand dollars!”
She rose and went over to where Nathan stood surrounded by a few farmers, who were trying in vain to pretend that they did not think him a fool. “Should have thought you had as much land as you knew what to do with,” John Appleseed was saying, as she approached. “What are you going to do with Five Oaks, now you’ve got it? Eat it, I reckon?”
“It ain’t mine. I bid on it for my wife,” Nathan replied stubbornly. “She was so set on it I couldn’t hold out against her.”
Yes, Nathan was a good man, there was no denying it. Feeling nearer to him than she had ever felt in her life, she moved over to his side and slipped her hand through his arm.
“Wall, she got it dirt cheap,” the auctioneer declared. “Dirt cheap, if I do say so.”
“I don’t see what you want with two farms, ma’am,” chuckled Mr. Kettledrum, the veterinarian. “It looks as if you was goin’ to live on one an’ let Nathan live by himself on the other.”
Then the faint-hearted bidders mounted their horses or stepped into their buggies, while Ezra Flower invited the new owners into the house. “Come right in an’ clinch the sale with Doctor Greylock. He’s settin’ right there now with the papers to draw up,” he added persuasively, as Dorinda hung back.
Beckoning Lena to follow them, Dorinda went up the steps with Nathan and entered the hall. Only once before had she been inside the house; but every detail of the interior had bitten into her memory. She knew the bend in the staircase down which the old man had roamed with his whip at night. She had never forgotten the litter of dust in the corners; the guns and fishing-poles crowded behind the door; the collection of hats on the table and sofa; the empty whiskey bottles arranged in a row by the wainscoting. Above all, she remembered the stale odour of degeneration, of mingled whiskey and tobacco, which saturated the walls. Eighteen years ago, and nothing, not even that odour, had changed! In those eighteen years she had spent her youth and had restored dead land to life; but this house in which Jason had lived was still sunk in immovable sloth and decay.
Ezra Flower passed, with his sprightly sparrow-like twitter, through the hall, and flung open the door of a room on the right—the room in which she had sat with the drunken old man while the storm broke outside. Jason, she saw, was standing on the very spot in the rug where his father had stood that afternoon in November.
As she crossed the threshold, it seemed to her that the room shifted and came forward to meet her. She heard Nathan’s voice saying meaningless words. Then Jason took her hand and dropped it so limply that it might have been a dead leaf.
“Won’t you sit down?” he asked courteously, for he had evidently kept sober until the sale could be concluded. “So you’ve bought Five Oaks,” he continued, as indifferently as if he were speaking of corn or wheat. “Well, it’s never been any use to me, and I’m not sorry to get rid of it. But I don’t see what you’re going to do with it. Isn’t one farm as much as you’re able to manage?” As he finished, he pushed a decanter of whiskey in the direction of Nathan. “We might as well have a drink over it anyway.”
Yes, nothing had altered. It might have been the same dust that lay in a film over the floor, the furniture and the walls. It might have been the same pile of old newspapers on the table. It might have been the same spot of grease on the table cover; the same rattrap baited with a piece of greenish cheese in one corner; the same light falling obliquely through the speckled window-panes. She would not have been surprised, when she turned her head, to see the sheets of rain blowing out like a curtain over the hunched box-bush.
Jason laughed, and the sound had a sardonic merriment. She had never thought that he resembled the old man, and she told herself now, while she watched him, that it was only the bad light or a trick of memory which gave him the discouraged and desperate air of his father. In looking at him she seemed not to brush aside, but to gather together all the years that had gone. Why had she ever loved him? What was there in this one man that was different from all other men whom she had known? Once she had beheld him within a magic circle of wonder and delight, divided and set apart from the surrounding dullness of existence. Now the dullness had swept over him as the waste flows over the abandoned fields.
He leaned back in his chair, glancing from Nathan to Ezra Flower with morose and weary eyes. His face, which had been charming in youth, was now spiritless and inert. There were yellow blotches under his eyes; his eyelids were puffed and heavy; his features were swollen and leaden in colour; and even his hair, which had once been so alive, was as sandy and brittle as straw. Yes, the broomsedge had grown over him.
For a minute she scarcely heard what they were saying; then the details of the sale were discussed, and she made an effort to follow the words. When, presently, Nathan asked her to sign a paper, she turned automatically and wrote her name in the race that Ezra Flower pointed out to her. As she laid down the pen, she saw that Jason was smiling, and for an instant a glimmer of his old bright charm shone in his expression. She wished that he had not smiled. Then, with the wish still in her mind, she saw that he was smiling, not at her, but at Lena. His heavy gaze turned Lena as instinctively as the eyes turn to a flaring lamp in a darkened room. His look was not amorous, for drink, Dorinda knew, not sex, was his preoccupation; but, while she watched it, a sensation of physical nausea attacked her.
Rising from her chair, she stood waiting for Nathan to finish the discussion. It was agreed, she understood vaguely, that Jason should leave the farm the first day of October, and that Nathan should take over the better part of the furniture. “I’ll be glad to get rid of it,” Jason remarked agreeably enough, “and I hope that you will make more out of the farm than I ever did. All I can say that it ruined me. If I had been hard-hearted about it instead of soft, I’d be a different man from the one I am to-day.”
“Yes, you weren’t cut out for a farmer,” Nathan rejoined mildly, and he added with one of his untimely jests, “Now, is you’d been as thrifty as my wife, you’d have found a way to make two leaves of alfalfa grow where there wasn’t even one blade of grass before.”
At this, for the first time, Jason looked at her attentively, and she knew from his gaze that his interest in her was as casual as his interest in Nathan. With his look, she felt that the part of her that was sex withered and died; but something more ancient than sex came to her rescue, and this was the instinct of self-preservation which had made her resolve in her youth that no man should spoil her rife. In the matter of sex, he had won; matched merely as human beings, as man to man, she knew that she was the stronger. Though she did not realize its significance, the moment was a crisis in her experience; for when it had passed she had discarded for ever the allurements of youth. She felt securely middle-aged, but it was the middle age of triumphant independence.
Jason’s glance had wandered from her to Nathan, and she detected the flicker of ridicule in his smile. Anger seized her at the suspicion that he was mocking them, and with the anger a passionate loyalty to Nathan welled up in her heart. She saw Nathan as clearly as Jason saw him, but she saw also something fine and magnanimous in his character which Jason could never see because he was blind to nobility. “I don’t care,” she thought indignantly, “he is worth twenty of Jason.” Obeying a protective impulse, she moved nearer to her husband and laid her hand on his arm. It was the second time that afternoon that she had drawn closer to him of her own accord.
“Well, I reckon we’d better be starting home,” Nathan said, as he held out his hand in simple good will. “I hope you’ll make out all right where you’re going.”
“All I ask is a quiet life,” Jason repeated. Then, as they were leaving the room, his eyes roved back to Lena and clung to her face as if he hated to see the last of her. “Take good care of that daughter of yours,” he advised. “She’s the prettiest girl I ever saw in my life.”
“Well, she ain’t bad-looking,” Nathan retorted with spirit, “but she can’t hold a candle to the way her mother and Dorinda looked when they were her age.”
Without touching Jason’s hand again, Dorinda walked quickly down the hall and out of the house. Not until they were driving over Gooseneck Creek, did it occur to her that she had not opened her lips at Five Oaks.
“I hope you’re satisfied, Dorinda,” Nathan remarked, with hilarity.
“Yes, I’m satisfied.”
“I fancied you looked kind of down in the mouth while we were in the room. You ain’t changed your mind about wanting the farm, have you?”
“Oh, no, I haven’t changed my mind.”
“I’m glad of that. You never can tell about a woman. He seemed to think that Lena was good to look at.”
Though she had believed that her anger was over, the embers grew red and then grey again. Middle age as an attitude of mind might enjoy an immunity from peril, but it suffered, she found, from the disadvantages of an unstable equilibrium.
“I wonder if he has forgotten Geneva,” she observed irrelevantly.
At the reminder of that tragic figure Nathan’s hilarity died. “When a thing like that has happened to a man,” he responded, “he doesn’t usually keep the dry bones lying around to look at.”
The sun was beginning to go down and the sandy stretch of road, where the shadow of the surrey glided ahead of them, glittered like silver. After the intense heat of the day the fitful breeze was as torrid as the air from an oven.
“John Abner promised he would drive me over to the ice cream festival at the church,” Lena said hopefully. There were pearly beads on her shell-like brow and Nathan’s leathery face was streaming with perspiration.
“Poor John Abner! It is so hot and he will be tired!” protested Dorinda, though she was aware that any protest was futile, for Lena possessed the obstinacy peculiar to many weak-minded women.
“He needn’t stay,” retorted the girl. “Somebody will be sure to bring me home.” She pressed her pink lips together and smiled with the secret wisdom of instinct.
As soon as they reached the house Dorinda slipped into her gingham dress and hurried out to the barn. Milking had already begun, but she knew that it would proceed with negligence if she were long absent. In summer, as in winter, they had supper after dark, and for a little while when the meal was over she liked to rest on the porch with Nathan and John Abner. To-night, John Abner was away with Lena, and when Dorinda came out into the air, she dropped, with a sigh of relief, into the hammock beneath the climbing rose Nathan had planted.
“I never felt anything like the heat,” she said, “there’s not a breath anywhere.”
Nathan stirred in the darkness and removed his pipe from his mouth. “Yes, if it don’t break soon, the drought will go hard with the crops.”
“And with the dairy too. The ice melts so fast I can’t keep the butter firm.”
She leaned back, breathing in the scent of his pipe. The protective feeling, so closely akin to tenderness, which had awakened in her heart at Five Oaks, had not entirely vanished, and she felt nearer to her husband, sitting there in the moonlight of her thoughts, than she had felt since her marriage. Even that moment at Five Oaks when Jason had laughed at him had not brought him so close. She longed to tell him this because she knew how much the knowledge of it would mean to him; yet she could find no words delicate enough to convey this new sense of his importance in her life. The only words at her command were those that had struggled in her mind over at Five Oaks: “He is worth twenty of Jason,” and these were not words that could be spoken aloud.
“There goes a shooting star!” Nathan exclaimed suddenly out of the stillness.
“And another,” she added, after a brief silence.
“I wonder what becomes of them,” he continued presently. “When you stop to think of it, it’s odd what becomes of everything. It makes the universe seem like a scrap heap.”
She left the hammock and sat down on the step at his feet. “That reminds me of all the trash over at Five Oaks. What in the world can we do with it? Doesn’t that screech owl sound as if he were close by us.”
“Well, we’ll have to put a manager on that farm, I reckon. We can’t look after both farms and make anything of them. I never heard so many tree frogs as we’ve had this summer. What with the locusts and the katydids you can’t hear yourself talk. But it’s right pleasant sitting here like this, ain’t it?”
“Yes, it’s pleasant.” She tried to say something affectionate and gave up the effort. “I like to think that Five Oaks belongs to us.” Her accent on the “us” was the best that she could do in the matter of sentiment; yet she was sure that he understood her mood and was touched by its gentleness.
They talked until late, planning changes in the old farm and improvements in the new one. It was an evening that she liked to remember as long as she lived. Whenever she looked back on it afterwards, it seemed to lie there like a fertile valley in the arid monotony of her life.